


The Infinite Realm of Possibilities

by the_stargazing_dreamer



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Grant Ward Isn't Hydra, One Shot Collection, Romance, Timeline will jump around, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 167,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24166864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_stargazing_dreamer/pseuds/the_stargazing_dreamer
Summary: “All of that is just out there and we’re a piece of it. It makes you feel small and insignificant. But then, it makes you wonder about the infinite realm of possibilities. How every piece came to be and what might have been. Even the smallest change could set off an entirely new course of action."
Relationships: Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward, Leo Fitz/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 103
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

“Oh, I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen so many stars.”

Grant has barely finished spreading out the blanket but Jemma has already flopped down on her back and is staring up at the sky.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” She tilts her head so he appears in her line of sight. He turns on the electronic lantern he brought and sets it down at their feet. Then he nods and stretches out alongside her. She finds his hand and laces their fingers together. “All of that is just out there and we’re a piece of it. It makes you feel small and insignificant.”

For once, they are both stationed at the same location - the New York HQ this time - and he had suggested they take a drive. They’re far enough outside the city that the night sky is unobstructed and he knows she misses looking at the stars.

“But then, it makes you wonder about the infinite realm of possibilities. How every piece came to be and what might have been.”

He turns his head to look at her. She doesn’t seem to notice as she continues to ramble.

“Even the smallest change could set off an entirely new course of action. Fitz and I were discussing it, you know. Well, take Captain Rogers, poor thing, as an example. What if he didn’t take the super soldier serum? What if his plane didn’t crash? What if Red Skull won?” Her head moves slightly. “Perhaps there are variants out there, other timelines, little branches that break off at each decision you make. Have you ever thought that?”

“All the time.”

“Really?” She sounds intrigued and leans up on her elbow to look at him. “I didn’t know you were so philosophical darling.”

“There’s more than knives and bullets up here.” He taps the side of his head and she chuckles at him. “I do though. How some people just seem to have all the luck or none of the luck or make it through life never knowing one way or the other. I was so sure I was on a path to nowhere and then Phil was there with an opportunity of redemption.”

Her hand comes over to stroke his jaw softly.

“What if someone else came instead and turned me into some mindless soldier? What if no one came and I rotted away in juvie? What if I didn’t get a second chance?” He curls his fingers around her wrist and kisses her palm lightly. “What if I didn’t find you?”

“Well, that would be the worst fate of all.”

“It would.” He agrees and sits up. He can’t fight back the hiss of pain and she immediately sits up as well.

“We didn’t have to come out here. You’re still healing.” She touches his ribs gently and he shakes his head.

“I’m fine. I wanted to bring you. I missed your birthday.”

“That was hardly your fault.”

“You put up with all of my shit. I owe you a nice night away from the madness.”

“It is rather romantic.” She concedes, glancing around the rustic area. “But unnecessary. I don’t need some grand gesture. All I want is for you to come home safe each time.”

“And knowing that is what gets me home.” He plucks a leaf out of her hair and pushes her hair behind her ear. “You are the motivation that gets me to the end of each assignment. I want to be here for you Jemma. I know you don’t _need_ a man but I want to be the one you want and deserve. You keep me on that path every day.”

“Did you start on that bottle of wine without me?” She narrows her eyes at him, suspicious of where he's going with this. 

“I’m serious.” He huffs a short laugh as he holds both her hands in his. “I had plenty of time to think while I was tied up in that shack. So let me just say what I’ve been trying to say. I don’t know if there’s a multiverse or alternate realities or whatever you want to call it. But if there’s another Grant and another Jemma somewhere out there and their paths cross, I hope he does the right thing.”

“And what’s the right thing?”

“Not let her get away. Let her know every damn day how much he loves her. Make a life with her.” He pushes himself up onto one knee as he digs a hand into the pocket of his leather jacket. “Not be a chicken shit like I was two months ago when I originally wanted to do this.”

“Grant.” Her voice is muffled behind her hands as she presses her fingers to her mouth.

“You know, the only thing that pissed me off out there was knowing that I left and didn’t do this. I told myself when I got home, I wasn’t going to waste any more time.” He opens the box and stares inside for a brief second. Then he turns it around to face her.

“Grant.” Her voice is a little breathless as she looks down at his hands.

“Jem, will you marry me?”

She lets out a little laugh of disbelief and then a sob as she nods.

“Yes, definitely, absolutely, 100% yes.”

She’s not sure she’s ever seen him so relieved or happy as he is when he slides the diamond onto her finger. Once it’s in place, he pulls her into his arms and kisses her soundly.

“You said yes.” He mumbles, then he laughs and repeats himself.

“Did you think I’d say no?”

“The thought crossed my mind.” She smiles and considers the adorable, boyish grin he gives her. As if he ever had to worry about any other possibilities.

“Well, if there’s another Grant and another Jemma out there and they cross paths, I hope she’s smart enough to say yes or just take matters into her own hands and ask him if he takes too long in popping the question.”

He snorts as she pushes his shoulder gently.

“Thank you.” He sighs and presses his forehead against hers. Her hands come up to frame his face and he feels her thumbs stroke along his cheeks lightly.

“For saying yes?”

“For taking a chance on me and for loving me. I know it’s not easy.”

“Oh darling, it’s been my pleasure… approximately 98.8% of the time.” Her mouth curves into a smile. His eyes close in mock exasperation and she feels him shake his head. “It’s a two way street though so thank you as well.”

They exchange another sweet kiss. He slowly pushes her down onto the blanket as his mouth wanders down her neck.

“Your ribs.”

“I heard celebratory engagement sex with your fiancée is just the thing to cure broken ribs. I can be your test subject to validate your new findings.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh, what kind of sandwich did she say she made you?”
> 
> “Roast beef, pepper jack cheese, slathered in chipotle mayo, with tomatoes and onions on whole wheat bread.”
> 
> “Yeah, man, I don’t think that’s it.”

It takes a moment for Grant to realize he’s home. He’s spent the last several weeks undercover in Athens. Athens was great and he accomplished his mission but Athens was missing one key element.

Judging by the sound of the humming, that element was already up and starting their day off in the kitchen.

He sinks back into the mattress with a sigh and watches the sun begin to peek through the curtains. His own room, his own bed, his own pillow. As much as he was dreading his new assignment, it was great to be home.

He climbs out of bed, pulls on his boxers, and wanders down the hall to reach the kitchen.

He sighs contently as he leans in the doorway. Jemma is standing at the counter, her back to him, prepping some sort of meal as she sings along to the radio. Her auburn curls are hanging loose down her back, a stark contrast to his white dress shirt she wears. He follows the shirt down to where it falls mid-thigh and admires the bare skin that continues on below it.

“Good morning sleepyhead.” She glances over her shoulder and flashes a coy smile. “No 4:30 run today?”

“I did some cardio last night.” He replies as he steps further into the kitchen. Her cheeks flush but her smile turns a little wicked at the memory of their reunion. He comes to a stop behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. “That smells amazing.”

“I’m glad because this is for you.”

“Is it?”

“Mm. A good luck sandwich on your first day of mentoring. Roast beef, pepper jack cheese, slathered in chipotle mayo, with tomatoes and onions on whole wheat bread. With an apple on the side.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“I’m just so proud of you darling. This is another step in becoming an SO or CO.”

“Hardly. I’m just doing this as a favor to Phil so he stays off my back.”

“Well, for whatever reason you may or may not have, I’m happy you’ll be home for the foreseeable future. And it is a feather in your cap even if you prefer not to believe it.” She pats the hand he has wrapped around her hip. “Just don’t expect one every day. What time do you start?”

“9:00. You?”

“I have a meeting at 8:30.”

“That gives us a couple hours.”

“What did you have in mind Agent Ward?”

He smiles against her shoulder as he kisses it, then her neck, her jaw, the shell of her ear. She whispers his name and sets the knife down gently. Then she turns and wraps her arms around him as they kiss slowly.

He hums against her mouth as his hands wander. He finds the edge of his shirt and dips under, only for his hum to turn into a groan.

“Where the hell are your panties Jem?”

“I didn’t think you’d be up so soon. I was just making your sandwich and going to jump in the shower. No sense in going on a scavenger hunt to find where you threw them.” She grins up at him as she strokes the back of his neck. ”I don’t suppose you’d like to join me, would you?”

“I think I’d like that very much.”

“Go.” She presses up on her toes to plant a kiss on his mouth. “I’m just going to wrap this up. I’ll be right there.”

He grins at her and she laughs softly as she gives him a push.

“Go. And don’t make the water boiling please.”

He gives her a salute and disappears down the hall. She chuckles to herself and reaches up into the cabinet for aluminum foil, only to find none.

“Oh bollocks.” She mutters to herself and grabs a Tupperware container instead. Hopefully, he’d remember to bring this one home at the end of the day.

She places his sandwich inside the container, then the container goes into a brown bag. She quickly tosses it inside the refrigerator and runs off to meet him in the bathroom.

* * *

“Why are you grinning like a jackass? I mean, you _are_ a jackass but you look more stupid than usual.”

“I can’t have a good day?”

“Sure, if a wormhole to another universe opened and your doppelgänger took your place.”

“What did I ever do to deserve a best friend like you?”

Trip shrugs and opens the refrigerator. He grabs his bag first, then steps aside to allow Grant a chance to grab his own.

“Seriously, what’s up? You bitched the entire ride home yesterday about this assignment.”

“Babysitting a group of Level 1s is not my idea of an assignment. However, it allows me to stay in one place with Jemma for… who knows how long.” He stops at the water station and uncaps his water bottle to refill it.

“Ah. You got laid. Thank God because you were getting cranky.”

“And she made my sandwich.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll get tired of you soon enough.”

They find a table near the cafeteria’s exit and sit down.

“You’re just jealous.”

“I am. Jemma’s a good woman and I’ll break your legs if you ever treat her wrong. Then I’ll swoop in and pick up all the pieces to put her back together.”

“I’d like to see you try.” Grant sips his water and sighs as he starts to open the bag. “I seriously have been thinking about this all day.”

He takes the Tupperware container out and sets it on the table while looking for the apple she promised him.

“Uh, what kind of sandwich did she say she made you?” Trip sounds extremely confused and only a little bit disgusted.

* * *

Across the Hub, Jemma makes sure that Fitz is busy fiddling with the new version of the night-night gun before reaching for the bag she stowed under her work station.

She takes the Tupperware container out and gingerly sets it on the table. When she removes the lid, a rather delicious scent wafts up to her nose and she frowns. Well, she wasn’t quite expecting that.

She looks down as Fitz sprints over.

“Oh no.”

“What are you doing bringing food in here? You know the rules! And - oh you made _Ward_ a sandwich?” There’s a rather accusatory tone to his voice. “Did you make me lunch too?”

“Fitz, he just got home! Let the man have one nice thing before you start pestering him. I have to get this to him right away. Preferably before he goes to lunch.”

“Simmons,”

“Yes?”

“If you have his lunch, what does he have?”

She wrinkles up her nose and looks sheepishly at her best friend.

* * *

“Roast beef, pepper jack cheese, slathered in chipotle mayo, with tomatoes and onions on whole wheat bread.”

“Yeah, man, I don’t think that’s it.”

“Of cour- what the fuck?” Grant peers through the side of the container at what is definitely not a sandwich.

“Is that-" 

“No.”

“Cause it looks-" 

“It can’t be.” He sounds only slightly hysterical as his phone begins to vibrate on the table. Jemma’s name flashes across the screen. He grabs the device with his free hand and accepts the call. “Hi honey,”

_“Hello darling! How’s your day going?”_

“Interesting.”

_“That’s lovely! Um, Grant, sweetheart, I think they’re may have been a mixup with our lunches this morning and you know I can’t stand chipotle mayo so how about you grab your bag, or my bag rather, and come meet me in the courtyard near Entrance D?”_

“This is your lunch?” He knows immediately that she's lying. Not only does he know his wife like the back of his hand, but she was displaying the most outward signs of lying. He could practically see her wringing her hands. 

_“Y-yes.”_

“Mhmm.” He stares into the container again. “What did you have? I mean, I only have 30 minutes. I don’t think I can make it to D and back with enough time to eat. You could just scrape the mayo off, can’t you?”

_“Absolutely not! It permeates everything! Grant Ward, do not open that bag!”_

He sits silently and she lets out a little moan.

_“You already have, haven’t you?”_

“What am I looking at?”

 _“A lung.”_ Her tone turns from veiled panic to open defeat. He can only shake his head at the answer. 

“Jem, I thought we agreed no organs in the fridge?”

 _“I know darling and we did. It’s just that one of the,”_ her voice lowers to a whisper, _“monkeys in Dr. Chandler’s lab passed away unfortunately and he asked me to look over it. You know Fitz would **lose** his mind so I … I brought it home so I could look at it peacefully with no interruptions. But then you came home and that all went to hell.”_

“So it’s my fault.”

_“Oh no, of course not! It’s just you’re so wonderful and distracted me.”_

“Uh-huh.”

_“I know we had an agreement but it’s not every day that I can examine an organ of an animal that could potentially be infected with a vicious strain of-"_

“Whoa! Wait a second. Are you telling me that not only is this a _monkey_ _lung_ but a _diseased monkey lung_?” He drops the container onto the table as if it's on fire. Trip’s chair screeches to a halt about three feet away in attempt to move. “Jemma!”

He will later deny to Trip that his voice went up several octaves at this unexpected reveal. 

_“Grant, honestly, I have more sense than that! I’m sure if it was anything serious, proper containment protocols would have been initiated. I think poor Dr. Chandler is just looking for some closure. He had pneumonia recently and thinks he may have passed some new strain of the virus onto the monkey. It’s absolutely ridiculous but if it absolves his conscience, I’m more than happy to help. Of course, on the other hand, it’s rather quite fascinating to consider the possibilities-"_

“Do I need to call in a hazmat team?”

 _“No but I would very much appreciate it if you would bring that to me.”_ She pauses, then says, _“You didn’t open the lid did you?”_

“I’m bringing it over now.”

_“Thank you my love.”_

“Mhmm.” He ends the call on his side and gingerly sets the container back into the bag. “If I’m not back, have them start reviewing the reports London sent over.”

“Yep. You know,”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“I would tread carefully around your wife. She’s all sweet and loving and making you sandwiches. But get on her bad side and she could be slathering that in hemorrhagic fever not chipotle mayo.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m terribly sorry about all of this.” She says, catching his attention. “Though, you shouldn’t sneak up on people.”
> 
> “You shouldn’t be distracted in an area that apparently contains biological hazards.”

“Walk with me.”

“How about a welcome back?”

He gets a long stare as he trails alongside his CO and mentor.

“I missed you too? Nice shot?”

“It was a damn good shot.” Phil agrees. “Not sure if I missed you. Jury’s still out.”

“Thanks. Really feeling the love here.”

“You’re welcome. I need you to go to Sublevel 5, Lab 7F. Give this to our friendly scientist pals and meet me outside the training rooms.” He hands Grant a black file as the younger man grimaces.

“I literally just got off a quinjet. And you want to subject me to the freaks that live below the Earth’s crust.”

“There’s a weapon prototype I think we should try out but I need to meet Hill for a briefing in 10 minutes.” Phil leaves him at the elevator and is already heading down the hall. He turns only slightly and gives Grant one of his patented, disapproving dad looks. “And be nice this time.”

Grant scowls as he jabs the down the button and waits for the doors to open. He doesn’t have the best track record with their scientists. It’s not his fault - technically.

Some, no many, of the scientists at SHIELD are overly intelligent and very ambitious. Grant doesn’t do well with cockiness or condescension, which is how some of their conversations seem to go. He might not know all their big, science-y words but he’s not stupid. He speaks six languages and is extremely analytical. He doesn’t need to be talked to like a toddler who’s ready to touch a stove.

And yes, he may have punched Dr. Wells and been put on suspension for two weeks but that’s a completely different situation.

He glances through the file Coulson handed him. Not much to go on - just some schematics for some gun and some type of toxicology breakdown.

The elevator stops and he steps off into a crisp, white hallway with artificial windows. He wonders how many of the scientists see real daylight. No one pays him much attention as he heads down the hall.

He finds the lab he’s looking for and makes a face at the peeling placard. Dr. Eric Evans - a mean old bastard who he’s had the displeasure of working with once or twice.

“Goddamn it Phil,” he shakes his head and pushes the door open. “Dr. Evans?”

The lab is empty, or at least what he can see of it. There’s a stack of shelves off to the left and he hears some type of movement coming from behind them.

“Dr. Evans? It’s Agent Ward. Agent Coulson asked me to come down to retrieve the new model.” He moves around the shelves and stops in surprise as he sees a woman up on a ladder. ”Excuse me,”

She doesn’t respond and that’s when he notices the headphones on top of her head. Great. And she’s not facing him and it looks like she’s organizing so God only knows how long it will be before she actually realizes that he’s standing there.

He sighs heavily and crosses his arms. This is not how he had planned to spend his day. He had completed his debriefing on the quinjet. The rest of the day was suppose to be his.

“Hey,” he steps forward and taps one of the shelves, hoping the movement will catch her attention. He’s tall but she’s at least another two feet above him thanks to the ladder. She’s humming along to whatever she’s listening to and her head is bobbing, causing her ponytail to bounce.

He taps the back of her calf without considering it. He instantly regrets the decision as she startles and slips off the ladder.

He catches her, bridal style, and she gapes up at him. His brain run through a few thoughts: she’s tiny; her eyes look brown but are actually hazel when she turns into the light; and she’s cute.

Then there is a puff of blue in his face and he stumbles back into the shelf, still holding her. Whatever the hell it is, isn’t good, as he feels woozy and hears a very British voice say, “Oh no!”

* * *

“Grant? Hey, buddy, can you hear me?” There’s a tapping noise and he groans quietly as he starts to move.

“Dad?” He mumbles it, not quite all there just yet, and he forces his eyes open to see Coulson standing on the other side of a glass wall.

“Had me worried there for a minute.”

“What happened?” He sits up slowly on the bed and presses his hands against his eyes. God, his head is pounding. When he lowers his hands, he takes a look at his surroundings. He shoots up when he sees the quarantine logo on the glass and instantly regrets the movement as the room spins. “Fuck!”

“It’s okay. Relax and sit down. Agent Simmons has assured us that it is supposed to be a non lethal mixture but it does contain particles that aren’t so good on their own. Dr. Waverly advised a 24 hour containment period to make sure there are no side effects and you’re not contagious.”

“24 hours?”

“At least you’ve got company.” Coulson nods his head and Grant turns to see the woman from the lab sitting on a second bed in the opposite corner. She gives him a small wave as a bashful smile forms. He sighs and turns back to Coulson.

“Seriously?”

“I’ll check in on you a little later. Be nice.”

He watches as the older man walks away and hangs his head. This was definitely not how he saw his day going.

“I’m terribly sorry about all of this.” She says, catching his attention. “Though, you shouldn’t sneak up on people.”

“You shouldn’t be distracted in an area that apparently contains biological hazards.” He shoots back. He groans as his head pulsates. There’s a table in the corner with water, granola bars, and a bottle of what has to be some sort of medication.

He swallows two of the pills and turns to look at her as he drinks. She’s younger than he expected.

“What were you doing in Evans’ lab anyway? I didn’t know he had an intern.”

“Dr. Evans retired three months ago. I was organizing my lab. I’m Jemma Simmons, biochemist.”

“FitzSimmons.” He says, the name flashing in his head as he thinks back to the paperwork.

“The Simmons part of it, yes.” She nods. “My partner, Leo Fitz, is the one who found us.”

“Found us how exactly?”

“I’ve been experimenting in creating a drug that can cause temporary paralysis.” She sits up a little straighter as she speaks. It’s like she’s excited as she explains what was in that jar and his head is still swimming so a lot of it goes right over him as she rambles. But he does understand delphinium and blinks at her in astonishment.

“So you’re some sort of mad scientist?”

“Absolutely not!” She looks offended he would even suggest it. “It was a trace amount only intended for a weak impact. And seeing as I was impacted as well, it’s not like I intended for this to happen. I was quite busy before you let yourself in!”

He can only grunt at her and lays down again. He puts a hand against his forehead and closes his eyes.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right Agent Ward. I suppose we can both agree on that. Now, we’re stuck in here for the next twenty-two hours. I suggest we make the most of it.”

“I’m good here but thanks.” He mutters and she scoffs at him.

“Perhaps you are Mr. Super Zen Spy but I cannot just sit idle.” As if to punctuate her point, she begins pacing the length of tile next to her bed.

He’s not sure how long she’s been speaking- he’s still drowsy and he’s fading in and out at times but every time he finds himself conscious, she’s talking.

“Did you ever hear the expression ‘silence is golden’ Agent Simmons?” He finally says with no attempt to hide his exasperation. She immediately falls silent and he spares a glance to find her glaring at him. There’s a part of him that considers the expression adorable, since she is in no way a physical threat to him. 

“Are you always this cheerful Agent Ward or am I just special?”

He lets out a short laugh and rolls onto his side so he can fully see her. Again, he’s struck by how young she is.

“How old are you?”

“I’ll be twenty in two weeks.”

“And you’re already out of the Academy?”

“Yes, for a couple years now. We were previously stationed at the Sandbox.”

He’s impressed and he fights to keep his face neutral. The smug smile pulling at the corner of her mouth tells him she already knows.

“You need at least a PhD to be considered for admission to SciTech.”

“Yes.” Her smile grows but it’s in pride, not smugness, and he feels something twinge in his chest.

* * *

“That’s not a word.”

“I assure you it is very much a word.”

“Well then that’s not how you spell it. I’ve never seen that many x’s in a word before.”

Coulson smiles to himself as he approaches the quarantine room. He taps on the window to catch their attention. They are both sitting on Jemma’s bed with their heads bowed over a notepad as they play Hangman.

“Brought you some food.” He holds up the tray for them to see before sliding it into the transfer slot.

Grant crosses the small room to take the tray. He stands at the window for a moment as he and Coulson watch each other.

They’ve come a long way in the past nine years. It’s easy to have a full conversation without speaking.

He ignores the twinkle in Coulson’s eye but feels his cheeks heating up.

“They feed the prisoners in the Fridge better than this.” He says instead as he stares at the cheese sandwiches and oranges.

“Dr. Waverly recommended a bland diet for today. I know you usually like a New York strip steak, medium rare, after a successful mission. Maybe tomorrow. Good news though, so far all your blood work has come back normal.”

“I told you so.” Jemma says. Grant closes his eyes in annoyance but Coulson sees the faint smile on his face.

“You need anything?”

“I’m okay.”

“Good. I’m meeting with Fury and we’ll be out of range for a while. I’ll check in on you tomorrow though.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m glad you’re doing okay.” His face softens to that fatherly smile Grant has come to appreciate. Then he laughs, “You looked ridiculous when they brought you in.”

“Thanks for the support.” He replies dryly. The older man just grins and taps his fist against the glass. “See you.”

* * *

Grant isn’t a talker, at least not at work, and he’s always at work so he’s not a talker.

He has Coulson and Trip and that’s more than enough interaction for him.

But being locked in a cage with Jemma Simmons is different.

She talks. Constantly.

In ten hours, he feels he’s learned everything there is to know about her. If she was a mark, she’d have done all his investigative work for him. The thought concerns him. She clearly has no comprehension or concern of danger, considering her attitude in the lab.

He could definitely see her opening up to a complete stranger out on the street, which could be an issue if someone wanted one of SHIELD’s brightest minds to date.

Or maybe not. Maybe she feels comfortable with him for some reason or she’s trying to make the best of a bad situation.

“Agent Coulson is very nice.” She says, catching his attention. “How long has he been your SO?”

“Since day one. He’s always been there for me.”

“I know there are rules against fraternization but I would think family might fall into similar categories.”

“Coulson’s not family.”

“Oh.” She blushes and looks a little embarrassed. “Sorry. You called him Dad before so I just assumed.”

_Did he?_ He blinks at the comment and remembers as he was first regaining consciousness. _Oh._ He bites back a groan. It’s not the first time it’s slipped out. When he’s been severely injured or incapacitated; when he knows, on some level, that Phil has his back, that he doesn’t need to be a rock, he can break. 

“He’s not blood, I mean.” He amends his statement. “But he’s the closest thing I have to a father. He’s a good man. Gave me a chance when he didn’t need to.”

“That’s sweet.” She smiles again, a little softer this time. “He cares a lot about you.”

“I’m lucky to have him.” He admits quietly.

“I think that’s the most you’ve said today.” She says after a brief pause. She’s still smiling and he finds that he likes when she smiles. Or makes a sassy comment. Because in ten hours, he’s found that she’s fun and funny, even if he prefers she doesn’t know that. “Afraid I’ll sell your secrets?”

“There’s not much to know.”

“Fine. I guess I’ll just make a game out of it.” She flops onto her stomach, leans on her elbows, and he forces his eyes onto face to avoid how the scrubs top accentuates her cleavage. ”You’re a… an Aries.”

“Capricorn. And you’re a Virgo.”

“How did you know?”

“You told me your birthday is in two weeks.”

“Oh, right, I did. Didn’t I?” She laughs at herself and he feels a flood of warmth at the sound. “And you know which dates fall under which sign. I’m impressed.”

“I went undercover as a fortune teller last year.” He explains and that makes her laugh harder. He finds himself chuckling along with her.

He is being ridiculous. It must be a side effect of her experiment because he can’t remember the last time a woman caught his attention like this.

She rattles off a list of factoids - his favorite color is black ( _it’s blue_ ); he doesn’t have pets ( _only because of his lifestyle but a dog would be nice_ ); he doesn’t like to read ( _his favorite book is The Great Gatsby_ ); he’s never been in love ( _definitely not but he has an odd feeling that will soon change_ ).

He laughs without meaning too and she looks like that is her greatest accomplishment of the day.

She’s still talking, this time about an article she read in a chemistry journal, and she’s fading fast. She’s curled up on her pillow and tugs her blanket up towards her chin. Then she lets out a yawn and opens her eyes long enough to smile at him.

“Good night Grant.”

He likes the way his name sounds when she says it.

“Good night Jemma.”

* * *

Grant is sitting on the bench outside the showers when he hears footsteps enter the locker room.

He glances up from toweling off his hair to see Phil leaning against the locker closest to him.

“You survived.”

“I thought you were going off radar.” He tosses the towel into the hamper near the lockers.

“Back sooner than I expected. Got a clean bill of health I hear.”

“Yeah and Waverly agreed to count it as my physical for the year.”

“Killed two birds with one stone.”

“You sent me down to the lab on purpose.” He grabs his bag out of his locker and shuts the door. “I’m not stupid.”

“Never said you were. I met her a few weeks ago, while you were still in Moscow. She’s nice.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t expect you to get quarantined with her. She seemed like your type.”

“I don’t have a type.”

“Seemed to hit it off pretty well.”

“Shouldn’t you be discouraging this?”

“You don’t work directly together.” They fall instep with each other as they start down the hall. “I’m not telling you to marry her. Just go out for dinner. Have some fun for a change.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“But you want to.” He says and Grant glares at the floor. No matter how hard he tries, he’s never able to get anything past Phil. He might delay the inevitable but he always found out. 

“If things were different.” He concedes, just to get him off his back but it only fuels the conversation.

“Being a specialist isn’t a death sentence. You can still have a life. Look at May. She’s happily married and kicks ass all day long.” Phil claps a hand on his shoulder as the elevator closes. “I’m not going to live forever. You’re not going to be a specialist forever either, even if you insist on living like a monk. I want to know that you have more in your life than Trip and some steaks now and then.”

They stare at each other and Grant shakes his head. He jabs the button for Sublevel 5. 

“That’s a pretty depressing fate you laid out for me.”

“Might get better.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, let’s talk.”
> 
> “Talk about what?”
> 
> “Your sudden attitude. I know we haven’t had much down time since we got on the Bus and it’s been one thing after another but I imagine your stuffy cover is due to your aggravation towards me.”
> 
> “Stuffy cover?”

“We’ll be grounded while the Bus is worked on for the next several days so the base was kind enough to provide us living arrangements. There’s not enough for us to be together or individually so the four of you will be in here.”

Coulson stops outside one door and holds a black card up against the wall. A green light forms around it and the door slides open.

The lights turn on as they step inside, highlighting a large kitchen/dining area off of an ever larger living room. There are three doors off the living room, which Skye assumes are bedrooms.

“What about you and May?” She asks, turning to face the others.

“We have our own accommodations.”

Grant’s gaze slides over Phil but he gives no further information.

“Make yourselves comfortable. You can have the night off but tomorrow, you’ll be helping with the crew with the Bus in whatever capacity they may need. If you need any belongings, you’re more than welcome to grab them.” He sets a stack of cards on the counter. “One for each of you. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a good night.”

He exits the apartment and the door slides shut behind him.

“Are all bases this swanky?” Skye questions as she flops onto a leather armchair.

“Not typically but this one is in the middle of nowhere so the agents stationed here don’t have much to go on.” Fitz shrugs. “Our place in the Sandbox was like this.”

“Oh,” Jemma sighs and closes her eyes, “I miss our Sandbox apartment. It had the most beautiful view of the desert. Other locations provide housing off site or agents can choose to live where they’d like. Usually there are quarters always ready for agents who are on a mobile team, like us.”

“Where were you stationed before?”

“That’s classified.” Grant responds, a cold expression set on his face. Skye scrunches her nose up at him as Jemma rolls her eyes.

“We move around a bit. You’d be surprised how many locations we have.”

“And you’re like the Qs of SHIELD-Land?”

“As if.” Fitz scoffs. “He wishes he were us. Bond movies are hardly based in reality.”

“As opposed to the alien artifact that nearly blew us out of the sky several hours ago.” Skye says, an eyebrow raised.

“Exactly.”

“Got it. So, whose bunking with who? The boys or the girls?”

“I’ll take the couch.” Grant says, already moving to sit on the piece.

“You can’t sleep on a couch.” Jemma argues, her hand going to her hips.

“There’s three beds and four of us. I’ll take the couch.”

“They wouldn’t have put us in here if there wasn’t enough beds. There’s probably bunks or two twins or something in the rooms.” Skye shrugs. Jemma watches as a muscle twitches in Grant’s jaw and she holds back a sigh. She turns to the others and smiles widely at her best friend.

“Fitz, didn’t you say you wanted to work on the Golden Retrievers? Were you going to get them from the Bus?” She says, a little loudly, and he glowers at her. She glares right back and he shakes his head.

“Might as well before it gets dark. Anyone need anything?”

“Maybe some of the food from the kitchen? Bring whatever you’d like. Skye can help.”

“I can?”

“You can. It’ll be too much for Fitz to carry alone plus I noticed you didn’t bring your bag with you. You might want to grab it as well.” Jemma smiles sweetly and Skye looks confused but there’s something hidden in her smile that causes the other woman to agree without a fight.

She follows Fitz out into the hallway and the last thing they hear before the door closes is, “Am I missing something?”

“Now, let’s talk.” Jemma turns on her heel to face Grant, who blankly stares up at her.

“Talk about what?”

“Your sudden attitude. I know we haven’t had much down time since we got on the Bus and it’s been one thing after another but I imagine your stuffy cover is due to your aggravation towards me.”

“Stuffy cover?”

“Are you going to just repeat everything I say? I can’t guarantee how long Fitz can hold off coming back so we may as well make the most of this.”

“How long did you know about Phil?”

“Not long.”

“Before I did.”

“You were in Paris. We agreed it was better not to distract you.”

“How long were you planning for a field assignment?” He raises an eyebrow and she squirms a little as she hesitates in responding.

“Possibly a little bit longer.” She finally mutters. 

“Oh my God Jem.” He groans into his hands, then drops them to scowl at her.

“It’s not like I actively went for it! Not now at least. I mean, _he_ came to _me_. I didn’t know the man was even alive, let alone assembling a team. I imagine that he did so because I’m quite spectacular and also I mentioned it in passing to Phil a long time ago.” She sits on the couch next to him and curls her arms around his. He doesn’t pull away and he looks more concerned than anything else at this point. “I told him it was something I wanted to try before we settled down.”

“Sweetheart, you’re amazing at many things but this is not one of them. You can’t just _try out_ field work. It takes years of training to be properly prepared.”

“How dare you! And don’t try to sweet talk your way out of this either.”

“Today was a prime example!”

“That was a fluke!”

“That’s every day!”

“Well, that’s hardly reassuring in that case! How am I supposed to know you’re not off getting shot or swept out of airplanes?”

“That’s different!”

“And why is that? Because it’s you?”

“Because I’ve spent years fine tuning my technique. If you dropped me in a lab and asked me to… make or analyze something I couldn’t. It’s not my field of expertise, just like this is not yours.” He turns so he’s facing her more and cups her jaw gently in his hand. “I just don’t want you to get hurt honey.”

“I told you not to try and sweet talk your way out of this. I will be just fine. I’m a big girl.”

“You’ve been trouble since the day I met you.”

“I may have gotten myself into some interesting scenarios but I’ve always gotten myself out of them. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“You know, this is why there’s fraternization rules. Of course I’m going to worry about you.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You die.” He states bluntly and she scoffs in response. 

“You are always so dramatic.”

“I’m serious Jem. I would lose my mind if something happened to you.”

“Well, I’m not concerned because I know you have my back and I have yours. We are partners. In more ways than one now. Okay?” They stare at each other and she raises her eyebrows, trying to prompt him.

“We’re going to have to work on your aim because you’re more likely to shoot me in the back.”

“I’m trying to say something nice!” She whacks him in the chest and he smirks slightly. “That’s an improvement.”

“What?”

“That I made the stern Agent Ward crack, even for a moment.” She slides her thumb along his lower lip. “And you’re not sleeping on the couch so don’t be stupid.”

“It’s not professional.”

“You’re concerned about professionalism when we’re on a team with your surrogate father, my best friend, and your likely stepmother?”

“Oh don’t let her hear you call her that.”

“It’s obvious to anyone with eyes.”

“I’m referring to Skye. I don’t trust her.”

“I’m not going to pretend like I don’t know you. I’m more likely to slip up if you think I’m going to go along with those shenanigans. Put your ring back on and stop acting like a stick in the mud.” She reaches into the pocket of her blazer and pulls out his wedding ring, as if to prove her point. “If Skye wanted to hurt me, she would do so, no matter what my relationship to anyone is. But I trust her and besides I’m sure she’s managed to get Fitz all flustered and he’s saying things he shouldn’t anyway.”

When he doesn’t move to take his ring, she huffs and grabs his hand to put it on herself.

“I better not see you take it off again.” She pokes him in the chest as he flexes his fingers. “If you want to creep in once they’re asleep, fine, but I _will_ have my husband in my bed tonight. Are we clear?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good.” She pulls him into a kiss and sighs as he holds her closer. “I’m not a fan of this.”

“What?”

She taps him on the cheek and he smirks.

“It was part of my cover for Paris.”

“Paris is done. I miss your scruff and how it feels. I don’t like feeling like I’m kissing a prepubescent.”

“Well, maybe I’ll keep shaving as your punishment.”

“You’ll get tired of shaving first darling.”

“We’ll see about that.”

* * *

Jemma glances away from the stove as she hears the door to the apartment open.

“How was your run?”

“Good. They’ve got a nice facility here. Are you making pancakes?”

“Almost done if you’d like some.”

Grant nods and sits down at the counter bar opposite of Fitz.

“You went running?” Skye makes a face. “It’s not even 7AM yet.”

“Every morning at 4:30. You’ll be doing that soon enough if you’re serious about doing field work.”

“Sounds fun. Can’t you go at a normal time?”

“And waste valuable hours?”

“I made you plain ones.” Jemma sets a plate down in front of Grant. She places her free hand on the back of his head and scrapes her nails lightly across his scalp.

“Thanks.” He closes his eyes briefly at the sensation and accepts the glass of orange juice she hands him.

“Plain or chocolate chip for the rest of you?”

“Chocolate chip.” Skye responds. Fitz murmurs his agreement for chocolate chip pancakes and drinks his coffee without any fuss. Skye is frowning as she watches the couple.

Jemma sets a plate down in front of her, stretching a little across the counter to reach. Grant puts his hand on the small of her back as she moves. He’s already focused on his tablet and the gesture seems to be instinctive for him.

“Did they-” Skye keeps her voice low and leans in to Fitz.

“Yes. Trust me, it will only get worse. Especially now that they’re done arguing.”

Jemma returns to the counter with a plate for Fitz and herself, then sits on the stool next to Grant.

“Could you pass-” She starts to say and he grabs the strawberry syrup with his left hand to give it to her. “And I need a-”

He grabs a napkin out of the holder and places it between them.

“Thank you.” She beams as he sips on his orange juice.

“Hang on, I’m so confused.” Skye shakes her head and plants her hands flat against the countertop. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Jemma cuts a small piece off her pancake and chews carefully. 

“There’s like 10 different items over here.”

“Yes, well, Grant knows what I use.”

“ _Grant_? What happened to Agent Ward?”

“It’s this sick mind game they play when they’re angry with each other. I think they get off on it.” Fitz mutters.

“Fitz!” Jemma’s fork clatters against the plate as she stares at him in shock.

“Ow!” He glares across the counter at Grant, whose face remains stoic. “Simmons, your husband just kicked me.”

“Husband!” Skye shrieks but Jemma ignores her in favor of pointing at the boys. 

“You both need to behave. I swear, sometimes it’s like interacting with children.” She shakes her head and sighs. “I don’t know what I was thinking, encouraging the two of you to be locked on plane with each other for months.”

“Please go back.” Skye taps her hands on the countertop. “You’re _married_?”

“Yes.”

“ _To him_?”

“Yes.”

“But you seem so nice!”

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” Fitz agrees. “My theory is the toxin she released on them messed with their brain function.”

“Toxin? Like a love potion?”

“Don’t you have to get to the Bus?” Jemma asks. “And for the last time, I didn’t _release_ anything. The container broke when I fell.”

“Oh but it’s just getting good. Will you let me know whose head explodes first?”

“There will be no exploding heads under my watch. Make sure they don’t mess up our lab.”

“I’m going in the shower.” Grant squeezes Jemma’s hand and this time Skye catches sight of the platinum band on his finger.

“So you’re just going to conveniently leave me explaining all this.”

“What’s there to explain? We’re married. End of story.”

“Ah, there is a ton of story there!” Skye exclaims. Grant simply shrugs and walks off towards the bedroom Jemma claimed last night. “Okay, I’m not going to lie. I’m still not convinced that he isn’t a robot.”

“Trust me, he’s definitely 100% human.” Jemma laughs. She sips on her tea to hide her grin but Skye doesn’t miss it.

“Yeah, okay, so he’s … I mean, in a purely aesthetic way, sure, he would be considered cute by some people.”

“Drop dead gorgeous?”

“Sure, if that’s how you see him. And I guess 007 has to have some type of good form under his stuffy suits to kick ass like he does. And maybe that white t-shirt highlighted some things.”

“ _Very_ good form.”

“Okay, well good for you Simmons and tapping that. I can’t begrudge you if you’re into all that Adonis stuff.”

“Among other things. He’s very charming.”

“ _Ward? Charming_?”

“You’re seeing _Agent_ Ward, who is extremely focused on his work and leaves no time for fun. Plus a little bit of _Grant_ Ward, who is slightly cross with myself and Agent Coulson and will be pouting for the foreseeable future. I promise he’ll lighten up.”

“Right.” Skye considers this flood of information and is quiet for a few moments. “This isn’t like some hazing initiative is it?”

“That we’re pretending to be married to mess with you?”

“Yeah.”

“No, it’s a fully valid and legal marriage for almost four years.”

“Wow.”

“I’m going to start getting ready. Do you mind cleaning the dishes?”

“Not at all. Hey, just so you know,” She trails off, looking slightly ashamed and sheepish. Jemma understands instantly.

“Oh Skye, it’s okay. You’re not the first woman to look appreciatively at him and you definitely won’t be the last.”

“It’s not like I like him.”

“He’s nice to look at. It’s okay to look. Just no touching. That’s off limits and I’m very possessive of him.”

“He’s pretty. You’re a lucky woman, if for no other reason than the prettiness. I’ll have to just take your word on the other stuff.”

“Thank you. It’s the cheekbones.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s just a little insulting for me since my personnel file states I excel at deduction and analysis. And usually, three weeks into a mission, I’ve got a good grip on what’s happening. Nope. Not here. I think I’ve got you figured out and you do the complete opposite.”

The silence is too good to be true.

Jemma almost feels like a new person. She managed a shower that lasted longer than ten minutes, the sheets are freshly laundered and she swears her bed never felt so good.

She’s used to pulling multiple all nighters with little rest but this was just pure exhaustion.

She burrows further into the blankets and sighs as Grant settles against her back. His arm wraps around her waist and she loosely tangles her fingers in his. It doesn’t take long at all for her to relax and she’s almost asleep when the crying begins. She almost begins to cry herself. He makes some sort of noise- a mix of a laugh and a groan at their luck.

“I just laid down.” She whimpers into her pillow.

“It’s okay. I got him.” She feels his hand run through her hair and he kisses the back of her head. Her back feels cold suddenly as he slips away and the mattress jostles as he climbs off.

“ _Benny, you’re killing me man. I’ve been tortured by people more respectful than you._ ”

She laughs as his voice comes over the baby monitor a few moments later. Ben continues to cry, at a slightly lesser volume, and she assumes Grant has picked him up.

_“I’m sure it’s frustrating, you know, having little to no control over your body. I know crying is how you communicate but half the time I don’t know what you mean. I mean, I was convinced that you took a massive dump but there’s nothing in here._

_“It’s just a little insulting for me since my personnel file states I excel at deduction and analysis. And usually, three weeks into a mission, I’ve got a good grip on what’s happening. Nope. Not here. I think I’ve got you figured out and you do the complete opposite. Like, how you’re not supposed to eat for another hour but that’s fine, we’ll try it. You’re a growing boy right?_

_“I don’t know. You obviously know what you want, we just don’t speak the same language right now. I’m sure Mommy and Fitz can figure out some device to translate your cries or your brain waves or some other crazy sh-uh stuff. What? What’s with the face? I know that face. That’s Mommy when she says, ‘ **Grant, stop acting like a bloody idiot**_.’” He ends on a terrible impression of her. Whatever he’s doing seems to be working because Ben has quieted down.

* * *

She wakes up a couple hours later and finds that she is still alone. She yawns and sits up slightly to look around the room. Grant is nowhere to be found.

She takes the tablet off the nightstand and clicks onto the feed from the nursery. Fitz may not have cracked infant translators but he had created his own version of a nanny cam, disguised as a monkey of course, with far greater capabilities.

She smiles as the feed loads and she sees Grant sitting on the floor next to the crib. She sets the tablet back down, then quietly walks down the hall to the nursery.

He looks up when she walks into the room and she’s surprised to find he’s completely awake.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Have you been in here this whole time?”

“Yeah. Did you get some sleep?”

“Little bit. I fell asleep while you droned on about weaponry.”

He smirks as he stands. She eyes his knee with concern but he ignores it in favor of leaning on the railing of the crib. She comes to a stop next to him and leans into his side as his arm wraps around her shoulders.

“Do you watch him a lot?” She asks. When he doesn’t respond, she glances up to find him completely transfixed on their son. The loving expression on his face makes her smile softly. 

“I still can’t believe he’s ours.”

“I know. It feels very surreal.”

“We have a son.”

“Has it just set in?” She teases at his awed tone.

“No, I know, but… I don’t know. It’s crazy that he’s real.”

“He adores you.”

“You think so?”

“Well, in the limited range of capabilities he has currently, I’d say so. He likes listening to you. It calms him down.”

“Huh, we’ll give him some time to process it.” He retorts.

“He won’t change his mind.” She hugs him tighter and sighs. “You’ve been wonderful the past three weeks. I’d give you full marks.”

“Well thank you. You’ve been amazing. Perfect as always.”

“You didn’t see me sobbing in the shower.”

“It’s okay. I cried while I took out the trash.”

“You did not.” She pushes him as she laughs. Ben’s face crumples and he lets out a whimper. Grant immediately reaches into the crib and rests his hand gently on his stomach as he shushes him. Ben calms down and his face smooths out with a quiet sigh. Grant stays where he is, fingers stroking gently, until he is convinced the baby is asleep. “Come on, Baby Whisperer. If we’re lucky, we may get another hour out of him.”

He pulls his hand back with great reluctance and allows her to lead him back to their bedroom.

“I never thought I’d love our bed so much.” She mutters as she snuggles into her pillow. “Feels so nice.”

“Jem,”

“Hmm?” She opens her eyes when she feels his hand on her cheek. “What?”

“I-” He starts, then immediately stops. He frowns and swallows. “I don’t know… how to say what I… I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For thinking I didn’t… want Ben.”

“Oh, darling, I never believed that for an instant. I know it felt that way but-” She moves closer and runs a hand through his hair.

“I was scared. I still am. I’m terrified of him.”

“That makes two of us. It hasn’t been easy the past few months, between the Uprising and you getting injured, and even though we talked about a baby, we never really settled on it, and we definitely weren’t planning on it happening while we were on a field assignment. And I know there’s… a lot on your mind from your childhood. Grappling with that while rehabbing wasn’t easy.“

“You were just always so certain about everything working out. I didn’t think I had the ability to… love him.”

“I did.”

“How?”

“You only seem to see the efficient, no nonsense, killing machine Agent Ward. Grant Ward is a very different person. He is funny and charming and even though he doesn’t let many people in, when he does, he cares about them so fiercely that he’ll let it overtake everything else. I see how you look at Ben. It’s the same way you look at me. I could never doubt that. I knew I just had to give you time for you to see it yourself. Don’t let yourself get all tripped up and feel guilty for normal, rational fears before he was even here. This time, now, is what counts. You’ve made the most of it so far.”

“I just… I look at him, right? And he’s so small and perfect and I can’t imagine ever wanting to… to hurt him.” He sighs and rolls onto his back. “And I wonder if that’s how it was for them. Or if there was always this sense of…”

He trails off, not knowing the word.

“I guess, I’m wondering if something turned on… or off… that made them that way.” He finally mutters. She sighs and kisses his temple, then turns his face to hers.

“I don’t know them and I don’t ever want to know them. But I know you and you could have chosen to go a completely different path. Yet, you came through something horrible and you’re stronger and better because of it. I think knowing what you’ve been through will only make you try harder. You’re not some monster lurking under the surface, okay? You’re a good man. A wonderful husband, friend, partner, and now father. I wouldn’t have selected you if I thought otherwise. And I’ll have you know I’m never wrong.” She taps him on the nose and smiles, “And if you are as smart as I think you are, you’ll know not to come back with a snarky remark about that.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good. Now, I love you and I am always willing to be your therapist but it’s 3:30 AM and I think your son is going to wake up in about 45 minutes and I would love to try and fit in some sleep, as ridiculous as that sounds.”

“Of course.” He pulls her down for a quick kiss before she settles against his chest. She sighs as he runs his fingers through her hair and squeezes her shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Anytime darling.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Daisy?”
> 
> “Why is your house so evil Ward? Don’t even need spy gear. Fucking baby toys are enough.”

Grant watches the feed carefully, eyes glancing between both cameras.

The left camera shows movement and he double taps the feed to zoom in closer.

“You look so serious right now. Like you’re on a mission.” Jemma says, sounding like she’s holding back a laugh. 

“I am on a mission.” He mutters. He’s sitting hunched over on the edge of their bed, tablet on his lap as he props his chin on his hand. “A mission to get laid.”

“If you talk like that, I’m going to sleep.”

He rolls his eyes and glances up, then completely straightens up as he sees her leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.

“Hi.” His eyes wander up and down as he takes in the sight of her. She’s leaning against the frame of the door, dressed in a black, lace nightie that barely reaches the middle of her thighs. “You look…”

“Ridiculous?”

“I was going to say stunning.” He blinks as she saunters towards him. She had ordered him to put the boys to bed while she showered and he wondered what the hell she could possibly doing in there for so long but now he knows.

Her hair is blown out into loose wavy curls around her shoulders, which is normal but the smoky makeup and full red lips isn’t. He’s always found her beautiful and she’s not a makeup kind of girl; just the bare minimum and natural looking. That was more than enough for him. He appreciates his wife being low maintenance - he never understood women who were otherwise - but when she does this, it’s always a welcomed change of pace.

“They’re fine.” She plucks the tablet out of his hands and he wonders how long she’s been in front of him. ”They're sleeping.”

“Yeah, I want them to stay that way for at least an hour.”

She smiles when she turns around from putting the tablet on the dresser.

“What’s the occasion?” He asks as she straddles him. It’s neither of their birthdays and their anniversary isn’t for months. He’s damn good at remembering important dates like that.

“No occasion. Just wanted to feel like a real woman rather than an overworked, over exhausted mom of two extremely energetic boys with no off switch.” She presses a kiss to his mouth as her hands creep under his shirt. He sighs against her lips as her nails rake lightly over his abs. “And I miss you.”

They’re used to being away from each other. Or they _were_ used to it; being on the team together gave plenty of extra time they normally wouldn’t have. But he’s been out looking for Inhumans more often than not and when he is home, the boys make sure they are Priority Number One.

He moves his hands to cup her hips but she makes a noise and she’s pushing his arms down.

“Not yet. My turn first.” She fists the hem of his sweater and pulls it up over his head. She drops it behind her, then gives his shoulder a push. He leans back until he’s flat against the mattress and she crawls over him, planting kisses as she goes.

His hand comes up to tangle in her hair and she swats at his arm.

“I said no. No touching.” She leans close to his face, then nips at his lower lip.

“Jem,” he tries to sound irritated but his voice is rough and he gives a groan as her hips rock against his. He opts to clenching his fists around the comforter. ”Not fair.”

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself.” She smirks and rolls her hips again.

“I’d have to be dead to not be.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly. She makes her way back down, taking her time to map his torso with her hands and mouth. “You know, last time it was this quiet and we took our time… we wound up getting ourselves into round number two. If we’re not careful, we, _oh fuck_ , we’re gonna find ourselves outnumbered and really never going to have a moment of peace again.”

“I’ll take my chances.” She reaches the waistband of his jeans. She has him unzipped and he lifts his hips to push them down when the tablet starts beeping.

It’s immediately followed by a crash from downstairs and Drew begins wailing.

“What was that?” She jumps off his lap and he nearly trips as he tries walking and pulling his jeans up at the same time. He scrolls quickly through the tablet’s feeds and curses as he sees the back door open and another shows a dark figure in the living room.

“Stay with the boys.” He quietly opens their door and opens a panel in the wall just outside the doorway. He pulls out an Icer and nods for her to grab one. She follows him and slips into the nursery, then closes the door and locks it.

He continues down the stairs and peers around the wall that leads to the living room. Whoever their intruder is, they are not good at breaking and entering as they are stomping through the room and mumbling as they trip over Drew’s activity saucer.

He turns the corner and his foot lands on a teddy bear that gives a loud squeak. He quickly gets the Icer up, knowing he’s been made. The intruder swerves and throws their arm out. They’re on the opposite side of the room but he recognizes the move and the picture frame on the wall next to his head rattles.

“Daisy?”

“Why is your house so evil Ward?” She demands. He sighs and flips the light on. She glares at him and stumbles as she attempts to approach him. “Don’t even need spy gear. Fucking baby toys are enough.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I need a bed. Yours are nice. Jemma picks out good mattresses.” She states, then eyes him with a dirty, judgmental expression. Her tone matches it when she adds, “You’d sleep on a pile of rocks if it wasn’t for her. Probably enjoy it too.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No!” She sounds insulted and he raises his eyebrows.

“Could’ve fooled me with the stumbling and the bad quake aim. What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you here? What’s wrong with your bed at the Playground?”

“Grant?”

He glances around the corner and sees Jemma peering over the banister.

“It’s just Daisy.” He replies and she frowns, then climbs down to see for herself.

“I thought it might be from the rumbling. What’s going on?”

Daisy stands in the middle of the living room, jaw slack as she observes them.

“Were you having sex?” She snaps with a rather accusatory tone, then immediately looks disgusted. “Oh God!”

Jemma blushes and pulls her robe closed tighter.

“Maybe that will teach you not to break into married couples’ homes.” Grant retorts.

“Oh well excuse me.” Daisy says, dragging out the word excuse. Jemma flashes her a concerned look as she moves to close the door leading to the backyard. “You’re just like _so_ perfect right? Marriage is a blast. Dr. and Agent Ward with their disgustingly perfect house and their impossibly adorable kids and they kick ass during the day and roast s’mores at night.”

“Daisy, is everything okay?” Jemma asks. She carefully lays a hand on her arm as Grant simply looks like they’ve both grown three heads.

“No, everything is not okay. This is all your fault.” She wiggles her index finger at them both. “And why do you look like a porn star?”

“All right, I’m taking you back.” Grant says, then sighs as Jemma waves him off.

“You didn’t drive here, did you?”

“No, Mom, I’m not stupid. I walked.”

“All that way?” They didn’t live far from the Playground but walking was definitely out of the question.

“I couldn’t stay there.”

“Why?”

“Because you corrupted Fitz.” Daisy mock whispers. She pokes Jemma in the chest with each word. “You just have to act like this is all perfect and make him want it too.”

“Oh dear.”

“And you knew! You knew what he planned and you didn’t even warn me!”

“It’s not like that.”

“It was a proposal! What else could it be? He was on his knee with this very pretty sapphire ring in his hand saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Why is he _so dumb_? I thought he was supposed to be smart.”

“Wait,” Grant holds up a hand and shakes his head. He’s in complete disbelief. “Fitz asked you to marry him?”

“Thank you!” Daisy yanks herself out of Jemma’s grasp and crosses the short distance to him. “Thank you for being the only one who has common sense except me.”

She reaches up and pinches his cheeks. He grimaces and looks to his wife, who is struggling to hold in her laughter.

“Have you always been this tall?”

“So you ran out on him, got drunk, and came here.”

“I didn’t run out. We got into a huge fight first.” She sighs and collapses against his chest. “You’re my SO. What’s wrong with me?”

She clings to him tightly as he tries to push her off. She scrunches up her face and sighs again.

“Jemma?”

“Yes?”

“He’s like rock hard. I mean, really super solid.” She presses her cheek harder into his chest and hums. “It must be like climbing a mountain.”

“Jesus Christ, Daisy.” 

“Okay, why don’t you come upstairs?” Jemma giggles slightly but manages to keep her voice even. She pries Daisy off of Grant and wraps an arm around her to lead her to the stairs.

“I didn’t mean to call you a porn star. You’re so pretty. I’m sorry I interrupted your sex.”

“You’re forgiven.”

She gets her settled into the guest room without much further issue.

“You’ll want these in the morning.” She says, putting a water bottle and aspirin on the night stand. “Good night.”

“Did I wake the babies?” Daisy catches her hand to stop her from leaving and looks concerned by this.

“Oh, no. Drew fell right back asleep and Ben barely woke up. Don’t even let it concern you.”

“You’re such a good mom. You’re so good with them and take care of them. You take care of everyone. You’re like the team mom.”

“That’s kind of you to say.”

“May is the scary mom. She’s probably going to fight me over this.”

“We’ll come up with a cover for you.”

“Will you stay with me? I promise I cuddle better than Ward does.”

“I don’t know about that but I’ll sit with you for a bit.” Jemma climbs onto the bed and Daisy flops onto her lap with a sigh. “You’re a clingy drunk.”

“Am I?”

“Mm.” She pets her hair a little and smiles down at her head.

“I’m horrible.”

“No.”

“And Leo is so good. I don’t know what he sees in me.”

“I’m sure the same thing we all do. You’re strong and caring and wonderful and so smart.”

“You’re just saying that. I wonder what he’s thinking.”

“I’m sure he’s worried about you. He’s mad about you.”

“He is mad at me.”

“ _About_ not _at_.” She continues stroking her hair and sighs. “It’s a big step and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. You two have a lot to discuss. Don’t run away from him Daisy. He loves you- all of you.”

* * *

Daisy stumbles into the kitchen around 6:30.

“Morning.” Grant gives her a once over and shakes his head as he sips his coffee.

“Your kids are loud.”

“Yes they are.”

“Did you make me coffee too?”

“I made a pot of coffee. You can help yourself if you want.”

“Thanks for letting me stay last night, you know, after I…” She trails off with a vague wave of her hand and he raises an eyebrow.

“… broke into my house, woke my sons, and insulted me and Jemma?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Still friends?” 

“We’re not friends.”

“We’re not?”

“No, Dee, you are the obnoxious little sister I never asked for but Dad brought home anyway.”

“Ward! I think that’s the nicest thing you ever said to me!” She clasps a hand over her heart. “I’m touched. Honestly.”

She slumps down into a chair at the table and sighs as she holds her head. He leaves her be for the moment and continues reading through the newspaper as she slowly sips her coffee.

“Daaaisy!” Ben tears into the kitchen too fast and too loud for so early in the morning.

“Mini G, I didn’t know you were such an early riser.” She lifts a head and forces a smile onto her face. He hugs her tightly and tilts his face up to look at her.

“Fitz?”

“Oh.” Her smile falls a little as she squeezes him. “Fitz isn’t here. Just me.”

“Okay.” He shrugs and runs around the table to greet his father. “Hi Daddy!”

“Hey buddy. Sleep good?” Grant pulls him onto his lap and wraps him securely in his arms. Ben sighs as he nuzzles his shoulder and nods. ”Good, I’m glad.”

He presses a kiss against the top of his head and stays there for a moment. Daisy is watching them over the top of her mug and there’s a look in her eyes that he easily places.

“You hungry?”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay. Go watch TV, I’ll make you pancakes.”

Ben wiggles off Grant’s lap and pulls on Daisy’s hand for her to follow.

“Oh, Ben, I don’t…”

“No, bud, Daisy’s gonna help me.”

“Okay.” He sighs and runs off into the living room. Jemma passes by with Drew in her arms but makes no effort to enter the kitchen. 

Grant stands from the table and begins to gather up the ingredients.

“You want chocolate chips?” He glances at Daisy over his shoulder and she gives a small nod. For a while, they remain silent.

He’s done hoping that Jemma will come in and take the reins on this situation. Even with Daisy drunk last night, she already had her chance to solve this. 

He’s considering if he actually wants to take this step. He’s opened up a lot since those first days on the Bus but talking about feelings with someone who wasn’t Jemma just wasn’t his style.

And since when did they need to play couple’s counselor to these two anyway? They were hardly the experts on this topic. 

“I get it.” He finally says and she looks at him with confusion. “Coming from… how we grew up… the thought of settling into something permanent seems daunting. You want it but you don’t know if you can trust it, especially after trying to so many times before. After a point, you just give up and stay locked away. It’s exhausting.”

“That’s not what this is.”

“Yeah it is otherwise you wouldn’t have been yelling at us about our domestic bliss influencing him. He’s your first serious, committed relationship.”

“No, he’s not.”

He tilts his head at her with a skeptical look and she rolls her eyes.

“Casual dating and one night stands are fun but when you’ve found someone, _the_ someone, it’s terrifying but it’s also rewarding. I never thought that I could love someone like Jemma and I sure as hell never thought she would love someone like me. That relationship, that experience, is different from having friends or being on a team. You’re… putting yourself out to this person and hoping they’re not going to trample all over you. How is that not terrifying? I’d take jumping out of a plane a thousand times over.”

“I’m not scared of loving Fitz.” She argues. There’s a slight pause and she sighs, then continues on a quieter voice. “I’m scared of hurting him. My abilities are great right now. I’m great. I’m doing good in the world but when does that stop? Or when does it get to be too much? What happens when I become the monster they all think I am?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“Neither were my parents. My dad told me that my mom was this amazing, kind, caring woman who wanted to help in Inhumans. When Hydra tortured her, it broke her and she was never the same. That twisted her. I don’t want to become something that will hurt him. Or he becomes collateral because of me and because people want me dead.

“What if… what if we had a kid? I know he wants them. I see how he is with Ben and Drew. I don’t know if I want that or if I want to potentially subject a kid to this. I don’t want to hold him back from what he really wants.”

“I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. Fitz is a genius. You don’t think he’s thought this all through?”

“I think he’s too idealistic and he expects everything to work out in the end and if it doesn’t, he’ll just create something so it does. He says it doesn’t matter but I know it does. Eventually one of us will have our breaking point.”

“You won’t know unless you try. You know, you’ve already put him through the ringer. Puerto Rico, Afterlife. It wasn’t easy and there were times I thought he was done but he never gave up on you. He is in love with you and he knows you, accepts everything about you, faults and powers and all. He knows what he’s getting into. And let’s be real, Fitz isn’t that scared little engineer anymore. He’s more than capable of handling himself.”

With that, he turns back to the stove and focuses his attention on cooking. After a little while, he hears her sigh.

“Hi. No, no I’m fine.” He glances over to see her on her phone. “I’m with the Wards. No, Fitz, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry and I shouldn’t have run off like that. Yeah… yeah, I could eat. Whenever you’re ready. Okay. Okay, see you soon.”

She sets her phone down and he pretends like he wasn’t eavesdropping.

“Fitz is on his way over so I’m going to get cleaned up. Don’t worry about making enough for me.”

“Okay.”

“There’s extra toothbrushes in the closet. Oh and you’ve got a go bag stashed upstairs too.” Jemma calls.

“Has she been listening this whole time?”

“Without a doubt.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looks around, then realizes they are locked in one of the vaults and the barrier is opaque. Phil stands near it, a hand against the barrier like he’s testing it, but is watching them with worry. No watching her with worry. It mimics the look Grant is giving her as well. She wants to roll her eyes that the two of them have kept their cool through a multitude of unthinkable situations but they look ready to lose it during this. 
> 
> “Oh please don’t look at me like I’m about to break.”
> 
> The last thing she needs is to be trapped in this small space with these two mother hens at nine months pregnant with God only knows what rampaging through the base.

Jemma is slowly regaining consciousness. Somewhere nearby, she hears a bang and a growl.

“It’s a cell Grant. You’re not supposed to be able to open it from the inside.” Phil’s voice gently chides.

There’s a muffled rumble from overhead and the ceiling shakes. Jemma moans quietly as she opens her eyes and she hears a thump as Grant drops down next to where she’s laying.

“Hey, you okay?” His hands are shaking as he runs them over her arms and she blinks a few times. “Jem? Baby, look at me. Are you okay?”

She musters a nod and he sighs as he hangs his head over her chest. She brings a hand weakly up to the back of his neck and squeezes gently.

“What happened?”

“We don’t know. We woke up down here about fifteen minutes ago.” He reaches to pull her hand down and clasps it in his own, then presses a kiss again her knuckles. He keeps his mouth against her hand and shakes his head a little. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” She nods again and he helps her sit up carefully on the cot, then sits next to her. He wraps one arm around her and brings the other over to rest his hand against her stomach.

She looks around, then realizes they are locked in one of the vaults and the barrier is opaque. Phil stands near it, a hand against the barrier like he’s testing it, but is watching them with worry. No watching _her_ with worry. It mimics the look Grant is giving her as well. She wants to roll her eyes that the two of them have kept their cool through a multitude of unthinkable situations but they look ready to lose it during this. 

“Oh please don’t look at me like I’m about to break.”

The last thing she needs is to be trapped in this small space with these two mother hens at nine months pregnant with God only knows what rampaging through the base.

“You helped Fitz redesign these. Any tips?” Phil says, smartly avoiding agitating her. Jemma stands and moves to the barrier. She touches it carefully as Phil steps back towards Grant.

“This is your fault.” Grant says and she hears Phil sigh.

“Really? You think I planned this? What purpose would this serve? Maybe instead of having a tantrum, you can focus on trying to help us get out of here.”

“We weren’t even supposed to be here!”

The statement, along with the searing pain across her abdomen, makes Jemma gasp softly. She leans heavily against the barrier and tries to catch her breath and her thoughts. It’s all suddenly coming back to her and she swallows down a flood of panic.

“You know, I didn’t even want to come back, after the Uprising but you just had to ask.”

“Grant,”

“I didn’t force you.”

“No but you came, knowing I couldn’t say no. You couldn’t just leave me alone in peace.”

“That is not true.”

“Of course it is! You know I’d follow you anywhere, even back into this hellhole, and you were counting on it because you needed me. You didn’t care what it meant for me. You only cared about you and your endgame. And now look at us! Fucking locked in a cage as we’re attacked by who the fuck knows what!”

“Grant!” Jemma’s voice is sharp and finally catches his attention.

“What!” He snaps back, anger at Coulson still raging, and turns to look at her. Everything suddenly drains out of him as he sees her doubled over at the barrier clutching her stomach and staring down at the floor. He follows her line of sight and he can feel himself pale at the sight of the wet concrete at her feet.

“It was Bobbi.” She says quietly. “She didn’t think we were supposed to be here today.”

“What? Honey, come here, fuck, what-” His hands grip hers tightly and he looks at Coulson with wide eyes. “We have to get out of here.”

“There’s no way.” She shakes her head and he shakes his back to counter her. “The barrier comes from sensors built into the wall at multiple points. Short of chiseling your way through this solid concrete, the only other way is the tablet to turn it off. I don’t think whoever put us here would leave the tablet with us.”

“We’ll call somebody.”

“If you have your phone, because I don’t, there’s no signal down here. We’re underground. Do you really think, if we managed to get a call out, whoever we pick is going to answer?”

She looks around the space again, noting the different supplies stacked on the small table. Blankets, towels, bottled water, medical supplies.

“Oh God, she knew this was happening.” She grabs her forehead and shuts her eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“You were with Hunter. Bobbi came into the kitchen and she said,” she stops to swallow and takes a deep breath. “She said she thought we weren’t supposed to be in the base today. We weren’t.”

“I called you in.” Phil says softly. “The base got locked down. I remember being in my office and getting a call from the hangar that they couldn’t get in but we hadn’t initiated it.”

“She must’ve knocked us out and brought us down here. What time did we get here?”

“I don’t know - maybe eleven. Last time I remember looking at a clock, it was around 3:30.” 

“What time is it now?”

“Little after five.”

She lets out a soft cry and grips Grant tightly on the forearms as another contraction hits her.

“She didn’t want whoever is up there to find us and she knew we weren’t going to be able to leave.” She whispers. “I told her.”

“Told her what?”

“That I was having contractions.”

“And yet you failed to mention this detail to me!”

“It was hours ago and they were so far apart! It’s not like I knew they were going to stage an attack on us! You were busy and would have been more productive here than waiting in a hospital for hours. I was fine.”

“Are you fucking joking?” He snaps, unable to contain his irritation. 

“Does it look like I’m fucking joking?” She spits back. If they weren’t in this situation, the sound of her swearing probably would have had him laughing. 

“Listen, of course this is not the ideal situation but whatever is going on up there can’t be going on much longer. Someone will be down here soon.” Phil says with an aggravatingly calm tone. “And it seems Bobbi was trying to keep us safe.”

“Or detain us. How could she be part of something like this? Whatever this is? Obviously some sort of uprising or coup. More Hydra?”

“I don’t think so. Let’s just keep calm and relax for now. We can’t do anything about it from down here.” He tips his head at Jemma and Grant takes that as ‘ _man the fuck up, your wife needs you_.’

He inhales a deep breath as he runs his hands over her back. She’s clutching the front of his shirt and tips her head up to look tearfully at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Everything is going to be fine.” He rubs her back again, then cups her face in his hands. “I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you, okay?”

“I know.” She gives a small nod, then presses her forehead to his chest as she lets out a small sob. He sighs and moves his arms back around her to hold her gently.

“It’s okay baby. Come on, come over here.” He walks her carefully back to the cot and she leans against the wall once she’s sitting. She tips her head against the concrete and inhales a few deep breaths.

“I guess I should be grateful she knocked me out for part of this.” She says softly, hoping to ease the palpable tension in the vault. Grant is clearly not in a joking mood, however, as he only stares at her.

* * *

“No! No, Grant, I can’t.” She knows she sounds pitiful as she grips his hand. She thinks, for the most part, she had done well. She kept reminding herself that they wouldn’t be down here much longer and she focused on breathing through the pain and it wasn’t fun but it was manageable. But now she’s in terror mode. “Not like this. Please.”

“Jem, I know. I know and I would do anything to get you out of here but that’s not going to happen in time. We’ve got to come to terms with that.” He keeps his voice as quiet and soothing as he can but it does nothing to ease her.

“Yes it can. We can wait.” She sobs and shakes her head. “We can wait.”

“Honey, honey, come on.” He pushes her hair back and wipes tears from her cheeks. “You know how this works the best out of the three of us. Your contractions are too close together and even the bare minimum reading I did let’s me know that we’re at the end here.”

She shakes her head even as she knows he’s right. They’re both telling her it’s time and her body is telling her it’s time but she is not ready. This was not how she envisioned their son being born.

“I’m so scared. What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing is going to go wrong.”

“There are so many things that could go wrong.” She cuts off with a whimper and she claws at his hand. As much as she does not want this to happen right now, every wave of pain makes her want this to be over right now. And the only way for it to be over is to push, which she absolutely prefers not to do. A regular old catch-22.

“Yeah, well, you’re not going to think like that. You’re healthy and the baby’s healthy and you keep telling me that women have been doing this for thousands of years and to leave you alone and stop pestering you.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I had a plan.” She wants to laugh at herself, from months ago, who rattled off delivery facts and processes and insisted this was all completely natural and she would be fine. She wants to go back and shake that Jemma and tell her how stupid she was.

“I know.” He keeps running his hands through her hair and pressing kisses to her forehead. It is doing little to calm her down. She knows she needs to be calm and pull herself together. She sucks in shaky breath but the tears won’t stop.

“One that did not include Coulson or being locked underground.”

“I know. But you and I were in the plan and what more do you need?”

“Doctors! Science! Modern medicine!”

“You’re right. We’ll do it right next time, okay?”

“There will never be a next time Grant!” She exclaims incredulously, with the slightest hint of venom. He nods and presses his face against her shoulder. “I don’t want to.”

“I know but you have to. And I’m right here. I got you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You _can’t_ go anywhere.”

“True but if I could, I wouldn’t.” He kisses her forehead, then her lips. “We’re going to be fine. Trust me.”

She clings to him and buries her head in his shoulder.

“You gotta breathe. Don’t try fighting it.” He breathes deeply in a feeble attempt to get her to follow.

“No.”

“Jem, I don’t want it like this anymore than you do but this is happening whether we like it or not. This kid isn’t going to wait for us to be ready.”

“He’s right.” Phil comments and she makes some strangled noise as he glances up at them.

There’s a part of her that just doesn’t care anymore at the moment but she’s quite certain she is not going to forget the fact that Phil Coulson - _her SO, the director of SHIELD, the person who helped Grant grow into the man he is today_ \- is kneeling at her feet with all her intimate parts exposed as she is giving birth.

Not that Grant is a better option. Apparently, all the specialist training in the world didn’t prepare you for labor and delivery. Plus, she knows for a fact he never took any medic classes other than a basic first aid certification. He had practically turned green when Phil offered to swap positions. She could understand his reasoning. At least Grant was already a frequent visitor down there though she knows it is nothing like he’s familiar with.

“You know it’s not the first time I delivered a baby.” Phil comments, tone casual as if he isn’t staring right at her. “There was this one time I was on an assignment with May and we got stuck under enemy fire. Couldn’t leave for hours. No extraction plan and our comms went down. We were trapped in there with these civilians who didn’t speak English and no one had medical training. Poor girl couldn’t have been more than 18 or 19. That was a fun one.”

“Oh God,” she groans as she feels a contraction and grips Grant tightly as she gives in and pushes.

“So- that’s good Jemma, just like that- look on the bright side of things. We know each other and speak the same language.”

“How is that brighter? It’s mortifying.”

“Trust me, I am not even - this is nature. Basic human biology, which you love and know lots about so you know this is typical. Nothing to be mortified about. It could be anyone in your place. I wouldn’t know the difference. I am focused on the baby. It could be worse.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. It could be Fitz in here.” Phil shrugs and she lets out a distraught noise at the thought. “So be grateful it’s me because I think if it was Grant and Fitz, you’d be on your own. He looks ready to pass out and Fitz couldn’t even handle a dead body. Not that this is in any way similar to that but I don’t think he has the stomach for it.”

“I’d have preferred Agent May. Or Skye.” She lets out another sob at the thought of her hidden friend and so desperately wishes she was here, not even for her delivery, but just in general. “At least they have a vagina and they’d be supportive.”

“Get behind her, help her sit up.” He nods at Grant and they slowly move into a new position where she is braced against his chest. “You don’t think we’re being supportive? I don’t know if May would be supportive. I think I’d be terrified to give birth with May helping. She preferred to keep shooting people the last time.”

“Just be quiet!” She wails and pushes again.

It goes on and on. She collapses back against Grant at one point, feeling like she’s made absolutely no progress, and cries with a shake of her head.

“It’s okay.” He tips his head so he can kiss the side of her face.

“I can’t do this.”

“You are doing it. Kid’s just a little stubborn. Did you expect anything less?” He brushes her hair back and she lets out what he thinks is a laugh. “You’re doing so good baby. You’re almost done.”

“I’m so tired.”

“I know but he’s almost here. Just a few more, okay?”

“Liar.” But she musters up her energy and pushes again. She can’t see him but he’s got his face against her hair and he’s mumbling encouraging, loving snippets against her ear. His voice is thick, like he’s holding himself back from breaking down and she knows he feels completely helpless in this situation.

She’s vaguely aware that Phil is saying something but she can’t process it. She can only focus on the baby, wants to finally see him and hold him and know with her own eyes that he’s perfect and healthy and safe.

A cry that isn’t her own catches her attention and she opens her eyes to see Phil gently cradling a tiny body in his hands.

“Oh.” She’s crying again as he grins and carefully places the baby in her arms. “Oh, he’s perfect.”

“Healthy set of lungs it sounds like. Congrats guys.”

Grant lets out a choked laugh as he moves to sit alongside her. He eases her back against the pillow and keeps his arm around her as his free hand touches their son gently.

“Grant,” his name comes out as a tearful whisper but she can’t say anything else or look at him. She’s completely fixated on their son.

“I know.” He presses a kiss against her shoulder and doesn’t attempt to stop the tear that slips down his cheek. ”You were amazing.”

“I’m a mess.”

“No. No, you were perfect.” He insists and she smiles tiredly before he kisses her.

* * *

They’re still in the vault an hour later. Whatever has been going on upstairs had fallen silent a while ago.

Phil attempts to give the family as much as space as possible but there’s really nowhere for him to go except sit against the opposite wall. He smiles as he watches them curled up together as the baby rests quietly in Grant’s arms.

“So does this little guy have a name?”

Grant glances at Jemma, who nods and smiles softly. The baby sighs as she runs a finger lightly over his cheek.

“We tentatively picked one out a few weeks ago but I think it fits him.” She says quietly.

“Do I get to know or are you going to do some Lion King reveal with him?”

“Don’t get all worked up, alright?” Grant warns.

“His name is Benjamin Phillip Ward.” Jemma adds and Phil blinks as it dawns on him. “We knew we wanted to fit you in there somehow. I guess it’s just luck that you were here for this.”

“Guys,” he smiles softly and looks a little emotional at the reveal.

“You’ve been such a big part of both our lives. It’s only proper.”

“Thank you. I’m honored, really honored.”

“No, thank you. You were a huge help today. I’m sorry I snapped at you before.”

“Oh, completely understandable. Don’t even worry about it.” He waves the comment off and sighs a little.

“Would you like to hold him?”

“I would love to.”

“Have you ever held a baby before?” Grant looks skeptical at handing Ben over but Jemma gives him a gentle nudge.

“You do remember he just spent the first few seconds of his life in my hands right?” Phil retorts as Grant slowly stands and approaches him.

Jemma smiles as he frets over safely securing the baby in Phil’s arms and hovers nearby protectively. She knows he had been terrified by the prospect of becoming parents but he had slowly become more positive about the idea within the last few months. Now with Ben actually here, he was beyond smitten, as she always knew he would be.

A few minutes later, the barrier turns transparent and May stands there with an Icer in one hand.

“Took you long enough Grandma.”

“I’ve been hiding in a - what did you call me?” She narrows her eyes at Phil, who can only grin at her.

“Come meet our newest family member.” He tips his head down to Ben and for once, she actually looks surprised by something.

She looks at Phil, then Grant, and finally Jemma, who just smiles tiredly and nods.

“Oh.” She hits a button on the tablet to fully deactivate the barrier and steps across the line. She stops next to Phil and a small smile forms on her face as she looks down at Ben. ”Congratulations.”

“Do you want to know his name? I’m going to tell you anyway. Benjamin Phillip Ward.” Phil grins proudly and May exhales a breath. She glances between the new parents and feigns a disapproving look.

“You know he’s going to never let this go?”

“We hoped that would be the case.” Jemma murmurs.

“I’m trying to decide what I want to be called. Grandpa just seems old and decrepit. I’m still young and spry and cool. Pop? Poppy? What are you thinking?”

May gives him a cold look but her face softens as her gaze lands on Ben again.

“That’s cool. We’ve got time before he starts talking. What’s going on up there?”

“There’s another SHIELD faction. They feel they are the real SHIELD and we need to fall in line. Morse and Mack have been feeding them intel.” She touches Ben’s hand gently and his fingers curl around her index finger. ”How did you wind up down here?”

“We think Morse got us down here to keep us out of the chaos. Isn’t he cute?” Phil says. She considers the little face, then glances at the specialist.

“He scowls like Ward.” The dry comment has Grant rolling his eyes but he smiles.

“Well, he’s an hour old. We’ll give it time.”

“An hour? You’ve been down here this entire time?” She looks up and her eyes immediately dart to Jemma. “Are you okay?”

“Really sore but everything went fine.”

“You need to get checked out. They’ve finished and are talking to everyone, to make us see the errors of our ways. They can’t keep you here and if they try, they can speak with me.”

They begin to mobilize. Phil keeps Ben close to his chest while Jemma insists she can walk and Grant argues that she needs to be carried. They find a middle ground by letting him lead her and she leans heavily on him as they creep up the stairs. May is at the front of their group, Icer out and ready to shoot anyone in their path.

They come across Bobbi almost instantly. Grant’s face darkens and he hands Jemma to Phil and whips out his own Icer as he steps up next to May.

“I am so sorry. If I had known it was going to last that long-”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Once the lockdown began, we couldn’t stop it. It was better than having her stuck up here.”

“You could have said something. You didn’t have to drug us and throw us down in the vault. You put my wife and my son at risk.” Grant doesn’t normally lose his temper but he’s close to now, inches from Bobbi, who doesn’t back down. She glances between him and May, spots the baby, and something like regret flashes across her face. He smiles coldly when she doesn’t speak. “But you wouldn’t, right? Because then you’d tip us all off and your plan would have gone to shit.”

“The future of SHIELD is at stake. We need to do what we can to keep it going and unfortunately there can be collat-”

“Fuck you! We’re your friends Bobbi! Don’t stand there and spout some mission objective and call my kid collateral!”

“Agent Ward.”

His neck snaps up and he sees a group of senior agents approaching them. He knows Weaver of course and that bastard Calderon he’s met twice. He doesn’t know Gonzales personally but he recognizes his face.

“Commander Gonzales.” Phil moves smoothly to the forefront and Grant panics when he sees his arms empty. A quick glance behind him shows Jemma has opted to lean against the wall and cradles their son protectively to her chest. “It’s good to finally meet you. Fury always spoke highly of you. Don’t tell me you’re the one making a mess of my base. You could have just knocked.”

“It seems it was justified, judging on the response we received.”

“You attacked us and expected our people not to fight back?”

“Agent Coulson, your style here has been reckless. I expected nothing less from… your people.”

“Sounds more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me.”

“Agent Ward, I understand your frustration.” Gonzales turns his attention to Grant. He glances quickly at Jemma. “I apologize that your family was caught in the middle of this. You and Agent Simmons are valuable to SHIELD and your records speak for themselves. All of yours do. We are more than willing to discuss your transgressions and find a place for you back in SHIELD.”

He steps forward and places a fatherly hand on Grant’s shoulder, adding “You’ve always followed orders, son. Don’t stop now because of some blind loyalty you have to him.”

“I’m not your son. If you think I would join up in whatever this all is, you’re out of your goddamn mind.” He says coldly, shucking off his hand. Then in the most vile tone he can muster, he adds, “Sir.”

“It’s not a good first impression, I know, but we can discuss it further. Follow Agent Morse to Coulson’s office please.”

“Like hell I will.”

“Simmons needs medical attention,” Coulson begins but Gonzales cuts him off.

“I will see that she gets it but he is coming with me.”

“He hasn’t been here in months. He was here today consulting on an old enemy of his we had a run-in with.”

“That’s not how I’ve heard it. Maybe he wasn’t in Puerto Rico but he’s been here. I’ve got you and your right and left hands.” He nods at Coulson, then May and Grant in turn. He turns to look at one of the agents in tac gear watching their backs and waves a finger to bring him forward. ”Take Agent Simmons to the medic and have them transport her to the nearest field hospital.”

The agent gives a solemn nod and walks towards Jemma, who clutches Ben a little tighter. Grant turns as well and reaches her first.

“Agent Ward, I don’t want to have to restrain you.” Gonzales says with a heavy sigh.

Grant lets out a laugh, part bitter, part disbelief.

“If you think you’re going to keep me from my wife and son, I’d like to see you try.” The intended threat and fight is clear in his voice. Coulson takes a step closer to Gonzales.

“If you want to gain their trust, this is a big step in the opposite direction. You know his capabilities. He will not hesitate if he thinks Jemma and Ben are at risk. There are better ways to get through to him.” He says, keeping his voice low. Gonzales considers this and examines Grant’s defensive stance.

“You have 24 hours. If you don’t report back here by tomorrow evening, I will be required to bring you in by any means necessary.”

Coulson looks over his shoulder and gives Grant a small nod. His jaw is tight and his hand in clenched around Jemma’s shoulder. His eyes wander over the others but he nods.

They don’t speak until they’re on the transport. She leans back into the stretcher as a medic begins to check her vitals. Grant sits to the side with Ben in his arms and watches the medic like a hawk.

“Would you relax?” Jemma reaches across the small space to touch his leg gently. “Look at me,”

She taps his knee until his eyes lock on hers.

“It’s not just us anymore. Please don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not.”

She doesn’t look particularly satisfied with his response but she lets it go. She grimaces as she moves, then leans back again with a sigh.

“Next time, we’re going to the hospital at the first contraction. I don’t care how long we have to be there.” She says quietly as she closes her eyes. He knows she’s trying to distract him. There’s a long pause, then he says with the slightest hint of teasing,

“Thought there wasn’t going to be a next time.”

“Maybe.” She agrees, then looks at Ben with a soft smile. “But we make really beautiful babies. I might be persuaded.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m taking you to dinner.” He states in a tone that sounds a lot like an order.
> 
> “I beg your pardon?” Her eyebrows raise further and he blinks, as if he doesn’t realize what he’s just said. His eyes soften but his jaw is still tight.
> 
> “I mean… I would like to take you to dinner.” He revises his statement in a more relaxed tone.

He almost turns back twice after he steps off the elevator.

The scientists down here must think he’s crazy with the way he mutters under his breath, scowling, and changing his course.

He finally comes to a stop outside of Lab 7F and stares at the door. Should he knock? After all, he let himself in yesterday and wound up quarantined.

There’s a ripped piece of notebook paper taped over the placard now. He recognizes Jemma’s neat, loopy handwriting from their games of Hangman.

_Dr. Jemma Simmons & Dr. Leopold Fitz_

And, shit, that’s the truth isn’t it? He knows about her two PhDs but it really didn’t click. She’s a doctor, twice over, and she hasn’t even turned twenty.

He feels inadequate to her accomplishments. He feels inadequate to her in several ways.

And she’s nineteen. The world between nineteen and twenty three seems massively huge, especially filled with all the shit he’s experienced.

She’s warm, kind, innocent, and an open book. He’s cold, bitter, and broken underneath all the training and covers. 

No. He doesn’t need to taint her.

He hears Phil say _it’s just dinner_ but it’s not just dinner. He knows it’s not. Because, after all, he’s standing here after spending the last twenty-four hours with her. He could’ve walked but there’s this tug he hasn’t felt in so long - maybe ever.

He’s being stupid. It’s not like he owes her anything. They were forced into quarantine after she fucking drugged him - even if it was an accident. They weren’t there voluntarily. It wasn’t a first date with a promise of more. They were just making the most of a shitty situation.

It’s not like he expected to enjoy her company.

He’s ready to turn away and sprint for the elevators. Except the door opens and his heart stutters briefly but there’s a man staring at him instead of Jemma.

He looks confused, then his gaze darkens to a glare and it’s Grant’s turn to be confused. He’s pretty sure he’s never met him before but he has to assume this is Fitz.

“Oh, it’s you.” He says with a begrudging sigh. Then he raises his voice and calls, “Simmons! You’ve got a… visitor.”

He continues to glare at him but doesn’t let him enter the lab. Maybe that’s for the best, considering his last experience inside.

“Grant Ward.” He holds his hand out as a peace offering and Fitz’s mouth curls up.

“Leopold Fitz.” He gives his hand a short but surprisingly bone crushing shake.

“Uh… Simmons told me a lot about you.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and his fingers tighten around the object he finds in the right pocket. There’s an awkward silence between them. He really doesn’t know what he did for the engineer to dislike him so much. “I didn’t know you had uh… invented that… thing. I used it a few months back… helped me out of a sticky situation.”

He sounds idiotic and the look Fitz gives him confirms that the engineer agrees he’s idiotic.

“Bloody hell,” he huffs just as footsteps begin to approach them from inside.

“Fitz, you need to organize those crates. I’m going to break my- Gra- Agent Ward!” Jemma’s voice goes up an octave as she sees him looming in their doorway. She clutches the tablet she’s holding and her eyes go wide. Fitz rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath that Grant can’t quite make out.

“Hi.” He rubs the back of his neck and coughs.

“Attempting to press your luck?” She says with a teasing tone. Then she turns red and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. That’s not- of course you’re here for other- what can I help you with?”

Grant glances at Fitz, which Jemma notices. She steps closer and gives her partner a rather rough shove.

“Fitz was going to dinner. He needs fresh air.”

“I’m not a dog that needs to be let out.” He argues. He looks at Grant and his mouth sets into a firm line. “Dinner can wait.”

“You are being ridiculous and rude. Now go.”

“ _Simmons_.”

“Go.” She pushes him again and they glare at each other. There’s some unspoken conversation that Grant can’t decipher but Fitz surrenders and storms off towards the elevators. “I am so sorry. He’s usually much friendlier. Come on in.”

She steps aside and he follows her in. He remains carefully in the middle of the floor, away from any surfaces and objects.

“He’s still upset over yesterday. Concerned about me, you know.” She explains.

“He thought it was my fault.”

“Well,” she blushes again and she pulls on a thread coming loose at her sleeve, “we weren’t… when he found us… it wasn’t the greatest position apparently.”

He blinks, trying to retrace his actions yesterday. He remembers her falling off the ladder and into his arms. Then stumbling and trying not to lose his grip on her.

“Apparently your hands were in… intimate places.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s quite all right.” She waves him off. “I’m sure you didn’t mean it and you were paralyzed. Wasn’t like you could move if you wanted to, which I’m sure you wanted to.”

“Of course.” He agrees. She glances away and his eyes flick to her breasts. The top two buttons of her shirt are undone and he can see the faintest hint of cleavage and what looks like a red, lacy bra. Maybe. In another, consensual and conscious setting, he thinks he might not want to move. ”I would be pissed too if I came in to find another guy groping my…”

“Your?” She prompts when he trails off, not knowing how to categorize them.

“Girlfriend?” He finishes, even though he doesn’t think that’s the case. Even if Fitz has stars in his eyes for her, the tone she spoke about him in, although she did mention him a lot, had been platonic.

“Girlfriend? Oh, you think Fitz and I…” she points towards the door and lets out a soft laugh. “Oh no. No, we’re not. Never. Well, once in the Academy but no. I am 100% single. He is just over protective. But enough about that. What did you come here for?”

“Ah,” his fingers flex in his pockets and he remembers his back up plan. “I found this in my belongings when I left quarantine. I think it must have gotten mixed up.”

He pulls out the thin, silver chain with a small diamond pendant dangling off the end.

“Oh!” Her eyes widen and she touches her neck, as if to double check she’s not wearing it. “Oh, gosh, thank you for bringing it back. I never wear necklaces, they get in the way, but I wasn’t working on anything and it’s my grandmother’s. I like to wear it from time to time. I forgot I put it on yesterday.”

She takes it from his hand. Their fingers brush and he ignores the tingle he feels racing up his arm.

They stare at each other. It wasn’t so difficult for them to talk yesterday. He figures now that they’re not forced to be involved with each other, neither is sure the next step to take.

They’re both silent now, though she has a soft smile playing on her lips and he feels like she’s going to take the plunge any second.

“Um, I… I wanted to mention that I… would like to invite you to my birthday party.” She says, then immediately cringes. “It’s not a party. God, that sounds so juvenile. It’s a little get together, at a bar, even though I can’t drink and-”

“I can’t.” He cuts her off and she falls silent mid sentence, her mouth hanging open.

“Right. Of course. I haven’t even told you the date but right.” Her mouth snaps shut and he swears she looks slightly hurt by this. His stomach flips at the thought.

“It’s just… with being a specialist I don’t know when I’m going to get called for an assignment.” He amends, which is the truth. “I wouldn’t want you… waiting on me.”

“It’s a bar. I don’t think they require a headcount.”

“I’ll… keep it in mind if I’m here.” He says slowly and it sounds fake even to his own ears. She smiles tightly and gives a short nod.

“Was there anything else you needed?”

“Uh… no. Just… wanted to bring you that.”

“Well, thank you again. It was… good to see you.” He’s been dismissed and he nods.

“You too.” He turns on his heel and leaves the lab. The door swings in his wake and she stares at it.

Jemma prides herself on being logical and rational, not some emotional woman who will fall over at the first sign of rejection. She doesn’t need Grant Ward but she’d be a bloody idiot and liar if she said she didn’t want him.

Still, there’s this feeling in her stomach that she can’t quite name. If this was one of those romance movies she pretends she doesn’t like or fawn over, this would be the point where he strides back in.

Except he doesn’t. Not immediately at least.

It’s nearly a half hour later when the door swings open, nearly hitting into the wall, and she nearly falls off the stool in surprise.

“What…” She doesn’t even try to hide her surprise and confusion as he storms towards her. He stays on the opposite side of the workbench, a steely gaze in his eyes. She’s about to ask what she did to make him so aggravated when she realizes he’s not aggravated, at least not with her. He’s determined.

“I’m taking you to dinner.” He states in a tone that sounds a lot like an order.

“I beg your pardon?” Her eyebrows raise further and he blinks, as if he doesn’t realize what he’s just said. His eyes soften but his jaw is still tight.

“I mean… I would like to take you to dinner.” He revises his statement in a more relaxed tone. He wants to punch himself. He literally seduced a baroness twenty years his senior - _in Russian! -_ three weeks ago. What the fuck was wrong with him that he couldn’t ask this little scientist out in English? “If you want to.”

She’s fighting off a smile and he wonders if she knows that this is not his normal behavior.

“Well, I have a meeting with my SO in 15 minutes.” She says and he takes a step back with a nod, already turning to leave. “But how’s Saturday? I mean, if you don’t get called in for an assignment?”

He stops in his tracks, then turns back completely to face her.

“Saturday works. 7:00?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” He gives her a nod and turns to leave again, as if he’s walking out a debrief and not a regular conversation.

“Wait!” She stops him with a giggle and he glances over to find her writing on a scrap of paper. “Here’s my number. In case you need help tracking me down Saturday.”

She holds it out to him, which he accepts and commits it to memory.

“Do you like Italian?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll call you. Or text you. Whatever the kids are into these days.” He mutters.

“Texting is fine Father Time.” She snickers and the corner of his mouth lifts. “See you Saturday.”

“See you.” This time he actually leaves, though he throws her a smile as he shuts the door.

She smiles around the pen cap she bites on and twists a piece of her hair around her finger. Fitz finds her in the same position a few minutes later, with his face as sour as when he left. He had to have crossed paths with Grant. He glances around the lab, like he’s looking for anything out of place, and scowls at her.

“You didn’t desecrate any surfaces, did you?”

“Ugh, Fitz! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Well, he was certainly here a bloody long time! Don’t tell me you two only talked.”

“That’s classified.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light M Rating / Post 1x03 ... 
> 
> After watching Grant in his tac gear, Jemma would like a few minutes of privacy. They find themselves inadvertently spying on Fitz and Skye instead.

Grant is almost at the bathroom when a hand darts out and latches onto his shirt.

“Jesus!” He startles as Jemma attempts to tug him towards the closet she’s leaning out of. He’s mildly impressed and concerned that she managed to surprise him. “What the hell are you doing?”

He glances up and down the hall, then steps into the small space. She closes the door, then leans against it with a grin as she crooks her finger at him.

“What has gotten into you?” He raises his eyebrows but is smiling slightly as he frames her hips in his hands.

“You. And your tac gear. And we also haven’t been together since we snuck out of the base when the Bus was grounded.”

He smirks at the memory of them sneaking aboard the Bus in the middle of the night. He’s sure they’d be penalized if anyone knew what they had done that night.

“I thought being on a team together would allow us more time together.”

“You know, this is exactly why fraternization rules exist. It detracts from the mission.”

“We’re not on a mission at the moment. Do you really think Director Fury would pull apart Coulson’s dream team because we got a little aroused? He didn’t even take the Bus away after we destroyed it and I think that is far more egregious than two loving spouses enjoying each other in their off time.” She runs her hands over his chest and when she catches his dubious expression, she shrugs. “And you’re to blame here anyway.”

“I don’t recall manhandling you into the closet.”

“No, but you look rather dashing in all your gear. It makes it difficult to concentrate.”

“Would you prefer I forgo it and get shot so your concentration isn’t corrupted?”

“Of course not but perhaps next time, just put it on once you’re gone or don’t let me see you leave.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you.” She bats her eyelashes at him as she pulls him down by the front of his shirt. They meet in a soft kiss when she pushes up on her toes to close the remaining distance.

He moves his hands to hold her closer. Her own hands tighten around his shirt when he slides his tongue along her lower lip. Her mouth opens willingly under his own and he feels the sigh she gives.

When he feels like his chest is about to burst, he moves from her lips to her cheek. He pulls her hair to one side and noses her collar down as he kisses the exposed part of her neck.

His hands move under her sweater, only to hit her dress shirt and he groans in frustration against her skin.

“Why the fuck do you gotta wear so many layers?”

“It’s professional! And it gets cold in here if you haven’t noticed.” She squirms as his fingers trail up and down her side. “Not that I don’t appreciate the attention but I don’t think we have much time here.”

“Okay.” He drops to his knees and tugs her sneakers off, then her jeans. He eyes the wet spot on her underwear and looks up with a smirk that makes her pulse race. “You weren’t kidding.”

She shakes her head as he drags the garment slowly down her legs. He hooks her right leg over his shoulder and leans in.

She lets out a quiet noise as he noses her clit and he feels her fingers slide into his hair.

“Definitely will be an image I’ll keep for a while.” She mumbles and her heel digs into his back as he licks along her center. “Now- _oh_ , now if only you’d stop shaving.”

“Not tired of it yet.” He rubs one hand along her thigh as the other goes to her clit. Her head hits the door with a quiet thud.

“I said I- _mm_.” She arches her hips and shifts her leg in an attempt to get closer to him. He can feel her sagging and lifts her other leg onto him to hold all her weight.

She whimpers loudly as she rocks against his face in time to his motions. He lifts his eyes and groans at the sight of her writhing above him. She gives a particularly loud moan, then tugs at his hair as he drives his tongue back into her.

“Grant!” Her other hand slaps against the door, nails scraping as her fingers curl.

“ _Oh! Oh my God! I’m so sorry!_ ” Skye’s voice is muffled but easily heard, as well as a shriek that can only belong to Fitz. Then, there is a door slamming shut.

Grant immediately freezes and Jemma’s fingers are painfully tight at his skull. The orgasm she was so close to obtaining is suddenly gone and she feels like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over them.

The exclamations aren’t for them though. Her back is still firmly against the door, blocking anyone from being able to enter. They both look up for the source of the sound and she lets out a choked gasp as she spots a small vent near the ceiling against the right wall. He eyes it as well, then mentally follows it … to the bathroom.

There are a few bathrooms on the plane but only one had a shower, which was located here on the lower level, just feet from where they were. And if they could hear them… 

“Oh my God.” Jemma’s voice is a low whisper. “Do you think they heard me?”

“Shh.”

He carefully sets her on the ground and she crouches to find her underwear. She looks distraught and embarrassed. They hear the door open again.

“ _I locked that door._ ” Fitz says.

“ _Well, it was clearly unlocked. It’s not like I broke in here._ ” Skye retorts. ” _I’m sorry. I was just trying to get this chlorine off me. I didn’t know anyone was down here. You’d think with only six of us, we’d manage not to catch each other naked in the shower._ ”

Grant’s eyebrows shoot up and something clatters to the floor as Jemma stumbles and grabs onto a shelf to prevent falling completely.

“ _And hey, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about Fitz._ ” Even through the vent, it’s easy to hear Skye’s appreciative, albeit surprised, tone.

“Oh my God.” Grant mutters and turns to sit. His back hits the door and he glares at the vent. His boner is rapidly fading at this conversation. Jemma zips up her jeans and sits next to him, then drops her head on his shoulder.

“ _Oh, you, I, sure_.” Fitz stutters over his words and it’s almost painful to listen to. “ _Thank you?_ ”

“ _Sorry. That was really inappropriate._ ”

“ _We can call it even._ ”

“ _We can?_ ”

“ _Yeah. I’m sure Simmons will tell you soon enough._ ” He sighs and there’s a long silence. “ _I implied, well it wasn’t implied, I was rather forthcoming with my theory that you… used your female… parts to get into Quinn’s office._ ”

Jemma scoffs while Grant squints.

“ _Female parts?_ ” Skye asks, voicing the exact question Grant is thinking. “ _You think I slept with him?_ ”

“ _No? No! I just thought, you know women… no, I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m sorry. It was stupid and sexist and I’m sorry. You did well today. You just looked nice and they were… right there._ ”

“Has he ever talked to a girl before?” Grant whispers over Fitz’s stammering. Jemma smacks a hand onto his chest. “No, this is really bad. Like I have secondhand embarrassment just listening to him.”

There’s a pause, then Skye says, “ _Right_.”

It sounds like she’s trying not to laugh. Grant thinks if it was anyone else, she’d probably go on a rampage. But Fitz is so innocent and trying to dig out of this hole that his sexist comments will get a pass. Not that Skye is any better.

“ _Do you want me to flash you? I mean, you only **talked** about me. I **saw** everything. That’s hardly even._”

“ _No! No! That’s… you’re, it’s… no! I’m sure they’re great… no! That’s not… your dress is just wet and clinging so it’s... I’m good! Are you good? Are we good? We’re good. Let’s just forget we’ve had this discussion and seen things_.”

“ _Deal_.”

There’s hurried footsteps outside the closet as Fitz attempts to flee and the door shuts again.

“ _Damn, Fitz._ ” Skye laughs to herself and the shower turns on.

Grant decides it’s safe for them to move and when he turns to look at Jemma, she’s already staring at him with a wide smile. He normally loves that look, it could mean so many things, but he knows immediately what it means in this instance. It’s like when she makes a major breakthrough. He doesn’t like this breakthrough.

“No.”

“Oh just picture it!”

“After listening to that? It was like someone drove needles under my nails. No thank you! And don’t even think about encouraging them!”

“You’re no fun.” She pouts but there’s a glimmer in her eyes that tells him she’s going to meddle anyway. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you Hydra?” She asks one night. She knows he’s not, knows it right down to her core, but she can’t help but feel like he’s gone down some path she doesn’t understand.
> 
> He looks at her. His jaw is still hard, mouth firm, but there’s something like amusement in his eyes.
> 
> “Are you serious?”
> 
> “You’re not giving me a lot to work with here.”
> 
> “No, I’m not Hydra.”

The phone in her pocket is ringing. She doesn’t notice at first. Her attention is on the television in the corner, which is replaying clips of the Helicarriers crashing into the Triskelion. 

The phone begins to ring again as the screen changes back to a journalist alongside a stock photo of Captain America and a garish headline wondering if he’s dead.

“Hello?”

“ _How is he_?” Coulson’s concerned voice causes tears to prickle at her eyes. She doesn’t know why she’s relieved or surprised to hear his voice. After all, he was the one who shoved this exact phone into her hand before she and Grant had been rushed out of the Hub and to the nearest hospital.

“He was still unconscious when they took him back. I know he… it… he took two. It was his uh, knee, and his chest or shoulder, near his collarbone, just above the start of his vest.” She replies and hears him sigh.

“ _How are you?_ ”

“I’m okay.”

“ _You sure?_ ”

“Yes.” Of course she’s okay, physically. Grant is the one with two bullets lodged in him - two bullets meant for her before he literally dove in front of her. A chill runs down her spine as she thinks of the bullet in his shoulder. She had been crouching down. If he hadn’t jumped in front of her, that bullet would be in her forehead.

“ _You know that I would be there if…_ ”

“I know.” But he’s not here. None of them are. She’s alone in a civilian hospital with Grant in surgery because they don’t know if their own hospitals have been compromised and saving Grant didn’t allow for the time needed to properly vet their people. Because they don’t know who to trust. And Coulson isn’t here because he needs to help figure that out and assess how damaged and broken they are. Because Hydra has been in SHIELD all this time.

She presses her free hand to her stomach as she feels a wave of nausea wash over her.

“ _I’ll check in soon. You need me before then, call, okay? Or if you have any updates._ ”

“Okay.” No sooner than she says this, the call ends.

“You have any questions on those forms honey?”

She looks up at the voice and sees the intake nurse smiling sympathetically from the desk. Then she remembers the clipboard on her lap and shakes her head.

“I’m sorry. I’ll have them done in a moment.”

“That’s all right. Take your time.”

She flashes a weak smile and looks down at the form. She’s never needed to fill out things like this. A quick scan of your finger brought up all your personnel and medical history at a SHIELD facility. And if, on the rare chance, Grant had been admitted to a non-SHIELD facility, she either never knew until after he was released or his information was given prior to her arrival.

Was it even the accurate information or a cover? Was she supposed to lie on this?

She tries to recall any sort of SHIELD protocol or Grant’s own processes. She shakes her head. She can barely think straight, let alone recall conversations like that. She’s sure if there’s a problem, it can be erased with the click of a button.

_Last Name: Ward_

_First Name/ Middle Name: Grant Douglas_

_D.O.B: January 7, 1983_

_Sex: Male_

_Address:_

She stops. What was their address? It’s not like she could put The Bus. They had multiple homes. What did he have listed on his driver’s license? _Which_ driver’s license? When was the last time she had even seen one of those?

She scribbles down their New York apartment, only half legible. It was the first address she can actually remember off the top of her head.

_Phone Number:_

The pen stalls again and she sighs. She writes down an old, private burner he had years ago when they first started dating.

_Employer:_

“Bloody hell.” She leans her elbow onto the arm rest and rubs her face.

She jumps to emergency contact information.

_Name: Jemma Ward_

_Relationship: Wife_

It looks odd to see her name in print. Despite it being her legal name, she rarely saw or heard it. They didn’t need two Wards running around and everyone was so used to calling her Simmons. She remembers how Skye’s eyes had bugged on their initial visit to the Hub and seen her ID scanned and verified, as if it was the first actual living proof of their marriage she had seen.

She thinks of the cool, robotic voice that had announced her entry to the lab just this morning. _Ward, Jemma - Level 5._ Had it only been this morning? Laughing with Trip on the way from the cafeteria to the lab feels like a lifetime ago. 

She scribbles down the same address and number.

Below that is insurance information and she’s at a loss. She knows SHIELD covers the bill somehow but it’s not like she’s carrying around insurance cards in her wallet. Where was her wallet?

She pulls the sheet up, to check the back, and lets out a laugh.

_Previous Medical History:_

She was going to need more than four lines of space. She tries to recall the most recent; gunshot wound to the left shoulder, multiple broken ribs, concussion, fractured left metacarpal and that was only within the past few months.

Could she just write hot mess?

Is any of that going to impact his surgery? Likely not. She’s sure whoever is back there with him has already seen his scars.

She lists the ribs, the concussion, and for good measure just to show he’s normal, throws in his appendectomy. That had pissed him off. Most people would have been concerned - she certainly had been - but he was aggravated that one of his organs decided to betray him. She understood. He kept himself in top shape and survived a ridiculous list of injuries and his appendix was probably the last thing he ever considered happening to him.

“Um,” she finds herself at the desk and the nurse smiles kindly at her. “I’m not sure that… well, I mean, I can’t give insurance information. I don’t have it with me. I’m not sure where my bag is.”

“Oh, don’t let it stress you out honey. We can always add that on later.” She takes the clipboard and glances over Jemma with a concerned gaze. “He’s going to be a while. Why don’t you get cleaned up and get something to eat?”

“No thank you.”

* * *

She glances up when she hears movement from the bed. She sighs in relief as she sees him blinking and she moves onto the edge of the mattress.

He turns his head in her direction and she doesn’t recognize the foggy expression on his face.

“Hey,” the grogginess in his voice matches his face and he makes a weak attempt at squeezing her hand. “Where are we?”

“Hospital… a few blocks from the Hub. Do you remember what happened?”

He gives a slow nod, then frowns.

“What… do they got me on?”

“Morphine at the moment.”

He lets out a groan and his hand goes to pull the IV out of the other.

“Hey, stop.” She moves further up and clasps her own hand on his. “No, Grant, look at me.”

Her other hand goes to his jaw and turns his attention back to her.

“Don’t like it.” He mumbles. “Need to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere. I know you don’t like it but you’d be in intense pain if you weren’t on it.” She says and he scoffs. ”Grant, you were shot twice.”

“Not the first time.”

“The bullets weren’t SHIELD issued. The doctor said it broke into pieces on impact and were imbedded in you. He’s confident that your shoulder is going to be okay but your knee isn’t. It’s a mess. You’ve got a broken knee cap, torn ligaments and muscle. You’re going to need at least another surgery to begin to repair it.” She blinks back tears as he settles into the pillow. “You can’t do that.”

“What?”

“Throw yourself in front of people like some human shield.”

“Wasn’t people. Was you.”

“I was so scared.” She grips his hand tightly and a sob breaks through. “I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you.”

“Where are they?”

“They at the Hub but that’s not who I’m referring to.” He looks confused and she pulls his hand to rest gently against her stomach. “I’m pregnant. I should have told you earlier but there was so much going on. But I am and I don’t want to do this without you so you need to try to keep yourself in one piece. Okay? No stupid moves. I have no problem telling our child what a selfless hero you are but I much prefer you being able to tell him or her yourself.”

She attributes the blank look on his face to the morphine and then the doctor enters the room. The discussion turns to his knee and the next steps and by the time the doctor is gone, he’s asleep again.

And then Coulson calls the next day to let her know he’s enacted the Odyssey Protocol and he’ll send the coordinates for their new location soon. Grant’s mind goes into overdrive and there’s no diverting him from his risk assessment and planning. 

* * *

“I still think this is a horrible idea. You shouldn’t-”

“Jem, enough. Just drive.”

“Don’t take that tone with me.” She twists in the driver’s seat to glare at him. He looks awful, not surprising since the doctor had advised against releasing him only four days after surgery.

“I don’t care about my fucking knee. I feel fine. What I do care about is sitting there like a damn duck while we’re being hunted and I can’t do a damn thing about it. Now drive.” He has a point but she still doesn’t like it; nor did she like jumping around the area for this and that item he asked her to get, including a damn car he had stashed in a garage two cities over.

“You know I can’t fix these things on the road right? If something reopens or you have a blood clot or an aneurysm, that’s it.”

“They said I was fine, that I needed time to recuperate. I can do that without sitting in a hospital bed. I’ll lean the fucking seat back if it makes you feel better.”

“I looked up those coordinates Coulson sent. Canada is a long way from here. And this isn’t something that will just get better on its own. Your knee is shredded.”

“We’re not going to Canada.”

“What?”

He’s been playing with the phone he sent her out to buy and now he sets it on the holder clipped to the dashboard. She stares at the map app. He’s programmed it with a final address in New Jersey, located somewhere on the coast.

“It’s a safe house I acquired a while back. No one knows about it. We’ll be fine there.”

“Coulson is expecting us. He said it’s a secure location.”

“Coulson is going to have a target on his head. We need to look out for ourselves.”

“You want to abandon the team?”

His jaw tightens and he looks uncomfortable with the question. This was their friends, their family, and they were running off in the opposite direction.

“I just need to figure some stuff out and I won’t be able to do that with them all on top of me.” He finally mutters. “Just a few days.”

* * *

A few days turns into a few weeks. They settle into the house in New Jersey. If they weren’t on the run, she thinks she would enjoy it. It’s a three story home, just minutes from the beach, with an open concept and plenty of windows that let the sun stream in.

Grant spends most of his time up on the third floor, which Jemma quickly found out was a refurbished attic that was now a half gym/half office. How he’s climbing the stairs with his knee and crutches, she doesn’t know and after their first argument about taking it easy, she’s decided not to pester him.

He knows what he went through, what he needs to do to fix it, and if he doesn’t want to, that’s on him.

The phone Coulson had given her is long gone, tossed somewhere in Kentucky on their drive to New Jersey. She has no way to get in contact with any of them or vice versa.

It’s just her and Grant, alone with no plan. It would be nice if it wasn’t so terrifying and lonesome. He’s awake before she is, goes to bed after she does, and he rarely comes downstairs. She gives him space but she’ll bring both their dinners up there.

Not that they talk. She stares out the porthole window to the water and he stares at the dark screens lining the wall that she knows must be on but he turns off when he hears her footsteps.

The house is old and makes plenty of noise. Whatever he’s doing up here, he hides it before she even opens the door.

But he doesn’t protest their dinners.

She remembers once, about six months into dating, he showed up on her doorstep after a weeks long undercover op. He didn’t talk, didn’t touch her, just sat close, like he was trying to reenergize. Finally, he admitted in a quiet voice that some missions were worse than others and it could take him time to get out of that and back into his own head. She couldn’t imagine, didn’t want to, but stayed with him and allowed herself to be whatever it was that he needed.

She assumes that this is like those times. He’s been through something traumatic and he’s trying to process it in his own way. He knows she’s there, ready and willing, but he’s not ready to accept it yet.

“Are you Hydra?” She asks one night. She knows he’s not, knows it right down to her core, but she can’t help but feel like he’s gone down some path she doesn’t understand.

He looks at her. His jaw is still hard, mouth firm, but there’s something like amusement in his eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“You’re not giving me a lot to work with here.”

“No, I’m not Hydra.”

* * *

They haven’t talked about the baby once. The thought is concerning and she doesn’t want to believe that he’s avoiding the topic. Maybe he hadn’t grasped what she had said that night in the hospital? But she knows he did and she thinks she’s scared of his answer if she tries to probe.

She’s found an OB that she likes and they confirm it all. 11 weeks, 4 days with an estimated due date around November 8. That puts conception at the beginning of February and she thinks of the quick tryst in their bunk before Fitz was shot by Ian Quinn.

“Did you hear what I said in the hospital?” She asks when he hobbles into the kitchen one rare occasion. She’s seated at the table with the ultrasound in front of her. There was the proof and she thinks of that whooshing heartbeat she heard earlier that morning. They can’t dance around this any longer. 

“Yes.” It takes a moment but he responds and she looks up to find him staring at the ultrasound. Then he’s gone, so quickly it was like he was never there.

* * *

“Do you regret jumping in front of me?”

“What?”

They’re both awake, they both know it, and they lay side by side in the dark not touching and it hurts. She’s used to going weeks, months even, without him but not like this. Not with him right next to her.

“What?” He repeats, a little rougher, like he can’t comprehend why she would say something like that.

She shakes her head and presses her hands gently against her stomach. She’s barely showing but she’s so thin that that little bit of belly has to be all baby.

“Why the fuck would you say that?”

“I’m just trying to figure out why you don’t seem to want anything to do with me.” _Or the baby._ “I thought maybe since you’re not… you anymore, maybe you preferred the specialist life over the rest of it. Jumping in front of me took that away.”

“I told you-”

“Yes, you needed to figure things out. Did you need to shut me out in the process?”

He falls silent and she wishes he would shout, argue, something. She knows the answer to her question is no and she thinks there’s a horrible piece of her that wants to goad him, just to get some sort of reaction from him. 

* * *

Week 15 officially begins and she’s wondering if the flutters she feels is the baby when there’s a knock on their door.

She grabs the tablet to check the surveillance feed and is surprised, though perhaps not, by their unexpected guest.

Coulson simply smiles when she opens the door and she feels tears start to fill her eyes.

“Been looking for you. Mind letting me in?”

“Not at all.” She says, voice choked as she hugs him tightly.

He brushes a hand comfortingly over the back of her head and she gives up trying to hold back her cries.

It’s a relief that someone is actually focused on her, cares about her, is comforting her. He feels like the first person she’s had contact with in weeks.

“Come on, we’re letting out all the AC.” He walks her back and shuts the door, blindly locking it behind him.

He doesn’t let go of her, lets her cry out her frustration and sadness, and once she’s done, he sits her at the counter and he moves around the kitchen like he’s been there a million times.

“How did you find us?” She asks while he makes her a cup of tea. He makes horrendous tea but it’s the thought that counts and she’s just so relieved someone is taking care of her for a change.

“Caught you on a security camera at Wawa a few days ago. After that, it was pretty easy to find you. It’s a small town. House is registered to a Brett Rollins. I don’t think anyone other than myself knows that is the first cover Grant gave himself. He hasn’t used it in years.”

“Seems too easy.” _Or he was silently calling out for help._

“Or he thought I’d forget. Where is he?”

“Upstairs.”

“How is he?”

“I don’t know.” Her fingers curl around the mug when he sets it in front of her. “He won’t talk to me. If he does, it’s one word responses or barely a sentence. I hardly see him. He just stays up there. I feel like he’s avoiding me. It’s like living with a ghost.”

She’s embarrassed to find another round of tears welling up.

“I don’t know what to do.” She adds in a soft whisper. He squeezes her hand gently and his eyes glance to the fridge, where she’s purposefully hung the ultrasound from last month. 

“Are you taking care of yourself?”

“Of course.” She scoffs and rubs her face with her free hand. Her husband may be an absolute mess and breaking her heart, unintentionally she hopes, but she’s not going to put herself or their child in harm’s way. She’s stronger and better than that. “I’m sorry that we …”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He gives her hand another squeeze and smiles faintly. “I’ll talk to him.”

“He’s on the third floor. It’s the only door up there.”

He leaves her then and she can hear him climbing the stairs. There’s silence for a long time, at least that’s what she thinks. Then Grant is yelling, even though she can’t make out his words, and there’s a few muffled crashes. It quiets down, then the volume raises again.

This pattern goes on for about a half hour. Coulson comes back into the kitchen. She expects him to be battered and bleeding but there’s not a scratch on him.

“When you’re ready, call this number. We’ll set up a travel plan for you.” He sets a paper down in front of her and she wonders if _you’re_ refers to herself or both of them. He hugs her and adds, “You’re going to be fine Jemma. I’ll see you soon.”

* * *

Two nights after Coulson’s visit, she’s alone in bed and staring at the clock. It’s a little after two in the morning. She doesn’t know when he sleeps or if this is out of the ordinary for him.

She knows he’s exhausted though and in pain. She can see it in the circles under his eyes and the nearly full bottle of Percocet.

She doesn’t turn when she hears him enter their room. She lays completely still and listens to the soft thump of the crutches slowly coming towards the bed. She’s surprised he’s even using them but his knee can’t hold any of his weight and she’s glad that at least he’s not as stubborn as he seems and he’s accepted his limitations for the time being.

He sighs once he’s laying down and at first he’s far from her, like he has been since they left the hospital. His breathing is a little heavy, likely from the exertion of walking, and while she’s considering that, he rolls and she feels his chest against her back.

Her eyes clench shut and she wants so desperately to sink back into him but she’s terrified that any movement from her will send him away. He’s stiff behind her but after a moment, she feels him relax and he even leans more against her, hugging her.

A knot forms in her throat as his arm settles over her waist and his hand moves gently along her stomach.

He presses his forehead against the back of her shoulder and after a moment, she feels her t-shirt grow damp.

In almost eight years, she’s seen him cry once and it had been while they waited to be scooped out of the ocean by the Moroccans after he jumped out of the plane after her. _I thought I lost you. I’ve never been so fucking scared. I can’t lose you Jem._

She reaches a hand back to thread through his hair comfortingly and he lets out a rough sob that has her rolling to face him. She expects him to retreat but he allows her to pull him close instead.

She says nothing. Just holds him tightly and runs her hands soothingly over him.

“You can leave if you want to.” He says quietly. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been laying there but he’s pulled himself away enough to look her in the eye. She can hardly see him but the moonlight shows enough for her to see the devastated look in his eyes.

“I’m not leaving you. I could never leave you.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this and for how… how I’ve been.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I do. I love you. So damn much and I’ve been putting you through hell when you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry that I don’t know how to help you.”

“You do. I just wouldn’t let you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their reviews and kudos! I love getting the feedback and see each one, even if I may not have time to respond individually.
> 
> If you have any prompts or requests for an upcoming chapter, please let me know and I’ll be happy to take a shot at it :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You destroyed all that we worked for. You’re a murderer - a monster. You killed my husband.”

Grant glances at his watch as he heads back to his office. It’s a little after 1 AM and he is exhausted. He’s going to be here a little while longer at least, as Daisy is running her new facial recognition program on their latest threat.

When he rounds the door, he immediately stops. The cabinet under the window is a mess, its items scattered and drawers pulled open. There’s a person kneeling behind his desk but even in the dimmed light he can see it’s Jemma.

“Jem? I thought you went home. What the hell are you doing?”

She lifts her head at his voice and he’s surprised by the look of pure hatred she gives him. He’s even more surprised by the Icer - he thinks it’s an Icer but it’s no model he’s seen - she pulls on him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“What- Jemma, what are you doing?” He keeps his hands up and scenarios begin running through his head. Drugged, brainwashed.

“Don’t act like you know me! Haven’t you caused enough damage?”

“Alright, just hold on,” he moves a little further in and she stands fully to move back. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He finds the light switch and turns it on, then blinks. Now that he can really see her, he’s so damn confused.

It’s Jemma but it’s not. The ponytail is too long, too dark. She’s dressed in a black jumpsuit he’s used to seeing Daisy and Bobbi wear. It’s form fitting and she’s too thin, scarily thin.

Adding to his confusion is the fact that his cell phone is now buzzing on his desk and Jemma’s name is clearly displayed on the caller ID.

The noise catches her attention as well and she seems just as confused as he is. He takes the moment of distraction to ram into her. She’s caught off guard and falls against the cabinet. The Icer falls from her hand and they both scramble for it. He grabs it first and aims it directly at her chest.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Go to hell!” She snaps and lunges for him. She dodges the dendrotoxin round he fires and kicks the Icer out of his hand, then lands a solid kick directly in his stomach. He stumbles back into a chair and before he can get onto his feet, she’s attacking him.

If it was his Jemma, he’d be fucking impressed.

He’s tried for years to get her to take up combat, just for her own safety, and she’s resisted. She can do basic defense moves and she’s crafty if she needs to be but she’s not capable of this Melinda May bullshit he’s facing right now.

“You ruined everything!” She punches him in the jaw and he understands that whatever this person’s assignment was, it had now turned personal against him. There was some deep seeded hatred fueling her attack. This was vengeance.

He knows he could easily take her down but something is stopping him. Instead, he matches her blows and tries not to hurt her.

“You destroyed all that we worked for. You’re a murderer - a monster. You killed my husband.”

She has to be a Hydra operative. He’s considering a Photostatic veil and claws the side of her neck trying to find the catch to dismantle it. Nothing.

“His name was Leopold Fitz and he was a thousand times the man you are. You don’t deserve to live.”

She grabs a letter opener off his desk and twirls it through her fingers.

He’s reeling from her last statement but he really can’t consider it since he can’t hold back any longer. He can handle avoiding being shot and hand to hand combat but sharp objects are a no. If this is Jemma, some form of Jemma, she knows exactly where to plunge that to make him bleed out in seconds.

It takes a few minutes, and he gets a gash on his arm, but he finally gets her into a hold against his chest and forces her to drop the opener. She gasps and claws at the arm he has around her neck.

“I’m not going to ask again. Who the fuck are you?” He puts on his most menacing voice. She wheezes and her hands fumble, then she’s gone.

Like literally gone.

Disappeared into thin air.

He must look like an idiot, gaping down at the space she was just in.

His phone starts buzzing again and he stumbles back to his desk. Jemma is calling him.

“Jem? Where are you?”

“ _Home. Why? Are you coming home tonight? I was going to bed and was going to lock up._ ”

“Uh,”

“ _Grant? Darling, are you all right?_ ”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was just uh, working out while Daisy finished. I’ll uh, I’ll be home soon baby.”

“ _Okay. Love you._ ”

“Love you too.” He ends the call and tosses the phone onto his desk. He looks around his office, clearly in a state of disarray, and physical proof of what just went down. “What the fuck just happened?”

He sighs and reaches for the desk phone, then hits the button for the lab.

“Can you come up here? Thanks.”

A few minutes later, Fitz walks into the office and immediately stops.

“What the hell happened in here?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.”

“What? You think I did this?”

“No.” He frowns and tilts his head, then walks around to the chairs closer to the holoscreen. He kneels down and picks up the Icer she left behind. “Is this a new model you’re working on?”

“I’ve never seen anything like that. Great form though.”

“Really light too.”

“Where did it come from?”

“You’ll see.” Grant moves back to his desk and picks up his tablet. He clicks through security feeds, selects his office, and slides the image onto the holoscreen. “I couldn’t have been gone more than fifteen minutes.”

He scrolls until he sees himself leave his office and lets the feed play at its normal speed. About three minutes in, a figure pops up out of nowhere.

“What the hell was that?” Fitz grabs the tablet and rewinds. He slows the speed down but the person appears out of nowhere. ”That’s not possible.”

She’s dressed differently, with a helmet and white/red suit that fade away when she taps some device on her wrist. She looks around, directly at the camera, and Fitz pauses the feed.

“That’s Jemma.”

“Yeah. What is that she’s wearing?”

“How the bloody hell do I know? That… I mean, it’s impressive tech but nothing we have. Nothing anyone has I don’t think.”

“Hydra?”

“Definitely not, not after the attacks Talbot led on them. I’m not convinced they aren’t hiding somewhere but if they are, they don’t have access to resources like this.”

They restart the feed and watch as she methodically ransacks the cabinet. It’s clear she’s frustrated at whatever she’s not finding and moves on to his desk.

“What is she looking for?”

“I have no idea.” Grant shakes his head. He’s about to enter the frame, by the way she looks up in the direction of the door.

Fitz watches with his mouth open as they fight.

“What did you do to piss her off?”

Grant ignores the question. Somehow, he doesn’t think ‘ _apparently murdered you_ ,’ will go over too well.

He watches carefully as he chokes her. What he thought was her flailing was actually her reaching and tapping the device, which looks like a thin wrist watch, or one of those Fitbit trackers.

“What the hell.” Fitz mutters when she disappears.

“That’s what I’d like to know.”

Fitz shakes his head and slows the feed down. It happens in a matter of nanoseconds. Whatever she touched on the device causes the white and red suit to reappear and she… shrinks?

“Oh that’s amazing.” He moves closer to the holoscreen and tilts his head as he replays those screen captures.

“Ever see anything like that?”

“Not personally but I’ve heard stories about Pym particles.”

“Hank Pym?”

“Yeah, the scientist who worked for SHIELD back in the 70s and 80s. He had designed these particles that could make you shrink down.”

“Ant-Man.”

“But she doesn’t just shrink.” Fitz zooms in on the small form and replays. She shrinks but then disappears. “She’s gone. Did she say anything to you?”

“Uh, just that I was a horrible person and didn’t deserve to live.”

“Bit dramatic for a lover’s quarrel.”

“Fitz, that is clearly not Jemma.”

“Not our Jemma at least.” He replays the feed again. “We should really get some audio in here.”

“No.”

“Was there any sound when she left?”

“No. One second she was there and the next she wasn’t.”

“Alright, let’s take stock here. She brings an Icer that is unlike anything we have, a suit that can appear and disappear at the touch of a button, can shrink and disappear with some advanced tech, can move like Bobbi, and has some vendetta against you.”

“And the physical differences.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to mention that part. I didn’t want you to think I was checking her out but yeah, she’s a little different. Few pounds less, different hair.”

Fitz taps the edges of the tablet and shrugs.

“What?”

“What if she used time travel?”

“No.” Grant shakes his head.

“Why not? She’s got advanced tech and is more… active than our Jemma is.”

“Because, she,” he groans and rubs a hand over his face. “She accused me of murdering someone and I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Who?”

“Someone we know and seeing as I haven’t killed them yet, I don’t think something could happen in the future to make me snap.”

“You know, she’s facing the camera when she talks to you. Either you spit it out or I’ll run an analysis for lip reading. You’ll save me some time.”

He shakes his head and twists his wedding ring around his finger.

“She said I killed her husband.”

“You killed yourself?”

“I killed… you.”

“Me.”

“Yes, so for your time travel theory to work, we both have to get divorced, you remarry,”

“And you murder me in a jealous rage.” Fitz looks mildly impressed, horrified, and confused all at once. “I mean, I am the superior specimen so it makes sense but I don’t see where I’d lose Daisy in all of this.”

“She didn’t even mention Daisy. She didn’t mention anyone else. She said I ruined everything. I don’t know what that means.”

“Maybe you go power hungry. You know, Interim Director is a major stepping stone. Or,” Fitz tilts his head, like he’s considering something, “maybe she’s from a parallel universe.”

“Is that even possible?”

“We just saw Jemma blink in and out of existence, accuse you of things you haven’t done, and utilize impressive technology that is years ahead of anything we have.”

Grant stares at his cell phone and thinks about how Jemma was calling him while standing in front of him. About how normal and casual she sounded when they did speak, as if they hadn’t been beating each other up even if she managed to teleport and change her appearance. _Two Jemmas_.

“Fuck.”

“Unless she’s really hellbent on killing you, I wouldn’t worry.”

“Parallel universes aren’t a worry? What was she looking for? Why did she have to come here? Are other people going to start popping in and out?”

“They could always have been. Maybe they kept to the shadows. I don’t think she intended to run into you.”

“Obviously.”

“As far as what she wanted… that’s anyone’s guess.”

* * *

He thinks he should be surprised when she appears three nights later. He gives her a once over as her suit disappears and is replaced with the black jumpsuit.

“Come to kick my ass again?”

“I came to apologize and ask for your help. I assume you know who I am.”

“Yes.”

“Right, well, the Grant Ward in my reality is not someone who would know me personally. We’ve had run-ins and I’m sure he has collected intel on me, just as I have on him, but we don’t know each other.”

“Your reality.”

“We’ve discovered recently that the universe is made up of, well, an infinite number of realities. Some are almost identical, just a slight difference, while others are extremely different.”

He considers this newfound information, and her explanation of his own double. He feels slightly sick.

“Is he Hydra?”

“Currently the head.”

“How?”

“There’s not much known about him. He was a protégé of a man named Gideon Malick. We suspected approximately a year ago, he murdered Malick and took his seat for himself.”

He stands up and turns to the sidebar behind his desk, then pours himself a scotch.

“Things are evidently different here.” She says quietly. “I know this is an old SSR base and there are no octopuses so I assume you’re SHIELD.”

“Yes.”

“Did the Overtaking occur yet?”

“We call it the Uprising. About three years ago. SHIELD was fractured but Phil Coulson worked hard to piece it back together.”

“Coulson’s alive?”

“Last time he checked in. He’s undercover at the moment. He put me in charge while he’s gone. What were you looking for?”

“The Darkhold.”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s a book. A horrible book that can shows things that we can’t even begin to comprehend. They say anyone who reads it will go mad.”

“Someone wants it.”

“A woman, well, she’s not actually a woman, she’s an android.” She tries to remain cool but there is a devastated gaze in her eyes that kills him. She may not be his Jemma but it’s hard to look at her and not feel something.

“You want one of these?” Scotch is hardly Jemma’s choice of drink but it’s not like he keeps wine coolers in his office. She shakes her head and takes a deep breath.

“Aida is not from my reality. She originated from a third reality, designed by Dr. Holden Radcliffe and Fitz. There was an incident that caused her to read the Darkhold. They assumed that since she was not human, it would not have an effect on her. They were wrong.”

“How do you know this?”

“Radcliffe built something called the Framework. It’s an artificial reality. Aida took control of it but she’s no longer satisfied with it. A woman, Daisy Johnson, hacked her way into the Framework. Aida tried to stop her but she managed to escape. There was a glitch in the Framework that caused her to exit into my reality. As you can imagine, Aida is not happy that someone managed to do this. She’s already destroyed one reality and she plans to do it to the others. She’s been hunting for each reality’s version of the Darkhold. We are hoping to stop that.”

“Why not deactivate her?”

“She’s beyond any programming that we know. No one has been able to get close to her.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“If we can destroy each reality’s Darkhold, she won’t be able to complete her goal. Since each reality is different, we assume that each Darkhold will contain different information. If they were the same, she wouldn’t need to modify her tactics for each reality. We've been utilizing Pym particles to enter the quantum realm and this to navigate where to enter and exit. We’ve been jumping, hoping we can stay ahead of her, and destroy it before she gets to it.”

“And you came here because?”

“In both Daisy and my realities, the Darkhold was held for a brief time here. I was told that I was being assigned to that time in our reality. I assumed I was there and that accounts for my horrid behavior on my last visit.”

“Did your little device malfunction?”

“More like I was misled.” She flashes a bitter smile. “My teammates felt that I would… look for Fitz if I was heading into a different reality.”

“I’m sorry.” And he means it, no matter how weird it is to see his wife grieve over another man.

“I am too. I never considered you would be different elsewhere in the universe. I just saw you and… lost it.”

“It’s understandable.” His hand tightens around his glass as he considers losing his own Jemma at someone else’s hand. He doesn’t want to think of the things he’d do to that person. “I would lose my mind if something happened to … my wife.”

She gives a small nod and stares down at her hands.

“How are you… holding up over there?” He asks the question slowly and she lets out a laugh. He can’t help it. He knows she’s not doing well, he can see it with his own eyes. She’s not his wife but he can’t fight the wave of concern that washes over him. ”Sorry. Weird question, I know.”

“I know you care about her but I’m not her.” She glances towards the window and he follows her line of sight to the framed picture of Ben and Drew on top of the cabinet. He knows she can see it- that perfect blend of themselves. There’s no doubting who either of their parents are. She closes her eyes briefly, like the idea pains her, then focuses on him. “We’re low on resources. We’ve been trying to recreate the particles but without Hank, it’s been practically impossible. Even if we had enough, we don’t have the people.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for it.”

“Maybe we can partner, you have a larger operation here. Your people can manage some jumps.”

“We don’t have these capabilities and it doesn’t sound like you can share.”

“This came from Tony Stark.” She holds up her hand to show off the device. “Is he Iron Man here?”

“Yes.”

“Then he should be able to help.”

“I don’t think Pym Tech is going to be willing to play ball with us.”

“Pym Tech.” She rolls the name over in her mouth and sighs. “Hank left SHIELD here.”

“Yeah, back in the 80s. He despises everything we stand for. I know his daughter’s taken over but my Jemma ran into her at a conference a while back and it didn’t go well.” He stares at the defeated expression and his chest twinges. “But I’ll figure something out. Fitz can-”

He immediately stops and feels guilty.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. At least he’s alive somewhere.” She flashes a small smile but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She looks conflicted and she opens her mouth but she stops short of speaking.

“What?” He prompts her softly and she sighs. There’s a line of tears at her eyes and he can’t imagine what it’s like to know he was so close.

“I just… I want to know but I also don’t. I guess just - is he okay?”

“He’s good.” He refrains from stating anything more, not sure what would help or make it worse.

“I should get back. This wasn’t an authorized jump.”

He laughs without meaning to and her smile perks up a bit. She stands up, then activates the device and she’s gone.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, staring at her now vacant spot.

“Okay, you’ve been up here for hours. You need to eat something.” 

He looks up at Jemma, _his_ Jemma, standing in the doorway with two plates in her hands. There’s a sandwich on each, one with potato chips and the other with an apple.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She raises an eyebrow at him as she sets his sandwich in front of him. He pulls on her hand gently to tug her towards him and kisses her. She hums and sets the second plate down, then cups his jaw in her free hand.

“Just feeling grateful for you.”

“You’re not always grateful?” Both eyebrows go up and he smirks.

“I am but I don’t think I’m always conscious of it.” He smooths a hand over her hair and pulls her in again. This time he leans his forehead against hers and sighs.

“Well, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’ll allow it.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But luckily for you, my Grant is horrible at staying in one piece so I have plenty of chances to work on my stitching.”
> 
> “Yeah well, my Jemma,” he throws up air quotes and she can tell he’s mocking her, “can barely thread a needle, so excuse my skepticism.”

_Containment 5. Now. Bring med supplies._

The text from Fitz lights up Jemma’s phone and she sighs as she reads the message. She can only imagine what sort of trouble they managed to get into.

She had been intrigued when her husband had revealed his interaction with her double from another reality. She had not been as intrigued when he filled her in on her double’s reality jumping requests.

Scientifically speaking, it’s astounding of course but when her family is being put in the middle of it, it’s terrifying. She’s used to dangers in their own reality. To send them somewhere completely unknown with an endless number of dangerous variables was not something she had ever planned on.

She held out hope that they wouldn’t even get this idea off the ground but that went to Hell when Fitz had stumbled upon some old plans designed by Howard Stark and modified a gateway to enter these other realities.

She hasn’t met any of her other selves yet and she’s not quite sure she wants to. Though maybe she does. It would be rather fascinating to see. 

Grant kept in semi-regular contact with the other Jemma in order to stay up to date on their targets. From what he’s seen and learned about other realities, things varied in their level of difference.

The other Jemma described the realities by letter in the order she encountered them. As she felt they were the main line, she called themselves Reality A.

In Reality A, Grant was some ruthless, demon worshipping head of Hydra who would likely strike an uneasy alliance with Aida if he had the chance. Jemma and Fitz had married right out of the Academy. They had no children and both their families were dead at the hands of Hydra. SHIELD had fallen at least a decade prior in their timeline and had never recovered. The remaining agents had joined forces with the Avengers and Jemma had turned from a mild mannered scientist to being trained by Natasha Romanoff herself in an attempt to survive the war torn Earth. At some point, Fitz crossed paths with Ward and was murdered. With Fitz dead, Radcliffe never perfected Aida and she remained her normal android self.

Daisy’s double, from Reality B, could not handle seeing Grant on his check-ins. Reality B was destroyed, all members of their team murdered by Aida in the Framework, and Daisy slipped out in a hole that landed her in Reality A. She refused to give any information about her world but it was evident that she and her Grant had been in a relationship. This Aida was the one they were attempting to stop. 

Their own world was considered Reality C. For the moment, they were at an advantage as none of them had ever even heard of Radcliffe and the Darkhold hadn’t been spotted in centuries. Daisy had been working tirelessly to track down anything she could find but at the moment there wasn’t much to go on.

Reality D found Grant dead at the hands, or hand rather, of Coulson. This had disturbed him more than he let on and he preferred to get his intel from A’s Jemma rather than associate with the team. Apparently, D’s versions weren’t as thrilled to work with him either. Jemma wasn’t sure exactly what the hell went on with those people but they seemed to have gone through a lot. Despite this, they had the most luck in defeating Aida and ridding their world of the Darkhold with the help of Ghost Rider.

Reality E hadn’t been much different from their own. Jemma had been relieved to learn that she and Grant were at least together, as the other universes seem inclined to keep them apart. Grant had opted to abandon Hydra in this reality and it had taken years for him to rebuild his position with the team. Here, Robbie Reyes had joined SHIELD as a favor to Daisy, which made easy work of locating and destroying the Darkhold.

Today’s assignment had been Reality F. It was supposed to be an easy one. A’s Jemma assured Grant that they had already done reconnaissance and the Darkhold was secure. They had not been able to find Ghost Rider but she had created a concoction to replicate his burning ability, thanks to a sample Robbie had given her.

Clearly, it had not gone so well.

She reaches the containment level and enters 5 through the pod, unsure of what to expect.

“What happened?” She bursts through the second set of doors when she sees Fitz, Grant, and Mack huddled around the bed.

“The gateway collapsed.” Mack explains. Fitz rubs a hand worryingly over his mouth. “Hey, it’s not your fault Turbo. It worked fine on the last jump.”

“It didn’t take us to the book.” Grant steps back and Jemma blinks at the figure laying on the bed.

It’s Grant. She knows it’s Grant. She’d know his face anywhere, even if the rest is different.

As she steps closer, she sees he’s older than her own, probably by a decade. His hair is longer than Grant has ever had his, sweeping over his forehead and curling over the tops of his ears, and streaked with gray from his temples. He’s clearly a civilian, which is startling because so far they hadn’t encountered a reality where they weren’t affiliated with SHIELD or Hydra in some way.

She decides this considering he is dressed in a pair of khakis and a light blue sweater, which is stained red with blood near his waist. The blood worries her.

“What happened?”

“When the coordinates were entered, the gateway opened like normal and it looked like a library on the other side, from what I could see. Before I could step through, there was this flash. Next thing I knew, he was laying at my feet and the whole thing was collapsed in. He took a piece of metal to the side. It wasn’t deep, missed the major parts, and we patched him up enough to get him here but he’s going to need stitches.”

“So he’s from…”

“Reality F. With no way of getting back. Who knows what we’ve done.” Fitz mutters. His hands are stuck in his hair and he looks tormented.

“We’ll get it working again.” Mack claps a hand onto his back. “Even if we’ve got to put a smaller version together for now just to pop him back over, it’ll be fine. Or maybe Simmons can hop him over.”

For a moment, Jemma wonders what he means, then assumes he must be talking about her double and her Pym particles.

She doesn’t have time to think about that because Grant’s double suddenly moans in pain and attempts to move.

“Perhaps you should wait outside.” She says, moving past Fitz to get to his side. He and Mack go without saying anything more but Grant lingers. ”Grant,”

“Are you okay with this?”

“I’ll manage.” She mutters and wonders if it’s better it’s Grant’s double and not her own. “You should head out. You might freak him out.”

“You won’t?”

“Well, if he knows me, hopefully I’m similar enough not to give him a heart attack.” She turns her attention to the other Grant when he makes another noise. She sits down, sets her hand gently on top of his and shushes him. “It’s okay. Can you hear me?”

“J, it’s too bright in here.” He mutters and she feels a sense of relief. He knows her, well enough to give her a nickname apparently.

“I’m sorry. I can fix that.” She reaches for the tablet on the night stand as he presses his hand over his eyes. She dims the lights through the settings, leaving it at more of a soft glow but still able to see. “How’s that?”

He lifts his hand slightly and she sees him squint.

“Where are my glasses?”

She glances at her husband, who gives a small shrug.

“I’m not sure. They might have fallen off when you got injured. Do you remember what happened?”

“Uh…” he drags the sound out and scrubs his hand over his face. “I was supposed to have a new patient consult. It looked like a flash bang went off. What happened? Are we in the hospital?”

He lifts his head to look around and spots them immediately. He stares for a few second, then lets out a laugh.

“Shit, I must’ve hit my head.” He drops back onto the pillow with the groan. “Or having an out of body experience or I’m dead.”

“None of the three. Well, you may have hit your head, I’m not sure, but you are definitely in your body and alive.”

“Sure.”

“There’s no easy way to explain this.”

“Jem,” her own Grant gives a warning noise and she looks to him.

“We can’t just lie to him. He’s going to need to know what’s going on. Did you plan to just leave him down here until we could get him home with no explanation?”

“Uh, I was considering it, yeah.”

“Oh please.” She scoffs and shakes her head. “What would you have thought if… Simmons hadn’t come back to explain herself?”

“That I was crazy or some crazy world thing was happening. I’m used to that sort of stuff but he doesn’t seem like he would be.”

“Can the voices in my head please try to be a little more quiet?” His double requests, a little loudly and irritatedly.

“Maybe he’ll just assume this is one big hallucination and forget all about it.” Hers retorts with a similarly exasperated tone.

“Grant,”

“What?” They both say and she cringes. She’s not even sure who she was speaking to herself. She sighs and rubs her forehead, then aims her gaze at her husband.

“Why don’t you go grab some food for him and a change of clothes? He seems to be close to your size.”

He gives his double an assessing look, then nods and leaves the room.

“Okay, now you.” She taps his hand again to get his attention and he tips his head slightly to be able to look at her. “Apparently you took some sort of metal shrapnel to the torso. I’m going to get you fixed up.”

“You’re going to fix me up.” He looks dubious at this suggestion and she nods.

“The guys looked over you and did as much as they could but believe you need stitches.”

“Right. Uh, so if you’re not a hallucination, why not take me to a hospital to do this?”

“That’s not really possible at the moment.” She sidesteps the question, not wanting to discuss why it wouldn’t be good for any Grant Ward to show his face in public at the moment. “But luckily for you, my Grant is horrible at staying in one piece so I have plenty of chances to work on my stitching.”

“Yeah well, my Jemma,” he throws up air quotes and she can tell he’s mocking her, “can barely thread a needle so excuse my skepticism.”

“That’s understandable. Things seem to be different here. Let’s try again. I’m Jemma, as you know, and right now we’re in SHIELD headquarters.”

“And what is SHIELD?”

“It’s the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement Logistics Division.”

“That doesn’t really help.”

“Uh, it’s a government agency to help protect everyone, but from stranger threats.”

“Are we talking X-Files, Men in Black stuff?”

“Sometimes. Do you know the Avengers?”

“Not personally but yeah, of course.” He lets her help him sit up against the headboard and he grimaces.

“SHIELD initiated the Avengers. The organization must be kept out of the public in your world.”

“The UN initiated the Avengers. They’re a peacekeeping force under their umbrella. Send them into rough areas when they prefer not to sacrifice soldiers.” He stares at her, clearly examining her. “You’re young. How old are you?”

“29.”

“Jesus.” He shakes his head a little. “I wonder if this makes me an asshole.”

“What?”

“That my brain is generating a hallucination of a younger version of my wife when the current version is perfect.” He says and she smiles at the fact that they’re married elsewhere in the universe. She also smiles at the fact that this Grant rambles adorably. “I love you. You are stunning and perfect and beautiful and aging like a fine wine. I definitely prefer you now over the irrational idiots we were in our twenties. Not that I like you better now. I’ve always liked you. We’ve just grown so much together and to look back, it’s rather hysterical. I’m not going through some midlife crisis where I want a younger model. Though, if I am, I guess it’s good it’s a younger model of you and not some bimbo.”

“That’s rather romantic but you don’t need to worry. I’m not a hallucination. You’ve found yourself in an alternate reality I’m afraid.”

“Oh-kay.”

“It’s a lot to process, I know. This is my first actual encounter since we found out. I prefer to stay out of it.” She helps him out of his sweater, then the white undershirt as well.

“So why are you here now then?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you bleed out. I also wasn’t told it was you who needed help initially.”

“Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” She opens the first aid kit and pulls on a pair of gloves. She takes a moment to gather the supplies and feels his eyes on her. He tilts his head and smirks.

“Are you blushing?”

“Of course not! You’re not the first person I’ve stitched together.”

“Am I the first doppelgänger you’ve stitched up?”

She ignores his question and waves a syringe at him.

“This is just a general anesthetic to numb that area.” She explains and peels away the bandage. He grimaces when she gives him the injection and she looks briefly concerned.

“Just wasn’t expecting it to actually feel like something.” He explains, waving her off. “Still not sure this is actually real.”

“I understand. So if you don’t know what SHIELD is, I assume you have a different job.”

“Yeah, I’m a psychologist.”

“Really?”

“That so surprising?”

“Uh… my Grant is more a man of action than words. Though he is a good listener. What do I do?”

“Chem professor at Georgetown. I guess you’re spies or something?”

“Kind of. I lead the science division here and Grant is- was a specialist. Right now, he’s acting director of the agency while our actual director is undercover.”

“What’s a specialist?”

“I guess, think of him like James Bond to be as simple as possible.” She works quickly to complete his stitches and she can’t help glancing over the rest of him as well. It’s only natural to be curious.

And it’s purely for scientific reasons, of course, to compare her Grant against this version.

She doesn’t expect him to be in peak form, like Grant is, but she’s pleasantly surprised that he’s relatively in shape. Sure, she won’t be able to map out the muscular system on him but he has a good form going for him.

“Like what you see?”

“Oh, I just was- making sure - you know, the rest of you is okay.” She stumbles over her words and can feel her cheeks flaming. He laughs at her and shakes his head.

“You can’t lie here either, huh?”

“It seems to be a universal trait of all Jemmas apparently.” She smooths the bandage over his injury and tilts her head as she notices there is a line of writing disappearing around his left side along his third rib. “You have a tattoo.”

“No, a soul mark.” He turns more and she sees the writing is her own name in delicate handwriting.

“A what?”

“You know, it’s how you identify your soulmate.”

The statement leaves her breathless and she can’t help but reach out and trail her fingers over the letters.

“I take it you don’t have those here.”

“No.” She shakes her head and she feels oddly emotional that somewhere out there, there’s a version of her with Grant’s name marked deep into her skin.

It also helps her feel like they aren’t a fluke, as every other reality seemed to want her with Fitz or Grant with Daisy. Although she expected the other realities to be different, deep down it upset her, especially when she considered that meant the boys didn’t exist and if they did somehow, they weren’t theirs.

“You seem surprised that we’re together. I would’ve thought this meant for everywhere.”

“Apparently not. You aren’t the first reality we’ve heard about or visited.”

“How many are there?”

“I have no idea but yours will be the sixth, including ours, and the third we’ve been a couple in.”

“I like our odds.” He shrugs.

“How long have you been together?”

“Married fifteen years but we’ve been together twenty. Met when we were both going for our PhDs.”

“How did you know it was her? I mean, does it start glowing or something?” She gestures to his side and he lets out a laugh.

“No, nothing like that.” He sweeps a hand through his hair. “You just… know. Some people say they feel different things. It was like coming home but Jemma is… Jemma so she couldn’t just accept it. She’s not big on destiny and fairy tales, you know, prefers science as I’m sure you do.”

She gives a shrug. He’s not wrong but she may be a bit more of a romantic than her counterpart apparently.

“So, after she got tired of me staring at her for days across the coffee shop, she stormed over and demanded to know what my problem was.” He smiles faintly and she feels her heart flip at the clear adoration he has for his wife. It’s rather sweet. “But immediately wouldn’t let me answer because she didn’t want any answers as she was going to find them out for herself. Do you know we dated for _weeks_ before she revealed any identifying information about herself? Her own little experiment against fate.”

“She wanted to choose you.”

“Yeah.”

“And what if you weren’t soulmates? What happens when you fall in love with someone who isn’t?”

“Well, I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than I love her. We just fit perfectly and we connected instantly. I had dated before I met her, just for the experience, but it had never been like that with anyone else. She was insistent that if I was not him, that would be perfectly fine with her and she’d leave the poor bastard to his own devices. I think she was very relieved when we finally showed each other our marks … and maybe just a little bit pissed.”

Jemma lets out a laugh because she knows what it’s like to have her hypotheses fail. Though she doesn’t think she’d ever be pissed to fall in love with Grant Ward.

He smiles softly at her and it feels familiar and different all at once. She knows he’s not her husband but he is- some of Grant’s greatest qualities amplified and softened.

“So… 29. How long have you been together?”

“Just about ten years, married for seven.”

“Well that’s different.”

“It can be dangerous over here. I don’t like to waste time.”

“Kids?”

“Two boys. Ben is three and Drew will be two soon.”

“Huh.” His eyebrows furrow slightly and she feels her stomach turn. 

“Are they… do you…”

“Oh yeah. Yeah, we’ve got a Ben and a Drew. It’s been a while since they were toddlers though. Then we’ve got an Alex and an Ollie and an Evie.”

“I’m sorry?” She blinks, startled by this. He holds up a whole hand and wiggles each finger. “Five.”

She must be green or white because he smirks and shrugs.

“If it helps, Alex and Oliver were a package deal.”

“You have five children.”

“Yep.” He looks extremely proud of himself and she recognizes the adoring gaze as his thoughts move to his children.

“Four boys, two of whom are twins.”

“Identical twins. They’re terrible but Evie makes up for all of them.” He smiles and she knows he’s joking but something softens in his gaze as he mentions his only daughter. She has no doubt this little girl is very protected and extremely spoiled.

“Dear lord.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh don’t be. I just… can’t possibly imagine.” She presses a hand briefly against her stomach. “How old are they?”

“Ben is thirteen, Drew is ten, the twins are seven, and Evie just turned two.”

It’s odd to think Ben is somewhere out in the universe, a teenager, when he was cuddled up in her bed with her just hours ago, cradling his beloved sock monkey like a lifeline. It’s odd to think Drew has reached double digits when he hasn’t mastered the art of speaking yet. And as for the others... well, perhaps they will hold off a little longer on trying for that third baby they discussed. 

“Oh my God.” They are interrupted by the door sliding open and Daisy’s unabashed laughter. “Oh, I will never forget this for all the years I live. _He’s so dorky!_ ”

“And you are exactly the same.” Grant says with a fond smile in her direction.

“What are you doing down here?” Jemma twists to be able to look at her. She’s surprised to find her holding a tray of food.

“The Director is sulking and asked me to bring you this.” She gestures with the tray and shrugs the shoulder that has a bag hanging over it. “I think he’s jealous, watching you giggle in here with his superior self. I mean, he smiles and talks. Quite the upgrade.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jemma still glances up to the corner and glares, knowing full well Grant is off somewhere watching the feed.

“Just saying.” Daisy holds up her hands when she sets the tray down on the table.

“Have you talked to Fitz?”

“He’s already sketching new gateway designs in the lab. Hey, maybe we can toss Ward over instead and keep this one for ourselves. Think they’ll notice the difference?”

“Mind keeping him company for a moment?” Jemma rolls her eyes and ignores the last jab.

“Sure.”

“And don’t pester him Daisy.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” But she’s already flopping onto the bed next to him with a huge grin. “So tell me everything.”

She’s not surprised to find her husband sitting on the stairs with a tablet in his hands.

“So, it’s okay for you to interact with the other Jemmas huh?” She wedges into the small space next to him and elbows him in the ribs. “But other Grants are off limits?”

“If he was off limits, I wouldn’t have let you know he was here.”

On the screen, Daisy stiffens and slowly sits up, backing off the bed almost defensively. Alarmed, Jemma taps to turn the volume up.

_“Sorry… what did I say?”_

_“Nothing. Just… my parents aren’t in the picture here and you’re telling me this other Daisy grew up with her dad, a stable version, and runs his medical practice with him. It’s… not at all what I was expecting.”_

She feels her heart ache but turns the volume down again, now that she knows her friend is in no real danger.

“So why did you send Daisy in there and decide to spy on me instead? Didn’t trust me?”

“Of course I trust you. I just… I know what it’s like to face another version of us. It’s… different and it’s really fucking weird when it’s yourself. Not really ready to look him in the eye. And you just seemed to be acting like it’s me in there.”

“I know he’s not you.”

“No, he’s not.” He lets out a slight laugh and shakes his head. “He definitely isn’t. That didn’t stop you from eyeballing him.”

“As if you haven’t eyeballed my other selves! At least we’re all here together. You’re off in other realities and I have no idea what you’re doing.”

“You think I’m off screwing other Jemmas?”

“Oh don’t tell me you haven’t looked at Black Widow Jemma and wondered what it would be like.”

“The cold bitch who hates me because the other me killed her husband? Yeah, I’m just falling over myself trying to get her.”

“Why are we doing this?” She asks after a brief pause. He doesn’t answer and she wraps her arms through his and rests her chin on his shoulder. “If it’s because he has a PhD,”

“It’s not that.” He mutters, then shrugs. “Maybe a little. He’s better.”

“He’s not better.”

“He’s stable, smart, doesn’t have a ton of baggage.”

“And he’s a devoted husband and father to a small army of children.” He frowns at that and she taps the edge of the tablet. “How long have you had the sound off?”

“Right around the time he said ‘ _like what you see_?’”

“Oh, so you’ve been sitting here watching and making your own assumptions. If you actually listened, you’d have heard him telling me about his Jemma and their family. If I was ogling him, it was for science. If I was smiling, it’s because it was nice to hear how much he loves her.

“Yes, he looks like you and yes, he has some of your endearing qualities but he’s not you. I see glimpses of you in him and I think it’s only natural to feel some sort of tug towards that but he’s not you. It’s like a brother or a cousin. You share similarities but you’re both your own person. Their reality has soulmates and the way he talks about her is so sweet. They’ve been together twenty years and he looks like this silly college boy when he says her name. It’s heartwarming and… frankly, it gives me hope.”

“Hope?”

“Ever since this whole reality jumping shenanigan started, I’ve dreaded learning about a new one. I expected there to be differences but some of them are just depressing. But this one, they’re together and they’re happy with an overwhelming brood of children and they’re normal. And it’s nice and he’s very nice. Too nice but it suits him. But I don’t want that. He’s rather… bland.” Her forehead scrunches as she tries to think of a way to describe him.

“He’s bland?”

“He sort of reminds me of Fitz, which is fine, but if I wanted that, I would have dated and married Fitz. You’re much more… exotic and adventurous. Definitely an alpha male and while I love that you respect me and trust me to care of myself, I also enjoy how you swoop in and take charge. He doesn’t strike me as that type.”

“So… are you saying that when you are telling me to stop acting like a jealous Neanderthal, you’re secretly enjoying it?” He smirks teasingly and she rolls her eyes.

“You have your moments. My point is, as much as I wish for the civilian life sometimes, I truly think I’d be very bored. I’m just glad that he is my first experience with the jumping because I don’t think I could handle one of your… other iterations so far. It’s eased a lot of the… thoughts I’ve had.”

“Well, maybe that’s what I- yeah, most of them have been shitheads but at some point one of them will be better.”

“Not possible.” She squeezes his arm tighter and kisses his bicep. “I’ve got the best one right here.”

“Jem,” he rolls his eyes but he looks fondly down at her as she smiles.

“I understand. When I heard about Black Widow Jemma, I got nervous. She sounded much more up your alley.”

“Every Jemma I’ve come in contact with doesn’t even come close to you.” He replies as he kisses the top of her head. Her smile widens and she tips her chin up enough to brush her lips along his own.

“Let’s look at these as glimpses into what may be. They may be fun or terrifying but it’s brief and we move on once we’re done. At the end of the day, this is the life we have- you and me and the boys. If the others don’t have that, well it’s them I feel sorry for then.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Should it concern me that no one seems particularly worried by the screams of agony coming out of my lab?”
> 
> “Please stop talking and don’t touch me.”

“Best sex?”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m not answering that. It’s personal.”

Hunter lets out a laugh as Grant glares at him and Fitz squirms uncomfortably.

“Obviously it’s Daisy, since you’re so concerned about privacy.” Hunter says. The tips of Fitz’s ears turn bright red. “Alright how about your worst sex?”

“You’re like a teenage girl.” Grant comments. Ben suddenly begins to cry and he leans down to pick him up off the mat he was napping on. “It’s okay buddy. Come here,”

He kisses his forehead as he settles back into the couch and rests his son on his chest. Ben continues to wail briefly, causing Hunter to give him the stink eye, but he settles as Grant continues to rub his back and whisper at him. He lifts his head to look around and flashes his father a gummy smile when they make eye contact.

“Hey kiddo.” The smile sends a flood of warmth through Grant and he kisses the baby’s forehead again.

“Alright, what about the worst pain you’ve had?” Hunter asks.

“Had to be getting shot.” Fitz says immediately. “Yeah, getting shot.”

“I think I’m immune to that at this point.” Grant mutters.

“Getting shot or pain in general?”

“Do you know I overheard your fine women talking about babies and Simmons was insistent that giving birth was the worst pain ever?” Hunter asks. He scoffs and shakes his head. Fitz, who is seated across the common room, turns deadly pale. Grant turns slightly and hides his smirk as he sees his wife standing behind Hunter, arms crossed as she listens with interest.

“Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with her on that one. You weren’t in there when Benny was born. It was… it was rough, especially adding on the fact that we were locked in the vault.”

“Alright, sure but for us, it wouldn’t be a problem. I mean, Simmons is a lovely person but she’s a little slip of a thing. No offense.”

“Ah, I’m going to say no.”

“No?”

“It would definitely be a problem.”

“After all the injuries and pain you’ve experienced you don’t think you could survive giving birth?” Hunter leans forward off the couch with interest.

“I’d survive but it would be excruciating and I’d be a wreck. You underestimate Jemma. She’s powerful when she wants to be and that day was no exception. I wanted to cry.”

Hunter cackles with glee and shakes his head.

“I’m serious. I don’t know how she did it.”

“Just as every doting husband would say. I guarantee that it would not be an issue for me.”

“Would you like to test that theory?” Jemma asks. Hunter jumps and spins to look at her. She smiles brightly at him. “Well?”

“What are you saying?”

“We can simulate what it would feel like. Put you through a few rounds at different intensities. See how you fare.”

His gaze turns suspicious and he glances back at his friends. Fitz looks mildly concerned and Grant seems oddly smug.

“I would love to.”

“Perfect!” She claps her hands and rounds the side of the couch to pick up Ben. “Hello my love. May was asking for you. Would you like to go see May? Meet me in the lab in fifteen minutes.”

“Good luck.” Fitz mutters as Jemma begins to walk away.

“I don’t need luck. So boys, how about a little wager? Who can last the longest?”

* * *

“This is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had.” Fitz mutters and glares at Hunter.

“What’s the matter?” The other man mocks. “Afraid of a little pain?”

“You just can’t keep your bloody mouth shut!”

“I still don’t know how I got pulled into this.” Grant mutters.

“For science darling.” Jemma smiles brightly and gives his stomach a gentle pat once she’s finished sticking the electrodes on him. “And for having ridiculous friends.”

“I never punished you for being friends with Fitz and Skye. And I don’t think I consider Hunter my friend.”

“I am though?” Fitz leans around to be able to make eye contact with him. Grant considers the question, then gives a shrug as he nods. “Aw. You’re my friend too Ward.”

“I also just want to remind you how great I was when Ben was born.”

“You were. You were fantastic. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you.” Jemma agrees and kisses his forehead. “I’ll be keeping that in mind as we progress here.”

“And I wasn’t saying anything!” Fitz exclaims, his voice slightly higher than normal as Jemma begins sticking electrodes on him.

“You said being shot was the worst pain you could feel.” She responds.

“It _was_ the worst pain _I_ felt. It was Hunter insisting he’d survive giving birth. I know I couldn’t. And Ward was very valiantly defending your strength and the wonder of childbirth.”

“Grant is here because he’s in the best shape of all of you.”

“I would like to argue that.” Hunter sticks a finger in the air but Jemma ignores him.

“And he has an abnormally high tolerance for pain. So it will be interesting to see how you all fare. Plus, he would like the chance to prove Hunter wrong so he can stop pretending like he’s here against his will.”

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll still love you.” Daisy grins and pecks Fitz on the mouth. “I think you’re underestimating yourself.”

“He’ll be vomiting in ten minutes.” Hunter says. “Can you two stop coddling your significant others and turn the bloody machines on?”

“Are you sad because you don’t have a support system here?” Daisy smirks at him and he rolls his eyes.

“I don’t need a support system. It’s pain. I’ve dealt with many forms of pain. Never needed to be cradled like a whinging baby.”

“Oh-kay. You heard him Simmons. No holding his hand when he cracks.”

The girls exchange a wide smile. Fitz makes a wounded noise as Grant merely frowns. He knows they are going to take way too much pleasure out of this.

“Why are you being so vindictive? You’ve never given birth.” He glances at Daisy, who waves her hands wildly. 

“I’m not being vindictive. No, I personally have not gone through it but I know it is the worst pain you can feel. I wouldn’t even say that going through Terrigenesis is worse. I have to support the sisterhood.”

“Alright, so the electrodes connect to this remote.” Jemma waves the remote she’s holding. “And we can turn the level up and down from here. The higher the level, the bigger shock will be applied directly to your abdomen. That shock is supposed to contract your muscles to mimic what we would feel in a contraction.”

“Yes, we understand. Get going.” Hunter gestures at his stomach. “And remember that I can see you so don’t try starting it off on the highest level to be mean. We need to keep this accurate.”

“If we wanted to keep this accurate, a simulation is not the way. I’m sure it will feel similar but definitely not the same. Plus, you don’t have to deliver a baby -who can be anywhere on average from six to nine pounds or far bigger, through your vagina, which has been expanded and feels as though it’s been set on fire- after enduring hours of intense pain that zaps all your energy.” Jemma glances up thoughtfully. Fitz looks rather green and Grant’s frown deepens as he seems to recall Ben’s birth. She gives Daisy a nod and they both turn the remotes on. “So this is level one.”

Fitz lets out a hiss but other than that, none of them give a reaction.

“Really? Level one?” Hunter gives him a look and he sticks his hands up.

“Give me a break! I wasn’t expecting it! It’s not like it hurt!”

“There’s no warning with real ones either. I mean, you feel the pain building and then it is there before it finally eases. Do you have any of that or is it just immediate pain?” Jemma comments as she notates something on a clipboard. Grant frowns at her.

“Are you actually recording this?”

“Of course! The purpose is silly but it can tell us a lot about your pain tolerance that we can use in future scenarios.” She looks at Daisy and clicks her tongue. “You know what would be really fascinating? If one day, we had a way for them to carry a baby to term and actually go through labor and delivery. That would really only be the way to settle this ridiculous argument. They’re not getting the full experience.”

“I don’t think so.” Fitz shakes his head.

“It could be the future of pregnancy! Say he doesn’t have a female partner or she is unable to have children, he could. Implant a uterus or maybe design a viable substitute, some artificial insemination, and voila! The possibilities are endless. I really might be on to something!” She smiles at Grant, who shakes his head.

“No.”

“No what?”

“You’ve got that mad scientist look in your eyes and I always end up being the guinea pig when that happens.”

“I’m sure some planets have already cracked it or the males already are biologically programmed to give birth.” Daisy shrugs. “Two now?”

“Yes.” Jemma taps the remote and watches them all carefully.

“Nothing.” Hunter says while Fitz bites down on his lip. Grant remains as stony as ever.

“Remember to breathe.”

“You sure you’re doing this right?” Hunter demands of Daisy. “Don’t go soft on me Johnson.”

“Trust me, we’re just getting started.”

“And remember, you can tap out at any time. We won’t think any less of any of you.” Jemma adds.

“Oh be quiet.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of! You’re simply not built for this. It doesn’t mean you aren’t some strong brute. Strength comes in many different forms. At least you’ll get the chance to stop. We don’t have a choice. We have to see it through to the very end.”

“Well, go on and do the next.” Hunter jerks his chin and Jemma shakes her head.

“No, this has to be accurate. We need to wait the time in between contractions before we give you another one. Lull you into a false sense of serenity.”

Daisy lets out a cackle and she shakes her head. Fitz looks slightly horrified.

“And really, we don’t have all day to sit here so this will be like a crash course in labor. You’re not getting the drawn out, stuck at different levels making no progress part. We’re moving through the intensity quicker than you’d experience. Here comes the next one.”

“Okay, that’s slightly uncomfortable.” Hunter makes a face and squirms a little.

“Slightly?” Fitz cranes his neck as he breathes to look over Daisy’s arm. “Are you sure you’ve got it on the same setting?”

“How about you?” Jemma pats Grant’s thigh but he only stares at her. She can see his jaw clenched though. ”I wonder if body type helps or hinders.”

“Yeah, I was wondering that too since Ward is pretty much ripped and doesn’t have an ounce of body fat on him. It’s going right on muscle I bet. Yet, he hasn’t even moved.” Daisy shrugs.

“I’ve been through worse.”

“Are you saying I’m fat?” Fitz looks wounded.

“Of course not babe! You’re just not shredded. You’ve got some protection there.” She pats his stomach lightly and he jerks as she taps the remote again.

“Daisy!”

“Meanwhile, Hunter is in between you both.”

“I take offense to that.” He says. “Ah… what level is that?”

“Four.”

“See, the thing is you’re all used to being injured.” Jemma says, waving a hand idly.

“I’m not!” Fitz exclaims.

“But it’s the sustained level of constant pain that’s different.”

“Like you’re being stabbed with knives repeatedly.” Grant mutters. “I would’ve disarmed them by now.”

“They wouldn’t have even gotten close to me.” Hunter retorts.

“Is this some kind of pissing contest?” Daisy asks. “See who can outlast the other?”

Grant and Hunter exchange a glare.

“I wanted no part of - oh Jesus!” Fitz arches off the bed and pants. “I thought you said you were going to give time in between!”

“Yes but as you dilate and move closer towards the delivery, your contractions are closer together.” Jemma explains calmly. “They also last longer as well.”

“Hunter, I think you’re starting to sweat.” Daisy smirks. She sets both remotes on her lap to free up a hand for Fitz.

“It’s a little hot in here.”

“Nonsense. The lab is always kept at 65 degrees.” Jemma comments as she marks her clipboard again. She glances at Hunter and smirks but her gaze turns sympathetic as she focuses on Grant. “How are you darling?”

“Fine.” He grits out between his teeth. He inhales a deep breath and his hand fists. She hums softly and squeezes his forearm comfortingly.

“I’m not surprised you’re doing so well. You're certainly utilizing all those tricks we learned at the birthing class.”

“Jesus, Ward,” Hunter huffs out a laugh and shakes his head against the bed. “You really are a softy.”

“Pain is pain. Breathing exercises aren’t exclusive to labor.” He shoots back. “You’re looking a little rough there Hunter. Maybe you should try some.”

“Nah, I’m fine mate. Feels like… argh, like a beautiful dame is giving me a - oh Jesus Christ Daisy!” He curls forward and breathes heavily as he grips the side of the gurney.

“Sorry, my finger slipped.” She smiles cheerfully as she rubs Fitz’s arm.

“I think you two are going easy on them.”

“Nope, all three remotes are at a six. Are you in intense pain yet?”

“How many levels are there?”

“Ten. Would you like to try another level?”

“Can you give me a moment to catch my breath?”

“Sure.” Jemma glances at the clock. After a few moments, she meets Daisy’s eye and they adjust the remotes again.

“Ah! What the fuck! I said - oh.” Hunter moans and doubles over.

“The contractions aren’t going to wait for you to be ready.”

“Breathe through the pain.” Daisy can’t keep the laugh out of her voice as she rubs Fitz’s back.

“I don’t think we should do this.” He whispers as he tightens a hand around her own. “This is torture. I don’t ever want to see you like this.”

“Oh, Fitz, that’s so sweet.” She kisses his cheek. “Do you want to stop?”

His breathing evens out as the pain subsides and he glances at his friends.

“No.”

“You don’t have anything to prove.”

“What the hell is going on in here? I can hear Hunter all the way down the hall.” Coulson strolls in and stops as he surveys the scene. “What are you ladies up to?”

“Just proving a scientific fact.” Jemma shrugs. “Would you like to join us? I think Hunter could use a coach.”

“I don’t need a coach.”

“Are you sure? He comes highly recommended.”

“From who?”

“Me.” She turns a little to look at Daisy again. “We missed an opportunity. We should have put them down in Vault D with Coulson. That would have provided better accuracy.”

“Hold on! That was Bobbi! I had nothing to do with it! Remember she iced me too!”

“I’m really confused here.”

“We can leave it at this level for a few more but go ahead.” Jemma instructs Daisy. ”See, sir, the boys thought that they endured far worse pain than labor and thought they would like the opportunity to prove they could handle it.”

“Hi-him.” Fitz spits out as he gestures to Hunter.

“Yes, Hunter was the ringleader in this scenario. Since we had a few TENS units around, which can simulate muscle contractions, I was more than happy to administer and supervise.” She clicks the remote and Grant curls inward on himself with a hiss. ”Oh, no, darling, don’t tense up. Keep breathing. You’re doing so well.”

“Purely for science huh?” Coulson smirks but pulls a stool up between Grant and Hunter, then he sits. ”No enjoyment on either of your parts?”

“They’re sadistic witches.” Hunter groans. “Should send them to lead Interrogation. Would be an effective torture device.”

“Does that mean you’ve had enough?” Daisy asks.

“No! I’m referring to other people. I’m fine.”

“Mhmm.”

“We’ll do another at this level and then we’ll put it up again.”

“What? Why?”

“You want it to get worse?” Fitz looks incredulously at Hunter’s inquiry.

“That’s the whole point of this. They’re just dragging it out.”

“Of course not! You said you wanted accuracy. They’re not always worse than the previous. Some feel relatively the same.”

“You know what really hurts?” Daisy asks. She passes Hunter’s remote to Coulson and moves onto the bed next to Fitz. “Waxing.”

“Ugh, it’s awful.” Jemma groans in agreement. “But at least you rip it all out at once. Tweezing is just prolonged agony. It’s really ridiculous, trying to adhere to some man made beauty regiment. At least labor leads to human life. Shall we try waxing as your next experiment?”

“Can we see if we survive this first?” Fitz mumbles. He moans quietly as Daisy taps the remote. He breathes deeply as she rubs his back. She does a couple runs up the length of his back before her hand settles down between his hips.

“See, not so bad. You’re doing great.” She smiles at him and kisses the side of his head. He frowns but gives a small nod.

“I’ve seen videos of others doing this and they seem to have done much worse than we are. Testament to our training, even you Fitzy.” Hunter comments. Coulson is examining the remote with interest, then presses the button. Hunter yells out and smashes his hand down onto the thin mattress.

“Here, you can hold onto this.” Coulson offers up his left hand. “This is just a basic prosthetic. Can’t feel anything, no pressure points. Do your worst.”

“Are you ready for the next one?” Jemma asks. She strokes her hand up and down Grant’s arm soothingly as he frowns at her.

“Why does he get a bloody warning!” Hunter snaps.

Grant sighs. He grimaces but sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed as he nods.

“Okay.” She rubs his shoulder and does as she’s told. His hands clench around the edge of the bed. She can feel him tensing under her hand and squeezes a little harder. “It’s okay to vocalize your discomfort you know. It doesn’t make you better than them for suffering in silence.”

She nods over his shoulder, where the other two are practically howling in unison. She spots Mack out the corner of her eye and glances over to see him watching through glass window, partially disturbed but partially amused. He shakes his head and continues walking. Other agents pass by without even looking up.

“Should it concern me that no one seems particularly worried by the screams of agony coming out of my lab?”

“Please stop talking and don’t touch me.”

She bites back a chuckle but drops her hand from his shoulder. He moans so softly she doesn’t think anyone else has heard him. Once the pain subsides, he collapses back into his original position.

“Fuck.”

“We’ll give you a moment to gather yourselves.” Jemma says. She leans on the side of Grant’s gurney and props her head on her fist. “Next will be level eight and I guess we can consider these levels to be how many centimeters you’d be dilated. So, this is the fun part. Transitional labor. Very intense, lasts between a minute to a minute and a half, with about two to three minutes in between. Personally, I felt like I was going to vomit or pass out during this period. But things do progress quickly so we’ll just do one of each level so we don’t torture you needlessly. You’re all looking … rather worn out.”

“I’m not worn out.” Hunter protests.

“Really? You’re panting like a dog.”

Daisy laughs as Jemma smirks at him.

“As I said before, you’ve all gone through horrible levels of pain before from various injuries but this is a sustained level of pain for a period of time. Have you ever encountered something like this before?”

“Clearly you’ve never been held hostage and tortured for information.” Hunter retorts. “I never cracked. Not once.”

“I have. Didn’t crack but someone sticking needles under your nails is different than feeling like someone is squeezing your muscles in a vice.”

“That’s disgusting.” Fitz whispers. Grant merely shrugs. He touches his stomach gingerly and makes a face.

“They don’t usually ask you which method you prefer.”

“Okay, here we go.”

“Already?” Fitz is already tensing up at Jemma’s nod. He jerks with a loud moan and leans into Daisy.

“How the fuck did you ever let him touch you again?” Hunter exclaims. His face scrunches as he groans.

“Does that mean you think Jemma handled this better than you?” Daisy asks. He shakes his head and clenches his hand around Coulson’s.

“You’re okay.” He pats his shoulder comfortingly. “Come on, breathe through it.”

“Shit! Jem!” Grant’s hand wraps suddenly around her wrist and she coos softly at him. “How the hell- ah!”

“I know.” She sits alongside him and eases his hand down to hers to squeeze. His other hand fists in his hair as he blinks rapidly. ”I know it’s awful but you’re almost through it. Try not to think about it. Remember they said to pick a focal point and concentrate on that?”

He glares at her as he blows out a long breath.

“And that can be me. That’s quite all right. You’ve got this. Almost through. Just a few more seconds. Look, it’s over. Well done.” She kisses his knuckles and looks to the others. She’s rather surprised that Fitz seems to be in better shape than the other two.

“Did you turn his down?” Hunter demands. Evidently, he has picked up on this as well.

“No, look level eight.” Daisy holds the remote out and he makes a face. “You know, they say having a loving and supporting partner can make a huge difference.”

“Ha ha.”

“Poor Hunter. Bobbi left you all alone in your delicate condition.”

“You’re a riot Johnson.”

“Do you want me to hold you?” Coulson offers jokingly.

“Comedians, the whole lot of you. Do the next.”

“Try not to focus on the pain. Visualize the end result. You can also move around.” Jemma advises.

“You expect us to move?” Fitz asks. 

“Different positions can help.”

“And what end result? There’s no bloody baby coming out of me.” Hunter adds.

“I don’t know. Would you like to take Benny for the evening?”

“No way!”

“Absolutely not!” Grant also voices his opposition to this idea. She smiles and pats his hand to calm him.

“Well, this was your idea. What goal did you hope to achieve?” She asks as she sneakily clicks the remote.

“Got to… oh,” He cuts himself off with a groan as he squeezes her hand. She murmurs softly at him and moves closer to stroke her free hand over his hair. ”Got to… fuck! Inventory.”

“You bet your inventory shifts? How are you determining a winner?”

“They were supposed to drop out by now.” Hunter grunts.

“And if you all made it to the final level?”

“Didn’t think that would happen.”

“Well, I’m sure you boys can come to some kind of agreement. Would anyone like to bow out before this final one?”

“Came this far, didn’t we?” Fitz shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

“Very well. I would like to remind you that this is the most intense setting and will be as if you are fully dilated and ready to deliver. So, while this has been painful, remember you’ve only had four electrodes placed on your abdominal muscles. This doesn’t even cover the back labor or the intense pressure you feel as the human being inside you continues to make his or her way through your cervix and out a rather small hole, which can potentially tear. Keep in mind this is all occurring as you are now attempting to push said human being out of your body and culminates in quite possibly the worst burning sensation as the head crowns. Oh and don’t forget you’ll need to deliver the placenta as well.”

The three of them stare at her and smiles as the horrified gazes on each face.

“Why are you taking so much pleasure out of this?” Hunter asks.

“I’m not. I enjoy sharing scientific facts with the world. Labor is a beautiful miracle and a testament to what the female body can endure. And it’s important that is recognized.”

“So, you’re just a bit annoyed I implied it was easier than it’s made out to be or that you were a wimp?”

“No, just want to make sure you understand the full process. Whenever you two are ready, you can turn it on.”

Coulson wastes no time and Hunter nearly falls off the bed as he shouts a string of cuss words.

“You sure about this?” Daisy looks to Fitz for confirmation. He gives a short nod. His face furrows as he watches her tap the remote. He chokes as the machine starts and she quickly drops the remote on the bed, then settles her hands on his sternum and his back. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Just breathe babe. Good, like that.”

Jemma looks expectantly at Grant, who just sighs and sits upright.

“Just do it.” He mutters. She holds back a smile as she taps the remote.

“Fuck!” He arches off the bed and pants. He allows her to draw him in and he drops his forehead against her collarbone as he breathes heavily. “Jem,”

His hands tighten over her hips as she rubs his back and cards her other hand through his hair.

“I know. I know. Keep breathing, just like that.” She glances at Daisy, who rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“Stupid.” He hisses.

“Yes, this was a stupid idea. Almost done though.” She rubs his back more firmly and feels him begin to relax. “That’s it. You’re finished.”

He remains where he is as he tries to catch his breath. She smiles against the top of his head as she kisses his hair.

“Well, I’m going to go have a beer. Or seven.” Hunter announces and she can hear the rip of the electrodes before he rushes off.

Grant sighs and he moves one hand from Jemma’s hips to her stomach.

“You sure you want to do this again?” He mutters. His fingers move in gentle strokes as he feels a kick against his palm. She laughs against the top of his head and sets her hand next to his.

“A little late to change my mind now.”

He snorts and lifts his head with a groan.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I did a thousand sit ups. You know that I have the utmost respect for you, right?”

“I knew that before all this.” She kisses his forehead, then his mouth.

“Fitz, I’m impressed.” He turns to look at their friend, who freezes with a wide eyed gaze. “Really held out there even to the end.”

“Oh. Well, yeah, I mean, it worked what they say. Try not to scream, make low noises, imagine waves washing over you, breathing deeply. It helps having a supportive partner.” He kisses the side of Daisy’s head and she smiles softly at him. “And Simmons helped put things into perspective, you know, that we really weren’t even getting the full brunt of it.”

“Yeah. Totally agree. I think we can agree Hunter lost.”

“He was very intense.”

“We should go inform him of his new inventory shifts and collect our money.”

“They’re idiots.” Daisy declares as they both leave the lab.

“Oh most definitely. All three of them.” Jemma agrees.

“Do you think they learned their lesson?”

“Doubtful. You quaked Fitz, didn’t you?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“You didn’t take your hands off him and he fared much better than I anticipated.”

“I just took the edge off. He still got to experience plenty though. I don’t think that was wrong.”

“No. If other partners had a way of easing their pain, most would take that chance. I know I would.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this is who he is without SHIELD. An arsonist, a would-be murderer, a sociopath.
> 
> They refined those horrible qualities into the specialist of their dreams. But now SHIELD’s gone and he’s left with his talents, the berserker rage, and all the dark thoughts he fought down for fifteen years.

_Hydra was in SHIELD. Garrett was the Clairvoyant. They had been betrayed. He hadn’t known. How did he not know?_

A sharp pain runs through his knee as he tries to move and he sucks in a breath. The sound catches her attention and he sees her worried expression out the corner of his eye.

“Why don’t we stop soon?”

“I’m fine.”

“Grant,”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere. Just keep going. I’m fine.” He slowly moves his leg and bites back another noise. The sedan was not the best option. Even with the seat pushed back, he doesn’t have much leg room.

He’s been through worse. Much worse. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

Except he’d definitely rank this within the top five shittiest injuries he’s ever had. And he doesn’t recall completely shattering a body part before.

He manages to find a semi-comfortable position and stares out the windshield.

She is completely silent next to him but the anxiety is rolling off her in waves. She’s been biting her lip for the past three miles and her knuckles are white from how tightly she’s clenching the steering wheel.

He wants to touch her. Instead, he clenches his own hands into fists.

She keeps driving and he settles into the seat, with the redundant loop playing over in his mind.

_Hydra was in SHIELD. Garrett was the Clairvoyant. They had been betrayed. He hadn’t known. How did he not know?_

“I need to stop.” She finally says. A wave of panic rushes over him as she changes lanes and prepares to get off the interstate at the next exit.

“I don’t think-”

“Darling, we’ve been driving for five hours. We need to stop. Even if you insist otherwise, I need to stop.” Her tone is firm but calming and she sets one hand on his thigh. “It’s okay to stop and rest. Besides, we need to fuel up.”

“We don’t know if someone’s been following us.”

“You’ve been looking out every window since we got in this car. You would know.”

This is true but he can’t help but think of decoys and multiple assailants and Hydra’s been hiding and how the fuck have they hid so well for so long? If they could do that, they could easily follow them.

Apparently, he didn’t know how to spot a Hydra operative. Garrett was the Clairvoyant. The thought makes him sick.

He had worked under him for almost a year and a half, had been reassigned to him after Phil’s death.

How could he have not known?

She stops at what looks like the only stoplight in this small town, then make a right into a generic gas station that has three cars in its lot.

None that he recognizes from their time on the road and there are plenty of other exits on the interstate they could have chosen to wait at.

She parks in a spot in front of the convenience store and is almost out of the car when he grabs her wrist.

“Wait,” he reaches forward with his other hand and pulls open the glove compartment to retrieve the pistol he stored there. An actual pistol, not an Icer. She presses her lips together in a thin line but accepts the weapon gingerly. “You remember how to…”

“Yes. You’re coming in too though. Don’t need kidney failure on top of everything else.”

Of course he was going inside. He wasn’t going to let her walk in there alone. She was pregnant and Hydra and the US government were looking for them. She’s vulnerable and he’s battered and can’t even protect her properly. The least he could do is make sure she’s armed, even if he needed to shout orders at her in the process.

“Don’t exactly have a free hand.” He mutters as she walks around the car to open the door. She retrieves his crutches from the back seat and he scowls as she leans them against the side of the car.

“Here, swing your…” she reaches in, puts a hand on his uninjured knee, and he pushes her off.

“I don’t need your help.” His voice comes out sharper than he intended and she backs away with a wounded expression she fails to hide. “Not the first time I’ve broken some part of my leg.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He knows he should be the one apologizing. He can’t find it in him.

* * *

They settle into the safe house and he thought he’d be able to let his guard down but he can’t.

He knows they should find the team.

But the team is dangerous and will have a target on them and he doesn’t know what’s up with May and Phil is overworked and on a mission now and Fitz and Skye are nearly useless.

He should have been able to trust them with their lives but he was always the one taking that step. And he literally can’t fucking step. What if something happened? He couldn’t take any action or back them up.

He’s not going to risk Jemma.

The farther away they are, the better. Slip into obscurity and keep their heads down and he can heal and … and … he’s not sure he even wants to heal.

Because SHIELD is nothing anymore, if it ever was, and he’s not sure who he is without SHIELD. If SHIELD was something still, he’s not sure he wants to be a part of it. If he wants to be, he doesn’t think he can.

The sheets rustle as she moves and he stiffens as her fingers brush his wrist.

He’s practically on the edge of the bed, trying to keep as much distance as possible. She lets out a sigh and settles back into the mattress again.

Maybe they should find the team. Safety in numbers. He knows he can trust them and they would all attempt their best to keep each other in one piece.

But how many times had they tried that and it turned out to be a shit show?

He couldn’t risk it, not with Jemma being pregnant.

The thought sends a chill down his spine and that sets off a new loop of thoughts.

_Jemma was pregnant. They were going to have a baby. He was going to be a father. His own father was a piece of shit. He knows nothing about babies. He doesn’t want a baby. Especially now._

* * *

Christian is still a dick. Worse than a dick really. Not that this surprises him in the least. He watches each news conference with hatred and feels his rage boiling underneath his skin.

He knows the government is out for them and somehow, he’s not surprised it’s his brother leading the charge.

They’ve seen each other once since his teen years. Ironically, it had been to rescue Christian, and several other senators, when their envoy had been plotted against on a visit overseas. They never said a word to each other, just locked eyes during the extraction. So, he knows his job and what organization he’s with and he knows that his brother is playing a political game but also a petty, personal one. He’s going after SHIELD because he can and because Grant is SHIELD. If he can hurt him one more time, twist the knife a little further, why not?

He should’ve let those bastards kill him. His fingers curl into the arm rest as he thinks back to that mission. If it hadn’t been for SHIELD, for his knack of following orders, for the lives of the other senators, he would have let his brother die.

No, he would have killed him himself. It would have been so easy to turn the sniper rifle on the envoy.

He turns the TV off as Jemma’s footsteps start up the stairs.

His blood is still boiling and he takes a few deep breaths to calm down. But maybe he’s not supposed to calm down.

Maybe this is who he is without SHIELD. An arsonist, a would-be murderer, a sociopath.

They refined those horrible qualities into the specialist of their dreams. But now SHIELD’s gone and he’s left with his talents, the berserker rage, and all the dark thoughts he fought down for fifteen years.

How is he supposed to be a husband? A father? He thinks back to his own father’s cruelty.

“Are you Hydra?”

The question catches his attention and he has to blink. The sound of Jemma’s voice feels foreign, like he hasn’t heard it in forever even though she’s been right here.

“Are you serious?” He asks. It’s almost comical and he looks at her for what feels like the first time in days.

She shrugs and lowers her head over her plate, carefully pokes at her chicken but doesn’t eat it.

“You’re not giving me a lot to work with here.”

“No, I’m not Hydra.”

He thinks he’s something worse than that.

* * *

“Do you regret jumping in front of me?”

“What?” His response is reflexive at first, because he’s not quite sure she actually said what he thinks she said. “What?”

“Do you regret jumping in front of me?”

“Why the fuck would you say that?” His voice sounds rough to his own ears and he hopes she doesn’t pick up on it.

Or maybe he does because how does she not know that seeing that gun aimed at her head had been one of the most terrifying things ever? 

“I’m just trying to figure out why you don’t seem to want anything to do with me. I thought maybe since you’re not… you anymore, maybe you preferred the specialist life over the rest of it. Jumping in front of me took that away.”

If he was standing, her explanation would have knocked him on his ass.

“I told you-”

“Yes, you needed to figure things out. Did you need to shut me out in the process?”

He opens his mouth but hesitates. Apparently, he hesitates too long because she turns on her side, back to him, and curls around herself.

He doesn’t know what to say.

He wants to say that she is more important than any job.

That he would take a thousand bullets for her over and over.

That saving her life is never a question.

That she’s his wife and he vowed to protect her, even if it meant protecting her from himself.

That they’re having a baby, a terrifying fact made all the more real in recent days, and all he can think of is this small, helpless being that will need everything and he doesn’t know how to give that without corrupting it at the same time.

That he’s seeing his father in himself more and more and she and the baby deserve so much more than that.

That if he was the good man everyone thinks he is - smart, selfless, considerate - he would let them go. Start fresh without him and his baggage.

That he is not the good man everyone thinks he is. He’s possessive, obsessive, and the thought of her not with him, with someone else, with someone else raising his child, literally tortures him.

That he’s not the best person for this role but he doesn’t want anyone else to have it.

That he needs her, like the fucking air he breathes, but she needs to be safe and keeping her here but also keeping his distance is the only way to get both.

That he knows he’s going to hurt her one day.

* * *

The footsteps on the stairs are not Jemma’s. He knows it is Phil, had seen him on the feeds, tracked him from waiting on the porch to comforting a distressed Jemma in the kitchen.

But it still isn’t enough to prepare him for this conversation.

The door creaks open, then there’s a knock, but he doesn’t turn away from the screens.

“Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t think it would stop you if I said I did mind.”

“Sounds accurate.” There’s a snort in his voice as he drags a second chair towards the desk. He appears in Grant’s line of sight but he still doesn’t look at him. “This is healthy.”

His hand waves at the multiple screens, some with news programs, others with tracking systems. He doesn’t know why. It’s not like he’s going to go after any of them.

“Old habits die hard I guess.”

“They don’t have to be old.” Phil says. He leans back in the chair and folds his hands over his stomach.

“How’s Canada?”

“We left. Air Force came in.”

“Color me surprised.”

“But we’ve got a new base, couple months now. It’s off the radar, an old SSR location. Plenty of resources. Just need the agents. They’re starting to show up but I need everyone.”

“For what?”

“Rebuilding SHIELD.” Phil explains, though his tone implies that this should have been obvious. Grant makes a face but says nothing. “How long before you’re back in fighting shape?”

“I’m not.”

“What?”

“My knee is a mess. Shredded, destroyed, blown out. Whatever you want to call it.”

“I’ve seen you come back from much worse.”

“Not this time.”

“I need you.”

“And I need-” his tone suddenly grows sharp and he cuts himself off, not for his attitude but because he doesn’t know what he needs. ”I don’t trust them.”

“Who?”

“Any of them.”

“You don’t even know who I’ve recruited.”

“And have you found some way to guarantee they aren’t Hydra?”

“It’s not going to happen.”

“They were right in front of us!” Grant suddenly throws the remote he’s holding and it smashes against one of the screens. “They were fucking alongside of us for years and we didn’t know. We don’t even know what agenda we were pursuing. How many assignments were to help them? Where was the line? Where did SHIELD end and Hydra begin? How does that not drive you fucking crazy? All the times we were barely given a detail, all the times we were told to blindly follow orders, accepting explanations that could have been spun to further their need. It was right there and we were conditioned to just accept it.”

“You got your orders from me. I got mine from Fury. You know the things we’ve done, the lives we’ve saved, the catastrophes we’ve stopped.”

“I didn’t always take orders from you.”

There’s a heavy silence between them. He finally looks at Phil and repeats himself.

“You can’t possibly blame yourself for that.” He leans forward and Grant cowers back against the chair.

“I didn’t know. I’m trained to spot every detail, analyze every scenario, and I didn’t know.”

“I knew Garrett probably as long as you’ve been alive. You knew him a year. Tell me who should have known.”

“Exactly. I was a fresh set of eyes. I should have picked up on it.”

“Is that why you’re sulking up here? You think this was your fault? You think you know better than seventy years of deceit and planning on their part? Things that have been in motion before you even existed?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m just trying to get some sense into you.”

“I’ve been more clear now than I ever was in there!”

“Yeah, you’re the picture of stability.” Phil waves a hand and Grant’s face darkens into a nasty glare. “You’re locked up here, letting yourself waste away, shutting out the woman who would walk through fire for you, and for what? What purpose does any of this serve?”

“Because I’m angry!” He yells. The plate Jemma brought up during lunch goes flying across the room. It shatters against the wall into tiny pieces. He wants to destroy something. That burning rage begins to bubble up and he wonders if this is how Banner feels, two sides constantly warring with each other. “I’m angry and I’m confused and I… I’m fucking hurt. I don’t know what any of this is anymore, if I ever did. Everything’s been stripped away and what’s left is where I started. I don’t like it and I don’t… I don’t trust it- me.”

“I do.”

“You don’t fucking know me! I was just another order for you to follow. Pick up the scared kid, turn him into a killing machine.”

“That’s not true.”

“Of course it is!”

“I was sent there on orders to recruit you but the second I saw you, it became more than that. You were lost and scared and broken and I wanted to help you, to fix you.” Phil stands and puts himself between the desk and Grant’s chair. He grips his shoulders, comforting but firm to keep his focus. “I don’t care what happened before that day. You are more than a name and a rank and the blood in your veins. I raised you and I’m not going to let you piss all over that. I know you. You’re my son and you have been since the day you followed me out of juvie. SHIELD gave you your abilities but I taught you. That will be there long after SHIELD is. Every lesson, the ones that matter, you learned from me, not them. Right from wrong, how to be a good person, a good man, how to survive. This isn’t you. The man I raised wouldn’t be hiding in an attic and hurting the people he loves. Do you understand me?”

“You don’t get it.”

“Yes I do. You’ve done this before but now you’re taking advantage of the chaos to hide and avoid it. You’re letting the rage and the fear take control but you’re better than that. You need to come home. We’re stronger together. You get fixed up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, listen to me and not the voices in your head, and you’re going to be okay.”

“I’m dangerous.”

“No, you have dangerous skills, just like the rest of us. You can use that in good ways, just like you’ve been doing. You’re not going to hurt us. I trust you. Jemma trusts you. The team trusts you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“If that was true, she wouldn’t be here. You’d have taken care of it by now.”

He recoils at the thought and Phil nods.

“That’s what I thought. I know what you’re thinking, what terrifies you, and even in your deepest rage, you wouldn’t be able to do what you think you’re capable of. Not to the people who matter.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry, was that presumptuous? That was. I didn’t even ask which one you’d like.”
> 
> “No, no, you’re fine. I think I’ve eaten everything on the menu. I was just, uh,” he shakes his head with a chuckle, “I think Fitz was trying to scare me.”
> 
> “Did he threaten you?”
> 
> “No. I think he wanted you to be the date from hell so I’d stay away.”

Jemma sighs as she stares into her closet. She glances over her shoulder at her bed, then back to the remaining hangers.

This was ridiculous. She knows it’s ridiculous.

No, this is not ridiculous. She has a right to want to look her best. And she doesn’t know how men think. Of course, there’s the stereotype that they’re all about boobs and butts and skimpy looks. But she doesn’t think that’s Grant.

After all, he had spent twenty four hours with her in scrubs after a decontamination shower. If he still wanted to take her to dinner, even after that, she doesn’t think he’s in it for her looks.

Possibly.

She would love to know what men are thinking, specifically what Grant was thinking. It would make life so much simpler.

Fortunately, she had a live specimen right in the next room. She pulls two hangers off the rod and walks out of her bedroom.

“Which one?” She holds both up for inspection.

“Oh bloody hell!” Fitz tosses a screwdriver onto their kitchen table and picks up a small pair of pliers. “I’m not looking. You’ve rejected the last six selections I’ve made so why bother?”

“Because I keep finding alternatives. Please look.”

“I don’t even understand why you’re going. We have plenty of work that needs to be finished.”

“We are allowed to have a night off.”

“Really? You didn’t feel that way when I wanted-”

“Oh not the football match again!”

“It was important!”

“It was a game!”

“It was the semi-finals!” He shoots back and finally looks at her. His irritation quickly turns to horror. “What. The. Hell. What did you do to your face?”

“What?” She leans back into her room to examine her appearance. She had finished her hair and make-up only minutes ago before she changed her mind on her outfit again. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Why’d you go and put all that stuff on!”

“I’m allowed to look nice!” Yes, the color was a bit more bold than she normally went for but a bit of lipstick never hurt anyone.

After all, legend has it that Peggy Carter favored a similar color and if Peggy Carter could pull it off, save the world, and form SHIELD, then she could wear lipstick and be a renowned biochemist. She didn’t have to choose to be pretty or smart. She could be both when the occasion called for it.

“You look like a clown.”

“Fitz!” She gives him a dirty look, then disappears back into her room. Maybe she should just wear a skirt or a dress.

Was it a casual place or fancy? He never even said where they were going and there were a variety of Italian restaurants in the area, ranging from lackluster to five-star. 

“I don’t know why you’re going through all this trouble.” Fitz says and she rolls her eyes. There’s a clang she knows is him dropping the pliers. “It’s not like he’s some great catch.”

“It’s dinner. I’m not marrying him.”

“Then why bother?”

“To have fun, to go out? I’m sorry you haven’t had a date since the Academy.”

“That is - yeah, no, that’s inaccurate. I just think you could do better and you deserve better than some dull, brainless killing machine.”

“Listen, while we know we are superior, Ops is still an extremely difficult role. There’s no reason to discredit his abilities because you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous of him. Why would I be jealous of him?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one whose been growling about him all week.”

They both freeze when they hear a loud knock on the door.

“Is that him?” Jemma hisses as she sticks her head around the doorframe. “No! What time is it?”

“6:59.” Fitz replies. “At least he’s punctual.”

“Let him in. Stall him.”

“What? No!”

“Fitz! I’m in a bathrobe! He can’t see me like this!” She slams her bedroom door and he groans. By the third knock, he reluctantly stands and opens the door.

“Oh, Fitz. Hey.” Grant looks surprised to see him and flashes a hesitant smile. “Good to see you. Uh is… Jemma here?”

“Well, she does live here.” He replies. He steps back to allow the other man to enter. ”She’s just finishing getting ready.”

“Great.” His eyes roam around the apartment. They are both still standing next to the door.

“She can take forever. Might as well make yourself comfortable.” Fitz points to the couch across the room. He stops at the table to grab the drone prototype and a wrench, then sits in the armchair near the TV. Grant sits across from him on the couch and they stare at each other.

The silence is suffocating and he glances at the closed door, which he assumes is Jemma’s room. He hopes she finishes quickly.

“So, uh, how’ve you been?” He says, mostly just as a way to break the ice. Fitz doesn’t respond. He twists the wrench around a bolt without breaking eye contact. Grant schools his features to remain calm and pleasant.

He really wants to laugh.

He has the impression that Fitz is trying to intimidate him. But he could take him down in less than a minute without breaking a sweat.

Not that he should underestimate him. He knows the scientists can be surprising.

“Can I give you some advice?” Fitz asks. Grant gives a nod and watches as he leans towards him. “Simmons is a lot of trouble.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, she’s great, but I think all that brain power has made her a bit crazy. She’s very intelligent and she’s not real good at interacting with people. She’s really awkward if I’m being honest. Plus, she’s extremely indecisive. She’ll find it helpful if you order for her tonight, just to make it easy for her. When she’s not in her work, she uh, needs to be led by the hand, you know? Forgetful, childish, emotional.”

“Right.”

“She’s a very dependent person. Clingy. She’s not used to the attention so when she gets it…” Fitz trails off on a noise like this is a bad thing. “Truthfully, she does better in the lab. I think it’s nice you’re giving her a chance to get some air for a change but just a heads up that she’ll be completely out of her element.”

“Huh, that sounds like the complete opposite of what I’ve seen of her.”

“Well, you’ve only seen her at work. Work is important to her. She does what she needs to to be successful there. But take it as you would like. Just trying to help you out… mate.”

“Appreciate the… tips… pal.”

“Hi! I’m so sorry! I lost track of the time.” Jemma appears from her bedroom and Grant climbs to his feet as he spots her. Fitz tips his head, as if to say _I told you so._

“That’s okay. You, you look amazing.” Grant says. His eyes roam over her and she blushes as she smiles. The yellow sundress she finally settled on is modest but somehow manages to cling to her curves as well. Maybe a little shorter than she’s used to. There’s something in his gaze that makes her blush harder as he settles on her bare legs.

“Thanks. You do too.” She tucks a curl behind her ear and examines him. His arms look amazing in the tight, blue button down he’s wearing. He’s left the top two buttons undone and her eyes zero in on the patch of bare skin there.

“Uh, these are for you.” He holds out the bouquet and her eyes light up.

“Orchids! These are my favorite! Thank you!” She accepts the bundle from him and sniffs the flowers. She turns her face up and smiles at him. “These are beautiful. How did you know?”

“That’s classified.” He smirks and she chuckles as Fitz rolls his eyes.

“Did you know that each color has a different meaning? Like, these pink ones mean innocence. The purple can be respect. And red is passion and love.” She touches each petal as she explains and Fitz mouths, ‘ _Love. Told you. Clingy.’_ at Grant, who keeps the easy smile on his face. “Orchids come in a wide variety. Blue orchids are extremely rare and are usually man made from dying white orchids.”

“Not everything has a meaning Simmons.” Fitz comments. She makes a face at him and holds the bouquet out.

“Be a good friend and put these in water for me. I’ll take care of them when I come home. They do have meanings. Symbolism has been around since the beginning of time. People always default to roses but there are so many other options. Like ranunculus can mean radiance, attraction-”

“Okay, okay.” He cuts her off before she can continue and her frown deepens as he takes the flowers from her. 

“I’d love to hear more about it.” Grant says and she beams again at him. “Clearly, the florist knew better than I did.”

“Don’t wait up.” She tells Fitz.

“It was good seeing you again.” Grant holds his hand out and he eyes it briefly. Jemma’s gaze tightens to the slightest of glares and he sighs but shakes his hand.

“You too. Remember what I said.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“What did you say?” Jemma asks.

“Nothing.” Fitz shakes his head innocently and she opens her mouth but Grant’s hand on her back stops her.

“Nothing to worry about. He’s just being a good friend.” He says. “We should get going.”

They’re quiet as they leave the apartment and she follows him to the parking lot.

“I’m over here,” he gestures to a black car and leads her to the passenger door. She smiles faintly as he opens it. “Here, it’s kind of low,”

He holds out his hand to help her in, which she happily accepts. He waits until she’s situated, then carefully shuts the door.

She glances around the car as he walks around to the driver’s side.

“I don’t know if this is what I expected.” She says as he sits and starts the engine.

“What?”

“The car.”

“Oh. Why?”

“It’s…” she trails off as she touches the leather seat.

“A classic.” He finishes. “It’s a 1969 Mustang. I don’t get to drive it much so I take advantage when I can.”

He stops at the exit of the complex and runs a hand almost lovingly over the dashboard. There’s a look on his face - maybe reminiscent - and she smiles a little.

“What’s her name?”

He snorts at her question and shakes his head. Somehow, she knows she’s not going to get more information out of him.

“So, where are we going? I hope I’m not … too dressed or underdressed.”

“No, you’re perfect. It’s a bistro not too far from here. Definitely not a tourist place. How do you like the complex?”

SHIELD’s DC housing was an apartment complex not too far from the Triskelion. It was rare that he was ever even in his own and he hadn’t stopped to consider that she was only a few buildings away until she had given him her address.

“It’s different. Big change from the Sandbox.”

“That’s for sure.”

“Have you been before?”

“Few times. Too much sand.”

“You don’t like sand?”

“I mean, I’m okay with a day at the beach but plop me in a desert for an unknown length of time, no thanks. Plus, it’s really quiet out there.”

“It is. I will say it’s nice to be able to not live where you work and be able to go other places.”

“It is pretty isolated.”

“I thought I’d love it and I did. It’s a wonderful experience but there are so many other opportunities out there.”

“It helps when you’re highly sought after.” He glances at her with a small grin. “You’ve made a… big splash since you left the Academy.”

“Well thank you.”

They drive for about another fifteen minutes before before he parks on the street in front of strip of brick front buildings. He’s out and around the car before she can take her seatbelt off and helps her from the car.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It’s down here.” He points to the end of the strip. They begin to walk and she sees him fidget out the corner of her eye. He swings his arm, like he’s going to guide her or reach for her hand, but he ends up putting both hands in his pockets instead.

He does open the door for her, which greets them with a soft tinkle. She’s surprised how big the restaurant is inside.

Directly in front of them is a bar area. A walkway follows it along, then disappears around a partial wall where booths and tables are situated in a dining room.

“Guarda chi ha deciso di mostrare la sua faccia!” A husky voice shouts, catching Jemma off guard. An older woman is walking towards them but she’s smiling as she stops at the hostess stand.

“Ho un lavoro, lo sai.” Grant responds. She scoffs and smacks him across the back of the head, reaching him easily despite being half his size. “Hey!”

He gestures to Jemma and the woman seems to notice her for the first time. She smiles conspiratorially and elbows him lightly.

“Hai portato una ragazza.”

“Non mettermi in imbarazzo.” He mutters, then as an afterthought, adds, “Per favore.”

“Solo perché hai detto per favore.” She squeezes his hand and grabs two menus.

“Jemma, this is Regina. She runs this fine establishment.”

“It’s very nice to meet you. Any friend of Grant’s is always welcome here.”

“Thank you, you as well. It seems lovely.”

“Just wait til we actually eat.” He comments, making Regina laugh.

“You think compliments will hide the fact you didn’t come to Nonna’s birthday?” She asks. She leads them around the wall to a booth in the corner with a reserved sign on the tabletop.

“I haven’t been in DC for a while.”

“I figured.” She hands them each a menu. Jemma is surprised when she gives Grant a motherly smile and pets his hair. She thinks she’s even more surprised when he accepts the gesture. “Just as long as you’re being safe.”

“Trying my best.” He assures and her smile turns sad for a moment.

“Do you know what you’d like to drink Jemma?” She turns her gaze towards her and whatever sadness her face held is suddenly gone.

“A water for now, thank you.”

“I’ll be back in a moment.”

She watches as Regina walks away, then stares at Grant. He glances up from the menu when he feels her gaze on him.

“What?”

“What?” She mimics with a raised eyebrow. “Care to explain yourself? She seems to care an awfully lot about you.”

“I’ve been eating here since I was a teenager. It’s a small restaurant. You get to know them.” He shrugs. He focuses on the menu and they are quiet as they both read the options.

“Here you go.” Regina returns and sets a water in front of Jemma and a beer in front of Grant. A basket of bread is set between them. “See anything you like so far?”

“Actually, yes,” Jemma opens the menu again and taps a page. “I will take the penne vodka please. Would you like to share an appetizer?”

She glances at Grant, who gives a shrug.

“Sure.”

“And an order of calamari.”

“Good choice. And you, let me guess, a lasagna.”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“You’re always trouble. I’ll put it right in for you kids.”

She walks away again and Jemma dives into the bread basket. She breaks off a small piece and begins to butter it, then notices Grant smiling at her.

Her stomach swoops nervously.

“I’m sorry, was that presumptuous? That was. I didn’t even ask which one you’d like.”

“No, no, you’re fine. I think I’ve eaten everything on the menu. I was just, uh,” he shakes his head with a chuckle, “I think Fitz was trying to scare me.”

“Did he threaten you?”

“No. I think he wanted you to be the date from hell so I’d stay away.”

“What?” She arches an eyebrow and he waves a hand.

“I didn’t believe him for a second. He pretty much described you in the opposite way and I’ve only known you a few days but I didn’t think it sounded right.”

“He’s a bloody idiot.”

“I don’t- I know it’s just the first date and feel free not to answer but is there anything I need to know about you two?”

“Absolutely nothing. Fitz is wonderful and he’s like a brother to me.”

“Are you like a sister to him?”

“Of course.” She sighs and butters another piece of bread. “We’ve been friends since the Academy and partners and everyone assumes FitzSimmons is one person. We spend a lot of our time together and he’s my best friend and we live together. But it’s completely platonic. I think it’s just… neither of us have had much luck and even though I’m a bit more adventurous than he is, the truth is it’s been a while since I’ve had any male companionship other than him. We have a tendency to isolate ourselves and get caught up in work. He doesn’t like change and adding someone else to the mix would throw him through a loop.”

“Got it.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not a typical situation and I understand if it’s a lot to take in.”

“You don’t have to apologize for having a best friend.”

“Our friendship is a turn off to a lot of people.” She thinks back to other dates and relationships she’s had and frowns. “This is awful. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bring him up. You don’t want to hear about him.”

“I brought him up first.” He shrugs and she smiles slightly.

They talk, or she talks, all through dinner. Over the calamari, which he teases her about when she refuses to eat the full squid and prefers the rings. Over their pasta, which she realizes she’s barely touched due to talking so much and his lasagna is nearly gone.

“I’m sorry. I’m talking a lot.” She blushes and puts a hand over her mouth. “I just get in these moods and start rambling. You’ve hardly said a word.”

“Well, I’ll be honest,” he pauses to wipe his mouth and sets his napkin back in his lap, “half of what you’re saying, I don’t exactly understand. But you love your work and it excites you and I can appreciate your excitement.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I feel like I’ve totally commandeered this evening!”

“It would be rude to interrupt you and besides, you’re really adorable when you get going.” The compliment sets off a blush and she pokes at her penne vodka with a soft smile.

“Well, I’m done talking. You can’t be this quiet all the time.”

“A lot of things I… can’t talk about. A lot of other things I don’t want to talk about.” He trails off quietly and her eyes are wide on him. He can feel her trying to analyze him like he’s some problem to deduce.

“Well,” she chews thoughtfully, then closes her eyes in delight. She takes a few more bites. Once she swallows she says, “Surely there must be something in between those that you would like to talk about.”

He takes a bite of his food and she knows he’s stalling.

“Okay, where did you learn to speak Italian?”

“Regina.” He points vaguely over her shoulder. A small sigh escapes him. “Her son, Nick, was in my year at the Academy. He’d bring me home on breaks.”

She considers Regina’s treatment of Grant, the sadness when they discussed being out of DC, and his use of the past tense.

“I’m sorry.” She reaches over the table and touches his hand gently. ”I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine.” He smiles, a little self deprecating, and he turns his hand over to lace his fingers in hers. “I don’t want to freak you out on the first date but there’s not a lot of good that follows me. Something as innocent as learning a language eventually dissolves into how a good friend was KIA.”

They lapse into an awkward silence as they finish their meals. Regina returns to clear away their plates.

“What are we doing for dessert?”

“You just had to say it.” Grant groans. He sits back against the booth and pats his stomach. “You know I’m going to need to run an extra mile tomorrow.”

“You’re young. The calories will fall off you. What would you like?”

He looks to Jemma, who shrugs.

“What do you recommend?”

“Tiramisu?”

“Okay.”

“We’ll split one.” He glances at Regina, who nods with a smile and disappears again. “These are massive. Trust me on this.”

“Sure.”

He hesitates, then points at her side of the booth.

“Do you mind if I - it’s uh, easier so we’re not stretching across the table.”

“Sure.” She slides further in as he moves to sit next to her.

“I’m sorry.” He says after a moment. She frowns as she gazes at him.

“Sorry for what?”

“I… like you.” He says slowly. “And it’s been a while since I’ve… done this… dating, I mean, for real.”

“For real?” She asks and he cringes.

“There are situations where I may need to… show interest in the person and things take a romantic or sexual turn.”

“Oh.” She’s heard stories but the admission still makes her eyes widen.

“And, I find those easier than this, because I can follow my… role. I don’t want to lie to you but I also don’t want to scare you off because I’m hoping you might want to do this again. You’re very different from me. Home, family, schooling, everything. It’s… there’s a lot there and it’s a lot to unravel. I don’t always know… how to… I’m…”

“It’s okay.” She takes his hand again with a smile. “I’m not judging.”

“I know. Like I said, I like you and I think, if you’d like to I mean, we can see where this goes. I have it on good authority I open up more as you get to know me better.”

“I would like that very much. And seriously, it’s okay, I understand. Not everyone is an open book like me.”

“Yeah, that sort of freaks me out, especially considering your role in things. We’re going to need to work on closing you up a bit. Stranger danger and stuff like that.”

She laughs, which makes him grin, and he angles himself more towards her.

“I might benefit from a few lessons.” She murmurs as she slides closer to him.

“Definitely.” His eyes roam over her face and settle on her mouth. He meets her eye again and she moves even closer, so their legs are touching. “Jemma,”

His voice is questioning, asking for permission, and her response is a solid confirmation.

“Yes.” She hooks a finger in his collar and gives him a tug. He smirks slightly at her eagerness and she matches it with one of her own before they kiss. It’s soft and tentative and they break away almost immediately as their dessert clatters onto the table.

Regina gives them a wink as she slips away again. Jemma is blushing deeply as they begin to dig into the tiramisu.

“I rebuilt it.” He says after a pause.

“What?”

“The Mustang. I rebuilt it when I was sixteen. That was when I met Phil, uh Coulson. He took me in and it had been something he wanted to do and I guess he thought it … it would make me focus or give me a purpose. So we rebuilt it together. I did most of it.” He slides the spoon into his mouth, then meets her eye with a grin. “Her name is Peggy.”

“Like Peggy Carter?” Her eyes light up at this factoid.

“The very same. I’m… kind of a history nerd.”

“Well, I don’t think we’re very different at all.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while since I’ve spoken Italian so forgive me if there were any errors. Their conversation translates to this: 
> 
> “Look who decided to show his face!”
> 
> “I have a job you know.”
> 
> “You brought a girl.”
> 
> “Don’t embarrass me, please.” 
> 
> “Only because you said please.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just realized I’ve been neglecting my husbandly duties.”
> 
> “Grant,”
> 
> “I hope you can forgive me.”
> 
> “I suppose that all depends on how well you apologize.”
> 
> “Is that a challenge Dr. Ward?”

“I mean, it was utterly ridiculous! I hardly believe that he even understood the type of advanced biomolecular composition I was examining, considering the basic chemical equation he was working on was filled with errors.”

Grant smiles to himself as Jemma rambles from the bathroom while they both get ready for bed.

She had essentially been handed over to the small lab at the Slingshot to provide assistance while they waited for the Bus’ repairs to be completed. Apparently, the resident scientists were not too keen on this arrangement.

“It sounds like I need to go break some legs.” He comments. He scrolls through his phone to set his alarm clock and she scoffs as the water turns off.

“That won’t be necessary darling but thank you.”

He settles into the mattress as the light turns off and she walks into the bedroom. His eyes wander down her body, taking in the thin tank top and small shorts she had changed into. He refrains from commenting however, considering she was ranting about the toxic masculinity of some lab goon trying to talk down to her. The timing hardly felt appropriate.

She climbs into bed from the other side, then slides across until she is snug against his side. His arm wraps around his shoulder as she lays her head against his chest. Once she’s comfortable, she continues on with her story. 

“Clearly, they were waiting for someone with far better capabilities to come along as that should have been solved in minutes. I was happy to point out his own errors, which he did not appreciate. Fortunately, Fitz appeared right at that moment and he realized who he was talking to. He wasn’t so talkative after that and definitely not after Fitz made a show of explaining how his own work was completely wrong.”

“A FitzSimmons takedown. I’m sure he was devastated.”

“Yes, and likely more devastated when he realized that we were in fact two people and one half female.”

“The better half.”

“Oh you.” She lifts her head to smile at him. He kisses her forehead as her hand slips under his t-shirt to rest gently against his abs. “Plus, as we were leaving, I heard his partner say, _‘dude, don’t you know she’s married to Grant Ward?’_ and that was followed by a rather loud crashing noise. So I don’t think he’ll be showing his face any time soon.”

“Seriously?”

“Mm.”

“Well, I’m glad my reputation precedes me.”

“As am I. Truthfully, I can’t wait for the repairs on the Bus to be completed. I like having our own space. Sometimes, dealing with other people is tiresome.”

“It’s been six days. You already hating people?”

“I know.” She chuckles and kisses his collarbone. “I think you’re starting to rub off on me.”

“Only took six years.” He retorts. He cups her cheek to tilt her face up and kiss her. He intends for it to be a quick peck but he suddenly realizes what he said.

They got on the Bus six days ago - three days for their Los Angeles and Peru missions, three days so far at the Slingshot. 

He had been in Paris for three weeks before then.

“Are you okay?” She asks, having felt the change in his posture.

“Yeah. I just realized I’ve been neglecting my husbandly duties.”

“Grant,” she laughs as he flips her gently and she flops back against the pillows.

“I hope you can forgive me.”

“I suppose that all depends on how well you apologize.”

He lets out a quiet laugh and nips at her lower lip.

“Is that a challenge Dr. Ward?” He asks. His mouth roams down her chin, over her jaw, and down the center of her throat. He slips a knee between her legs and he feels the moan she gives as she grinds down on him.

“You always manage to complete your mission Agent Ward.” She replies huskily.

“Manage to? That sounds like I scrape by with very little success. Clearly, I am not doing my job right.”

“You can get distracted.”

“Dist - ah, shit!” He jerks as she jabs her fingers into the ticklish spot between his ribs. She giggles loudly as he rolls to the side and she climbs on top of him. “That was not nice.”

“You proved my point.” She shrugs, then shrieks as he flips them again so he’s back on top of her.

“Playing dirty when I’m just trying to show my love and adoration for you.”

“I’m sorry darling. I’ll keep my hands to myself. Go ahead and adore me.” She lifts her hands over her head and grins at him.

“Thank you. This is serious business.”

“Absolutely.” She nods and wiggles as his hands trail over her sides. He moves further down and pushes her tank top up, then leans in and presses a soft kiss above her belly button.

“I missed you baby.” He murmurs, almost reverently as he continues to kiss and stroke her torso.

“I missed you too.” She tugs on his t-shirt. “Come up here.”

He obliges and lets her pull him into a slow kiss.

He hates leaving her but goddamn if he doesn’t love coming home. Those slow, sweet kisses of hers like she’s relearning every piece of him.

Even though they’ve been together the past six days, they haven’t been together like this, and it feels like something finally clicks back into place for him.

“Hi,” he murmurs as they separate. They stay close, still breathing each other in and nuzzling noses. She giggles and her fingers slide through his hair, down over the spot behind his ear that sends a shiver down his spine.

“Hi,” she mimics and kisses him again. It’s only a few seconds later when they hear Fitz sneeze, rather loudly, from the wall that separates their room from his. Then, there’s a tapping noise that is most likely him working on something. She pulls back reluctantly, and gives a soft ‘oh,’ as if she’s just remembered they have roommates. 

Grant disregards the sounds coming from the other room. He really doesn’t know or care what Fitz is doing in there. Instead, he focuses on Jemma and starts to kiss his way down her neck again.

“No, we can’t.” She says even as she whimpers and leans into him. “He’ll hear us. Plus who knows who is in the apartment next to us. I know this will likely kill your libido, but Skye is right across the hall as well.”

He sighs heavily and buries his face between her breasts.

“It’s been 30 days.” He says, lifting his head only enough to lean his chin on her.

“You’ve been keeping count?” She smiles down at him as she strokes his hair.

“I always do. You don’t?”

“I do but I just find that rather sweet that you do.”

“Yeah, I’m sweet so let’s get to it.”

“No!” She laughs again and shakes her head. “I bet he knows, which is why he’s making all that racket over there. I can’t Grant. There’s no privacy in here.”

“Okay.” He nods but stays on top of her. He breathes heavily, contemplating his options, then glances up at her. ”I know where we’ll have privacy.”

“Where? This place is hardly big enough to have any se- oh, you’re not suggesting…”

“… the Bus.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Oh come on! It’s after midnight. No one is going to be out there at this time of night and all the systems are offline so there’s no audio or visual recording running. I’m not going to pretend like I haven’t thought of bending you over the holotable.”

“You’re horrible.” She scolds him but the way she squirms underneath him tells him everything he needs to know.

“Maybe but it’s true. I think you’re so fucking sexy when you’re working on a problem. You get this little furrow right here,” he slides his thumb gently over her brow and down the bridge of her nose to the curve of her mouth, “or you’ll start biting your lip.”

“Well,” she swallows thickly and he can feel her heart pounding away under him, “I’m sorry to burst your bubble but they haven’t started to fix the lab yet.”

“The bunks and the lounge were cleaned up today. They’re just waiting to replace the command center and the dividers.”

“We will get in so much trouble.”

“No one is going to know. I’ll even override the hangar door so no one gets in. And if someone does, we’ll just say we were getting some of our belongings.”

“Naked in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah, we needed clean clothes.” He replies, so smoothly and casually that she would probably believe him if she was the one to catch him in that state.

“Oh my God.” That draws another laugh out of her and she presses her hands to her face.

“Come on. Where’s my bad girl Jemma?”

“I am not a bad girl! I’m a very nice girl!”

“Yeah? Tell that to the elevator in the Miami office.”

“That was a very different situation. We were stuck in there for three hours. I was on the verge of a panic attack.”

“And the conference room in Florence?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

“Or the lab in Edinburgh?”

“Science.”

“My personal favorite was the time in the New York office.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is I think you get off on the thrill of these dangerous quickies babe.” He grins down at her and she’s fighting back her own grin as she blushes. “I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

“We’re going to get caught and they’ll ship you to Siberia and me to Antarctica.”

“We won’t. I’m a spy. We got this.”

It takes them eight minutes to make it from their quarters to the hangar. True to his word, Grant spends several seconds blocking the hangar door, then leads Jemma up the cargo ramp.

All the systems are offline, just as he said they were, but the emergency lights are on, giving them enough illumination to walk through the Bus without falling and dying on some debris.

“Maybe we should make sure it’s empty.” She whispers. She’s clutching his hand tightly as they walk. “We don’t know where May or Coulson are staying. It would be so typical of them to sleep out here.”

“In this state? Come on, they’re not savages. Besides, I saw May enter one of the rooms down the hall from us.”

“Please just check.”

“Fine. Stay here.” He stops at his bunk and she slips inside as he continues on towards the cockpit. The bunk May claimed is empty and a quick jog up the stairs confirms Phil’s office is empty as well. He returns to the middle level and gives her a nod when he enters the bunk. “All clear. Can we have sex now?”

“You didn’t say please.”

He gives her a glare as he takes the two steps from the door to the bed. She chuckles as he pounces onto her. The mattress jostles and she leans back, wincing as she hits her head on the wall.

“Ow,”

“You okay?” He reaches a hand behind her to rub at her head and she nods. She pulls him back into a kiss and they awkwardly try to maneuver the small space without separating. He kicks the wall at one point and they almost fall off the bed when they try laying down.

She finally groans in frustration when he almost cracks his head on the side of the nightstand and sits up on his lap.

“I think my bunk is bigger.” She frowns down at him.

“No, you’re just abnormally small.”

“How do you sleep in here?”

“Very uncomfortably. Fuck it, come here,” he stands up and drags her off the bed, then out into the lounge. He immediately lifts her and presses her back against the side of the bunk. Her legs tighten around his hips as they share a series of frenzied kisses.

“Go.” She moans between kisses and pushes his shoulder.

“Where?”

“Couch. Bar. Who cares?”

“Ah,” he turns with her still in his arms and eyes the spots. He finds it difficult to concentrate as she begins sucking on his pulse point.

He’s ready to toss her on the floor at this point and he groans as she wiggles against him. Then, he remembers the last time they had sex on a floor and how he somehow wound up with a concussion. He’d prefer not to experience that tonight.

The coffee table was too low and the L-shaped seater had the table too close to it. He carries her carefully around the command center remains to the sofa against the far wall.

She doesn’t let him go when he sets her on the cushion.

“If you let me get my shorts off, this will be more productive.” He says, laughing slightly. She always became so possessive during their lovemaking, especially after a gap like this, and very unwilling to not even have her hands on him for a moment.

They quickly strip down and before he can go any further, she pushes him into the couch and climbs onto his lap.

“Oh God,” she tips her head back with a groan as she lowers herself onto him, unable to wait any longer. She stays there for a few moments and he grips her hips tightly to stop from thrusting into her. He presses his forehead against her breasts and starts to drop soft kisses along the tops. ”You feel so good.”

“So do you. Fucking missed this.”

“Me too.” She lays her head against his as she starts to move. It’s slow at first but her pace quickly picks up as she continues to ride him. He matches her movements and it doesn’t feel very long before both of them come, her wailing his name and him biting the curve of her shoulder.

She lays heavily against his chest as he runs his fingers through her hair.

“I’m never going to look at this couch the same way again.” She mumbles. He chuckles and she presses a soft kiss to his chest. “One more?”

He laughs again, still breathless, but he feels himself growing hard at the sultry gaze she aims at him.

“Definitely.” He nods and her mouth curves into a smile as he turns to lay her out on the couch. The couch is definitely bigger than the bunk but it’s still a little hard to manage. They make it work and this round is slower, sweeter, and he takes his time pleasuring her, spurred on by the soft noises she makes.

She’s still laying naked on the couch as he stands to dress, watching him with a sated expression.

“Next time we have a day off and can leave the Bus, I’m taking you to the nicest hotel we can find and we’re not moving from that bed all day.” He says before kissing her mouth gently.

“I’m going to hold you to that.” She strokes the side of his jaw gently, then adds, “Perhaps we can try your holotable fantasy one day. Maybe we can use the bar as a test round though. Like right now.”

The smirk on her face can only be described as wicked and it causes pleasure to build low in his stomach.

”Fuck,” he drops his shorts and pulls her to her feet as she laughs at him. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why is Thor mad?”
> 
> “What?” She can’t help the chuckle she lets out and he lifts his head to look at her.
> 
> “Aunt Daisy said that it thunders when Thor is mad.”

There’s a sense of relief when Jemma settles into the couch with a glass of red wine.

She loves her boys. Truly. Her sons are the light of her world and she can’t imagine ever loving anyone other than her husband.

But frankly, she deserved some peace and quiet for a few hours.

They were adorable yet chaotic. She felt rather awful for even feeling this way. The boys weren’t bad, not always, but raising children was a full time job, on top of the more than full time job she had.

She needed a moment to herself or she would lose it. Now, with the boys in bed and Grant stuck at the Playground longer than he intended, she decided tonight would be that moment.

She’s halfway through cheesy Hallmark movie when she hears footsteps on the stairs.

“Drew, what are you doing out of bed?” She sighs when she sees him appear at the doorway. Almost immediately, the unmistakable rumble of thunder responds for him. He jumps at the sound and she feels a twinge of guilt for assuming he may have had alternative motives. “Oh, darling, it’s all right. Come here.”

She holds her arms open and he rushes across the floor to jump onto the couch next to her.

“It’s loud.” He whispers as he snuggles into her chest.

“It is, isn’t it? It can be very overwhelming sometimes.” She wraps him securely in her arms and strokes his hair gently. “But you’re perfectly safe here inside the house.”

“Why is Thor mad?”

“What?” She can’t help the chuckle she lets out and he lifts his head to look at her.

“Aunt Daisy said that it thunders when Thor is mad.”

“Oh. Well, I suppose that’s true in some… instances but I think this storm is purely weather related. Just a natural phenomenon.”

“A what?” His hands tighten at her back as another clap of thunder is heard.

“A phenomenon. It’s an occurrence or an event. Storms are a normal process in our atmosphere. Inside every cloud, there are… pieces, and in rain clouds, all these pieces are getting tossed around. The water and ice in there are moving up and down past each other and that is creating a charge. Remember when we played with the balloons and your hair stood up?”

“Mhmm.”

“It’s something like that. And eventually it gets to be too much inside the cloud and it needs to get out, so that’s how lightning happens.” As she pauses, there’s a bright flash of said lightning that makes him jump. It is immediately followed by thunder.

“How?”

“Well, the charge in the cloud is drawn to charges here on the ground and when they find one, they meet, that’s what we see as lightning. And since the lightning is extremely hot, it makes the air expand and then it sucks back in when it cools. That’s what thunder is, when the air cracks as its contracts. You see how quickly that all happens.”

“So it’s just noise.”

“Well, yes and no. Lightning can be very dangerous so we always want to make sure we stay inside or find shelter if we happen to find ourselves in a storm. You know how you can get little shocks, like when you run around the carpet with your socks on?”

“Mhmm.”

“Lightning is like that but has much more power so a person could get very hurt. That is very rare but as long as we follow the rules, it’s perfectly safe and can be quite beautiful to watch.”

“Is it okay to be scared?”

“Of course. It’s perfectly normal to have different fears. I think it helps make them a little less scary to learn about them. Sometimes, a fear can be something we simply don’t understand so if we understand it, then it’s not so scary.”

“How come Ben’s not scared?”

“Well, I don’t think Benny is scared of the storm but he also sleeps very deeply so not much wakes him up.” She smiles slightly as she strokes his cheek. “Why are you frowning?”

“I don’t want to be scared. I want to be brave like Ben and Daddy.”

“Oh sweetheart.” She kisses his forehead and gives him another hug. “You are brave and as you get bigger, you’ll be even more brave. Do you think Daddy always was this way?”

“Yep.”

“Not quite. He was little like you once. When you grow up, you’ll become more like Daddy. You’re not supposed to be a grown up yet. It’s okay for you to be little and scared. As you grow up, you’ll learn about more things and you’ll see things differently.”

“Ben’s not a grown up.”

“No but I’m going to tell you a secret. Ben loves being your big brother. Big brothers are a little different. They like to look out for the younger ones so they try to be a little tougher even though they don’t need to be.”

“Can I be a big brother?”

She laughs out loud at the question and rubs her forehead.

“Maybe one day. Not right now. But I know if the day comes, you are going to be a fantastic big brother. But if that happens, or when you are older, you’ll still have different worries and fears. They just change over time.”

“So… Daddy gets scared too?”

“Mhmm. I do too and Aunt Daisy and Pop and Mellie and Uncle Fitz. Everyone does. It’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong or brave. But you have plenty of time to learn about that. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“And one more thing, it’s okay that you are different. I don’t expect you to be like anyone else. Do you know the word unique?” She waits as he shakes his head. “It means one of a kind. There’s no one else like you and there’s no one else like Benny. I wouldn’t want you any other way. You’re not always going to have the same likes or dislikes or fears as someone else. I always want you to be yourself, no matter what, okay? Don’t ever feel bad about that.”

“And you’ll still love me?”

“What? Of course I will! Darling, there is absolutely nothing in this whole universe that would ever make me stop loving you. I promise you that. Will you always love me?”

“Yeah.”

“Wonderful. That makes me very happy to hear.” She smiles brightly at him before kissing his forehead.

“Mommy?”

“Mhmm?”

“Can I stay with you til it stops?”

“Of course you can. Did you know we can count to see how far away the lightning is?”

“Really?”

“Mhmm. We see the lightning before we hear the thunder because it takes time for the sound to reach us. If it comes quickly, it means it is close. The rule of thumb is that there is one mile for every five seconds. As the storm moves on, there will be more time in between. Would you like to try?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, after the next lightning strike, you start to count and stop when you hear the thunder.”

* * *

Grant is surprised to find the lights still on when he arrives home much later. He slowly makes his away around the hall and kitchen, shutting the lights off as he goes, then slows to a stop in the living room.

He can’t help the smile that forms when he sees Jemma and Drew asleep on the couch together. He slowly approaches them and pulls back the throw blanket.

The movement causes her to stir and she blinks tiredly at him.

“When did you come home?”

“Few minutes ago.” He leans in and brushes a kiss over her mouth. “I’ll take him upstairs.”

“‘Kay.” Her eyes close again but she lifts her arm to give him easier access to their son. He picks him up carefully but he still startles with a whine.

“It’s okay. It’s just me, okay?” He kisses his forehead as he strokes a hand over his hair. “You’re okay baby.”

“Daddy?”

“Mhmm. Come on, we’ll go upstairs. I got you.”

Drew settles into his shoulder with a sigh and presses his forehead into his neck.

“Is Thor okay now?”

“Uh, yeah. He’s all good.” He glances back at Jemma for an explanation but she just waves him off.

Once Drew is settled upstairs, Grant returns to the living room but Jemma hasn’t made any progress in leaving the couch.

“Do I need to carry you up to bed too?” He teases. She laughs softly and rubs her face.

“I’d be eternally grateful if you’re offering. I’m afraid I weigh a bit more than a five year old.”

“I think I can manage.”

“I’m kidding. Did you eat dinner? I put some away for you.”

“I’m more exhausted than hungry at this point.” He mutters as he sinks into the couch.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She shakes her head but he only grins in response. “I think you should have a talk with Drew.”

“About what?”

“Beating down toxic masculinity. He was upset that he was afraid of the storms. He thinks you’re fearless and would like to be more like you.”

“Got it.”

“He asked me if I would still love him if he wasn’t. Broke my heart. He’s so innocent and sweet.”

“He’s a lot like you. I’ll talk to both of them.” He replies and she sees how tense his face is. She moves closer and strokes his jaw softly.

“Just some positive reinforcement. Emotions are okay. Things like that. Maybe… maybe what you wanted to hear growing up. They both look up to you.”

“I know. So is that why we were checking on Thor’s well-being?”

“Apparently Daisy’s explanation of why thunderstorms happen. I took a more scientific approach.”

“Of course you did.” He snorts and shakes his head as she curls into his side. “I can already see it. The Ward kids will be rooted in science and logic and the Fitz kids will think magical powers cause everything. And then Fitz’s head will explode as he tries to correct Daisy’s misinformation.”

“Sounds accurate.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”This was an unexpected turn of events.”
> 
> “No shit.”
> 
> “You did what you could. You helped save countless realities.”
> 
> “Except my own.”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

Grant stiffens at the voice from behind him. He’s hunched over his lap, head buried in his hands, and for a brief moment he’s terrified that if he moves, she’ll be gone.

The tone and footsteps are different but when he lifts his head, he can see her blurred reflection in the window across from him.

“How did you know where to find me?”

Simmons walks slowly around the couch and sits on the opposite end from him. It’s been months since he’s seen this iteration of Jemma but she’s still the same as ever.

“Jemma sent me a message… in case things went south.” She explains. She sits stiffly on the edge of the cushion and won’t look at him. ”This was an unexpected turn of events.”

“No shit.”

“You did what you could. You helped save countless realities.”

“Except my own.”

She finally looks at him and his chest aches when he sees a hint of empathy in her gaze. For a moment, he can believe his wife is sitting in front of him. Then her face hardens back into its cold mask.

It had been three years since they originally met. After, quite literally, countless reality jumps on both their parts, they thought they had finally gotten rid of Aida. The past year had been quiet, though he doesn’t know how they would even know if another reality was in trouble, and they moved on to fighting other threats.

Then Holden Radcliffe appeared three weeks ago.

“Nothing you found implied he was alive or that he had these capabilities. You did everything you could to find him.”

“Obviously we didn’t.”

A silence settles over them and he takes a long sip from his beer bottle. He sighs and presses the cold glass against his forehead.

He can’t even get properly drunk.

He needs to be alert, ready to go at a moment’s notice. They were at risk.

Aida, the one they had destroyed, had not been the real threat, as they had come to learn. Tired of being one step behind them, she had swapped places with her double from another reality, another reality where she had already succeeded.

Then she went into hiding in Grant’s and was biding her time. Apparently, she had managed to succeed where SHIELD failed - she found Radcliffe and forced him to do her bidding.

From what little intel they had gotten, Radcliffe had joined forces with Hydra. Not out of any heartfelt loyalty but to simply survive. He had worked with Whitehall in an attempt to save his wife, who had been dying, and in return offered up his own talents. When Whitehall had been murdered, Radcliffe had gone underground. When Aida found him, he was broken and distraught, and the form of his long gone wife was enough to manipulate him. Or as Radcliffe had told them, she saved him.

By the time they resurfaced, the Framework had been completed, and Aida was hellbent on making them suffer.

“Maybe there are some events that are unavoidable, no matter where or when they occur.” Simmons says quietly.

“You don’t believe that. That sounds like fate.”

“Not fate. The outcome has different possibilities. Any action we take has some type of reaction, whether it’s positive or negative. I think these- think of Hydra’s reveal. That happened in multiple realities but it went differently. Your SHIELD survived. Mine didn’t. Maybe Aida and the Framework is one of those events, like… like a foundation to that world. Key scenarios will take place but the final result can be different. Think of yourself. How many realities did you see where you were found by someone other than Coulson? Maybe that is a key event for your being. You were always going to be found by someone but who it was made all the difference.”

“Why did you come here?”

Most of the damage was already done. Fitz had sacrificed himself when Aida came knocking three weeks ago and dished out horrific threats to each of them. He had gone willingly with her back to wherever the fuck her lair was and they had no idea if he was alive or dead.

Coulson, May, and Mack had not returned from the recovery mission to find him.

Trip, Bobbi, and Hunter had been undercover prior to all this and any attempts to get their help had not paid off so far.

Daisy was on the warpath and Jemma was right along side her.

He closes his eyes briefly, picturing that showdown in the Playground’s hangar.

How he could not stop Fitz from walking to Aida. How scarily calm and reassuring his friend had been, even as the girls screamed at him. How Daisy lost complete control and the building had quaked dangerously around them. How she had sworn vengeance against Aida, as Aida casually detailed what she would do to Ben and Drew when she got her hands on them, knowing that was the quickest and easiest way to hurt them all.

“I don’t know.” Simmons says and he looks at her in confusion. Then he realizes he had asked her a question. _Why did you come here?_ She smiles faintly at him. “Maybe I was worried about you. Maybe I know how you’re feeling.”

“Jemma isn’t dead.” He says immediately. She’s not dead like Simmons’ Fitz is dead. She has no idea what he’s thinking or feeling.

Or maybe she was.

No, she was alive, or he had to believe that at the very least.

But the fact was Daisy and Jemma had taken off and hacked their way into the Framework while Grant was hiding in the Catskills with the boys in a last ditch effort to keep them safe and alive. That had been ten days ago and he had no idea what was happening one way or another.

He hasn’t seen his wife in ten days, not since she packed them into his truck and tearfully kissed him and their sons goodbye. He hates it, hates that he needs to be the one who is staying home while she’s out doing God knows what. But he’s really not staying home. He’s playing his own part, protecting the boys, and they had agreed that this was the only option because they came first and who better to protect them than Grant?

But who’s supposed to protect Jemma?

It’s the worst feeling in the world but deep down he knows it’s the right one. Both of them would sacrifice everything for their children, including each other, but it still pains him that he’s not with her when he knows he could protect her.

But who would protect the boys in that instance?

No one, at least no one would as well as he would and could. Thus they found themselves separated and hoping this would work.

“You can’t blame yourself for any of this.” Simmons says. At some point, he had moved down the couch closer to her but she hadn’t backed away.

Three years is a long time. She doesn’t hate him anymore.

They learned to separate each other from the Grant and Jemma they knew.

Normally, he has no problem reminding himself of the fact that she is not his wife. Once you got past the face, they were different people. He never had any sort of romantic or sexual thoughts towards her.

But the way she whispers his name - _Grant, not Ward, and he doesn’t remember her ever calling him by his first name_ \- and the expression in her eyes is so like Jemma that he feels a horrible ache in his chest.

She’s not his wife but she’s still _a_ Jemma and he needs Jemma.

He’s hating himself for being broken. He’s been on far worse missions but none of those had ever involved his family so intimately. He can’t keep himself detached and he feels helpless.

He needs Jemma to keep him on track, to give him that piece of him that she always seems to keep safe.

And Jemma is right here.

He’s leaning in before he can even consider what he’s doing but he hears Drew crying before he kisses her.

That snaps him right back to reality and a sense of guilt overwhelms him.

Even though she hadn’t backed away, she is not Jemma and he knows he’s not going to find what he needs in Simmons. Pretending they were the same would not change that.

“I should leave.” She says quietly. “I don’t want to confuse your children.”

Before he can say anything, she taps the device on her wrist and she disappears from view.

He needs a moment but Drew’s cries grow louder and he forces himself to his feet.

He arrives in time to see Ben slip into Drew’s bed and hug the younger boy close.

“It’s okay Drew. I’m here.” Ben says and the statement causes Grant’s heart to break in two, yet he feels an overwhelming sense of pride towards his older son for taking the initiative.

Ben’s only six and he shouldn’t have to deal with this but he has a level of compassion that Grant doesn’t think he ever had at his age and the way he’s willing to do these small gestures for Drew tells him that this will only grow as they get older.

There’s something about his sons’ relationship that Grant adores. Maybe it was the closeness in age or that their personalities just meshed well but the boys are close and he’s so fucking grateful for it.

Finding out Jemma was pregnant so soon after Ben was a shock and a thrill and he felt more confident this time around but there was an underlying fear that the boys would not get along and they would terrorize each other.

He’s sure it’s due to his own siblings. He watched Ben carefully over the years, like he was waiting for the switch to flip, but his loving and bubbly baby had grown into a curious and protective kid that shared no similarities to his horrific uncle.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Ben asks. That spurs Grant into motion. He didn’t need to shoulder this tonight.

“You guys okay?” He turns the light on as he enters their room. The cabin had plenty of space but the boys had opted for the room with twin beds just down the hall from Grant’s room.

“Daddy,” Drew pulls away from Ben with a wail and sits up as Grant sits on the side of the bed. He scrubs his hands over his face and continues to cry. “I couldn’t find you. I was all alone.”

“I think he had a bad dream.” Ben informs as Drew crawls out from the blanket and into their father’s lap.

“Sounds like it.” Grant agrees. He holds onto his younger son tightly and kisses the top of his head. “I’ve been right here. I was just downstairs. You’re not alone. I was here and Ben’s been here too. We didn’t go anywhere.”

“I want Mommy.”

“I know buddy. I know and I’m so sorry.” That guilt washes over him again as he presses another kiss to Drew’s hair. He hugs him tighter and wonders if it’s helping.

The boys were so different from each other and it was obvious that Ben gravitated towards Grant and Drew to Jemma.

He doesn’t doubt that his son loves him. There were plenty of times during the day that only Grant made the cut. They were very close but sometimes only Mommy did the trick. Grant didn’t blame him in the least. He felt like crying for his wife too.

“I know you miss her but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here baby I promise.” He rubs his hand over Drew’s back and holds out his other arm to let Ben pile in as well. “We’re all okay. We’re just going to hang here a while and Mommy will be here soon.”

He feels Drew slowly calm down. His sobs drift off to soft hiccups, then finally silence. He’s still awake, can feel him wiggling in his lap, and his hands keep clenching into his t-shirt.

“How about we go put on a movie and try to go back to sleep? You can stay with me tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. You want to come to Benny?” He glances at his older son. He can see him trying to be tough but he gives a small nod. ”Okay. Let’s go.”

Ben climbs off the bed first, grabs his ratty sock monkey from his own pillow, and moves to the door.

Drew reaches for his stuffed dog, then lets Grant carry him down the hall. He gets both boys situated in the bed and turns Netflix on. He scrolls until he finds one of their usual favorites, then heads into the bathroom to get himself ready for bed.

Once he’s in bed with them, he drops his phones onto the nightstand - his usual cell and the burner only Jemma knew about.

Ben climbs over his lap, so he’s centered between them, and both the boys snuggle into either side of him.

He’s almost falling asleep when he hears Drew start to snore lightly. Ben moves a little, then presses his chin into Grant’s side as he looks up at him.

“Daddy,”

“What’s up bud?” He keeps his eyes closed but runs his hand gently along his back.

“We’re not going home, are we?”

The question forces him to look at his son and all his training goes out the window.

They hadn’t wanted to alarm the boys and had painted this whole runaway as a boys’ weekend to have fun on their own but it’s been ten days and there’s only so much Grant can do to keep them occupied and hope they’re not aware of the situation.

But it’s been ten days and it’s difficult not to notice the Jemma-shaped hole in their life.

And he shouldn’t be so surprised by the level of awareness in his kids, taking into account himself and Jemma, but Ben looks more like a miniature adult that a six year old and it fucking freaks him out.

“Benny,”

“I know.” He seems to detect his father’s resigned tone but doesn’t seem too alarmed.

“You know what Mommy and I do, at work, is very important.”

“I know.”

“And you know that sometimes things can happen at the Playground and we need to be careful and follow the rules.”

“Mhmm.”

“Well, this time, instead of us staying inside the Playground, Mommy and I wanted there to be a little more space so you and Drew are safe. So, we’re going to hang out up here for a while and when it’s all better, Mommy is going to come get us.”

“Oh.”

“But you don’t have to worry at all. We are totally fine. Honey, I would never, ever let something happen to you okay?”

“I know. Is Mommy okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine.”

“Why can’t we see her or talk to her?”

“Well, you know how I go away sometimes? I can’t always call when I want to because I have to follow the rules. Mommy is doing something like that.”

“Oh.” Ben seems to consider this and his face breaks slightly into a teary frown, like he can let himself go without Drew watching. “I miss her.”

“I know. I do too but she’ll be back soon, I promise.”

* * *

He wakes up a few hours later to the phone ringing. He grabs his cell first, then realizes it’s the burner. He flips it open quickly and notes the time is a little after two AM.

“Jem?”

“ _Grant_.” She sounds exhausted and her voice cracks. “ _Oh God, it’s so good to hear your voice_.”

“Are you- what’s going on?”

“ _I’m okay. We all are. It’s over. She’s gone. We got Fitz and she had grabbed Coulson and May and Mack but we got them. We got everyone_.”

“Jesus Christ.” He rubs a hand over his face and tries to ease away from the boys but he’s basically trapped. He gives up and sinks back into the pillows. “Where are you?”

“ _We went back to the Playground. It’s… it’s a long story. We just- we’re grabbing something to eat. We’ve been under this whole time. But we’re almost done. We’ll be there soon, probably within a few hours_.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“ _I’m fine. Are the boys okay?_ ”

“Yeah, they’re good.”

“ _Good. I miss you guys._ ”

“Trust me, the feeling is mutual.”

She laughs softly in his ear and he hears her sigh.

“ _Okay, I’m going to let you go back to sleep and we’re finishing up here. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you. Tell the boys I love them._ ”

“I will. I love you too.”

But she doesn’t show and when he calls her phone, there’s nothing. No response, no dial tone, no number of service. Just nothing. Like it never existed. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re my husband. We made a promise to each other. Remember? No matter how bad things got, we would be there for each other. Grant, I love you and it’s breaking my heart to see you like this, especially when I know that we could work through whatever it is.”
> 
> “Jem, if I told you…”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I think it’s a little late to be asking that now.”

“I have been asking.” Jemma’s reminder is gentle but there’s still a hidden bite there - _I haven’t stopped trying to reach you_ \- and it makes Grant stiffen. “Just double checking. We can always tell them to go away.”

“Is that what you want?”

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what both of us want, what works for our family.” When he doesn’t respond, she sighs and leans back into the couch. “It’s not permanent. We can always retire if we change our minds.”

“Retire.” He repeats with a snort.

“Or make a career change.”

“You would do that?” He asks and she opens her mouth, then hesitates.

“I don’t know.” Her voice softens and she shakes her head. “It’s odd, isn’t it? We’ve been in this since we were seventeen. We don’t know anything else. I don’t think I ever gave anything else a real consideration.”

“Maybe there’s nothing else to consider.”

Before they can continue their conversation further, there is a knock on the door. Jemma squeezes Grant’s hand gently and he knows there’s a silent promise there that the discussion wasn’t over.

She hesitates when she reaches the door, then with a deep breath, she turns the knob and pulls it open.

“…just saying.” Skye is mid-sentence and waving her hands at Trip. She turns fully towards Jemma, a wide smile growing on her face. When she actually lays eyes on her, her jaw drops. “What the hell!”

“I’m glad to see you too.”

“What is that!” She gestures wildly at Jemma’s stomach.

“That’s my baby.” Trip retorts, pushing past Skye to hug Jemma. She holds onto him tightly and smiles against his shoulder. “I missed you girl. I’m liking these new curves.”

She lets out a laugh as Grant huffs as he pushes himself off the couch.

“Keep your hands to yourself.”

“What are you going to do? Beat me with your crutches?”

“Do you two need to start antagonizing each other immediately?”

“Yes.” They chorus, then Trip adds, “You look like shit.”

“Seriously.” Skye eyes the couple warily. “Coulson didn’t say we were coming to pick up the cast of _Cast Away_.”

Grant scowls at the comment while Jemma raises an eyebrow. Trip can’t seem to contain his laughter.

“Does that make me the volleyball?” Jemma asks and it’s worth the horrified expression that passes over Skye’s face.

“What? No! Of course not! I meant him!” She thrusts her hand at Grant. He only frowns further and balances on one crutch to scrub a hand over his face. Maybe he hadn’t shaved in a while but he sure as hell didn’t look like he was stranded on a deserted island. “You are adorable and beautiful and why the hell didn’t you tell me you’re pregnant!”

“I knew.” Trip says.

“You knew? And you kept it a secret?”

“Uh, that’s what I do. It was classified.”

“Oh, please! We’re their friends! Wait, does Fitz know?” Skye seems suddenly more suspicious and outraged by this possibility.

“Nobody knew. Trip only knew because we were together during the Uprising.” Jemma explains. “Coulson didn’t say anything?”

“Coulson said nothing. All he told us was you guys were here and we were to take our newly stolen quinjet and come get you.”

“You stole a quinjet?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Let’s go.” Grant says, his tone suddenly gruff and short and Skye raises an eyebrow at him. It was a reversal from the growth she had seen over the past six months. Trip’s grin fades and he glances to Jemma for any hint. She gives him a slight shake of her head.

They don’t have much, a bag for each of them. Trip takes one and Skye takes the other. As Jemma glances back over the house to double check, it dawns on her how minimally they had been living. When she turns back around, Skye is watching her with a concerned expression. Grant is almost off the porch, with Trip a step behind him, ready to grab him if needed.

“It seemed nice.” Skye says, looking up at the house. Jemma does as well and considers the statement.

“It wasn’t.”

Maybe under different circumstances, it would have been but she thinks if they ever come back, she’ll always associate it with these dreadful weeks.

The quinjet is down the beach, off on its own in an isolated area. None of them speak again until they’re inside.

Trip takes the pilot’s seat and Grant wedges himself into the co-pilot’s. His friend glances at him but says nothing as he begins preparing for takeoff.

Jemma and Skye pick two of the jump seats and strap in.

“Do you need anything?” Skye is looking at Jemma with concern. “I mean, like, barf bags or…”

She laughs at the question and shakes her head.

“No, I’m fine thanks. I haven’t had any nausea thankfully.”

“Okay, sure, but you haven’t flown in a quinjet with Top Gun since you got pregnant.”

“There is nothing wrong with my flying.” Trip calls from the cockpit.

“And seriously, when did you get pregnant? I mean, you’ve been gone about ten weeks and that is more than ten weeks of baby.”

“I’m due the beginning of November.”

“Oh.” Skye’s voice falls as she puts the pieces together. February had been horrible on all of them. She prefers to forget it even happened but it was difficult to forget that Fitz had saved her and mortally injured himself in the process. Or would have been mortally injured if it hadn’t been for the GH-325. 

“How is Fitz?”

“Great! Good.”

“Good.” Jemma gives a small nod. It had been hard to not be in contact with any of them, most of all Fitz. She had tried, once, but it had been after the Odyssey Protocol had been enacted and she assumed they had all changed their devices and contact information since his phone number was disconnected.

“He misses you.” Skye adds and Jemma feels something in her chest ache.

“I hope he hasn’t been sulking.”

“For a little bit. We… there hasn’t been much to do until the past couple weeks and we don’t have a big group so far. It’s really… it’s really been just him and me, you know? I mean, we’ve got Trip but…”

“But what?”

“I know you all know Trip from before our adventures but I didn’t. I really like him, I do, but May and Coulson are… doing whatever it is they’re doing and besides that’s like Mom and Dad. You don’t… you don’t go to them. So it was just me and Fitz from the Bus.”

“And what have you and Fitz been doing?”

“No it’s not - I’m - you’re misunderstanding.”

Jemma laughs, causing Grant to glance back towards them. Trip watches as he frowns and turns around again.

“Jemma feeling okay? She seems… off.” He comments.

“She’s fine.”

“Everything is good with the baby?”

“It’s not the baby.” Grant mutters after a long pause.

“Oh, you’re being your usual, sunny self.” Trip gives a mocking nod. “Got it. Well, at least half the job is already done for me.”

“What?”

“Told you if you ever treat her wrong, I’d break your legs. Only got to break one now.”

“You’re a fucking dick.”

“Takes one to know one.” Trip retorts.

“Look, I don’t need a lecture from you.”

“I’m not giving one. I’m worried about you - both of you. This,” he waves a hand in Grant’s direction, “isn’t you. Coulson warned me, even though he didn’t tell Skye. What’s going on man?”

“Who did he bring on so far?” He asks. Trip rolls his eyes at the deflection but responds.

“Not many. Or if there’s more, they haven’t come to the Playground yet. He got some scientists that Fitz hates and yells at all day long. Remember Izzy Hartley? She came in but we lost her on a mission last week. She had a group of mercenaries with her and the one that’s left is still hanging around. Fun fact, he’s Morse’s ex, though I haven’t been brave enough to admit I know this.”

“Are they actually exes this time?”

“Well, he’s called her every name in the book and she hasn’t come around yet. Hartley brought this guy, Mack, from where she was stationed on the Iliad. I think he was an engineer? I don’t know much about him. He pretty much sticks with them.”

“Anyone else?”

“No one worth mentioning. Some low levels, recent Academy graduates. Coulson is in and out. May’s taken over training Skye and she’s got a small group she’s supervising. Davis, Piper, couple others. Fitz is in a mood unless Skye is around. I’m pretty sure there’s something going on there.”

Grant frowns and they share a long glance. Trip shrugs as he shakes his head.

“They’ve been spending a lot of time together. Let’s be real, he got shot for her. I think you of all people would agree you wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

* * *

“So, we put this room aside for you, you know just in case.” Skye stops outside of a door and presses her hand against a pad. It lights up, then they hear the door unlock. She pushes the door open and they step inside as she turns the light on. “Right now, I’m the only one who can access it. We’ll reset the biometrics on the lock for you.”

It’s nothing crazy - a queen sized bed, dresser, nightstands. The room extends slightly enough to fit a desk and a TV is mounted on the wall opposite of the bed. Jemma wasn’t expecting anything huge- they are in a base after all, and there are plenty other agents living here.

Grant’s expression is still as blank as when they stepped off the quinjet. She knows this doesn’t bother him though. He’s slept in a variety of places and isn’t picky.

But in the back of her head, she knows this is temporary. There is no way they are going to make this work with a baby.

A group of boxes is stacked at the foot of the bed and Jemma notices Fitz’s messy scrawl across both fronts. Two for her, two for Grant.

“These are your belongings from the Bus.” Skye explains with a wave of her hand. “There are some bags you guys must have brought and those are in the closet. But otherwise everything is in here.”

“Where is everyone?”

Skye blinks, like she’s surprised by Grant’s voice. By everyone, Jemma knows he means the rest of the Bus team. But the Playground seemed oddly quiet nonetheless and no one so much as batted an eyelash as Skye led them to the private quarters.

“May is on an assignment and… Fitz doesn’t know we were coming to get you. He’s in Coulson’s office working on… something. Coulson figured a big surprise, welcome back would not be the best way to enter the Playground so everyone was pretty much told to stay out of mine and Trip’s way. We’ll let you guys get settled and then we can do introductions when you’re ready.”

Skye glances between the couple. Jemma smiles gently as Grant stares into the closet.

“I’ll uh, leave you to it then. Do you guys need anything?”

“No, I think we’re fine. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. Um, when you come out, just make a right and follow the hall down. There’s a common room but if you get lost just ask. We can give you a tour and get you acquainted with everything.” 

“Thanks Skye.” Jemma smiles gratefully and she nods, then comes forward to hug her. They hold onto each other tightly.

“I really missed you.” She mutters. “I even missed Grant.”

“Must have for you to be so nice to him.”

Skye glances back to Grant, who still won’t make any sort of eye contact.

She shrugs at Jemma. They were used to sparring and the relentless nicknames but his demeanor was enough for her to sober up. Her smile weakens slightly, knowing exactly what Skye is thinking.

“We’ll see you later.”

Once the door shuts, Grant slumps down on the end of the bed. He lets out a sigh as he rubs a hand over the back of his neck. Jemma can see the tension written all over him.

She rounds the side of the bed, slips off her sandals, then sits in the middle of the mattress.

“Come here,” she wiggles her hand at him and he looks ready to protest. She pokes him in the back with her toes and he sighs again.

He moves, slowly, but pushes himself back until he’s laying alongside her legs. He rolls so he’s partially over her and lays his head in her lap.

His eyes close as her fingers weave into his hair. They sit in silence as she massages his head. She moves her hands steadily through his hair, over his temple, down the back of his neck.

He leans a little more heavily on her and sighs. She thinks he might be falling asleep but he suddenly jerks and pushes himself up on his hands. He doesn’t move any more though, just hovers over her lap with his head hanging.

“Grant,”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what? Relax?” She slides her hand between his shoulder blades and rubs at the knots she finds.

“No, I-” He pushes up again but doesn’t move.

“Grant,” her other hand moves under his chin to lift his head. He meets her gaze reluctantly and she sees everything that’s been festering since the Uprising. “It’s okay to rest.”

“I’ve rested enough.”

“Oh please. We both know you haven’t rested since you were discharged from the hospital and probably even long before then.”

He scoffs and moves so he is sitting upright again. He moves himself to the side of the bed with his back to her.

She waits a few moments, then moves to sit behind him and places her hands gently on his shoulders.

“You don’t always have to be the strong one. We’re in the middle of a secure base with our team and family. You can let your guard down.”

“Like the Hub was secure? And the Triskelion and all the others? No.”

“I trust Coulson.”

“I trust him too but we don’t know these people.”

“Not yet and we’re in here. It’s just you and me. Skye is the only one who can get in here and she’s not going to bother us.”

“Do you know how many biometric locks I’ve bypassed?”

“Why are you being difficult?” She moves alongside him and strokes her fingers over his temple. He leans briefly into her touch but he’s still stiff. “Darling, you’re going to give yourself a migraine.”

“Stop.”

“What?”

“Just stop. Please.” He grabs his crutches and stands. Her shoulders slump as she watches him move towards the desk, like he’s trying to keep space between them.

They’re both quiet for a few moments and finally, she shakes her head.

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to stop. I thought after Coulson came, that you’d snap out of… whatever this is. You apologized and when I said I felt bad because I didn’t know how to help you, you said you wouldn’t let me help you. I thought that that meant you’d start to but you’re just as holed up as ever. I’m done. I tried doing it your way. I tried giving you space and respecting your privacy but I can’t anymore. I know it’s a lot. These past few months have been awful but hiding isn’t helping. It’s making things worse and I just want to help you.”

“It’s not your burden to carry.”

“Of course it is!” Her voice breaks and she stands up to move next to him. He leans heavily against the desk and stares down at the floor. “You’re my husband. We made a promise to each other. Remember? No matter how bad things got, we would be there for each other. Grant, I love you and it’s breaking my heart to see you like this, especially when I know that we could work through whatever it is.”

“Jem, if I told you…” he trails off and she shakes her head. She takes another step forward and cups his face in her hands.

“I’m not some delicate wallflower. Why do you think I can’t handle whatever it is? I’m not stupid. I know exactly who you are. I know what you’ve done - even more so after being on missions together. Do you think, after everything, I would walk away? That there could possibly be something that would be too much?”

He doesn’t answer her so she continues on.

“You tried pushing me away after Berlin. I told you then that you don’t get to make my choices for me. That still stands. Stop pushing me away.”

“You deserve better.”

“I don’t think that would be possible to find. Not many people are willing to take bullets and jump out of planes for someone.”

“There’s more than that.”

“I know and there’s more to you than what you’re focusing on. I trust you. I know you. I love you. All the pieces, not just the good ones. Have I ever done something to insinuate otherwise?”

“No but…”

“No. There’s no _but_ needed. We’re in this together. I’m not going to back down from this. I can’t let you do this anymore.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know that. You won’t.”

“I don’t think we’re on the same page. I don’t… I don’t know if I can do this or… or even want this.”

“What do you mean? Us? You don’t want to be together?”

“Being back.” He says, then pauses. He looks away from her and softly, almost guiltily, adds, “A baby.”

“Okay. Well, it’s… it’s a lot and it’s unexpected. Are you… if things weren’t the way they were, would you still feel the same?” She asks. He opens his mouth to respond but he hesitates. Eventually he says,

“I’m not the type of person who should be around a kid Jemma.”

“Okay.” She can’t say this was unexpected but she can see the conflict in him, with how he can’t hold her gaze and the tension in his shoulders. Just like he wanted - but wouldn’t allow a few minutes of rest - he’s fighting himself internally. “Would it be okay to just take things day by day for now? Let’s settle in here and see how things are? And… and if the time comes and you’re still not… on board, we can make a decision then. I’m not going to try to persuade you one way or the other. You’re entitled to your feelings and your decision. I don’t want you feeling like you’re forced to be here. I don’t think that will solve anything. But could you possibly do me a favor?”

He meets her eye almost reluctantly.

“Could you just let me take the lead for a bit? Let me make my case before we make any decisions? Do you trust me?”

“I do but I think you’re not looking at everything clearly.”

“That’s fair. Let’s make a deal. We’ve got twenty-two weeks to go. Can we make it to a halfway point, then reevaluate? And if things are improving on your end, then we can make a final decision at the end. Can you give me that much?”

“Okay.”

“Will you come sit for a little while? No one is expecting anything from us today. Let’s just take a few moments, unwind, maybe unpack.”

He doesn’t answer but he does walk back to the bed. She considers that a small victory and moves to pull the blanket back.

He’s rigid next to her, not touching her, and she doesn’t push it. She knows once he lets go, he’ll move. They had made small steps after that night.

They had always been extremely physical, when they weren’t in a work setting, and that loss had hurt just as badly as his silence.

Even though he didn’t want to talk, she felt relieved that at least they were touching. It was still limited for what they were accustomed to but she accepted it as a sign of progress. Instead of nothing, she’d get a hand on her back or he’d hold her while they slept.

She doesn’t remember the last time he kissed her. That’s a lie. It had been in the Hub, when he found her taking cover in that conference room with Trip. She’s gone much longer without kissing him. It still hurts.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters and she almost doesn’t hear him. He turns so he is against her side and his arm comes around her chest. His hand glides through her hair, coming to a rest over her ear and cups the side of her head. “I know you don’t want it like this.”

“It’s fine.” She manages to find her voice. “We’ll figure something out. We always do.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ve already said your apologies. I guess this is me taking the olive branch really.” 
> 
> “Then why do you look so hesitant? Is this like some weird, interrogation tactic? Are those poisoned?”
> 
> “Of course not! We’re off duty. I thought we could have a little fun.”

Skye is in the midst of reading a magazine - not really in the mood to further test the bounds of her new accessory - when she hears a knock on her bunk.

She glances up to find Jemma in the doorway, a hesitant smile on her face as she holds out a bottle of wine and a plate of cookies.

“I’ve come with a peace offering. An olive branch, so to speak. I was going to watch a movie and thought you’d might like to join me.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one extending the olive branch?”

“You’ve already said your apologies. I guess this is me taking the olive branch really.” 

“Then why do you look so hesitant? Is this like some weird, interrogation tactic? Are those poisoned?”

“Of course not! We’re off duty. I thought we could have a little fun.”

“What movie are you going to watch?”

“ _Titanic_.”

“Anyone else joining in?”

“Not at the moment. Grant is working out and Fitz is tinkering.” Her smile brightens a little. “It can be a girls’ night!”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“All right. Uh, I’ll just run to the bathroom before we put the movie on.”

“Sure, I’ll get everything set up.”

They share a tentative smile and part ways as Jemma moves to her own bunk and Skye heads for the bathroom.

Jemma briefly feels guilty as she rifles through the stack of DVDs she had brought with her. This wasn’t an interrogation, at least not in the way Skye probably was thinking. Jemma truly did want to get to know her better but she was hoping to gather more information on Fitz’s behalf, even though he had no idea of her plan. And Grant did tell her not to meddle but she couldn’t help it.

It was her duty as his best friend to be his wingman, or wingwoman. Grant was the only other plausible option and he would absolutely refuse the role of wingman, especially in this case and especially now.

Fortunately, Skye is mending a broken heart and a romantic drama is enough to get her talking.

“I need a man like Jack Dawson.” She says, as Jack and Rose meet for the first time. “I mean, look at this. He doesn’t even freaking know her and look at the steps he’s willing to take to save her and besides, it really doesn’t hurt that he’s Leonardo DiCaprio. I would love to get my hands on a Leo.”

The comment causes Jemma to raise an eyebrow. _Freudian slip_? Perhaps, this would be easier than she thought.

“There’s something about 90’s Leo that is absolute perfection.” Skye continues. “Even though I was like 9 when this movie came out.”

“Same. I don’t think I was ever allowed to watch it. I remember seeing it at the Academy for the first time.”

“Really?”

“Mm. My parents were rather strict. And there’s sex and nudity. I always found it ironic that I could draw the human anatomy with my eyes closed but God forbid a pair of breasts graced our television screen.”

“Well, I mean, this is kind of heavy material for a kid. Maybe they had a valid point.”

“I suppose so.” Jemma pours herself a second glass of wine and sits back against the couch. “So is that your type?”

“Starving, penniless artist? No, that sounds more like me. I seem to attract the Cals of the world.”

“Maybe you just need your own Leo.”

“Point me in his direction and I’ll happily take him.”

“How long were you and Miles together?”

“Um, well, I mean can you really say we were together?”

“You said he was your boyfriend and… well, considering how we found you,”

“I mean, yeah, we were together but it was more off than on, you know? And, really, I was in LA and he was in Austin. We’d see each other but… I guess, I knew already, right? If he was really my boyfriend or he really loved me, we wouldn’t have been hundreds of miles from each other and he wouldn’t let me be sleeping in my van.”

“Would you have accepted if he offered to take you away from all that? You don’t seem like someone who wants to be rescued.”

“Well, maybe not. You’re right. I’m not going to sit back and wait to be rescued. If I really wanted that life, I’d have gone for it.” Skye says confidently but her face is another story. She appears conflicted and she picks at a string hanging off her sweater. “It would have to be the right person. I um… I haven’t had much luck with people… romantic or otherwise.”

“I understand.”

“You really don’t.” Skye snorts and shakes her head. “I… bounced from foster home to foster home and I was in and out of the orphanage so many times. Never really found my place. You, Miss Genius, grew up in a stable home with strict but loving parents and I’m sure everything was handed to you on a platter. You got plucked into this amazing world and I assume, got the man of your dreams. Is he though? Were all your boyfriends soulless robots?”

“Bold of you to assume there were other boyfriends.” Jemma rolls her eyes. “Yes, I had my parents and I had a home and I’m extremely grateful for that. But I never quite fit, you know? I didn’t act like the other children. They didn’t know how to interact with me and they kept their distance and I didn’t know how to tone down my personality.

“Then, I was barely a teenager and I was taking university classes. Young adults aren’t eager to interact with twelve year olds. And then I was at the Academy and it’s very male driven and competitive and the women who are there are cutthroat because we all are trying to prove ourselves. I only had Fitz. I don’t think I really made an effort. I mean, I’ve always been friendly but I never had friends, if you know what I mean. Yes, I dated guys but nothing serious came of it.

“Most guys aren’t exactly lining up to date someone smarter than them and then add in Fitz… I was a turn off to a lot of people. Or they liked me and once they got to see how I really was, I didn’t get many second dates. I’m making this sound like it was decades. I met Grant when I was 19 so it’s not like I had so much experience. And Grant knew exactly what he was getting from the first day he met me.”

“And did you know exactly what you were getting?”

“Mm, no, not exactly but I could take a guess. He can be very… distant in the beginning. He didn’t have it very easy growing up either and as he started to open up, it wasn’t terribly difficult to put the pieces together. I think you two have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, don’t tell him that.” Skye laughs around the edge of her glass. “I have to disagree. I think I’m a lot of fun.”

“He is too. I saw you playing Battleship the other day. He doesn’t play Battleship with just anyone. It’s going to take him some time to… accept what happened. But he’ll come around. He’s not one to give up on a challenge and training you is definitely one.”

“Well, maybe I’ll get him to break that streak.”

“Don’t be so sure. You know, I like to think I grounded him a bit. Maybe you just need your own version of me.” Jemma shrugs, causing Skye to laugh loudly.

“I think I’d be okay with that.”

“Seriously, what are you looking for? We can find someone.”

“I don’t know if I want someone.”

“Ideal man or woman?”

“I guess at the end of the day, someone who respects me and who I am and can fully accept what that means.” Skye says after a few moments of silence. “Someone who’s not bothered by my baggage. A good friend, a good partner. Supportive. Handsome wouldn’t hurt.”

* * *

“ _Hello Jack. I changed my mind_.”

“You have got to be joking.” Grant grimaces as he and Fitz enter the lounge.

“Mm, where have you been hiding?” Jemma flashes a wide smile when she spots him.

“I’m about ready to go back.”

“Oh, hush. Your favorite part is coming up.”

“You a boob man Ward?” Skye raises an eyebrow but he only glares at her. His gaze softens when he looks back to his wife. She smiles again at him.

She’s sprawled on the couch, head tipped back so she’s looking at him upside down. He spots the two wine bottles on the coffee table and the corner of his mouth twitches.

“How many glasses did you have?”

“Two. Maybe three.” She shrugs and reaches a hand back. Her finger snags one of his belt loops and she gives a tug. He sighs but steps forward. She hums happily and rubs her free hand over the outside of his thigh. “Don’t judge me. We’re off duty and over the middle of an ocean. Plenty of time for it to wear off.”

He knows she’s not drunk. Happily buzzed and on her way to drunk, judging by her cheerfulness and overly handsy displays of affection in front of their friends. He raises his eyebrows as her hand sneaks around the back of his thigh and up to stroke his ass.

Skye doesn’t seem drunk. Or maybe she is. She’s rather subdued. If she was a quiet drunk, he might advocate for drinking on the job.

“I think it was more like four glasses.” She mutters. She’s in one of the armchairs to the side, hugging a throw pillow to her chest.

“Jemma doesn’t hold her liquor well.” Fitz explains, which earns him a scoff from her.

“That is very false. I hold my liquor just fine. These just happen to be very strong bottles of wine.”

“Skye seems okay.”

“Skye is used to drinking harder liquor than some weak, non-branded wine.” The hacker comments. “Sorry Simmons.”

If Jemma heard, she pays no attention. She’s too busy trying to persuade a kiss out of Grant. He glances to the others but they seem too preoccupied with the movie.

Fitz has taken the chair across from Skye and is in the midst of explaining the engineering behind the ship.

“So, if they had hit head-on, they’d have incurred damage but would have still managed to float.” He’s saying and she, God bless her, actually looks interested.

“Grant,” Jemma whines and tugs him again. He sighs and crouches behind the side of the couch.

“Can I go change first?”

“I don’t trust you to come back.” She frowns deeply at him and he chuckles as he strokes her bangs off her forehead.

“10 minutes.”

“I’m timing you.”

“I know.” He kisses her forehead, then stands up, and walks to his bunk. He’s back at eight minutes, forty three seconds.

He turns the cabin lights to a lower setting, plunging them mostly into darkness. Fitz and Skye are still speaking, now discussing their favorite parts of the movie. Well, Skye seems to be. Fitz prefers explaining why parts are incorrect.

Jemma has now sat up on the couch and is munching on a cookie with another smile on her face. She’s watching her friends more than the movie.

“Didn’t I say no meddling?” He murmurs as he sits next to her.

“That’s not meddling. They took the initiative all their own.” She holds a cookie out to him and when he gives it a stink eye, she sighs and breaks it in half. “I worked hard on these. The least you could do is try a piece.”

“You know, you always say that.”

“And you always give in so why even pretend like you don’t want to eat it? One cookie won’t make those abs disappear Agent Ward.” She pokes him in the stomach and he tries to look annoyed. She merely continues to smile at him and pokes his mouth with the cookie.

“You drive me crazy.” He says as he chews. 

“You knew that from day one. Too late to back out now.”

“And why are we watching _Titanic_ for the millionth time?”

“I like this movie and I had hoped to girl bond with Skye over a mutual love for Leos.”

“Oh my God.” He leans forward to take one of the final cookies and ignores the victorious grin on her face.

“As if you weren’t doing the same. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you both were locked away for hours and came back together. Were you being a good friend?”

“Wasn’t trying to. You know this is the shittiest movie of all time right?”

“It is not!”

“It’s cheesy and outside of the actual sinking, based mostly in bullshit. Who the hell falls in love in three days? And the dialogue. It still shocks me to this day that you enjoy these kinds of movies.”

“A little romance never hurt anyone and don’t even try to act like you’re different because you can be quite romantic when you want to be.” She curls up against his side. She wraps one arm around his shoulders and her other hand slides into his hair to turn his face towards hers. ”You jump, I jump right?”

“I would never jump anywhere and certainly not after you if you were stupid enough to do so.”

“Whatever you say darling.” She presses a kiss to his mouth and pulls back slightly. Then she makes a soft noise and kisses him again.

“Jem,”

“They’re not paying attention.”

He glances over and begrudgingly agrees that she’s correct. They are far enough ahead, with their backs mostly to them. He looks back to Jemma when he feels her leg slide between his. She smirks at him but he only shakes his head.

“Thank you.” She murmurs before they share another kiss.

* * *

“I thought we were running a mobile command unit, not a high school.”

Phil smiles slightly as May settles on the step below him.

“Like you never had some fun in between missions.” He tips his head down to glance at her. Her face is stoic as always. ”They deserve it. Good bonding experience.”

“Sure, they really look bonded.” She retorts dryly.

The movie is almost over. At some point, Phil had started to leave his office and noticed the atmosphere of the lounge. Not wanting to intrude and interested in what was happening, he sat down on the stairs. 

Fitz and Skye were quiet at this point, whispering every so often as they shared shy smiles.

Jemma had long given up on watching the movie, more interested in her husband. Phil is grateful to see Grant relax for at least a little while. He had been in a mood for weeks now.

“I still say she could have moved her ass over and let him on the door.” Skye says suddenly as Jack sinks into the ocean. “Would you let that fine specimen just sink into the abyss, Simmons?”

“Mm, what?” She pulls her face away from Grant’s long enough to glance at the screen. “Oh, no. Of course not.”

“He’s dead.” Fitz says. “What was she supposed to do? Die with him?”

“He wouldn’t have been dead if she let him on the door!”

“It wouldn’t have worked.”

”Says who?”

”Mathematics and science. Between their combined body mass and the door and buoyancy. They would have tipped over or sank. Do you watch _Mythbusters_? They explained the whole thing. The only way it would have worked would be if they put the life jackets under the door and who the hell would have thought of that?”

“Well, I’m sure they could have found some other wreckage for him to float on. He’s too pretty to die. Right?”

“Sure, he’s conventionally good looking but there are definitely better looking people.” Fitz scoffs. “What’s so great about him anyway?”

“His luscious blonde locks, those dreamy blue eyes, the way he just risks everything for her. Is there a better man out there?” Skye waits, then tries to prompt another response. “Simmons?”

“Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I’m sure for many, he would be the best man. But for others, perhaps not.”

“If this is your roundabout way of you telling me you’d pick Grant Ward over Jack Dawson, I’ll cry.”

“He’s not real!” Grant exclaims.

“Okay, well then Leonardo DiCaprio. I’d still pick him over you any day.”

“Well, at least we won’t have to fight over them.” Jemma giggles. “And let’s not count Fitz out of this race. He’s wonderful too.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s true. I guess, if I had to choose, it would be Leo, Fitz, then Ward. Hell, I’d even pick you and May and Coulson first too.”

“I guess I should be grateful I’m in second?”

“You know what they say Fitzy. First is the worst, second is the best.” Jemma says, a sing song quality to her voice. Even in the darkness, it’s easy to see the engineer and hacker blushing.

“Okay, maybe we are running a high school.” Phil mutters as May scoffs and walks back towards the cockpit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Titanic and Mythbusters are not mine. It is only referenced for entertainment purposes within this storyline.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fury pulled me for another assignment.”
> 
> “Well, aren’t you special. More important than an 0-8-4?”
> 
> “Maybe.” Phil’s face scrunches up humorously and they fall in step with each other. “I think I just adopted a kid.”

“Hey!”

Phil turns slightly to see May storming down the hallway after him.

“Thanks for up and leaving! I had to bring Fallon for that op instead. Worst mission ever.”

“Oh. Are you saying you enjoy working with me?” A small smile plays on his face even as she continues to glare at him.

“I’m saying at least I know what to expect from your stupidity.” She retorts, getting a shrug from him.

“I’ll take it and I’m sorry. Fury pulled me for another assignment.”

“Well, aren’t you special. More important than an 0-8-4?”

“Maybe.” Phil’s face scrunches up humorously and they fall in step with each other. “I think I just adopted a kid.”

“What?”

“It was a kid. He’s popped up on Fury’s radar a couple of times. There’s a military school in Massachusetts and the kid showed prospects but he disappeared. Few months later, Fury got word from an old friend that he was in a juvenile detention center. He asked me to go check him out.”

“And you decided to bring him home? Like a puppy from the pound?”

“Well, you know, when you put it that way…”

“Coulson, why was he in juvie?”

“Classified.”

“Mhmm. You didn’t actually adopt him right?”

“Of course not but it seems like he’s going to become my responsibility … or should I say, my ward. It’s funny because his last name is Ward.” He can’t help the grin that forms but Melinda can only groan and roll her eyes. ”Come on, it was funny.”

“Hardly. Where is he now?”

“Getting evaluated. Physical, mental, the whole deal. Then we’ll decide what’s next.”

“How old is he?”

“Sixteen.”

“So what do you know about teenage boys with criminal behavior?”

“Not much.”

“This is going to blow up in your face.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“You can’t fix everyone, you know.”

“Who said I want to fix him? Who even said he needs fixing?”

“He didn’t end up in juvie on accident. He could be dangerous. I can’t watch your back all day long.”

“I can handle myself just fine.”

“And, I’m sure you’ve got the best intentions but… you don’t know anything about him.”

“I’ve read his files.”

“It’s not always in a file.”

“True. From what I’ve been told, I don’t think he’s ever had someone that looked out for him. He’s still young. Maybe this will help him out.”

“Maybe or maybe this isn’t what’s best. You know our lives Phil. He might need better stability than this if that’s true.”

“We’re going to take it one step at a time.”

“Okay.” May holds up her hands in a surrender. “Keep me posted. I mean, I really don’t care but I’m weirdly intrigued.”

“Sure.”

* * *

“I thought you said I wasn’t a prisoner.”

Phil glances up from the file as he enters the room. Grant sits stiffly at the table and frowns at him.

“You’re not.”

“Could’ve fooled me. Looks like an interrogation room to me. Probably got plenty of people staring at me through that. It’s not my first rodeo.” He tilts his head to the two-way window.

“No, no one is out there. I know it’s a little inhospitable but we’re not exactly the Four Seasons. I didn’t have many options on where to place you.” Phil unbuttons his jacket, then sits across from him. “You weren’t very talkative with the psychologist before.”

“I don’t need a shrink.” Grant mutters. He’s still stiff but his eyes are wide and alert and darting around the room. It reminds Phil of when he had entered the warden’s office back at the detention center. Like he was continually analyzing his surroundings and trying to choose between fight and flight.

“Sometimes, it helps.”

“Never did in the past.”

“Well, that’s in the past. We’re starting fresh today.” He flips through some of the papers and stops on the reports from his military school. “Can I ask you something?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course. You don’t have to answer. By all accounts, you showed promise when you were enrolled at the military school. You pissed off at least every instructor but they didn’t deny your capabilities. You’re very intelligent. You had a couple years, then you would have graduated and been on your own. Wouldn’t have been beholden to anyone, not even your family. Why go back and risk it?”

“That’s a lie.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t know my father. He has his hands everywhere. My family has been in Massachusetts politics since the Pilgrims landed. He knows most of the instructors there and the ones he doesn’t, he pays them off. My brother went there too. He’s a favorite alumni. I might not have been with them but they found their ways to fuck with me. That’s never going to change.”

“I’m sorry.” Phil murmurs. He continues to flip through the file and stops on a news article announcing Patrick Ward’s election to the Senate several years ago. A black and white photograph accompanies the article and by all accounts, they seemed like a typical family.

“I don’t want your pity.”

“Who said I pity you?” He stares at the picture. It was the small things, that probably wouldn’t be noticed or could be passed off as something else. A too tight grip on the older boy’s shoulder, the grimace on a younger Grant’s face, the fake smile on the wife as she speared her nails into his arm. This was not something that had started recently.

No formal reports, just notations on evaluations from school counselors and such.

Pathological liar, temperamental, violent tendencies.

_Your brother wants you tried, publicly, and as an adult. Your father wants you to go away._

“Your father is running for re-election, right?”

“Yeah.” 

“I imagine that your family image is something important to him.”

“How’d you guess?”

“I know his type.” Phil mutters. Egotistical, conceited bastard on a power trip. He’d eventually one day wind up running for President and probably would win. “It was also pretty obvious considering Whitman’s comment back at his office, about him wanting you to go away. He doesn’t want a headache with the press.”

“I’ve always been a pain in his ass.” Grant says. He smirks but he looks bitter and hurt.

“How so?”

“What are you going to do with me?”

Phil decides not to push it. He’s not expecting the kid to pour his heart out in one sitting. It’s fairly easy to put the dots together and he feels angry that no one had cared to do so before. It could have saved Grant and his siblings years of heartache.

“What do you want to do?”

“You came to me.”

“And you chose to come _with_ me. Why?”

“Well, seeing as the alternative was getting killed,”

“Who said anything about being killed?”

“What do you think he meant by go away?” Grant rolls his eyes.

“That’s how you took that?”

“Of course. He doesn’t want me to be tried in court because of the press but he doesn’t want me to keep popping up. Make it look like some brawl in the prison yard. Then he’ll spin it to some sympathetic story because they can’t know I was in juvie. A dead kid would definitely garner some poll points. Easier to explain than me being the devil. Probably by the time anyone cared or realized it didn’t add up, it’ll be too late to exhume my body and find out how I really went.”

“Jesus, Grant. That’s…”

“… exactly the kind of stunt my father would pull. Everything is a story to him. He’s behind the scenes pulling all the strings.”

Phil is struggling to grasp this theory. He doesn’t know anything about the Wards, other than what’s written and what is implied between the lines. It’s shitty all around. He doesn’t understand how someone, a parent, could treat their children this way. Abuse was one thing, murder for hire was definitely another.

Grant seems so sure of himself that Phil doesn’t know which is worse - that he’s allowing himself to believe that his father would attempt something like that or that he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by it.

“What would you like to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have the opportunity to start over. You’re a minor. Your record would have been sealed. We’ll have it all deleted with the click of a button anyway. What are your goals? Aspirations?”

Grant lets out a laugh, like Phil is crazy. Maybe he is. He thinks Grant is trying to play it like he’s too cool to plan for the future but he can see he’s caught off guard by the question. Probably never had it asked before.

“Alright, let me give you an option. SHIELD had its eye on you, thought you had potential. You’re still a little young for the Academy but in a couple of years, you could be a good candidate for a spot.”

“So, I traded away one military school for another.”

“In a sense. Operations has a few different roles. I’m a field agent, my friend is a specialist. It depends on where you wind up. Could be combat missions, rescues, extractions. We kind of do it all. You could save people, help people. Be a hero.”

They are both quiet for a few moments but it’s evident that Grant is mulling the idea over.

“If I’m too young, what happens to me until then?”

“We’ll keep you off your father’s radar. Appoint a guardian for you.” Phil slides the box he had brought towards the middle of the table. Grant lifts the top and scowls at the bracelet inside.

“House arrest.”

“It’s for your protection.”

“Or whoever you ship me off to. You don’t trust me.”

“Trust is earned. From both sides, not just yours. We don’t know each other and it’s a unique situation. I’m willing to do it if you are.”

“If I say no?”

“There are several SHIELD facilities you can be placed in. SHIELD has taken responsibility for you until you’re eighteen. It’s your choice what you’d like to do. Personally, I think I’ll be a bit better than the alternative.” 

* * *

“This is it. Not much but it’s home.” Phil tosses his keys onto the side table by the door and flicks a light on. Grant slowly steps forward and eyes his surroundings.

Phil lives off in a two bedroom ranch style home out in a DC suburb. It was probably unnecessary but he had wanted a place of his own, for those times he was actually stationed in one place. He had also needed a garage for Lola but contrary to what some believed, that was not his primary reason.

“Ah, I haven’t been here in a while so food is scarce but we can do takeout. What do you like? There’s a good pizzeria nearby and the Chinese food is pretty decent too.”

Grant doesn’t respond.

“Or, you know, if you prefer to get settled in, that’s fine.” Phil continues slowly. “I’ve got a guest bedroom already set up so that yours now. I know you don’t have a lot of your own belongings so we can always head out to the store and get what you’d like. Feel free to decorate how you want. Do you want me to show you where it is?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Grant finally turns and they stare at each other. He’s trying desperately to be detached but there’s so much tension and skepticism hovering around him. “Aren’t you scared of me?”

“Should I be?”

“I think my actions speak for themselves.”

“Can I ask you something?” Phil pauses and Grant gives a reluctant nod. “When you went home, did you intend to kill them?”

“No. I… I didn’t know anyone was there. We usually go to Cape Cod for the whole month of June. No one was supposed to be there.”

“So why’d you set the house on fire?”

Grant shuffles his feet and shrugs as he looks down at the floor.

“I guess I wanted to ruin something. Payback for what was happening at school.”

“Do you have any animosity towards me?”

“I don’t know you.”

“Do you have random urges to destroy property or hurt people?”

“No.” That’s the truth but Phil doesn’t doubt that Grant is calculating and vindictive if he feels he’s been wronged. The house fire only proves this point. 

“Okay then. No, I’m not scared of you. If I was, I wouldn’t have volunteered to take you in.”

“You volunteered?”

“Yeah. You’re sixteen Grant. You’ve got a lot of time ahead of you. I’m not going to pretend to know what you’ve been through but I think you deserve a chance to prove who you can be without them.”

“But why? You’re not some pervert or something, are you?”

“No.” The suspicious glare he gets makes him laugh. “I get it, single middle aged guy with no kids deciding to take in an unknown teenager. It’s weird but I promise I have no ulterior motives. Agent Fury has a good judge of character. He knew you were worth getting. I trust him.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.”

Phil considers the question. Why the hell did he volunteer for this? He’s not entirely sure himself. He’s seen a lot of mistreated kids over the years but something about Grant stuck out to him. He doesn’t know how to explain that without sounding weird.

“I feel like I can help you.” He finally says. “I think you have a lot of potential and I bet you’ve never had someone to help you unlock that.”

“No.”

“I’m willing to give you a chance. You have to meet me halfway. We’ll take it day by day and if, at any point, you’d prefer something different, we can reevaluate and decide where you’d fit best.”

“I guess same goes for you, you know if you change your mind or get tired of me.”

“You’re going to learn pretty quickly that I’m a man of my word. I’m not going to dump you somewhere. I promise you that.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was going to Rita’s.” Daisy mumbles. She lifts her hand to point vaguely in the direction of the diner. “And then I saw this and… stupid fucking hormones, I just started crying.”

River’s End is bustling with excitement for the Fourth of July. The small town seems busier than usual as people wander through Main Street and towards the park in preparation for the festivities.

They weren’t technically citizens of the town but they popped in every so often that people recognized them. A few wave cheerfully as they spot Jemma and she returns it with equal fervor.

She weaves in and out of people as she walks towards the town square.

Then, she spots Daisy on a bench outside the antique store, and she feels a sense of relief wash over her.

“I thought we were going to meet at the elementary school.”

They had all planned to watch the parade together, then make their way to the park. Daisy had left the Lighthouse earlier, promising to meet up, but she never did.

“I’m not feeling very festive today. I didn’t want to spoil everyone’s fun.” She says softly.

“I don’t think any of us are having any fun. Just trying to find a bit of normalcy.” Jemma replies. She sits next to Daisy and focuses her gaze on the store’s window front.

The owner had decorated with red, white, and blue bunting and a vintage Captain America poster. A gorgeous baby bassinet sat in the center, with a pink and blue crocheted blanket hanging over its side.

“I was going to Rita’s.” Daisy mumbles. She lifts her hand to point vaguely in the direction of the diner. “And then I saw this and… stupid fucking hormones, I just started crying.”

She looks ready to start crying again and Jemma slides closer to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

She knew it was coming. There was only so much one person could keep bottled up. Plus, she knew first hand how something so simple could set off a chain reaction of emotions.

They had worked tirelessly to keep Daisy as calm as possible since finding out she was pregnant, knowing they were in uncharted territory with her powers and how that could affect things.

Fitz was basically a forbidden subject. Every so often she mentioned him but ultimately, she focused on the work Grant allowed her to do. They had tried to get her to open up but she resisted and insisted things were fine. Jemma didn’t know if it was denial or ignorance but she trusted Daisy to work through things at her own pace.

As long as she and the baby were healthy, she wasn’t going to prod.

Besides, Fitz wasn’t dead. At least not entirely. He would be back soon. Was there really a need for the grieving process?

“It’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. You have every right to feel what you’re feeling.”

“I don’t feel that way. I mean, it’s my fault that… that both of them are gone. I don’t have a right to either of them.”

“No, no Daisy, that’s not true. Coulson’s decision was his alone to make. We couldn’t force him to take the injection. And… and Fitz is going to be okay. Do you think Mack or Hunter is going to come back empty handed? They’ve got Yo-Yo and Bobbi. They are going to find him.”

“I killed him. When I quaked Talbot.”

“You didn’t. The building was already unstable from the ship crashing into it. Any movement from the ship could have caused those pieces to fall. And Talbot was creating tremors too. Any one of those things could have caused it.”

“He died … thinking I hate him.” She sniffs loudly and wipes a hand under her eye. “I’m still so angry at him but I miss him so damn much.”

“He knows you don’t hate him. It… it was a terrible situation.”

“That he was right about.”

“Fortunately, the end result was correct but his execution was not.”

“I wasn’t going to listen to him. I was so scared that it was me. If he hadn’t… I wouldn’t have been able to stop Talbot.”

“That doesn’t excuse what he did. And… maybe… well, we’ll know what to look for when he comes back. We’ll help him get better.”

“He’s not coming back.” And there it was. Months of waiting with little updates from their team was wearing her down. The expression on Daisy’s face made it clear she had given up hope.

“Of course he is. He’s out there. They are going to find him.”

“It’s been six months.”

“Well, there’s a lot of universe to explore.” Jemma says. It’s a bit teasing, trying to lighten the mood, but she feels Daisy begin to shake.

“I don’t want to do this alone.” She whispers. Her hands fall to her stomach and she starts to cry. “I don’t want to be alone in this. I don’t know how to do it. It was always Fitz who wanted a family. I was so against it and now it’s just me and I don’t know and I don’t know how to be a mom. I don’t want to mess her up.”

“You’re not alone though.”

“I am. Fitz is gone and Coulson will be soon and May probably will never be back.”

“I suppose Grant and I are chopped liver.”

“You’re not but I’m not going to impose on you. You’ve got your own kids to worry about.”

“Yeah, exactly. We have kids already. We’re pros at this by now. We’re your biggest assets. Plus, our girls are going to grow up together, like sisters. You’ve got us. That’s never going to change. We’ve been right here helping you the past few months and you are going to be an amazing mom. You have always been so great with Ben and Drew. You’ve already got plenty of practice and you don’t even know it. You’re already doing so good, making sure to stay healthy and she’s safe and protected and developing right on track.”

“I don’t know the first thing about babies.”

“And you think we did?”

“You’re a genius!”

“Yes and I still felt completely unprepared. You have no idea how much we struggled behind the scenes. Ben was a good baby too! We were just… it’s a lot and it’s overwhelming. But you learn and you get to know them and you fall into a routine and then right when you think you’ve figured it out, they start learning new things and it’s a whole new ballgame. Every new situation and challenge throws me off. I’ve been a mom for seven years and I’m still learning how to do it. And now? A girl? I’ve been a boy mom. I don’t know what to do with a girl!”

Daisy lets out a laugh and leans her head against Jemma’s.

“I keep thinking it’s going to be round two of us.” Jemma continues. Daisy is still crying but her rambling seems to be calming her down. “Remember when we were back on the Bus? How young we were?”

“Mm.”

“I just keep picturing a mini-you and a mini-me. Your sassy little self, trying to pull me into bad girl shenanigans.” She says, giggling slightly. Daisy is quiet for a moment, then she starts laughing. “It’s true!”

“I know. But I’m just picturing these tiny babies. One all crazy with my big hair and one all prim with your sweaters and goggles and lab coat.”

They meet each other’s gazes and start giggling uncontrollably.

“Ugh,” Daisy wipes her cheeks off and sniffs, “stupid hormones.”

“Agreed. I don’t remember being like this with the boys. I was really mean to Grant the other night.”

“Why?”

“I don’t remember.” Jemma admits after thinking for a moment. They glance at each other and start giggling again.

“I guess I should be grateful that Fitz is being spared from my wrath then.” Daisy mutters. Her laughter trails off into a sigh and she gets a melancholy look in her eye. “He would be really good at this.”

“He’s going to be great. Probably will be extremely confused but he’s going to be absolutely over the moon. I know it’s hard and I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling without him here but he’s going to be back. I know he is. And until then, you’ve got us. You can borrow Grant any time. He’s a spectacular husband and dad.”

“He really is. It’s shocking that a T-1000 can pull that off.” She smirks, causing Jemma to laugh. “I think we should get him a trophy or something, for having to suffer alone with both of us pregnant AND running SHIELD AND keeping Ben and Drew in check.”

“He’s being put through the ringer.”

Daisy nods, then turns a little so she can hug Jemma fully.

“I know I probably sound like a broken record but we are always willing to lend an ear and anything else you need. Even the T-1000.”

“I know and I am grateful that you guys are here.”

“We know.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am not giving birth in the command center or anywhere else. At least not today.”
> 
> “I’ve been timing your contractions.”
> 
> “Why are you so damn intrusive in my life? Keep your robot eyes focused on the mission Director.”

It’s been a while since they’ve had a baby but it’s hard to forget what labor and delivery is like. Grant has seen combat zones less horrifying.

He never thought this would be an area of expertise for him but after witnessing the boys’ births, it’s easy to know what signs to look for. Right now, he’s in the command center of the Lighthouse, watching their current mission go down. And he should be focused on that but it’s rather difficult to ignore said signs, especially since they’re coming from his best friend.

“I’m getting a high electrical reading about three yards to your right.” Daisy says into the comms. “That should be their database.” 

“ _You’re right Johnson. Where do you want me to stick this thing?_ ”

“Turn your body cam on for me.” She clenches a hand around the arm rest and breathes deeply. He glances at his watch and makes a mental note of the time. “Turn to your left. Little more. Okay, stop. See that large mainframe? Towards the middle, there’s a row of ports. Any one of those will do. Once the light comes on, go to the keyboard and start typing what I tell you.”

“Wait, you’ve got hostiles approaching from the south wing. Hold your positions.” Grant leans forward and taps on the keyboard to switch his view.

“ _10-4 Director._ ”

“Looks like four, splitting up to surround you. There’s a bypass hallway two doors to the right. Trip, take Whitford and cut them off there. Thompson, you do what Johnson tells you.” He waits until he hears agreement, then mutes their comms. There are a couple other agents with them so he lowers his voice. “Once they’ve got what they need, you’re heading over to Jemma.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Daisy, don’t be stubborn.”

“I’m working.”

“Yeah and I prefer you not give birth on the floor of the command center. Once the intel is received, we’ve got time to analyze it later. You don’t need to be present for extraction.”

“I am not giving birth in the command center or anywhere else. At least not today.”

“I’ve been timing your contractions.”

“Why are you so damn intrusive in my life? Keep your robot eyes focused on the mission Director.” She jabs angrily at the comms and sighs. “Alright Thompson. Listen carefully and type fast. You screw this up and I’m putting you on cleaning duty til my kid starts kindergarten.”

He waits until she completes the code, then mutes then again.

“Oh, fuck, Ward, I will not hesitate to kick you in the balls!” She snaps loudly.

They exchange a glare and out the corner of his eye, he sees the two new agents stiffen but they remain focused on their tasks. 

He’s pretty sure they are terrified of Director Ward and Quake. He can only imagine what they’ve heard.

“That any way to talk to your director?” He asks sarcastically. 

“I don’t know! I haven’t talked to him in months since he’s in outer space trying to find my carbon frozen husband!” She snaps. She sighs heavily and presses a hand to her stomach. He glances at his watch again.

“Dee, I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know.” Her voice loses its venom and she looks at him apologetically. “I’m just not ready to deal with this and working helps keep me occupied.”

“I understand but we’ve got a system in place, just in case. Remember?”

“I know. I’m being calm. I promise. Look, it’s going to be a long day. Please don’t start on me right now. We’ve got time.” She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll change her mind.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” He snorts and shakes his head. “You know, yesterday you were saying you were done being pregnant.”

“Yeah, well, she can stay in there as long as she likes. No rush.”

* * *

“Is it supposed to be happening this quickly?” Daisy hisses as she feels another contraction building. Her hands tighten around the bed frame as she moans softly.

“Everyone’s different.” Jemma rubs her back soothingly. “You could have been in labor for hours, considering your pain tolerance.”

“I’d know if my body was being ripped apart.”

“In the beginning, the contractions aren’t as strong and will be irregular.”

“No. This only started a few hours ago. Is that okay? That’s okay, right?”

“Yes. Everyone is different. You’re active and in good shape and that can help make labor easier too. It doesn’t have to be drawn out and painful like the movies make it seem.”

“What if it’s because of the Inhuman gene?”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Everything we’ve checked and seen shows the baby and you are fine. If it’s a positive side effect of shortening your labor, I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“Is it bad?”

“I’d be more concerned if it slows down. A quick labor is okay. The more pregnancies you have, typically the labor and delivery time shortens with each one.”

“Well, we’re not going to test that theory.”

“Yeah, I said the same.” Jemma chuckles. “Drew came pretty fast. I think it was about eight hours? That was cut down by half from Ben’s. Grant’s acting like this one is just going to pop out if I even sneeze.”

Daisy huffs out a laugh. She leans heavily on the bed frame and breathes deeply through the next contraction.

“Honestly, you’re doing great. We’re just going to relax and take it one step at a time. We’ve got this nice atmosphere going. This is good.”

“Okay.”

Once they knew the Lighthouse would become their new HQ, they had set off to build containment units, with the idea that they would continue to help Inhumans.

It had been Jemma’s recommendation to move Daisy down to a unit during her labor, to help dampen her powers. She had also configured a lightweight but effective version of her gauntlets as well.

“Do you want to lie down for a minute so I can check where you’re at?” Jemma asks. Daisy nods and climbs back into bed. She stares up at the ceiling and focuses on a specific tile as Jemma examines her.

“Is this awkward for you?” She asks quietly. She had been anxious to see a real OB, due to her powers and unsure of how the baby was affected. Jemma had stepped up and handled her check-ups and now delivery with ease. Daisy had been grateful and it also relaxed her, knowing if anything weird happened, Jemma would know how to handle it or figure it out.

“No. Is it awkward for you?”

“No. I was going to thank you for doing this and being here. I know obstetrics isn’t your field of expertise.”

“My field of expertise has come quite a long way since we first met.” Jemma chuckles.

“I trust you and I know you’ve prepared. Plus, you’ve done this before.”

“It’s a little different being on this end. You’re at six centimeters.”

“What? The last time you checked I was at three and that was…”

“About two and a half hours ago. But that’s fine! Active labor, on average, can take normally several hours. There’s no set time frame. Some say three to five. Others say four to eight. Could be more, could be less. You’re just a little bit quicker than average. I think most women would be grateful.”

“I am.” She sucks in a sharp breath and runs her hands gently over her stomach. “Just want her to be okay.”

“I know.” She gives her hand a squeeze and allows her to hold on as the contraction fades. “Are you going to be okay for a few minutes if I step out? I think you’ll be ready to start pushing in the next couple hours or so. I’ll be with you the rest of the way.”

“I’m okay.”

“Okay. I’m just going to run to the bathroom and check on the boys. I’ll be gone maybe fifteen minutes and you can text me.”

“I’ll be fine. Go. I know what it’s like to have a baby jumping on your bladder.” Daisy rolls her eyes, prompting a smile from Jemma. When she leaves the room, she spots Grant coming towards her.

“How is she?”

“She’s doing really well. Just nervous, I think. But she’s at six centimeters and her contractions are about four minutes apart.”

“Damn.”

“It’s going fast but everything is going fine. I told her a couple more hours but honestly, I think it might be sooner. And maybe that’s for the best, you know, that this isn’t drawn out.”

“What about you? You’re not pushing yourself, are you?”

“I have the easy role in this. I’m fine but I do need to pee. Where are the boys?”

“With Trip. He got back about a half hour ago.” He glances towards the room and she smiles gently at the nervous gaze in his eyes. 

“I don’t think she’d protest seeing you.”

“I don’t want to overstep.”

“I think she could use the company to be honest.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes. I told her to text me if she needs me sooner.” Jemma calls over her shoulder as she starts walking. Grant gives a nod before he opens the door. He stays in the doorway for a moment when he sees Daisy in the midst of a contraction.

She opens an eye as she settles into the pillow.

“I thought I heard the door open.”

“I didn’t want to sneak up on you.” 

“They get back okay? Do you need something?”

“Yeah, everything went fine. And no, you’re not needed. I just wanted to see how you were.”

“Thanks for caring. Your heart’s really grown three sizes.”

“So I’ve heard. You doing okay?”

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure she’s just going to skip out of there with the way this is going.” She smirks slightly as he leans against the nightstand. “I’m just trying to recall all my training. Stay relaxed, heart rate low, breathing. Just adapted to giving birth.”

“That’s good. You’ve got a really mellow vibe going on in here.” He glances around the room. “Your powers?”

“Just small waves that I can push away. All of this is helping.” She waves a hand around the unit. “Just trying not to internalize. Did anyone look at the files yet?”

“No. Don’t worry about that right now. We’ll talk about it later. Do you need anything? Want anything?”

“No.” She shakes her head slightly, then shrugs. She glances bashfully at him. “Would you stay? I mean, Jemma is great but she can’t be up here and down there, you know what I’m saying? And I hear you’re kind of good at this whole support thing. Not that you’re my first choice. There’s like a whole list of people ahead of you but you’re the only one readily available. Kind of like we’re the last three people on Earth so gotta make do.”

“I think I get the picture.” He smirks and sits on the edge of the bed. “Whatever you need Dee.”

“Thanks.” Her voice is soft but grateful and he nods in response. “I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“No one is.”

“I haven’t read any of those books that Jemma leaves everywhere, like some baby book egg hunt.”

“That’s fine because your baby is not going to be anything like the baby in the book. No baby is. I also didn’t do any reading and somehow I’ve managed to survive fatherhood.”

“You’re different. You’re the dad. Moms are…”

“Moms are what?”

“I don’t know. Perfect? You know, all halos and happy and gushing about their baby. Jemma is like the picturesque pregnant lady. She does it right. She’s got color schemes and plays classical music - oh, damn.” She suddenly cuts herself off and her hand tightens around his.

He turns a little and rubs his free hand over her back.

“So, I’ve got news for you. To everyone, yeah, she looks like she’s got it all together but when it’s just me and her, she’s the same as you. Worried and thinking we haven’t done enough.”

“I haven’t.”

“You have.”

“I haven’t. I just kept ignoring everything.” She blinks as she feels tears fill her eyes. “I just… when I found out, I didn’t know what to do. And then when I got used to the idea, I didn’t want to do anything. I kept saying ‘ _when Fitz gets back_ ’ and pushing things off. But he’s still not back and this baby is ready to be born. I haven’t done what I was supposed to. Does that make me a terrible mom?”

“You’re not a terrible mom. Jesus, Daisy, you brought a baby to full term when none of us knew what to expect with your powers. Just because you weren’t outwardly gushing doesn’t diminish the fact that you grew a human being.”

“That’s biology. That wasn’t me.”

“You kept yourself in check. You took all the steps needed to make sure she was safe and healthy and progressing. We don’t know what could have happened but you made sure she did. That’s more important than folding onesies. The fact that you did everything to keep you both safe proves how great of a mom you are and the kid’s not even here yet.

“And seriously, fuck the supposed experts. All the shit they swear by, you are not going to use. The first few weeks, the kid is going to sleep in a bassinet and you’re going to go through an astonishing amount of laundry and it’s going to be all the same. Sleepers, onesies, and blankets. They don’t wear real clothes. They don’t use furniture or toys. It’s a waste of money and space. Once they actually start being human, then you can focus on what they need at that point. Right now, you’re set. You think me and Jemma are going to let you just spin off into a crisis alone?” 

* * *

Grant grimaces as Daisy squeezes his arms tightly. Jemma glances sympathetically at him but her focus is on their friend.

She had tried moving but another contraction stopped her in her tracks. She’s stuck between them; flush against Grant with her face in his chest and Jemma pressing gently on her back.

“It’s really bad.” Daisy whimpers. “Something’s wrong. It has to be.”

“No, you’re fine. This is the worst of it right now. Everything is okay, I promise. The intensity is going to really ramp up but this is it. Almost done.” Jemma murmurs soothingly. ”Keep breathing like that, that’s good.”

Daisy inhales a shaky breath and leans further into Grant. He feels his chest clench as tears start to soak through his shirt. 

He feels just as bad, if not worse, as he did during Jemma’s labors. It was hard watching the women you cared about go through this and he knows how much she’s struggling over Fitz missing this. 

“You’re okay, Dee.” He manages to get one hand on her back and rubs up and down her spine. He can’t replace his friend but he does his best to fill in, knowing if the situation was ever reversed, Fitz would be damn sure to take care of Jemma. “You got this.”

“I want Leo.” Her voice breaks with a distraught sob and they share a devastated glance over her shoulder. 

“I know. I know.” Jemma swallows back her own tears. “But we’re here. I know it’s not the same but we’re here. You’ve done so well and he’s going to be so proud when he hears about this.”

“He’s supposed to be here.”

“You’re right. He should be. I‘m so sorry he’s not.”

“I need him.”

“I know it feels like that but you’re doing great. You’ve been doing this without him and you’re so strong, okay? You can finish this.”

“Hold on,” Grant manages to break one arm out of Daisy’s hold and reaches into his back pocket. He brings his phone out and starts to scroll through his files. He clicks on a random video and lets it begin to play.

“ _Fitz! You play with me!_ ” It’s an older video judging by Ben’s voice and speech patterns. “ _Why you kissing Daisy? It’s gross!”_

_“Aw, Benny, kissing is fun.”_

_“Yuck!”_

_“Nah, you won’t say yuck forever. One day, you’re going to have a beautiful, amazing lady like Daisy and want to kiss her all day too.”_

_“Fitz, stop corrupting my baby!”_

_“Don’t get your knickers in a twist Simmons.”_

“I got plenty where that came from.” Grant mutters as Daisy lets out a soft laugh.

“Play another.” She whispers. Jemma smiles softly at her husband. _Good idea_ , she mouths as he nods. He clicks onto another video and feels Daisy start to relax as Fitz’s voice fills the room. No sooner than that video ends, he feels her tensing up. “Oh. Jemma,”

”You’re okay. You’re doing really well Daisy.” She keeps that soothing tone in her voice even as her friend’s fills with panic. 

”No, I need to push.”

”Okay, that’s good. Come here. Let’s just make sure.” They lead her back to the bed and she nods, though she looks terrified, yet determined. “It’s okay. Just breathe through this one, okay? You should be good but I just want to make sure you’re fully dilated first.”

”How’d you do this twice?” There’s pure anxiety in her voice as she presses her back into Grant. 

“Are you kidding? This is nothing compared to the things you’ve accomplished. This is a walk in the park.”

”I think I’d take everything over this.”

“No, you’ve got this. She is definitely ready here so next contraction, go ahead and push.”

* * *

“I missed that sight.”

Grant glances away from the baby to see Jemma standing nearby. She’s smiling as she watches him cradle the baby.

“Figured I could use the practice. Luckily, it’s like riding a bike.” He replies, making her chuckle. She glances to Daisy, who’s currently asleep.

“You can put her down, you know.”

“I know. It’s been a long time since we’ve had one of these around. It’s nice.” He glances back down at the baby and his mouth lifts in a grin as she starts to blink. “Hey kiddo.”

“You were always good with them.” She murmurs as she leans against him. She smiles and strokes a finger lightly over the baby’s face. Her forehead furrows at the new touch, like she’s trying to figure it out.

“That’s your Aunt Jemma. She’s a badass like your mom. You’re gonna be in good company with all these tough ladies. Your cousin isn’t far behind you. Few more months.”

He glances back to his wife and analyzes the expression on her face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I just… I hope they find him soon.”

“Me too. He’s going to freak when he finds out.”

“I don’t want him missing any more than he already has. I think this will be the only Baby Fitz. Too many risks. She did amazing this time but who is to say that it’ll be that way next time.”

“Never know. Plenty of options these days.”

She nods and touches the baby again. She swallows against the knot in her throat and flashes a small smile.

“She looks like him.”

“I thought the same thing.” He nudges her gently with his shoulder and she looks up at him. “No matter what, it’s going to be okay. Even if… even if we tell stories and show videos.”

“When did you get to be so positive?”

“We got through the past nine months right?” He looks back to the baby. “You’ve got an amazing dad Baby Fitz but you’ve got a whole army of uncles lined up too. Just remember Uncle Grant is the best and you’re all set.” 

“What planet are we on that you’ve become Uncle Grant? Kinda terrifying.” Daisy mutters. Her voice is still rough with sleep but she’s alert and smiling at them.

“Hey, that’s a damn privilege. She’s lucky to have me.”

“She is.” She agrees and holds out her hands. “Do you mind sharing?”

“Not at all.” He carefully hands her daughter over. She makes a soft noise as the baby relaxes in her arms.

“She’s beautiful Daisy.” Jemma murmurs. She settles on Grant’s lap once he sits again and leans her head against his.

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, absolutely perfect. All her tests have come back normal so far.” She insists but Daisy tunes her out as the baby’s eyes open.

“Oh, man,” she breathes out and touches her cheek gently.

“It’s pretty unbelievable, right?” Jemma smiles slightly at the awed look on Daisy’s face.

“I thought it was one of those terrible movie tropes but holy shit. This is, um, really overwhelming. I… I have a baby. Like she’s mine.” She laughs tearfully. She locks eyes with her daughter and can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face. She vaguely remembers hearing newborns didn’t see all that well but she swears the baby is staring right back at her. “Hi there. Guys, what am I supposed to do with her?”

“You’ll figure it out. Just get to know her. Talk to her. She knows your voice.”

“Is that so?” Daisy murmurs. Her finger lightly strokes down her daughter’s nose and she smiles at the sigh she gives. “Do you know it’s me? I look a lot different on the outside, huh? But, yeah, it’s me. I’m the one you’ve been rolling around in for months. Oh, baby, this is a lot and I’ve never done this but Aunt Jemma’s right. We’re going to figure it out. I promise. It’s you and me, okay? And soon Daddy will be back and hopefully he doesn’t die again from shock. It’s a long story. You’ve joined a weird family. I’ll tell you all about it.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s fine.”
> 
> “It’s not. Don’t- please don’t make excuses for me. Jem, I love you. I want to be anywhere you are. I never thought I’d find this… with anyone. I’d be a goddamn idiot to throw it away.”

Jemma is surprised to find that she fell asleep. The last thing she remembers is sitting down on their brand new couch, admiring the view out to the backyard with the sun streaming brightly through the large windows.

Now, it was almost dark in the living room and there’s a figure sitting on the floor. She immediately relaxes when she realizes it’s Grant. He’s slouched down with his head on the cushion next to her stomach. She gently threads a hand through his hair and he lifts his head slightly to look at her.

“Hey.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Little while.” He straightens up and cracks his neck. He rolls his shoulder, then stretches his arm out over her thighs and rubs her side gently. 

“I tried calling you. You didn’t answer. Fitz said you weren’t at the Playground either, that he hadn’t seen you all day.”

“I know. I meant to call you back but I lost track of time. I went for a drive and… kind of just didn’t stop. There’s a beach not too far from here. Maybe an hour or so. It’s nice.”

“Okay.” She tries to sound casual but he sees the hidden expression in her eyes. Another bit of worry for him, the complete loss of not knowing what to do for him.

He swallows against the knot in his throat and tells himself to stop fucking up.

“I got you something.” He mutters, causing her to frown in confusion. “I know we’re in between anniversaries and your birthday isn’t for a few more weeks.”

“Okay.” Her voice sounds just as confused as her face looks.

“Um, when we… when we started to look for houses, you made a comment about if I wanted to come or wanted to live there. That stuck with me.”

“I… I just meant that you had a choice. Of course I want you here but I also want you to be happy and… and if this doesn’t make you happy, I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck here or have to tag along.”

“I know but the fact that you had to consider that is… you shouldn’t have to question me like that. I’ve put you through hell the past few months.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not. Don’t- please don’t make excuses for me. Jem, I love you. I want to be anywhere you are. I never thought I’d find this… with anyone. I’d be a goddamn idiot to throw it away. I’m sorry that I made you feel less than you should and I‘m sorry that I made you think I wanted out. It was never that. I don’t want to mess this up.”

He pauses and scrubs his right hand over his face. His left moves from her side and over her stomach.

“I don’t know the first thing about kids and I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. It’s not a matter of wanting this. I… I still feel completely out of my depth but it sunk in at your appointment that this is real and this is happening. And then we had that kid come up to us at the park the other day and I felt like I was being slapped in the face. You were so good with her and it felt okay.”

“You were good with her too.”

“I know and I’m not usually that type. I want to believe we’re going to be okay.”

“We are.”

“I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that I have what it takes to… do the right thing. I’m bitter and angry and I’ve got a horrible attitude. I could barely train Skye without wanting to rip my hair out. Every time that I try to picture me parenting a kid, it just…” he trails off with a sigh and rubs his eyes again, “I don’t want to lose my patience or my temper. I’d never forgive myself.”

“Darling, the fact that you’re even having these thoughts shows how caring you are. You’re making an effort to do the right thing. I think you’re doing more than that, more than is needed. You don’t have to push yourself so much.”

“What if it’s not?”

“What do you mean?” Her hand finds its way back into his hair and he closes his eyes as her nails scrape gently along the side of his head.

“What if, even with trying, I wind up on the wrong side of things?”

“I don’t believe in that. You, and everyone else, have choices every day. You choose your own outcome. This isn’t some predetermined story. What would be the point of living? You… you see yourself as cold and calculated and violent. I don’t see you that way. I see you as loving and supportive and protective. Skye was a challenge but you didn’t give up and she’s a great agent. You helped shaped that. Fitz… Fitz would never have stepped out of a lab and you stood by him and gave him pointers and helped him grow. And me… every crazy idea I get, you’re right there alongside me, even if you absolutely hate it. You know that too. I know you do and the thing I can’t get past is why you’re so insistent on ignoring it. You know your worth and value. I mean, you make life or death decisions and split second calls on assignments that can have resonating effects on life. And you do it without hesitation. You trust your instincts. Where’s that in your personal life?”

“Because I think those qualities that make me a good agent, make me a bad person. I know what I’m capable of.”

“Have you ever wanted to hurt me?”

“No.”

“Then that’s enough. What did you get me?”

“Before I get into that, you need to promise me something.”

“What?”

“You need to promise me that… if you see me… acting out… you won’t just sit back. If it ever… if I ever get to be… don’t ignore it or brush it aside. Just always make yourself and him the priority. Seriously, tell me to go fuck myself and walk out.”

“Grant.”

“Jem, please.” His voice sounds rough and she feels her chest twinge as he keeps his head down. “I always wondered why my mom never spoke up but I think she was just as fucked up as my old man was. Even still, there were so many people that could have intervened and no one ever did. I don’t want that here. I don’t want any kid we have thinking the thoughts I did. I want you to stand up for him. Don’t just back down and let it happen. Please.”

“Okay.” She didn’t think it would ever come to that but she knew it was important to him.

“That being said, I don’t want that to happen. I don’t ever want to get to that point. I am going to try my fucking hardest to be what you both need and hope that my best is enough.” He leans his forehead against his hand and inhales a deep breath. “I’m still not 100% sure about all this but I’m in. I’m done cowering and leaving you alone. I promise you that. I’m going to try to get there because there’s… there’s part of me that wants this and I wish I could just give myself over to that but it’s going to take some steps to get there.”

“That is perfectly okay. The steps you take don’t need to be big. They just… have to take you in the right direction. And the fact that you recognize that… that want that you have is the right direction.”

“Why do you put up with me?”

“Because I love you and no one ever said it was going to be easy. You have made every moment worth it all, since the day I met you. This is a bump in the road and, frankly, it’s not how you’ve been treating me. It’s how you’re treating yourself. I would do anything to take that pain you’re feeling and give you what I see. I know it would resolve so much but I know it’s not going to work like that. Plus, I’ve had my awful moments too so don’t pretend like you’re the only one whose brought baggage into this marriage.”

“I don’t think our baggage can be considered the same category.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Well, regardless, I’m sorry for shutting you out and taking you for granted.” He says. He adjusts himself so he is on his knee and she frowns, pointing.

“You shouldn’t be doing that.”

“The bionic knee is fine.” A small smile crosses his face and her heart skips a beat at the sight. He reaches into his jacket, which he had slung over the back of the couch, and comes back with a ring box.

“Grant,”

“Just let me speak, okay? This,” he gestures with the box, “is me re-upping my commitment to you. I love you and I want to be here and I don’t want you questioning that. I’m going to do everything I can to stay on the right path.”

He flips the top open and her mouth falls open slightly. She is silent for a moment, trying to process it.

“That is very unnecessary.” She finally stammers.

“It’s extremely necessary. Think of it as a renewal.”

“Grant,”

“You don’t like it?” He plucks the ring out and holds it up to examine. It’s a white gold band, approximately the same width as her wedding ring, with alternating rubies and diamonds in the band. “It’s an eternity ring.”

“I know what it is and it’s beautiful but you didn’t need to do this.”

“Well, rubies are your favorite and I know it’s typically an anniversary gift but like I said, this is re-upping my commitment to you. It’s an apology and a promise. If you’ll still have me.”

“Of course I’ll still have you.” She sighs and rolls her eyes. He smirks slightly and takes her left hand to slide the ring on next to her wedding ring.

He presses a kiss to her palm as she holds her hand up to examine the new addition.

“You know, if this is how you plan to apologize, you’ve set a terrible precedence.”

“You deserve it.” He murmurs. He leans in, slowly, and kisses her.

She’s quite certain her heart stops. It had been so long. She kisses him back and moves, then pulls back with a grimace.

“This is really uncomfortable.”

“Oh.” His eyes go comically wide and he moves away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Shouldn’t have what? Kissed your wife?”

“No, well, yeah, it’s been a while.”

“It’s been more than a while. You don’t need permission. I’m talking about me. I’m uncomfortable laying here like this with almost seven months worth of a growing baby hanging out here.”

He blinks and suddenly seems to realize she’s still laying across the couch. Although the cushions are deep, she doesn’t have much room to turn around, and she seems rather stuck in her current position.

“Help me up?” She sticks her hands out at him and he chuckles but helps her into a sitting position. Once she’s situated, she pulls him back into a kiss.

They start off slow and she can’t ever remember them being this hesitant besides their first kiss. She’s terrified that she’s going to startle him and he’s terrified that he’s going to break her.

Then, something clicks, and they’re back to themselves. Desperate and clingy, like they can’t get enough of each other.

She whimpers as he kisses down her jaw to her neck and her hands clench around his biceps.

“Is this okay?” He mumbles against her ear.

“Grant, we’ve barely _hugged_ in the past four months. If you even _think_ about stopping, I will lose my mind. Do you have any idea what pregnancy does to a woman’s sex drive?” She whimpers again and tries to move closer to him. He pulls back slightly, just to meet her eye.

“Are you horny?” He lifts an eyebrow and she flushes at the word, normally preferring other phrases, but gives a firm nod.

“Extremely and I have been for quite some time so you’ve got your work cut out for you.”

“I… well…” he swallows and looks slightly dumbfounded. “Are you sure?”

“ _Grant_.” He hasn’t seen a glare like that since … well, he doesn’t remember when.

“Okay, you’re sure.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How come you never did?” He mutters around another bite. Phil raises an eyebrow and settles back into his seat.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “Just curious. Why you’re dishing out relationship commentary when you’ve never been in one yourself.”

“Number 53.”

Grant steps forward at the monotone voice and accepts the bag handed over the deli counter. He returns to the table Phil selected by the window and sits.

“This is nice. When was the last time we did this?”

“I dunno.”

“I like having you home for a while. Even if it’s because you’re injured.” The comment has Grant rolling his eyes. He was still assigned to desk duty after breaking his arm on his last assignment, even though his cast was long gone. ”Okay, I’m not glad you were injured but I like spending time with you. You don’t like spending time with me?”

Grant shrugs as he unwraps his sandwich. He eyes it carefully. Roast beef, pepper jack cheese, chipotle mayo, onions, and tomatoes on whole wheat bread. He’s not sure it’s possible to fuck it up. He takes a hesitant bite and frowns. Apparently, he was wrong.

“That bad?” Phil unwraps his own turkey sub and smirks before he takes a bite.

“It’s fine.” He lies, knowing how much he had been looking forward to eating here. The new sub shop had been on Phil’s list for months.

“This is pretty good!”

“Yeah.”

“Is it missing something?”

“Nope. Everything seems to be here.”

“Just not made with Jemma’s careful and loving hands.” Phil raises an eyebrow and the overly teasing tone in his voice makes Grant pause.

“You’re funny.” He mutters but the truth is he’s yet to find a sandwich shop that makes it just like his girlfriend does.

“Thank you. I don’t get told that enough.” Phil flashes a genuine smile but Grant can only roll his eyes. “Where is she again?”

“Stockholm. Some potential bio-weapon or something.”

“When does she get back?”

“Thursday, unless something changes.” He glances at his phone and takes another bite. It’s just about 7 PM in Stockholm. He wonders if she got out of the lab yet. Highly unlikely.

He lifts the top piece of bread and examines the sandwich. Maybe it had to do with how she layered it? There wasn’t a lot of mayo there either. He glances at the counter, almost tempted to ask for extra.

“You miss her.”

“Sure, I guess.” He shrugs again, like he’s indifferent to her absence. Phil smirks as he takes another bite.

“You know, you’re not fooling me. I know she has you completely wrapped around her finger. It’s sweet.”

“I don’t think I like being referred to as sweet.”

“You’re a good partner. Boyfriend. Significant other. Whatever you want to call yourself. She’s been good to you. She’s also been good _for_ you. You’re not as uptight.”

“I’m not uptight. I’m… focused. You should want that in your agents. Helps not get people killed.”

“You’ve always been good at compartmentalizing. Probably not the greatest skill in some senses but you’ve managed to find a balance. It’s okay to be happy, you know?”

“It’s not that serious.”

“It’s not- what?” Phil’s face is almost comical as he process the statement. “You’ve been dating almost two years. What’s your definition of serious?”

Grant ignores the question and chews on his sandwich. His eyes wander around the room, analyzing those around them. It’s not like he hasn’t wondered himself. Somehow, somewhere along the way, Jemma had rooted herself deep inside of him and there was no going back. But what was going forward?

“How come you never did?” He mutters around another bite. Phil raises an eyebrow and settles back into his seat.

“What?”

“Just curious. Why you’re dishing out relationship commentary when you’ve never been in one yourself.”

“I’ve had plenty of relationships. I’ve got a woman in every city. Maybe I just never wanted to settle down with just one. I like grazing.”

“God, forget I asked.”

“What?”

“Kids aren’t supposed to know about their parents’ sex lives.”

“Come on, who do you think taught you your seduction skills?”

“Definitely not you old man.”

“Ouch. That’s harsh.” Phil jokes. His grin softens a little and he shrugs, perhaps a little melancholy. “I made my choice a long time ago. SHIELD is my life. I didn’t think I’d be able to separate the two or be able to give both the attention it would deserve.”

“You didn’t have to.” Grant comments and receives a head tilt in response. “You and May?”

“What? You’re crazy. May had Andrew.”

“She didn’t always have Andrew.”

“Yeah, but, we were never like that.”

“Sure.”

“Seriously. That’s not us.”

“Probably would have made it easier. You know, having a shared life experience.”

“Maybe. That was my choice though. It doesn’t have to be yours.”

“John Garrett would say attachments are a weakness.”

“John also has two divorces under his belt, neither initiated by himself. There may be some bitterness on his part. I don’t think it’s a weakness. I think any type of relationship is a strength. You have a purpose. You’re not just fighting blindly for some oath. You have people you care about and want the best for. But sometimes, I think it’s… it can be hard being on the road and staring down danger. Not a lot of time for a personal life but it can happen. May and Andrew had a good thing going before…”

“Yeah.”

“It was tragic and I think that stopped them in their tracks. If it hadn’t, I know they’d still be together. And who knows what can happen down the road.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on?”

“What?”

“You’ve got this look on your face. You’re moping because she’s away for a change, not you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Two years is a lot of time. It went fast. Maybe faster because we weren’t always together. But when we are…” that part blurts out before he can stop himself. Phil’s smile grows a little and Grant can feel his face on fire as he takes another bite. “Jemma isn’t made for this life.”

“She’s part of this life.”

“Science is different. She’s not out in the field.”

“She could be.”

“No. Never.” His voice hardens at that. There is no way Jemma Simmons will ever enter the field, as long as he has a say in it. There are still nights he stays awake thinking of Berlin and the other outcome that could have been. “One day, she’s going to want to… to leave it and…”

“And you don’t think you will?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it. About what she wants.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“Not exactly.” Grant mutters after a pause. But it’s what was coming, wasn’t it? Somewhere along the line, they had crossed some sort of threshold without any decision on either of their parts. Their relationship had followed a natural progression and he hadn’t even noticed. 

Most of Jemma’s belongings lived in his apartment now. They had migrated over without discussion. A missing sweater, a book she never finished, an extra toothbrush. It had only grown from there. He’s pretty sure the only items still left in hers and Fitz’s apartment was her science equipment and even most of that had wound up in his apartment.

He doesn’t know when he started viewing science experiments in his fridge as a normal part of life. 

She knew everything there was to know about him. She hadn’t judged him, hadn’t ran. She accepted it, accepted him, and other than Phil, he had never had that. Even Trip didn’t know everything.

He had found something in her that he hadn’t been expecting. Like he was finally whole and before her, he always felt that idea was completely fucking stupid and a load of bullshit.

“I don’t want it to be a mistake.”

“Does it feel like a mistake?”

“No. It… it feels good. I love her, I know I do, but… I don’t know. Isn’t there more to relationships than all that cutesy stuff? And what if we only like each other because we hardly spend time together?”

“Of course there’s more to relationships than that. And you spend plenty of time together. You’re not gone as much as you think. What are you looking for me to tell you?”

“Your honest advice.”

“I think you two have something special and even if you want to say you haven’t spent a lot of time together, you’ve weathered some difficult scenarios and still come out on top. I think she made it very clear to you that she was in this for the long haul after Berlin. There’s not just one path to a relationship. You can’t compare others or consider what is supposedly the norm. Your problem is you are risk assessing this and you need to stop thinking so much. None of us know what’s going to happen in the future. Today, you might think you want to stay in the field forever but five, ten years from now you might decide being home is what you want. People adapt. People grow.”

“And if we grow apart?”

“Then you grow apart.”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“I know but I think you need to give her more credit than you do. Yeah, she’s bubbly and talks a mile a minute and acts like she’s powered on sunshine, but she’s tough underneath it all even if she’s not showing it. Look, bottom line is if you want it to work, you’ll find a way to make it work. Do you want it to work?”

Grant considers the question and Jemma flickers through his mind like a film reel.

“Use your heart not your head.”

“Of course I want it to work.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “It doesn’t feel real. When I’m with her…”

“Yes? Use your words.”

“I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Yes you do. You just feel stupid talking like that.”

“It’s cheesy.”

“That’s okay.”

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Yes. Grant, I’ve watched you grow over the years and the kid I met would never have even thought about starting a relationship with someone. It’s okay to enjoy life. It’s okay to feel like you want to scream from the rooftops how much you love her. You don’t have to analyze it all from every angle. I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I see how you are with her. I know how much you love her. You’re not fooling anyone.”

He turns to look out the window, if only to avoid Phil’s giddy grin.

“There was, uh, the night before she left for Stockholm, I came home and,” he breaks off with a chuckle, remembering it, “it had to have been 100 degrees out but she had the AC blasting in the apartment and you’d think she was doing it to cool down but she was dressed like it was the middle of winter. Had these stupid, furry socks that I think are ridiculous and one of my sweatshirts from the Academy. We were just sitting on the couch together. I was reading and she was watching _Dr. Who_ for the thousandth time and had her head in my lap. I don’t know why I was thinking about it, probably ‘cause I knew she was going to be gone, but I felt like that was it. That’s… home. I could spend every night for the rest of my life like that and Specialist Grant was probably screaming at me but for _me_ me… it felt… perfect. Which is dumb because it was no different than what we’ve done before so I don’t know why… well, I do. She was leaving and I never want to be in a place where I’m not with her or know I won’t be with her soon.”

“Well, I think you should make sure that doesn’t happen. Lock in your choice for the long run.” Phil comments. Grant glances away from the window and raises an eyebrow.

“Marriage?” He tries to play off the idea but Phil’s knowing expression ruins that. He sighs and gives a nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking the same.”

“I figured. So what’s stopping you?”

“Not a damn thing. Except…”

“Nope. Tell your brain to shut up. You’d be an idiot to let someone like Jemma slip away. If you do, she will find someone else in an instant and you’ll live with that regret the rest of your life. Do you want to feel like? Or do you want to share some of the greatest moments of your life with her and maybe see your relationship go down the drain, which is nowhere near as guaranteed?”

* * *

He’s in a deep sleep when she comes home. Deeper than he expected or experienced for a while because he doesn’t know she’s there until he feels her hand on his face.

“Grant? Darling, I’m home.” Her voice is quiet and he feels… something at the sound of it. Relief? Happy? Maybe a mixture of both.

When he opens his eyes, she smiles brightly at him as her thumb slides gently over his cheekbone.

“Jem,” he can’t help the grin that starts to spread and it only seems to make hers widen as well. He turns slightly on the couch, giving her more space to sit.

“I was afraid you’d karate chop me if I snuck up on you.”

“Nah. I know what you feel like.” He rubs a hand over his eyes and blinks at her. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She leans down and they share a slow kiss. “How’d you wind up out here? I’d think our bed is more comfortable.”

“I was waiting for you.”

“Problem with the quinjet. You missed a rather intense argument between Fitz and the pilot.”

“He didn’t come here?”

“No. He’s sulking for the moment. He hit it off with one of the scientists in Stockholm but she told him if she ever gets to DC, she’ll text him.”

“Poor Fitz.”

“Indeed. I told him it’s going to happen one day. The perfect girl is just going to drop in when he least expects it.”

“Exactly.” Grant mutters. He reaches a hand up and pushes her hair back behind her ear. Jemma smiles softly at him.

“I think you’ve been out of the field too long. You’re sleeping and being romantic.”

“I’m not always romantic?”

“You have your moments.”

“I’ll take it.” He examines her face carefully and clears his throat. “I um, I had something I wanted to ask you.”

“What?”

“Will you…” he stops and his heart is pounding as she raises an eyebrow at him. He can’t. Not now. This isn’t right. Is he absolutely sure? 

“Will I?” She tries to prompt him and he blinks.

“Will you show me how you make my sandwich?”

“What?” She looks confused. She glances away for a moment, frowning, and he swallows nervously as he sees that calculating look in her eye. She knows. That’s what he gets for dating a genius.

“We went to this place the other day and it sucked. I can’t find anywhere that makes it like you do and I don’t want you having to make me sandwiches all the time. I want to learn for myself.”

“No.”

“No?” He raises his eyebrows at her and she shakes her head.

“I can’t unfortunately. See, it’s the one thing I have over you…”

“… not the only thing…”

“… and it is a secret. I would hate to have to kill you.”

“Cute.”

“So, if you really want to keep getting the perfect roast beef, pepper jack cheese, slathered in chipotle mayo, with tomatoes and onions on whole wheat bread, I’m afraid you’ll have to keep dating me.”

“That’s a lot for a sandwich. But it is a damn good sandwich.”

“It is.”

“I guess I’ll keep you around a little while longer, just until I crack the secret.” He smirks at her as he pulls her down alongside him. She kisses him and tucks herself under his chin. He breathes in the scent of strawberries and tightens his hold on her. She hums softly as he strokes his fingers over her back.

Something slots back into place and he sighs. 

He’s sure. But she deserves some grand proposal, not him half asleep on their couch without her ring in his hand. He’d figure it out. Maybe next weekend. 

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He kisses the top of her head as his phone lets out a long, obnoxious buzz. He grabs it off the arm of the couch and slides the screen open.

A confidential message from SHIELD. 

**Cleared for duty. Report at 0500 for new assignment briefing.  
**

”Damn.”

”What?”

”They’ve got impeccable timing. I’m heading out in the morning.”

”You’re kidding.” ****

“Afraid not.” He shows her the message and she sighs. 

“Well, it’s not like I won’t be here when you get back.” She murmurs. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need to know that you’re going to be okay.”
> 
> “Stop.”
> 
> “No. I mean, obviously this is making me think of things but it’s not just about this. It’s something that we should discuss in general.”
> 
> “Well, I’m not.”

“Good morning,” Jemma exits her bunk into the lounge and flashes a smile at Skye and Fitz.

“You slept in.” He comments and she shrugs as Skye frowns.

“Slept in? It’s 7:30.”

“That’s late for Simmons.”

“You okay?” Grant is in the kitchen and gives her a side glance as she rounds the counter.

“I’m fine. Nothing too concerning.” She smiles, then eyes the small stove. “Are you cooking?”

“Eggs.” He pokes at the frying pan again as she scrunches up her nose. “What? I can cook.”

“Of course you can sweetheart.” She pats his back gently as she leans up for a kiss. He frowns against her mouth and doesn’t kiss her back. 

“I do manage to survive when I’m not with you, you know.”

“Yes and there is the problem. You cook to survive. You don’t cook to actually enjoy your food.” She turns to look at the others. “Be prepared for the blandest eggs you’ll ever eat.”

“I take it you don’t want any.” He glares at her as she leans into the refrigerator. She comes out with a yogurt and smiles as she peels the cover off. “Brat.”

“You would know.” She licks the lid clean before dropping it into the trash. She gives him a wink as she moves back to sit at the table with the others. She rubs a hand over her shoulder, then grimaces. “Does anyone else just not sleep well in these bunks?”

“Seeing as I was previously sleeping in the back of a van, I can’t agree.” Skye shrugs. Fitz shakes his head no. Then, Skye grins a little. “Maybe you just miss cuddling with Hubby.”

Jemma scoffs as Grant clangs the pan loudly against the burner.

“Seriously, why don’t you two just share a bunk?”

“It’s against protocol.” Grant responds.

“Against protocol? She’s your wife. Does Coulson need to sign a permission slip before you have sex?”

“Fraternization is against the rules.” Jemma quickly cuts in. “I would say this situation is extremely rare and probably one of the first SHIELD has seen in a long time. However, Agent Coulson handpicked his team and Director Fury signed off. That being said, obviously the Bus was not designed for agents to be sharing their sleeping arrangements. It’s rather hard to especially as Grant is larger than the average male.”

Skye’s eyes widen and she leans forward with her head propped in her hands.

“Is he? Tell me more.”

“Well, it would hardly be comfortable trying to- oh! No! That’s not what I meant!” Jemma turns an extremely bright shade of red as her brain suddenly processes Skye’s innuendo. Fitz can only shake his head as he stares into his mug with disgust. “He’s over six feet tall! There’s barely room for him, let alone both of us!”

“Mhmm. So, when you say that’s not what you meant… does that mean he’s uh, how shall I say this? Not proportionate?”

“The longer you talk, the more pull-ups you do.” Grant slams a plate down in front of Skye, making her jump.

“I did my pull-ups today.”

“Never hurts to do more.” He retorts as she groans. “Groan all you want. When you’re hanging off the side of a cliff with only your upper body strength to save you, you’ll be thanking me.”

“I’d rather fall first.”

“With the way you’re going, you probably will.” He turns to grab the other plates and Skye leans close to Jemma.

“I hope he is because it would certainly make up for his personality.” She whispers. Jemma freezes with her spoon in her mouth. Her cheeks are rapidly reddening again and Skye winks.

“I have to uh… Agent Coulson asked me to handle his physical so I have to meet him in the lab.” She stammers and quickly finishes her yogurt. She’s gone in a flash before Skye can say anything else.

* * *

Grant is in the middle of typing up Skye’s recent evaluation when he hears Phil approaching.

“Was I this much of a pain in the ass?” He asks without looking up. When he doesn’t get a response, he turns slightly to bring his mentor into view. The grim expression makes him turn completely. “What?”

“It’s Jemma.” Phil says, causing Grant to frown. They were on the Bus, over the Atlantic. What could she have possibly done? “She’s infected.”

“Infected?”

“With the Chitauri virus. She believes it transfers from person to person through electrical pulses, like static shock. She thinks she caught it from Cross, when she was examining him.”

His laptop closes with a loud snap and he climbs to his feet.

“Grant,”

“She’s infected with the same shit that caused those guys to fry from the inside out.”

“She thinks she has enough material to work on an antiserum.”

“She thinks?” His eyebrows raise and he scoffs in disbelief. He paces the area near the table and runs a hand through his hair.

“All the research has been sent to HQ. Between them and her, something will turn up. Why don’t you sit down?”

Grant shakes his head. He takes a deep breath, stops pacing, and his face hardens.

“So what happens?”

“She’s quarantined in the lab right now. We’ll continue heading for the Sandbox.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“There’s nothing we can do right now. It’s on her.”

“I can’t just…” Grant trails off and he rubs a hand over his face.

“I know you don’t like being idle. I also know me telling you to go about your day like this isn’t happening is useless. We’ve got time. Let’s not jump to any conclusions.”

“Can I…” he points to the stairs and Phil nods.

“Just stay outside.” He replies. Grant gives a short nod as he walks away. Jemma is already staring at him from the lab when he hits the lower floor.

“Oh. I was hoping he wouldn’t say anything.” Her nose scrunches up as she sighs.

“Was I just supposed to be kept out of the loop?”

“You’re just going to be worrying unnecessarily. It’s fine! It’s going to be okay. I mean, all I need to do is create an antiserum for an alien virus that has never been seen on our planet and no humans have survived. What could possibly go wrong?” She waves her hand like this is nothing and attempts to laugh. She can’t though, not with the look on his face. “Please don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m dying.”

“Jem,” he pinches the bridge of his nose and she sees him inhale a deep breath.

“Don’t you have faith in me?” She rounds the side of the work station to move to the door. She stops directly in front of him and places her hand against the glass.

“Normally, yes, but this is a lot. I know you could figure it out. How… how much time are you thinking?” His eyes roam over her face and his stomach turns as he can see the signs already setting in. Her eyes are slightly glassy, her cheeks a little flushed.

“Based on the time frames of the others, and when I could have been exposed, two, maybe three hours.”

“Jesus.”

“That’s a lot of time.” She insists but her voice is weak as she leans her head against the glass. She sighs and closes her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know static electricity could fuck you up.” He mutters. The corner of her mouth lifts slightly.

“Could you… could you sit with me for a minute? I’ve got to wait on that to finish. I just…”

“Yeah.”

They both slide down the glass, sitting so their sides are against the door. She leans her head against the glass and pretends it’s his own. She wrings her hands and twists her wedding band around her finger, wondering if this is as close as they’ll get before-

“We never went to Fiji.” She mutters.

“We can go. I’m sure you’ll get medical leave from this, even for a couple days.”

“There’s so many things we haven’t done.”

“Baby,”

“I know, I know. It’s morbid and completely not like me but I have to say it. We have to be realistic right? And don’t say no, because you walked down here ready to toss me in a coffin.”

“That’s not true.”

“Grant,” she gives him a look and he sighs, “I understand. You’ve always been a realist.”

“I’m allowed to be worried about you.”

“I know.”

They’re both silent for a moment. He stares down at his hands and she notices him twisting his ring as well. She taps the glass lightly to get him to look at her. When he meets her eye, she inhales a breath and steels herself.

“I need to know that you’re going to be okay.”

“Stop.”

“No. I mean, obviously this is making me think of things but it’s not just about this. It’s something that we should discuss in general.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Grant,” she looks up at him sadly as he pushes himself to his feet and paces the cargo hold. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not! None of-” he cuts himself and balls up his fists as he turns away from her. There’s a knot in his throat that won’t go away and he has a horrible feeling that he’s about to lose it.

“Listen to me. You’ve still got so much ahead of you in life. I would hate for you to solidify into an old curmudgeon so early. I’m saying that, no matter when I die, I don’t want you to be angry and lonely. There are plenty of nice women in this world and…”

”… and there’s only one I want.” He turns and walks back to the door. Her expression softens as she whispers his name. “I’m not doing this.”

“You can’t just promise me you’d be okay so I can die in peace?”

“No. It would be the one promise I’d have to break. So, if you think you’re dying, get ready to haunt my ass for all eternity.” He glances up when he hears footsteps on the catwalk and sees Fitz lingering overhead. “You’re going to figure it out.”

“What if I can’t?” She whispers and there’s a fearful expression that passes over her face. His hands clench into fists again, then unfurl. He can’t punch his way through this.

“You can. I haven’t found a problem you couldn’t solve yet.” He steps up to the door and puts his hand against the glass. She presses hers on the opposite side and smiles weakly. His eyes roam over her face and he doesn’t understand how she had been fine for hours and now, even just in the few minutes they had been speaking, she suddenly seems to be going downhill and fast. “I’m gonna… sit upstairs but if you need me, just holler.”

“I will.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She wipes her other hand over cheek and his chest clenches. He hates when she cries and he can’t even be in there with her to comfort her.

Something in the lab beeps and she turns without another word to head back to her work. He watches her for a few more moments, then starts to walk up the stairs.

He and Fitz cross paths on the catwalk and they share a long look. He’s been friends with the engineer as long as he’s been with Jemma. By now, it was easy for them to understand each other without needing to speak. Fitz simply nods his head and they clap each other on the shoulder as they pass.

* * *

He sighs as he sees the rat float to the top of its cage. Jemma’s shoulders fall in disappointment. She stares into the cage for another moment, then turns back to her work station, ready to try again.

He’s really trying not to look at the clock but it’s hard not to. There’s a timestamp on the bottom of the feed and his watch seems to catch his attention every time he moves.

He hears a noise to his right and looks to find Skye approaching him.

“Sorry,” she says softly. She twists her hands nervously and starts to turn.

“You can stay.” He mutters, thinking of how Phil mentioned he was being too hard on her. And Fitz mentioned. And Jemma mentioned. “If you want.”

“I thought you’d be down there.”

“They don’t need an audience. I’d… I’d just distract her.”

“Or you’d… be a reminder of what to fight for.” She glances at him but he doesn’t react to it. His eyes are locked on the screen again and he crosses his arms over his chest. ”I hate this. don’t know what to do. I feel…”

“Helpless? Yeah.” He sighs, then adds, “I wanted it to be a person, some super-powered psychopath - someone I could hurt, someone I could... punish. That I could do. What I can't do is protect he- you guys from stuff I can't even see or understand.”

“So what do we do?”

“We wait and get ready.”

“For what?”

“For whatever it is we’re called upon to do.”

She blinks, then raises as eyebrow and pushes off the table.

“What does that mean?”

“Whatever our orders are.”

“Orders? You’re thinking about orders at a time like this?”

“There are protocols. Procedures.”

“You’re joking.”

”No.” It takes a large amount of effort to get the word out. He’s made the hard call before. He didn’t enjoy it but he did it. This is a totally new ball game.

“She’s your wife! I think you’d care a little more but you’re always so laser focused! Can I know what will break your allegiance to SHIELD if your wife dying doesn’t?”

“You think I don’t know that?” He snaps as she backs down, regret written all over her face. “You think that I don’t want to… to…”

He shakes his head and starts to walk past her. He turns to look back at her.

“You don’t know us. How we are, our connections, who we are. You’ve been here a month. These people… they’re…” his hands clench, then he adds, “This is why I don’t work on teams.”

He storms off, up the stairs that lead to Phil’s office and hears him speaking with someone.

“I’m aware but I don’t need more orders or ultimatums. I need answers.”

“ _I wish I had some for you. I’m sorry Coulson. I’ve been ordered to inform you that if you have any infected cargo on board, you need to dump it._ ”

The statement hits Grant in the chest like a freight train and he freezes in the door. Phil glances at him but his eyes return to whatever he’s looking at.

“ _Do you copy Coulson? The orders are coming from up top._ ”

“Sorry, didn’t get that last part. Bad connection.” He jabs at the control on his desk. “Don’t even think it.”

“It’s what I was worried about. Makes sense. Can’t risk the rest of the team, the mission for one person.” Grant says as he steps further into the office.

“Yes we can. How is she?”

“Not good. The first test didn’t work. It seems like it takes way too long to get a… serum or whatever. She’s not going to have a lot of chances.”

“She’ll figure it out.”

“And what if she doesn’t?” Grant collapses onto the couch and he spots his watch again. He leans his arm onto the armrest, then tips his head against his hand. ”You saw what those guys did.”

Phil doesn’t respond. The look on his face is enough. They were put in an unthinkable position. Grant sighs and shakes his head. He straightens up, then slumps back against the cushion.

“I always thought it would be me.”

“What?”

“Dying first, leaving her behind too soon.”

“Grant,”

“I don’t know… I don’t want…” he feels the knot back in his throat and swallows, “I don’t know what to do without her. I don’t want to know.”

He clears his throat and twists his wedding ring.

“Crazy right? Coming from me?” He flashes a weak smirk but Phil shakes his head.

“I don’t think so. You love her. You’re both still so young. This isn’t the natural order of life. You’re not supposed to wonder about these things right now.”

“Nothing about our lives is natural.” Grant runs his hands over his face and sighs. He thinks back to Jemma’s comment on the things they hadn’t done and Skye’s outburst accusing him of being without feelings. “Do… do you think I’m too focused on work?”

“Don’t play these games, okay?”

“I’m just wondering if I did enough. If I was enough for her. I mean, last year alone, I was out in the field more than I was home. And maybe it could have been different.”

“Maybe but you both know what you signed up for. I wouldn’t worry about things like that. Jemma is happy. She knows that you love her and at the end of the day, that’s what matters. You can wonder about what ifs all you want but this is the life you have together and your choices have built something great. Don’t regret what you’ve done.”

“Skye thinks I’m not caring.”

“Well, you have been pretty rough on her.”

“No, about Jemma. She asked what we can do and I… I said we had to wait for orders essentially.” He rubs his hand over his face. “I’ve always followed orders. I’ve always made the tough call without a moment of hesitation. How am I… how am I supposed to follow orders now when it means losing her?”

He clears his throat as his voice gets rough. He blinks rapidly and tries to avoid Phil’s sympathetic gaze.

“I’m sorry. I put you both in this situation. I knew the protocols and the reasons why we’re against relationships on teams. I knew I could trust you both to keep it professional when it was needed. I wanted the best and you both happen to be the best. I never thought we’d be facing something like this. You’re not going to make the tough call. That’s on me.”

* * *

Fitz was inside the lab. He had broken quarantine. He was able to be with Jemma.

Grant is silent near the stairs, watching as they frantically piece together another batch of the antiserum.

He could have been in there with her. Why hadn’t he just done the same thing?

Quarantine was protocol and he follows protocol.

Fitz zaps the third rat and he holds his breath as it chitters in its cage. Then, there’s the electric pulse and it floats to the top of the cage.

He thinks he’s going to be sick. Or maybe he’ll demolish every object on this damn plane.

He’s jealous of Skye, sniffling and teary-eyed. She can show her emotions.

He wants to. Fuck, he wants to scream and break down those doors. He wants to hold her and promise it’s going to be okay.

The specialist in him is restraining him. Protocol needs to be followed.

“Sir, I know the protocol in these circumstances.”

Grant blinks as Jemma steps right up to the door and stares Phil in the eye.

“But could you please tell my dad first? I just think my mum will take it better if it comes from him.”

And shit, he hasn’t even thought of his in-laws once. For him, his whole family is here on this plane. There was no one to inform but his stomach sinks even lower at the mention of her parents and he knows she’s right. He was losing his wife but they were losing their only child.

“We’re not there yet. There’s still time.” Phil insists. But there’s not. Sure, there may be twenty minutes, approximately, left before she… but that was hardly enough time to create and test another dosage.

“Sir, please.” She shakes her head slightly and Grant feels breathless. He’s never known Jemma to give up or quit on anything or anyone. She takes a deep breath and smiles faintly at them. “Do you… do you mind if I have a few moments alone with Fitz?”

“Come on,” May takes Skye by the arm as she cries and leads her upstairs. Phil glances at Grant, who feels frozen to the floor.

“Grant,” Jemma whispers at him and he blinks.

“No.”

“Just a minute. I… please,” she gestures at Fitz and he swallows. He can’t leave her. He doesn’t _want_ to leave her. He wants every damn second that he has left with her.

But Fitz is her best friend, her brother, and he deserves his moment too.

“I-I’m coming back down.” He mutters. There was no way he was letting her face this alone.

“Okay,” she nods with a small smile. He forces himself back up the stairs and joins the others in the command center.

He’s completely numb. He knows he’s supposed to be thinking or feeling or something but there’s nothing. No, that’s wrong.

There’s Jemma.

Her smile, her laugh, that excited expression when she discovered something or figured something out.

The yellow sundress she wore on their first date, how she hid under his blanket the morning after their first night together, how completely stunning she looked as she walked towards him on their wedding day.

The way she kissed him, how she touched him, that slow stroke of her fingers through his hair, how she jumped into his arms after every mission.

A loud beeping jerks him out of his thoughts.

“What is that?” Skye asks, looking alarmed at the noise. May taps the table screen and looks up.

“Someone is lowering the cargo hold ramp.” She replies.

It takes a moment for it to sink it. Not someone - _Jemma_. That snaps him into action and he sprints off towards the cargo hold.

The ramp is completely down and there’s no Jemma. Only Fitz fumbling with a parachute.

Grant throws himself over the railing, no time for stairs, those are seconds he cannot afford to lose. He doesn’t even think he landed on his feet fully before he runs towards the ramp.

“The antiserum worked but she jumped!” Fitz yells as he wrangles the parachute out of his hands and grabs the taser.

And promptly throws himself off the plane after his wife.

The first thought he has as he’s tumbling and getting the parachute on is that she’s going to yell at him for jumping without the parachute actually on.

The second thought is hoping he’s not too late. He knows there’s still time before she’s supposed to… but he doesn’t know how quickly she jumped or how long she’s been falling.

He can’t imagine what she’s thinking or feeling right now. He’s been trained to jump, done plenty of them, and she’s literally fucking free falling from 30,000 feet.

Oh, they are going to have words. After he makes sure she’s safe of course but there’s definitely going to be a… strongly worded conversation about this.

* * *

She instantly regrets her decision as she’s tumbling through the sky.

No, she couldn’t. The only other option would have been to stay on the plane and explode, taking out the others- _taking out Grant_ , and she could never live with herself if that happened.

Well, she wouldn’t be living anyway but that was besides the point. She was saving them and knowing they would be safe is what she needs to focus on.

Except she’s absolutely terrified and the wind is whipping around her and she’s lost all control of her body.

She doesn’t know what she hopes for. That her calculations are wrong and she’ll let out the pulse before she hits the water? Or she hits the water at such a velocity that her body completely shatters?

Neither sound particularly good so she hopes whatever happens happens fast.

Oh, God, she hopes they forgive her. That they find some way to move on. That they understand why she chose to do this.

She closes her eyes and whimpers. She feels like she’s been falling forever. Wasn’t there an ocean below her? Was it supposed to take this long?

This is not how she planned on dying. Not that she planned for any specific sort of way to die but the preferred way was old and peaceful with your family surrounding you, wasn’t it?

She wants Grant.

God, she probably ruined him, tricking him into thinking she needed a moment with Fitz. They didn’t even say goodbye but technically she didn’t say goodbye to anyone.

She opens her eyes and spots a dark speck somewhere above her. Another plane? She doubts it. SHIELD aircraft didn’t follow normal flight patterns.

A bird? Perhaps. There had been different birds, such as vultures and cranes, that had been recorded flying at high altitudes but she can’t recall any of those records over the Atlantic.

And it’s coming closer to her, whatever it was. Or trying to. She was still falling. How could she still be falling?

She’s not quite sure what she feels when the object is finally near enough for her to realize it is a person and it’s Grant of all people.

Relief? _Definitely_.

Anger? _Absolutely_.

100% sure he wasn’t a hallucination? _Not exactly._

But she reaches out for him all the same. If she was going to die, even if he’s not real, it would be nice to feel his arms around her as it happened.

Her fingers close around the vinyl of the pack as his chest slams into hers. She’s startled to find that he feels quite solid.

“Ow!” And that sharp shock on her thigh was definitely painful. She looks down to see him holding the taser she had used on the rats.

 _Oh, that felt weird._ Her vision swims before her and she slumps forward into his shoulder.

* * *

He looks down when he feels her begin to move. They’ve been in the water for a little bit now. He was beginning to think that it hadn’t worked. But she was bigger than a lab rat so he supposed it was normal for the antiserum to work through her differently.

“Grant,” her voice is weak as she blinks up at him. He opens his mouth, ready to profess how much he loved her and how relieved he was.

But nothing comes out. Maybe he’s in shock, maybe it’s all suddenly hitting him, how close they both came to dying and he’s come close plenty of times but Jemma never and Jemma, _his sweet, bubbly, kindhearted Jemma_ , had flung herself out of a goddamn plane.

“What… the… fuck?”

“What?”

“No. Seriously, Jemma, what the actual fuck!” His voice hitches, slightly hysterical, and she looks bewildered. “I- Jesus Christ!”

He almost moves away, before he remembers they’re floating in a goddamn ocean and she’s clinging to his shoulders.

“Grant,”

“What did you think you were doing?” He demands, probably much rougher than he intended. Her mouth works silently and she suddenly sputters in outrage.

“I thought I was saving your ungrateful behind!” She snaps but she’s still so weak that there’s hardly any bite to her tone.

“No!”

“You would have died!”

“Then I fucking die! At least we would have…” he stops and swallows.

His face is wet and he tells himself it’s from the ocean but he knows it’s not. He hasn’t cried since Berlin and before then, who knows. He can say confidently that he has only cried twice in his adulthood though and both times were because of her, of the fear of losing her. It’s all hitting him at once and it spills out.

”I thought I lost you. I’ve never been so fucking scared. I can’t lose you Jem. If you weren’t so goddamn stubborn and waited five fucking minutes, you’d have seen the antiserum worked.”

“It did?”

He lets out a breathless laugh as she blinks in surprise.

“I’m alive.” She suddenly realizes. She blinks again and frowns at him. “You jumped after me?”

“Did you seriously think I wouldn’t? You jump, I jump right?”

She vaguely recalls a few weeks back, when they had watched _Titanic_ in the lounge and he had declared he would never follow her if she jumped anywhere.

But he had. Of course he had. She doesn’t know why she didn’t consider that he would.

“You didn’t even say goodbye.” He sounds completely broken as he whispers this.

“I didn’t know how to.” She murmurs. Her mouth wobbles and her eyes are red. “I didn’t want to. It just would have made it harder and you wouldn’t have let me.”

“You’re goddamn right about that.”

“Thank you.” She sounds rather meek and adjusts her grip on his neck. ”I can’t believe you jumped! You are insane!”

“At least I grabbed a parachute.”

“I didn’t think I’d need one!”

He rolls his eyes and moves his hands to her face. She’s basically supporting herself by holding onto him and he brushes wet, salty strands of hair off her face before he cups her cheeks in his hands.

“Please don’t ever do that or something remotely similar ever again.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“I might have been alive but there wouldn’t be any reason.”

“Oh, Grant,” she whimpers at him before they kiss. She tightens her grasp on him when she feels his tears hit her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I just didn’t want you hurt from this too.”

“I know but… Jesus, baby, that would not have spared me any pain. When I came into the cargo hold and saw the ramp down…” he trails off and scrubs a hand over his face. “This isn’t supposed to be what happens to you. You’re supposed to be the safe one.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He mutters. He pushes her hair back again and she smiles softly. “I always thought I was tough but… not when it comes to you. Not when I can’t help you or fix things. I’ve never felt so fucking helpless and when I thought… Jem, I love you. I tell myself that I know how to live without you because I do it constantly but not like this. To think I’d never… never see you again.”

He swallows thickly and her hand slides through his hair at the back of his head as she tugs him into another kiss.

This one is different. Their first was off the charts, passion, relief, every emotion they could feel rolled into a heated exchange.

This one is slow, soft, comforting - which is stupid because she’s the one who almost died, not him.

“So what now?” She asks quietly as she glances around. He glances around as well but only sees water in every direction.

“I would hope they come back for us.” He tries to calculate where they might be, based on the time remaining to the Sandbox. They had to be somewhere near land. It couldn’t be long before someone spotted them. “You doing okay?

”Surprisingly well for someone who almost died. You?”

”Besides the several decades you took off my life? Yeah, doing great.” 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, most women would find this creepy.”
> 
> “That some random person might know your order and exactly when to have it ready?”
> 
> “I’m trying to decide if this is romantic or a cautionary tale.”

Valentine’s Day arrives with little fanfare on Jemma’s part. She wakes up alone with Grant somewhere out in the world at a classified location.

It’s completely fine.

She’s never been one for the holiday - not since third grade when she made an anatomically correct heart for Colin O’Grady, practically pleading for him to be her valentine.

It hadn’t gone over too well. She gave up on having a valentine after that. Though her dad always insisted otherwise and she notes, with a slight smile, that he has kept up the tradition when she spots an email from him in her inbox.

But after twenty years, she finally had a real valentine, or she supposes that she does.

What good was having a boyfriend for nearly six months if he wasn’t an automatic valentine? 

But Grant is somewhere that is definitely not here since he had been pulled away on an assignment last minute over a week ago.

He hadn’t even texted her today. At least not yet. She wonders if that means he’s simply in another time zone, where he knew she wouldn’t be awake yet or he isn’t awake yet, though that’s more unlikely. But he could have texted her at some point, knowing she’d see it when she woke up.

No. She’s not going to fret over this. He’s on an assignment. It was normal for them not to text or call frequently when he’s on an assignment. And if they did, she left it up to him to initiate contact.

She knows he knows exactly what he’s supposed to be doing and taking every precaution to keep his cover but she has this extremely irrational fear that she’ll attempt to contact him at the most inopportune moment and blow it for him.

Perhaps she’s watched one too many 007 films but she always has this image of him grappling with some shadowy adversary - usually in some dangerous situation like on top of a building or over a tank of sharks - and his phone ringing loudly and contributing to his untimely demise.

But that was besides the point.

And really, it had only been six months. Just because they spent every available moment they had together when not working didn’t diminish the fact that this was still relatively new.

He probably didn’t even know… or care.

It wasn’t their birthdays or Christmas - all of which they’ve already celebrated quite successfully.

Valentine’s Day was simply a marketing scam to sell chocolates and flowers and greeting cards.

It was not the end all, be all to their relationship. Especially as Grant had shown several times over how kind and romantic he could be.

Once she’s showered and dressed for the day, red sweater with a ruby necklace from her mum (she’s not a complete grinch), she meets Fitz in their kitchen for breakfast.

“I think I figured out what’s wrong with the drone’s flight patterns.” He mutters. The table is completely covered in spare parts and tools.

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Little bit. I think. Why?”

“Just seems like more of a disaster in here than usual. We do need to be able to eat off this sometimes, you know.” She gives him a look as she taps the tabletop.

“Yeah and maybe we could use our refrigerator for more food than storage.” He shoots back, causing her to blush and bristle at the accusation. “It looks like a morgue in there.”

“Oh stop it!” She waves her hand at him and he merely scowls while she begins to gather ingredients for breakfast. She does make a face when she opens the fridge to grab some eggs. Maybe there was one too many organs in there. “Are you excited for your date with Stephanie tonight?”

“She cancelled on me.”

“Oh, Fitz,”

“Don’t. I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Act all pityingly. I didn’t want to go out anyway. Probably be busy all night in the lab.”

“Well, unless Grant makes some miraculous return within the next few hours, I won’t be going anywhere either. I could make dinner and we can watch those new Dr. Who episodes we’ve been putting off.”

“Thanks Simmons. I love being your number two.” Fitz mutters morosely.

“You’re not my number two! Don’t say things like that. You and Grant just… fall in different categories. That’s all. And Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s about showing love for those you care about and I do love you.”

He makes a face as he twists a piece on the drone. He drops the one he’s holding and picks up the next to do the same.

“And I didn’t like Stephanie very much, if I’m being honest. You could do much better.” She admits. They had met the girl randomly at the coffee shop down the street just before Christmas. Fitz had immediately been smitten, though Jemma thinks it had more to do with her looks than her brains.

“We went on four dates in two months. I don’t think it was serious. I’m not heartbroken.”

“But you’re disappointed. That’s understandable.”

“Please let it go.”

“We can just pretend like today is any other day.”

“It is any other day.” Fitz insists.

“Absolutely! No more talk of this silliness.” Jemma agrees as they hear a loud knock on their door. “Who is that so early in the morning?”

She walks to the door, then glances out the peep hole and frowns when she sees a young woman holding a large bouquet of flowers.

Normally, she would open her door without hesitation, but dating Grant came with repetitive reminders of security concerns and she likes to think she’s at least making an attempt to keep him from worrying about her carefree spirit.

… _Grant_.

 _Oh_.

She smiles to herself as she opens the door slightly.

“Morning!” The woman chirps cheerfully. Her jacket displays an emblem from the florist nearby the Triskelion that Jemma knows Grant frequented quite often. It was one of the things she adored about him, how he knows how much she loves botany and always made an attempt to have fresh flowers for her. “Jemma Simmons?”

“That’s me.”

“These are for you.” She holds the bouquet out, which Jemma graciously accepts. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“You too.” She smiles as she sniffs the bouquet, then shuts the door. Her smile fades when she sees Fitz glaring at her. “I’m sure it’s from my dad. You know he always has to do something.”

The bouquet is mixed with ranunculus, peonies, and Peruvian lilies. Definitely not the standard, traditional roses.

She sets the vase down on the counter, then plucks the small envelope from its holder. She immediately recognizes Grant’s careful handwriting when she pulls out the card.

_**Not how I planned to spend our first Valentine’s Day. I’ll make it up to you.** _

_**-Love, G.** _

Her smile grows again at the note. So he had remembered. And since it was handwritten, he must have preordered before he left. Her smile widens at the thought of him slipping out of the Triskelion to make sure the order was in place before jetting off to wherever.

And he said _first_ Valentine’s Day, implying there would be more.

Fitz lets out a retching sound and she rolls her eyes.

“None of that or you won’t get any breakfast!” 

* * *

They stop at the coffee shop before reaching the Triskelion. It was part of her routine. Leave the apartment at 7:45 sharp, stop at the coffee shop for a peppermint tea and a s’mores pastry she really shouldn’t get, and be at work before 9:00.

It’s a cute little location, independently owned and much better than any of the chains could provide, not to mention nowhere near as expensive.

Fitz looks less than thrilled as they approach, probably expecting Stephanie to pop out of thin air.

There’s a small line once inside but it moves quickly and before she can say a word, the barista smiles brightly at her.

“Hi Jemma! I have your order here for you.”

“Oh?”

“One second,” Erica turns and moves towards the far end of the counter to retrieve a bright blue cup, as well as a red gift bag. “Here you go!”

The cup is hot, obviously freshly made, and says Dr. Simmons on the side.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“Oh, well you too.” She is visibly confused and starts to pull out her wallet. Maybe she was coming here _too_ frequently.

“Nope, it’s already paid for.”

“It is?”

“You must have a secret admirer.” Erica winks and leans around her to greet the next customer.

Or a not so secret admirer, she thinks as she moves to join Fitz near the window. She carefully pulls the lid back on her drink, confirming it’s the peppermint tea she prefers.

“It’s just another day Fitz.” He says with a falsetto that sounds nothing like her. “I have nothing to celebrate either.”

“It’s from my dad.” She insists even as her cell phone rings. A quick glance at the caller ID makes her heart pound and she lifts it to her ear as she glances in the bag. Her pastry is there, along with a box of Ghiradelli dark chocolates, and another note. “Hello.”

“ _Hi_ ,”

“You know, most women would find this creepy.” She says as she pulls the envelope open. He chuckles softly in her ear and her stomach swoops at the sound.

_**Sorry I missed our coffee date.** _

_**-Love, G.** _

“ _That some random person might know your order and exactly when to have it ready?_ ”

“I’m trying to decide if this is romantic or a cautionary tale.”

“ _Hopefully the first but it wouldn’t kill you to switch up your routine baby._ ”

She giggles while breaking open one of the candies and chews thoughtfully.

“When did you get this done?”

“ _Before I left. Did you get the flowers?_ ”

“I did. They’re beautiful darling, thank you.”

“ _I’m glad. I figured roses were too stereotypical and since you gave me all those lessons on meanings, thought I’d put it to good use._ ”

“I think knowing you listen to me is the best present of all.” She says, making him laugh again.

“ _Yes, dear._ ”

Fitz rolls his eyes and mimics a gag. Jemma throws a napkin at him. He points to the door and stands.

 _Meet you at the lab_ , he mouths and she nods as he walks out of the shop.

“Any other surprises I should expect?”

“ _Guess you’ll just have to wait and see._ ” There’s a loud noise from his end of the call and she frowns.

“Everything okay over there?”

“ _Yeah, I just gotta go. I love you._ ”

“I love you too.” She responds before her phone beeps from the call ending. Then she freezes.

Did they…

She looks down at the note again, thinks to the card in her flowers.

Oh.

Love, G.

 _Love_.

And she had said it back. Reflexively? Instinctively? Truthfully?

She ponders the feeling for a moment and sips her tea as she fails to hide her smile.

And what a jerk! Not even saying it to her face the first time.

Though, knowing Grant, maybe writing it down and throwing it at the end of a call was easier. Or he hadn’t noticed he had done it. Did he actually mean it?

She gathers up her belongings, completely lost in her thoughts, and doesn’t see the man before it’s too late.

“I am so sorry!” She exclaims when they slam into each other. “Thank goodness for lids, right?”

“No worries. I hope I didn’t hurt you.” He smiles kindly and kneels down to gather the items she dropped. He carefully places the candy back in the bag, along with the note, which he glances at.

“No, not at all. Thank you, really, that’s quite unnecessary.” She smiles when he stands and hands the gift bag to her. She brushes past him to exit the shop and she’s just hit the sidewalk when he calls out to her.

“Hey, you’re Jemma Simmons, aren’t you?”

She hesitates, just a moment too long, and feels a hand wrap around her upper arm.

“I’m sorry?” She scans him quickly, trying to memorize key details.

He looks like any other DC player that seem to be everywhere. An expensive suit under a thick overcoat. Dark hair, brown eyes, no visible scars, clean shaven, maybe 6’1”. Early thirties at the most. 

She’s certain she’s never seen him before. And yet, he seems to know her. She really did need to switch up her routine.

“Walk with me.” He orders. He doesn’t loosen his grip on her. He doesn’t seem like the type of person who is told no often. 

She takes two steps.

They’re only a few blocks from the Triskelion. She still has her phone in her hand. She could send off an alert. They’d be here in minutes.

He turns his head to look out at the street and she feels her breath catch in her throat as she observes his profile.

“Who are you?”

“I’m sorry. I suppose I’m not as good at the theatrics as some others are.” He looks back to her with another grin. “Senator Christian Ward. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh.” Suspicions confirmed, she looks at him again, looking for more signs of Grant.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just curious to meet the girl who charmed my baby brother.”

“The brother you haven’t seen in what? Eight, nine years?” She retorts without stopping to actually consider what she’s saying. He only chuckles at her in response. He loosens his grip on her arm. She could walk away, knows that he wouldn’t do anything.

A senator attacking a young woman in broad daylight? Doubtful.

But she stays. Maybe because of all that anger and sadness she feels on behalf of her boyfriend. Maybe out of morbid curiosity.

“Is there something I can help you with?” She asks. She takes three steps back, putting enough distance between them, and he doesn’t attempt to close the gap again. 

“More like what I can do for you. I’m sure you’re aware of the connections that I have. I sit on a number of senate committees and interact with individuals in a variety of industries.”

“And what does that have to do with me?”

“Opportunities. I know what you do down there.” He points off in the direction of the Triskelion. “And I think your potential is being wasted. There are a number of private research facilities that would kill to have your talents. There’s one in particular that I think you would do well at. I could easily allocate a large budget for you. Unlimited really. Consider the possibilities, of all that you could do. You’d have creative control, experiment to your heart’s content, and it would be close to home.”

She doesn’t think she could live much closer to work than she already does in proximity to the Triskelion.

Then it clicks. He means Sheffield, not DC.

He’s still smiling pleasantly but she can see right through his façade. 

“Are you trying to pay me off?” She crosses her arms over her chest and frowns at him.

“Well, that’s harsh. I think most people would be thrilled by a prestigious job offer.”

“I already have a prestigious job, thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

He allows her to get about a foot away before he falls in step with her again.

“You’re making a mistake.” He says and there’s a warning there. A warning not to challenge him? “I would think a woman of your caliber would have more sense than to get herself entangled in the mess you’re currently in.”

“And what mess would that be?”

“Working for a shadowy organization with more secrets than the CIA. An organization that loves to enlist arsonists, murderers, and other dangerous ilk to their ranks to do their dirty work.”

“Ah. This is about Grant.”

“So he’s told you.”

“He’s told me plenty.”

“I’m sure.” Christian smirks with a low chuckle. “He was always a creative storyteller. Drove my parents up the walls.”

“Seems like you both did. Apparently, your parents aren’t fond of any of you.”

“Quite the contrary. My mother is a doting grandmother. We were actually at the Smithsonian last month with my daughter. It’s how I found out about you. We saw you together near the Hope Diamond. Grant likes to play the victim.”

“From what I’ve heard, that would be an accurate description.”

“Exactly. From what you’ve heard. He’s a conman. A master liar and manipulator. It’s what makes him good at his job, isn’t it?”

“And you’re a politician. The same could be said for you.”

“And you’ve got spunk Miss Simmons.”

“It’s Doctor, actually.”

“My apologies. Can I offer you some friendly advice?”

“Can I offer you my analysis of this very random meeting?” She replies with an arched eyebrow. Christian holds out a hand, gesturing for her to continue. “I think you lost track of Grant a while back. Whether you decided to let it go or couldn’t find any information, he fell off your radar. Now that you know where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s associated with, and that he’s doing well, you feel a need to break that down. You’ll swoop in here with your patronizing smiles and visions of blackmail to make that happen.”

“That is a lofty accusation.”

“But we both know I’m close to the mark.” She shakes her head at him. “You and your parents put him through hell. Leave him alone.”

“He’s not as innocent as you think he is.”

“He’s not perfect but I think he’s atoned for his behavior. Can the same be said for you?” She waits to see if he responds but he only continues to smirk at her. “Please don’t contact me again. Or Grant. Just… stay away from us.”

She begins to walk away, then turns to face him one final time.

“You know, he saved you. Your peace delegation last year. That was him. I know you saw him, he told me. This is how you repay him? Go through all this trouble just to give him some more grief?”

* * *

It’s after 8 PM when Jemma hears the door to her lab open. She assumes it’s Fitz, with their takeout, as they decided to work as long as possible to ignore the remainder of the holiday.

She smiles when she turns and finds Grant instead. A rather bruised and battered Grant but Grant nonetheless.

“You weren’t kidding about waiting for another surprise.”

“Well, this actually is a surprise. Assignment wrapped up suddenly. I just got out of my debrief.”

“And you came here instead of the med wing.” She clicks her tongue as he approaches her.

“It’s a flesh wound.” He replies. She rolls her eyes as she touches his forehead gently. He smiles down at her as she frets over him. “So,”

“So?”

“I said something earlier.”

“Did you?”

“You also said something earlier.”

“Did I?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.” She bites back her smile as she wraps her arms around his waist. “Did you mean it?”

“Yeah. I didn’t plan to do it like that. It just… came out. Or, it could have been those candies Morse was feeding us this morning.” He smiles down at her when she pokes him in the back. “Did you mean it?”

She thinks over the question for a moment, then back to her interaction this morning.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” She nods and squeezes him gently. “At first, I sort of panicked because we both said it so easily and then I was thinking about you and I realized that I would _fight_ for you and you know I’m not a violent person and I really got close to and…”

“Whoa, wait,” he stops her rambling with a chuckle and shakes his head, “who are you fighting? Did my honor need defending?”

“I… ran into your brother. Quite literally.”

“What? Where?” The smile falls from his face and she feels his grip on her tighten.

“At the coffee shop.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No. No, not at all. I… I think he was trying to pay me off, to leave. He said he saw us together last month. I guess he’s been finding out what he can. He knew about me, who I was.”

“Jem,”

“I’m okay. It was more about you than me. I didn’t like how he talked about you.”

“He would use you to get to me.” He frowns so deeply that she worries he’s going to reopen the gash on his head.

Though she can’t deny she hadn’t considered that thought. She could tell herself Christian wouldn’t do something to ruin his reputation as a senator but he probably has henchmen to do his evil bidding now. Just look at what their father had been able to do when he held the same seat. Or maybe that was the political thrillers talking.

“Grant,”

“I’m not always here to protect you.”

“I can protect myself.” She insists but he looks doubtful at that. “But… maybe I’ll be switching up my routine a bit.”

“And maybe we can do a few sparring sessions.” He adds, which she scrunches her face up at. But then she thinks of how Christian had grabbed her and how unprepared she had been.

“Maybe one.” She agrees, then reaches up to cup his face. “Please don’t worry about it. I wasn’t even going to say anything but I know I shouldn’t keep something like that from you. I was totally fine. I gave him a scolding.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”

“I appreciate your concern darling.”

“He’s not a good man Jem.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? You didn’t hunt him down.”

“No. I don’t know.” She shrugs slightly.

It’s not as if she made Christian appear but she knows it’s a concern that Grant doesn’t need. Then, seeing him in person made her remember what Grant had gone through as a child.

She had the feeling she didn’t know everything yet but what she had been told was enough. Her heart aches at the thought of him being hurt physically and mentally, especially as a defenseless child. She can’t comprehend how a family could behave in such a way.

“You’ll let me know if anything else happens?” He gives her a gentle squeeze, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Of course.” She promises and he gives a short nod, but he still looks troubled over it. “I’m fine.” 

“I know.” He says but it’s hesitant, like he’s ready to discuss this more. He gives a soft sigh though, knowing their time would be spent better other ways.

She smiles slightly and pulls him down into a soft kiss. He grimaces against her mouth, which makes her raise an eyebrow.

“Busted lip.” He mutters with a shrug. “And I’m pretty sure I’ve got a chipped tooth in there too.”

“Let me see.” She pulls gently on his chin and he opens his mouth obediently. “Mm, yeah. You should really be more careful sweetheart. Any more damage to this face and I might not love it anymore.”

“Ha ha.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loves his sons more than he had thought would ever be possible and every moment he has with them is a moment he would never trade away.
> 
> But he needs one night to himself. One night for him and Jemma to be Grant and Jemma. Not Daddy and Mommy. Not Agent Ward and Agent Simmons. Just Grant and Jemma.

“Ready, set…”

There’s a long pause as Grant peers over the top of the couch.

Ben wiggles impatiently where he is poorly hidden next to the love seat across the room.

“Go!” He calls and runs out. His belly laughs fill the living room as Grant pretends to chase him.

“Oh man, he’s too fast for me. I’ll never catch him.” He drops dramatically to the floor and sprawls on his back near the coffee table. He throws an arm over his eyes but glances out to watch his son.

Ben skids to a halt at the entrance to the living room and gasps loudly.

“Oh no!” He runs over after he spots Grant on the floor. “Daddy okay?”

He crouches down next to him and pats his face gently.

“Oh no!” He gasps again, forcing his father to bite back a grin. “A boo boo!”

“A boo boo? Where?”

Ben pokes gently at Grant’s forehead, almost into his hairline, where he had a row of stitches Jemma had given him a couple of days prior. He finds it a little humorous that his son hadn’t noticed it previously and believes it to be from their playing.

“I kiss it.” He declares seriously and presses a gentle kiss to the wounded area. He pats Grant’s hair and smiles down at him. “All better?”

“All better. Thank you.” He smiles back as his son’s expression turns triumphant. “But now I’ll be able to catch you.”

He moves quickly, pulling Ben into his arms and jumping to his feet. The boy shrieks at the movement and giggles as Grant zooms him through the air. He lifts him upwards and presses his face to his stomach to blow a raspberry on it. Ben’s giggles turn into full on belly laughs again.

Grant easily ranks it as one of his favorite sounds.

“Daddy! Peas!”

“You want peas?”

“No! Peas!” He giggles and waves his hands.

“Oh. Do you mean please?” He asks, knowing exactly what he meant.

“Yeah!”

“It’s got an ‘l’ in there buddy. Please.”

“Peas.”

“No. Please. Puh-lease.”

“Yeah! Peas. All done.”

“All done? You don’t want to play anymore?” Grant asks. The doorbell rings before Ben can respond and his face lights up at the sound. “Oh, who is that? Is it Pop?”

“Pop!”

“Let’s go see. Put your hood on to protect your secret identity.” He pulls the onesie hood over Ben’s head, causing another round of giggles.

It was only right to dress the toddler in the Captain America onesie, designed to look like his uniform. After all, Phil had been the one to buy it for him.

Grant briefly wonders how the captain feels about his image being used in various lines of merchandise.

“Remember, be quiet. They can’t know it’s you.” He whispers before he opens the door. Phil and May are standing on the porch and Phil startles back a little. May rolls her eyes but there’s a faint smile on her face.

“Cap, is that really you? Oh man, I’m your biggest fan!”

“It’s me!” Ben declares, pushing his hood off.

“Benny? You tricked me! Or are you really Cap? You’re very tall and very strong. It makes sense.” Phil drops his overnight bag inside the door and pulls Ben out of Grant’s arms. “Ready for an adventure? We have to get to the quinjet, fast!”

“Go!” Ben exclaims, causing Phil to run towards the living room. May rolls her eyes again as she steps inside and Grant closes the door behind her.

“Thanks again for doing this.” He says.

“What else would I be doing on a Friday night?” She gives him a deadpan gaze and he smirks slightly. “You’re welcome. Looking after three little boys is the highlight of my week.”

“Mellie!” Ben calls out in the midst of a giggling fit. “Help!”

“Sounds like you have a rescue mission.”

“Apparently.” She smiles faintly and walks off towards the others. Grant stays where he is, watching two of the best agents he knows completely unravel over his nearly two year old son.

He still wasn’t used to it. Phil, sure. May? The goddamn Cavalry fawning over babies and answering to pet names given by a little boy with poor pronunciation?

“Okay, I think we’re ready.” Jemma says quietly as she climbs down the stairs. Drew is nestled into her shoulder, eyes alert as he sucks on a pacifier. He’s already in his pajamas- the matching shield to Ben’s super soldier.

“Perfect. Let’s get out of here.” He says and maybe his tone is a little too eager.

She gives him a look and he rolls his eyes in response.

Fatherhood has changed him. These two little boys owned his heart, even more so than their mother did, and he cannot remember what life was like before their existence unless he really stops to think about it. He loves his sons more than he had thought would ever be possible and every moment he has with them is a moment he would never trade away.

But he needs one night to himself. One night for him and Jemma to be Grant and Jemma. Not Daddy and Mommy. Not Agent Ward and Agent Simmons. Just Grant and Jemma.

It had been long enough. They hadn’t been away for even a night together since before Drew had been born. At least nine months ago. And really, they had only stayed away once overnight on their own when Ben was too young to know any different. 

Jemma took a little more convincing though and he has the feeling that she thinks he’s looking forward to this. He is but couldn’t you feel two things at the same time? He’s not thrilled at the prospect of leaving the boys but he is thrilled at the prospect of having his wife to himself all night.

No crying, no midnight interruptions, no drunken Daisy waltzing through their living room.

They deserved it.

He knows his wife too well and knows how she’s seeing this little jaunt - a frivolous, unnecessary thing that is taking her away from her children and mothers shouldn’t be away from their children. She’s probably feeling selfish.

He gets that. He does. But one night in twenty two months? It’s hardly selfish.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” She demands of their family. She’s clutching Drew close, like Phil or May would snatch him away forever. ”They’re a handful.”

“After living on a plane for almost a year with the four of you, these two are going to be a piece of cake.” Phil replies as May holds out her hands for Drew.

“Hello Handsome!” She gushes softly and he smiles around his pacifier as he burrows into Jemma’s neck.

“You know, they’re my clones so by calling them handsome, you think I’m handsome.” Grant says. The smile immediately falls from May’s face and she glares at him.

“Hardly.” She retorts and her smile returns as her attention moves back to the baby. “It’s that extra piece of Simmons that makes all the difference.” 

“If you feel overwhelmed at any point, just call and we will immediately come home.” Jemma says. She reluctantly gives Drew up and walks towards Ben, who is crouched on the floor near his toy box pulling out his Avengers. He holds each one up for Phil’s inspection. ”Benny, come give Mummy a kiss.”

She squats down next to him and nearly gets a Hulk fist to the eye.

“Oh, yes, hello Dr. Banner.” She quickly catches the toy and sets it aside gently. “Daddy and I have to go out for a bit so you be good for Pop and Mellie. Okay?”

“I good.” Ben shrugs.

“Yes, you are, so no bad boy shenanigans, hmm?” She tries to hold him for a moment but he whines and squirms away, more interested in his own agenda. She sighs but presses a kiss to the top of his head before standing again.

“You guys are going to have a great time.” Phil insists when he sees the firm frown on her face. “Seriously, we are okay here, I promise.”

“I know.” She sighs and takes Drew back to hold and kiss him. He doesn’t fight her and pats her face with his hands. “I left our numbers on the fridge, also the hotel. Grant says the restaurant is inside the hotel so I assume if needed they can contact us still. And their pediatrician. And 911.”

“Sweetheart, I think they know how to find us and perform basic first aid.” Grant glances at his watch as he bends down to kiss Ben. When he straightens up, he steps forward and touches Jemma’s shoulder gently. Drew leans towards him as he strokes his hair softly, then coos at the kiss he presses to his forehead. “We should hit the road or we’re going to miss the reservation.”

“Yeah.” She murmurs, then clears her throat and shakes her head. “You’re right. We really do appreciate this.”

She thrusts Drew out to May, as though to take him before she changed her mind again.

“Have fun!”

She glances back twice before they leave the house. But eventually, they make it to the car and he waits a moment before pulling out of the driveway. She’s staring out the windshield with a deep frown, shoulders hunched, and he suddenly feels terrible.

He knows he had good intentions, to celebrate her birthday and have a night alone, but she looks like he’s dragging her to the Fridge instead of the Four Seasons.

“Baby, if you really don’t want to go, we don’t have to.” He says quietly and reaches over to squeeze her hand. She straightens up and looks at him with something like remorse.

“Oh, no. It’s not that I don’t want to go, it’s just… I’ve never really been away from them.” She murmurs. “I seem so ungrateful. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not ungrateful.”

“I am! You organized all of this for my birthday and I’m whining about leaving the boys for one night. Not even a full twenty four hours. We’ll be back in the morning.”

“Right.”

“And Coulson and May are more than capable of taking care of them.”

“Absolutely.” He nods in agreement as she mumbles, mostly to herself. “Listen, why don’t we just go to dinner and go from there? We’re twenty minutes away. We can always go home if we change our mind.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t a cheap room.”

“Definitely didn’t pay by the hour.” He smirks and she rolls her eyes at him. “Don’t worry about the money. It’s not going to set us back or anything.”

“Right, okay, let’s just go. Like ripping a bandaid off.”

“Exactly and they’re not even going to notice we’re gone. I’m sure Drew already fell asleep and Ben is completely distracted.”

“Absolutely.” She nods firmly as he shifts gears to reverse out of the driveway.

Inside the house, Drew is relatively calm in May’s arms, eyes drooping as he toys with her hair.

Ben is rambling about something. They’re really only able to make out so many words in the midst of his babbling.

“Mommy!” He suddenly calls out for Jemma while playing. Not getting his preferred response, he repeats himself. Then, confusion sets in. She was normally quick to answer him. “Mommy?”

He looks up with a frown, scanning the room for her. He clambers to his feet and patters towards the front hall to peer into the kitchen. Phil and May exchange a glance as Ben runs to the stairs.

“Mommy!” He rattles the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and lets out a whine.

“What do you need Benny?” Phil approaches him and kneels down. “Mommy went out, remember? I’ll help you.”

“No! No! My mommy!” His eyes begin to water as he tries to lean over the gate. “Mommy!”

“Wait, wait, wait. Look at this, what-” Phil cuts himself off with a gasp as he shows Ben the quarter in his hand. “Watch,”

Ben frowns, looking far too much like Grant, and hiccups as Phil waves his hands and the quarter disappears.

His frown deepens as he scans his hands, trying to figure out where the coin had gone.

“It gone.”

“Is it? Where did it go?”

“Dunno.”

“Let me see.” Phil makes a show of checking his sleeves and pockets, then frowns as he glances at Ben, who looks thoroughly unimpressed. “Hang on, don’t move.”

“Why?”

“Because,” he reaches slowly behind Ben’s ear and shows him the coin, “how did that get there?”

There’s a long pause before Ben’s face falls again.

“Mommy!” He wails, loudly enough to startle his brother, who also lets out a cry.

“Nice try.” Melinda comments dryly.

* * *

“It’s weird,” Jemma muses as she stares out the window. The lights in the restaurant are low, allowing them to peer outside. It was located on the fifth floor of the hotel, which allowed for a nice view of the surrounding city. She takes a small sip of her wine, then looks to Grant, who is watching her with a soft smile. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… some… besotted fool.” She laughs, making him chuckle as well. 

“Well, that’s accurate, I guess. What’s weird?”

“Hmm?”

“You started to say something is weird.”

“Oh, yeah,” she pauses as the waiter returns with their meals. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Can I get you anything else?”

She glances at Grant, who shakes his head.

“No thank you.” She smiles and the waiter nods as he walks to the table next to them. “I was going to say I don’t remember the last time I ate a hot meal or a meal that hadn’t been reheated several times. But the weird part is, we always had crazy lives and there were plenty of times I skipped meals or ate cold leftovers.”

“It’s a different type of scenario. We can stop being agents but we can’t stop being parents.” He replies as he starts to cut into his steak. He glances over the table, then adds, “I was thinking I don’t remember the last time we didn’t have high chairs or toys or baby utensils with us.”

“Do you remember when Benny whipped that sippy cup at that poor girl’s head?” She groans as she covers her face. “I’ve never been so mortified.”

“He gets that from you.”

“Oh stop it! He does not!”

He grins at the blush that forms on her face and she ducks her head to twirl her pasta around her fork.

“It is nice. Being out.” She says between bites. “I mean, you know how it is, getting to go off on your adventures and having fun.”

He pauses, fork stuck in his mouth, as he considers the comment. There’s no malice behind her tone.

“It’s work. It’s not fun.” He says slowly. She gives him a look and he shrugs. “Fine, I find it a little fun. Do you want to go back in the field?”

“No!” She responds quickly, then hesitates. “I mean, I don’t think I do. It was fun while it lasted but it was shorter than I expected. I find it ironic that I finally get fieldwork and then I’ve spent the majority of the last three years pregnant and then taking care of babies obviously.”

“That is pretty poor timing, given all the years we did not have a baby before.”

“One would almost think you did it on purpose.” She gives him a suspicious look but it quickly breaks as she chuckles. “Did you want to keep me out of the field that much?”

“Apparently.” He lets out a short chuckle as well but sobers up. “You know I don’t like being away, right?”

“What?”

“You saying about me being out and having fun. That’s not true. While I do like going on assignments, I like being home too.”

“Oh, no, sweetheart, I didn’t mean it like that. It was a poor joke. I know you love the time you spend with us. I just meant you’re used to being away and you… that’s what you do. You’re a specialist.” She shrugs, trailing off awkwardly.

“What if I wasn’t?” He asks after a brief pause.

“I’d have a hard time believing that.”

“That I want to be home?”

“No. Yes? No. That’s just who you are. It’s in your blood. And you’re not gone as much as you used to be. Things are so different now. We’ve got a good handle on our lives.”

“I remember when I was thinking about asking you to marry me, I tried looking ahead and what could be coming down the road. I never thought I’d want to stop going out until I got killed or they forced me to stay home. And I’m not saying that I didn’t hate being away from you. I did. Or I do but … I don’t know, it’s different with the boys.” He shrugs and focuses on his dinner. “I feel like I’m missing out.”

“You’re not.” She slides her chair closer and squeezes his arm gently. “They adore you. You know that, right?”

“Yes.”

“They’re still so young and you haven’t missed anything. All their important moments you’ve either been home or made it back in time. Like you said, they don’t know that we’re gone and if they do, they won’t remember it. They’re still so young.”

* * *

“No!”

“You know, I haven’t heard you say no so many times in one day.” Phil sighs as Ben flops onto the couch. “What’s wrong Benny Boy?”

“Want my daddy.” He whimpers. He leans forward so he’s hunched over his knees and tugs on his feet.

“Oh, now it’s Daddy?” Phil sits next to him and sighs again. He glances at the stairs, wondering how long May planned to leave him alone with the toddler. “Why do you like those two so much, hmm?”

Ben gives him a glare worthy of his parents and he chuckles in response.

“I know. I know. Hey, Daddy was telling me that you learned to play the match game. Can you show me?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, I’ll play by myself.” Phil stands to grab the stack of cards from the bookshelf in the corner. He sits down again on the floor in front of the coffee table and starts shuffling the cards. The deck is clearly made for a child, the pictures large and colorful and intended for learning different objects and words.

He lays them all out face down, then flips two.

“Do you know what that is?” He points to the one.

“Duck.”

“Yeah, good job. How about this?”

“Mouse.”

“That’s right. Hopefully I can remember where they are.” He flips two more cards, a bird and a boat. “I remember when Daddy was younger and he thought saying no would make me sad. But it really made him sad because he missed out on lots of fun.”

He glances at the boy and notices how carefully he is watching the cards.

“But we finally found something he couldn’t keep saying no too.” He finds the second duck paired with a cat. He flips them back down. He knows where the first duck was. He has the feeling Ben knows it too. He flips a few more pairs, purposely missing the match, and watches his grandson finally jump off the couch.

“No, no! I do it!” He finds both ducks and smiles triumphantly.

“Well, I don’t know if I should be reinforcing that competitive, stubborn streak your parents have but you found the duck! You like being the smartest person in the room?”

Ben smiles again and tips his head as he bounces from side to side.

“I thought so. Do you remember where the cat is?”

* * *

“You regret it?”

“Regret what?”

Phil gestures down to Ben sleeping between them. May stares at the boy for a few moments.

“Not having one of your own, I mean.” He adds and she shrugs.

“I don’t know. Maybe things worked out how they were supposed to. I can’t picture myself as a mom.”

“I think they’d argue that.”

Drew gives a loud sigh and he shifts in her arms. It was almost midnight and they failed at putting them both to bed.

An episode of _Mickey Mouse Clubhouse_ was playing on the tv. Neither of them were thrilled with the choice but neither were willing to tempt fate and change the channel.

“What about you?” May glances at Phil. He shrugs as he strokes Ben’s hair gently.

“We kind of got it now right? I mean, we actually got a better deal. Got the ‘kids’ when they were older and now we get to have fun with the babies with none of the responsibility. This was exhausting.”

“I’d take field work any day of the week.” She mutters. She smiles as she glances at Drew. “This one isn’t too bad.”

“This one is hitting his terrible twos.”

“I didn’t realize he was so attached to them.”

They both look up when they hear keys in the lock.

“Oh no,” Jemma whispers and cringes as she walks inside to the scene. She takes her heels off at the door and creeps carefully into the living room.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hotel was a mess.” Grant replies. “Room was disgusting. Figured we’d sleep better in our own bed.”

“Mhmm.”

“Feel free to stay though. We won’t make you head out at this time of night.” Jemma adds. “Didn’t want to go to sleep?”

“A little antsy but we planned to move them to their beds eventually.” Phil replies. Ben stirs slightly and lifts his head off his lap. He blinks tiredly, then seems to notice his parents.

“Daddy.”

“Hey buddy,” Grant leans down to pick him up. He groans lightly as the boy settles into his chest. “Were you being good?”

“Mhmm.”

“Wanna go to bed?”

“You stay?”

“Yeah, I’ll stay. Say good night.”

“Bye.” He gives a weak wave before closing his eyes again. Jemma touches his hair gently as she presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I’ll come up in a bit, okay?”

He nods as Grant carries him away. She watches as they disappear up the stairs and smiles to herself.

“So what happened?”

“Oh, nothing. By the time we got done with dinner, it was almost nine. And then we went walking around the hotel and sat at the bar for a while. When we got up to the room, it just didn’t feel right.” Jemma shrugs. She takes Drew from Melinda and presses her face against the top of his head.

She fails to mention that they certainly tried to spend the night away. They had spent a bit of time in the room, making out like reckless teenagers, but ultimately they couldn’t focus. Surprisingly, it had been Grant who suggested going home. Only on the ride home did he admit he had been checking the camera feeds when she wasn’t looking and it upset him to see Ben so sad. He tried to ignore it and tell himself he was perfectly fine but it was enough of a distraction to put a damper on things.

“We really do appreciate you coming over.” She adds. “We had a lovely time. I just think sleepovers won’t be something we do for a while. Were they okay?”

“They were fine. Little weepy at times but we made it work.”

“I’ll tell you, Benny thinks the world revolves around you two.” Phil says, making Jemma grin. “Every other word out of his mouth was Mommy or Daddy.”

“Well, thank you again. I made up the guest room so feel free to crash. I’m going to put this one to bed and head up myself.”

“Good night.”

She’s not surprised to see Ben’s bed empty when she gets Drew situated in his crib. Once she’s sure he’s settled, she heads down the hall to her own room.

Grant is already sprawled out on his side of the bed, still in his dress shirt and slacks, with Ben snuggled up next to him. Even though his eyes are closed, she knows he’s not asleep. 

“You’re going to be miserable if you fall asleep like that.”

“I know.” He mutters but waits until she’s changed into pajamas and in bed next to them. He shifts Ben so he is against her, then sits up. “Not how I planned to spend tonight.”

“No but this is pretty nice too.” She smiles as she hugs their son close to her. “One day. He should really be in his own bed.”

“Yeah, one day.” He retorts before wandering into their bathroom. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s going on in here?”
> 
> “ Trying to find inner peace.”
> 
> “And how’s that working out?”
> 
> “Not good.”

“Got your message.” Grant trails off as he enters the training room. “What’s going on in here?”

Ben inhales a deep breath and straightens his back. He’s sitting cross legged on a yoga mat across from May and Drew is between them in the same pose.

“Trying to find inner peace.” He replies. There’s a small smirk on May’s face but she keeps her eyes closed as she breathes.

“And how’s that working out?” Grant asks. He coughs, hoping to hide his snickering. Drew opens one eye and looks absolutely miserable.

“Not good.” He states flatly.

“Figured that. Why are we trying to find inner peace?”

“Mellie says we’re too crazy.” Ben explains. “This is our punishment.”

“I told you, it’s not punishment. It’s a learning experience. If I wanted to punish you, you would know.” May says. Her tone is as calm as ever but even Grant feels the scolding as his sons cringe.

She definitely had perfected that disapproving mother tone and look.

“Besides when your mother finds out what you did in the lab, she’ll give you plenty of punishment.”

“Wait, what?” Grant raises an eyebrow and absolutely does not feel a trickle of fear run down his spine.

Jemma was currently out at some site investigating for biohazards. A rare venture at this point in her career. Figures the one day she’s gone. If she’s coming back to a disaster, he wants no part of it.

“It was an accident!” Drew insists.

“What’s the one rule we have about the lab?” Grant asks. Both his sons take a breath, then take turns rattling off Jemma’s list.

“Don’t eat anything.”

“Don’t touch anything.”

“No horsing around.”

“Only go in with a responsible adult.”

“Alright, we have more than one rule. Doesn’t matter. I don’t even want to know what you broke.”

“Technically,” Ben says, with a tone that clearly is intended to wheedle around the rules, “we weren’t _in_ the lab.”

“Oh. Do you think Mommy will care about technicalities?” There are times he really hates having intelligent children. A six year old shouldn’t know how to use technically in a sentence properly. 

“Yes?”

“Nice try.”

“Uncle Fitz fixed it.” Drew adds. May clears her throat and his face falls again.

“He cleaned it up.” Ben amends. “I don’t think we can fix it.”

“Mhmm. I’m probably going to regret this but which rule did you technically break?”

“Um,” the brothers share a look as they try to decide, “maybe horsing around?”

“But we were with an adult.” Ben quickly adds on.

“Not a responsible one.” May mutters. Grant narrows his eyes slightly as he considers this and who May could possibly find irresponsible.

Overall, most of their colleagues were fantastic with the kids. They all knew how unconventional the situation was.

Grant imagines if things were different, he or Jemma would leave, giving more time to childcare in the traditional sense but it hadn’t gotten to that point yet. It probably helped that Phil was the Director and always willing to turn a blind eye in their favor.

Ben and Drew had grown up in the Playground. They were mostly stuck to the private quarters, where they had a spare room for late nights, or the common room and the kitchen. But they also spent plenty of time in Phil’s office, the lab, and training rooms as long as nothing dangerous or classified was occurring and they were properly supervised. 

It had been so much easier to contain them when they couldn’t walk.

Nonetheless, they had settled into a system and it worked for them. The team banded together as a ragtag group of aunts and uncles and whoever was free automatically kept an eye out for the boys.

Depending on who that was, it could range anywhere from comforting to horrifying.

Some uncles, some aunts, and the rogue grandparent had been known to cause chaos at times.

The fact that May had corralled them and took control meant she definitely did not approve of whatever was occurring.

“Hunter found new Nerf guns.” May explains and Grant makes an ‘ah’ face as he realizes what must have happened.

“What did you shoot?”

“I was trying to shoot Uncle Trip.” Ben says. “But I missed.”

“The windows were gone.” Drew adds, which Grant is aware of as they were currently working on some renovating. The lab was pretty much an open space at the moment.

“And it hit the goo Mommy said absolutely do not touch.”

“Oh.”

“And the case fell over and then it disappeared.”

The goo, being some odd secretion Daisy had found on an assignment, which Jemma was all too happy to examine and study. It reminded Grant of that Flubber movie the boys loved. To find out it… disintegrated? Evaporated? Regrouped and is lurking in the shadows ready to potentially kill them?

“Well, that’s comforting.”

“So Uncle Fitz cleaned up the glass but I don’t know where to get more goo so Mommy doesn’t know.”

“I think she’s going to find out pal, sorry.”

“It wasn’t just the goo.” May comments. “Drew, what did you do?”

“Um, well… it was hide and seek and when you find them, you have to shoot. So Uncle Hunter went to hide and I was running in the hall and I know I’m not supposed to but I did and I found him so I tried to shoot him but Pop was coming with the mean guy with the mustache and… um, I hit him in the forehead.”

“You don’t mean General Talbot?”

“Of course he does.” May clarifies. Grant has to hide his smirk as he pictures Talbot being shot with Nerf pellets. May glares at him. “Which is terrible.”

“Yes, absolutely.” He schools his face and attempts to look stern. “You both know better.”

“We were just really excited.”

“And haven’t been able to play in forever.”

“You know this is not a playground, despite its name.”

“Yes.” Both boys have the decency to look ashamed.

Grant cannot discipline his children to save his life, which is quite remarkable since he has no problem berating everyone else on their behavior and performance.

He knows the puppy dog eyes are a ploy. They get it from him after all. But they fucking get him every time.

He doesn’t know if it’s just that they somehow seem to resemble Jemma at those moments or that subconsciously he refuses to spew any negativity into their lives.

Plus, the boys are good kids. They found themselves in hijinks reminiscent of their mother but they definitely had a mischievous streak as well. They weren’t angels but how much trouble could they cause at this point in their lives? Just harmless, childish pranks.

“All valid points, which I took into account. You have plenty of stored up energy because of the weather, which is why I suggested meditating.” May states. ”And the adults should know not to rile you up.”

“Where are Hunter and Trip?” Grant suddenly asks. He’s ready to make an argument that his friends deserve punishment as well, for their role of instigating the boys.

“Outside shoveling and icing the property.”

“Do they know Fitz finally perfected his automated snow plow?”

“A little manual labor never killed anyone.” May shrugs. “What are you two whispering about?”

The boys fall silent and Drew looks helplessly at Grant.

“What?”

“I just… you don’t think Santa won’t come cause of this do you?” He asks meekly. The question brings a small smile to Grant’s face and he even sees May soften slightly.

With Christmas a week away, there were presents on the line they were unwilling to leave to chance.

“I think an isolated incident won’t overshadow a whole year of good behavior.” He replies. 

“Isolated means single or alone.” Ben says.

“In some cases, yeah, that’s good.” Grant praises his definition. The brothers exchange another glance.

“What if it’s not isolated?”

“Well, I don’t think it’s a yes or no answer. There’s a scale of good vs. bad. I think as long as you try your best, there shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe meditating a little more wouldn’t hurt.”

“How long?” Drew makes a face at this. 

“Whenever Mellie says. This is her show.”

* * *

“Hey,”

Grant glances up from his tablet as he hears Jemma enter the kitchen.

“Hey. How’d it go out there?”

“Not too bad. Brought back some samples but nothing definitive so far. It’s freezing out there. I think we’re going to get more snow than they’re saying. Do you know Hunter and Trip are out there shoveling?”

“Are they?”

“Mm. Davis saw them when he was landing the quinjet. What happened to Fitz’s automated snow plow?”

“Not sure. I’ve been working on these files all afternoon.” 

“Oh. Where are the boys?”

“Ah, I think they were in the training room with May, rolling around on the mats.”

“Oh, that was nice of her.” She stops to kiss him on her way to the refrigerator. She emerges with a water bottle and closes the door, then leans against it.

“What’s wrong?” He glances at her and notices the frown on her face.

“Nothing. While I was running the samples from the site, I just thought I’d take another look at the specimen Daisy had brought me. I think it… died?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s not moving anymore and its color is slightly different. A little... dull. So I took another sample to test and it’s weird.”

“Huh.”

“It’s still running but it sort of reminds me of that slime kit that Coulson got Drew for his birthday.”

“That is weird.” 

“Very. Anyway, those tests shouldn’t take long, then maybe we head home before it gets too bad? Unless you want to spend the night.”

“Up to you.”

“Maybe let’s see what type of results I get.” She replies after considering it for a moment. 

“That’s what I figured.” He smiles at her as she chuckles, knowing she’ll just delve deeper into her findings.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” She says as she leaves. He lets out a breath once she’s gone and shakes his head slightly.

At least he had bought them some time.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Agent Coulson.”
> 
> “Seriously? I don’t think you have to be so formal. You’re family.”
> 
> “You’re alive.”
> 
> “Yes.”

“Mum, it- I’m sure- Mum! Okay, I’m about to go work so I will- yes, I will tell him. Good bye.” Jemma quickly ends the call before her mother can say another word.

She steps off the elevator and swipes her badge at the entrance to the science department. The door slides open with a “Ward, Jemma” that never fails to make her heart skip a beat.

Bloody Christmas. She can’t even think about next week and her mother is expecting her to plot out a trip to Sheffield for Christmas when it was still summer and almost 100 degrees out.

If, and that was a _very_ big if, Grant even managed to stop working for a day, Jemma wasn’t going to spend that time with her family. She would love to, of course, but considering she’s seen her husband possibly three months total in the last fifteen months, she thinks they’ll have a better way of spending their time together.

She’s not bitter and she doesn’t think he’s doing it on purpose. At least not consciously. She knows being a specialist isn’t a set schedule. She also knows he’s devoted to his work. It just seems different now.

She has a feeling John Garrett doesn’t appreciate that Grant is a living, breathing human being with a family.

Or maybe Phil had just been too easy on them all these years. She’s heard rumblings of it before.

She ignores the stabbing ache in her chest as she continues down the hall towards her own lab.

“Ward!” A voice shouts out and she groans inwardly. There was really only one person who actually referred to her that way, other than Grant during his teasing moods. She stops, takes a deep breath, and turns with a smile to face her SO.

“Good morning Dr. Reynolds.” She chirps cheerfully but the man is as stern as ever. Grant wasn’t the only one who had a leadership change recently.

Reynolds had transferred to DC from Seattle six months ago and she had yet to make a good impression on him, despite her best efforts. Despite Fitz’s best efforts, Reynolds chose to credit him with their successes, as though Jemma was merely an assistant in their work.

“Come with me.” He beckons her with a sharp gesture. Jemma had to admit the man had a marvelous poker face. She has no idea what to expect as he leads her down a hall of conference rooms.

An assignment? Surely, Fitz would have given her some sort of warning. They were never given an assignment without each other, especially not after Berlin.

Come to think of it, she hasn’t seen Fitz this morning or gotten a text from him.

She can’t help but think of that time Grant was severely injured on an assignment, so severely they opted to have an in-person discussion with her rather then a message.

Her heart clenches at the thought. He’s been on his current assignment for a week and it was normal not to hear from him. He still had down time and rest periods though and they normally would communicate during those times. But she hasn’t heard from him in two days. Had something happened to him?

“Still not sure why he insisted on meeting with _you_.” Reynolds says, spitting out you like it was unbelievable. She doesn’t understand why. Everyone, at least almost everyone, has always been impressed and intrigued to meet her. Her work is well known. It’s like he has to take her down a peg.

“I’m sorry, sir, who are you referring to?” She asks as they stop outside a door. He pushes it open and she steps inside as the occupant turns. “Oh.”

“Ward, this is Agent Phil Coulson. He requested a meeting with you.”

“Thanks for bringing her Dr. Reynolds. I won’t take up too much of her time.” He smiles over her shoulder as Reynolds grumbles something and shuts the door. The windows frost over for privacy. “He seems fun.”

Jemma doesn’t respond at first. She’s frozen just inside the door, completely shell shocked.

“He does know you’re _the_ Jemma Simmons, right? I felt like defending your honor.” Phil says. When she still doesn’t respond, he waves his hand slightly, trying to get her attention. She jumps and blinks.

“Agent Coulson.”

“Seriously? I don’t think you have to be so formal. You’re family.”

“You’re alive.”

“Yes.”

“You were dead.”

“Only for a few minutes.”

“Does Grant know?” She couldn’t believe that he did know, given how he had grieved.

“Not yet. I was going to reach out to him but I saw he’s on assignment at the moment. How are you?”

“Is it really you? Or are you a…” she trails off, not knowing what the alternative could be. She’s heard stories. Clones, LMDs, holographics.

“It’s me.”

“I assume it’s classified.”

He smiles kindly at her and she gives a small nod as she presses her lips together.

“Are you okay?” He asks and she blinks in response. She feels like she’s in shock but manages a smile.

“I just wasn’t expecting this. I mean, I don’t know if in any of my wildest dreams I thought this would ever be possible. You’re alive.”

“Yes.”

“But you were dead.”

“Not really. Your brain will hurt if you try to think about it too much. Yes, I was dead, for a bit but they resuscitated me.”

“We had a funeral.” She says. She walks slowly to the table and sits a few chairs away from him. He respects her space and sits in the chair nearest to him. “Are- what- where- what am I allowed to know?”

“Technically nothing. Level 7 and above know. They shipped me off to recuperate, out of everyone’s eye.”

“And we couldn’t know.”

“They had their reasons.”

“Of course. Where were you?”

“Tahiti. It’s a magical place.”

“Lovely. Why so long? I mean, it’s been over a year. Grant…”

“I know. Trust me, I wasn’t a fan of it but we have to trust the system, right? Director Fury had his reasons. Point is, I’m back now.”

“And you’re okay?” She eyes him warily, looking for any hint that confirms this.

“Absolutely. Actually, I never felt better. I probably should have taken my own advice and had a vacation a long time ago.” He grins, forcing another weak smile out of her. “Jemma,”

“I’m sorry. This is just so strange.” And she works for SHIELD, she should be used to strange. But having Phil Coulson, her father-in-law for all intents and purposes, sitting before her after being ‘dead’ for a year takes the cake. “Grant doesn’t know?”

“Not yet.”

“I suppose you’d like me to soften the blow?”

“I was hoping but that’s not why I called you in here. How do you like Reynolds?”

“He’s a delight.”

“Are you still interested in a field assignment?”

“A- I’m sorry, what?”

“A field assignment. A mobile command unit.” He slides a folder down the table. It stops a few inches in front of her and she carefully opens it to read its information. “You’d report to me. Fury has signed off on most of it. I’m hoping to be on the road, or in the air actually, by the end of September.”

“You want me?” Her heart skips a beat and she can’t help the flood of excitement she feels as she scans the packet.

“Of course. You, Fitz, Grant.”

“That sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“It sounds like the perfect team to me.” He retorts and she shakes her head.

“It’s too close, too many ties. It would never get approved.”

“Apparently, dying has its perks. The team has been approved, tentatively. We’re just waiting on your agreement and then there are a few exams that you’ll need to take. A formality mostly. You won’t be seeing any combat but you will have a front row seat to some amazing things and have access to state of the art equipment. Really, it’s going to be a unique experience. Unlike any other team currently within SHIELD.”

“Do I get a clearance increase?”

“Level 5 for now. There’s going to be less red tape than you’re used to but there will be circumstances that are a need to know basis. You and Fitz are really going to get to… stretch your wings. We’re all going to have a bit more freedom than we’re used to. How’s it sound?”

“Extremely enticing. Between you being alive and a job offer, all in one discussion, I feel like I might be dead.” She says, which causes him to snort as he tries to contain his laughter. She pinches the inside of her wrist just to make sure. “I suppose you want me to bring Fitz on board.”

“I’d like you to introduce the idea. We’ll have an official meeting in a few days with both of you. I’d like him to give it a try.

“Fitz is quite comfortable in his lab.”

“He’ll have a better one.” Phil says, standing from the chair. He walks towards the end of the table Jemma is at and takes the file back. “Think about it. Talk it over. You’ll get more information about the next steps at the meeting.”

“I haven’t said yes.”

“You will. You’re too curious not to.” He smiles at her as she slowly stands from her chair.

“What about Grant?”

“What do you know about his current assignment?”

“Only that he’s in Paris. He didn’t give a time frame.”

“I’ll keep an eye on the mission details. I… don’t think it would go over too well if we dropped this on him mid-assignment. Once he can be extracted, we’ll do so. He’s reporting to John Garrett now?”

“Yes.”

“How’s that going?”

“It’s Grant, so…”

“…so he’s shouldered it and moved on.” Phil smiles idly. Jemma shrugs before moving her hand up. She’s about to bite her thumb nail, then thinks better of it and twists her wedding ring instead. “How is he?”

“From what I’ve seen of him, he’s okay but… I know he’s hurting. Or he was. It’s… it’s been a long year.” She blinks as she feels tears creeping into her eyes. She lunges quickly at him, hugging him tightly. “We really, really missed you.”

He says nothing but she feels his arms tighten around her.

* * *

“Why was I pulled out of Paris?”

“That you’ll have to ask Agent Coulson.”

Grant tenses in his seat. He’s grateful the table is in the way or Hill would certainly see the way he gripped the chair tightly.

They’ve never been a fan of each other. He thought she was a bitch. She thought he was a dick. Nonetheless, he would never expect her to say something so fucking cold. He wasn’t just some random agent she could pull one over on, especially when it came to Phil.

He wants to yell at her. They may not be fond of each other but she did like Phil and they had gotten along well. She had been right there next to him at the funeral. But he wasn’t going to flaunt their personal ties.

No, he’ll do exactly what she was doing. Stone faced, acting as though they didn’t know each other outside of this room.

Keep it professional, the facts, exactly what he knows from the reports - not how he coped privately afterward. If he thinks about it too long - his fist clenches before he lets out a breath.

“Yeah, I’m clearance Level 6. I know that… Agent Coulson was killed in action before the Battle of New York.” Even saying it makes his blood boil. Fuck, if he ever got his hands on Loki…

“Welcome to Level 7.” The voice, _his_ voice, catches his attention and he turns to the right just in time to watch Phil stride out of the shadows. He looks stern briefly, then a giddy grin grows on his face. “Sorry, that corner was really dark. I couldn’t help myself. I think there’s a bulb out.”

Grant slowly rises to his feet, glancing at Hill as he does. She gives him a brusque nod, confirming that he has not lost his fucking mind.

He doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He’s completely frozen. Phil seems to pick up on this, as a slight glance from him has Hill clearing the room.

“Surprise?” Phil says once the door shuts.

“Surprise?” Grant is pretty sure his eyes are popping out of his head. Of all the things he’s faced, this is by far the most absurd. He’s known throughout the organization for his cold demeanor and stoic ways but this was too much to keep himself in check. “What the fuck!” 

“Grant,”

“No. No. Just,” he backs up and holds his hand out when Phil takes a step forward. He takes a deep breath and bites down on his lip. He knows it’s not a trick or an imposter. They were far too good for that. If that happened, they would catch the person in an instant and Hill was not surprised in the least, which meant she was in on this. “Did you fake your death?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say faked. I did, technically, die. I just didn’t _stay_ dead.”

“Son of a bitch. What the fuck?”

“I figured you’d be angry.”

“No shit I’m angry! You- I thought you were dead! You let me believe you were dead for fifteen months! Do you have-” He cuts himself off as he feels his throat tighten. “We had a _funeral_. We _mourned_ you and you were just… what? Hiding out somewhere?”

“Tahiti. It’s a magical place.”

“Oh, well, that makes it so much better!” He snaps. He paces the small space behind the table and presses his hands to his hips. “Fuck. Fuck.”

“It’s not something I wanted to hide from you but you weren’t the proper clearance.”

“Clearance? Are you serious? You’re my family!”

“No one knew. Well, a very select number of people knew. I wanted to tell you but it wasn’t the right time.”

“And now is?”

“Yes. Come walk with me. I’ll explain more about what’s going on. We needed the Avengers to believe I was dead. I was their motivation.”

“To what? Fight?”

“It was a hot mess. You’d have been flipping out. And, I mean, it worked. We’re all still standing.”

Grant huffs and flexes his fingers. One wall of the room is complete glass and several people are currently glancing in, even as they try to pretend they aren’t.

He shakes his head as he rubs a hand over his face. As hard as he tries to be detached from it all, Phil was one of a very select number of people he allowed himself to connect to.

How could he not? After all he had done for him over the years.

As far as he was concerned, Phil was his father. Fuck, he didn’t even think he’d care as much if his biological father up and died, if he ever even knew it occurred.

It hadn’t been easy and it was easier to push it down while he was working but now he’s faced with everything. He turns slightly, hiding his face from the others as he clenches his jaw against the rising flood of emotions he would prefer to ignore.

“I know.” Phil says and he steps forward again. This time, Grant stays planted to the floor and doesn’t flinch when Phil squeezes his shoulder. “We can talk more privately later on. I am sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.”

“Was this planned?”

“I think it was more of a… spur of the moment decision to take advantage of the situation. Come on, we don’t have much time to discuss what you’re doing here.”

He’s on autopilot most of the walk to the control room and he feels himself growing more agitated at the reveal of his new assignment. A team? More specifically a team focusing on being a welcome wagon? No way.

He doesn’t have an issue with working with others, at least not a huge issue. 

Working with Phil? Perfect. Trip? No question. A whole damn team? No fucking way.

But Phil has over a decade of experience shrugging off Grant’s griping and refusals. And he knows, deep down, that this is a done deal, no matter how much he argues.

“Fitz-Simmons isn’t cleared for combat, but I’m told that won’t be an issue.” Dr. Streiten’s comments and when the hell had he walked in and what?

“Wait. Fitz-Simmons? _My_ Fitz-Simmons? Hold on a minute,”

“God, are you dismissed.” Hill sighs, rolling her eyes upward. Grant glares and looks at Phil, who seems to be hiding a smile.

“I’ll meet you outside.” He mutters, tipping his head towards the door. Grant looks ready to argue but silently storms from the room. He’s pulling his cell phone out as he goes and clicks Jemma’s name in his contacts.

Now he knows why she hadn’t been answering his texts on his way back from Paris. Ignoring him was easier than feigning innocence.

He paces the hall as her phone rings, then gets her voicemail. He hangs up, then tries her personal number. That also goes to her voicemail. He checks the SHIELD messaging network and sees her name is highlighted as being online.

_You know, I can see you’re available. Would you answer me?????_

Instead of a response, her status goes red, showing not to disturb. He opens a text instead.

_Are you fucking kidding me??_

**Sorry! Busy! Love you!!!!**

_I could be dying._

**We both know you’re not :)**

_I’m not happy._

**You never are darling.** This is followed by a winking, kissing emoji. He almost throws his phone. 

_Pretty sure this is grounds for divorce._

**Have your lawyer call my lawyer.**

_Jemma._

**Grant.**

_You think I’m playing. This is not fucking okay._

**I’ll see you tomorrow.**

_Not tonight??_

**Got called to Boston office for the day. See you in the morning.**

“Here’s the information you need.” Phil says as he leaves the control room. He holds a packet out to Grant, who swerves to face him with a glare. “What?”

“Let’s recap. You’ve secretly been alive, you’re forming a mobile command unit which includes my wife, who doesn’t even know how to form a fist, and you’re forcing me into this… circus too! Not to mention, you’re giving this all to me last minute without a choice!” 

“I think you’re overthinking it. I’m not dropping you all into the line of fire. Think of it as like… CSI but… weirder. This is not a combat mission. You have a choice but you know our deal. You need to at least try it first before you start complaining.”

“Are you- what the hell did they do to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think whoever saved your life scrambled up your brain because you’re clearly not thinking right!” Grant hisses. Phil simply smiles, which annoys him further. “What’s so fucking funny?”

“Nothing. I just miss your angsty little teenage self sometimes and this is bringing back all those memories.” He replies. Grant blinks a few times, then scowls even further at Phil’s attempt to lighten the mood, and turns to walk away from him. “You need a second?”

“Several!”

“Okay, I’ll stop by later.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Defiled? And I’m sorry, why is it okay you live with Fitz then?”
> 
> “Because it’s Fitz. They know there is no chance of… defiling occurring and they see him as a son. They see this as siblings living together.”
> 
> “And I’m the big bad wolf coming to strip away your honor and virtue?”
> 
> “Now you’ve got the idea darling!”

Grant pulls into a parking spot somewhere between his and Jemma’s buildings, then kills the ignition with a sigh.

He’s exhausted and sore. He wants nothing except his girlfriend.

Well, a shower would be nice. He had a quick shower when he returned to the Triskelion but it had basically been a rinse off to make it to his debriefing on time. He feels grimy and gritty and it would probably take a few showers before he felt fully clean again.

And some food too. Food would be good. His stomach rumbles at the thought of Jemma’s cooking. He hasn’t had a decent meal in three weeks.

Some assignments were better than others. This one definitely was worse, just by its location and limited amenities. And the fucking fact it took way longer than he expected. Stupid bastard did not make it easy.

He exits his car, grabs his bag from the backseat, then pauses briefly on the sidewalk. He knows if he shows up at Jemma’s door like this, she’ll go all into concern mode.

On the other hand, he does have another set of clean clothes in the bag.

He also thinks if he goes to his own apartment, he won’t have the energy to leave again.

So he makes the trek to her apartment instead. He’s refused a key several times now, not wanting to keep track of it but more out of wanting to respect Fitz’s privacy. It would be one thing if Jemma lived alone but Fitz deserved his space and not have Grant wandering in and out as he pleased.

So he knocks and waits, leaning heavily on the wall. Jemma opens the door a short time later and promptly looks like she’s seen a ghost.

“Um,”

“Come on, I don’t look that bad.”

Her mouth moves silently and she glances over her shoulder.

“Um, I’ll be right back! It’s just my… neighbor.” She stutters and halts over her words as she slips into the hall and pulls the door securely shut behind her. “What are you doing here?” 

“What am I doing here? Seriously? No, ‘ _oh darling I’m so happy you’re home’_ or ‘ _you look like shit babe_ ’?” He blinks in astonishment at her and she bristles as she pulls her cardigan closed tightly across her chest. He narrows his eyes slightly and glances back at the door.

He’s not normally a jealous person. He’s never had anyone to be jealous over. But he’s possessive. Andrew says it’s likely because of never having anyone, he’s terrified of losing them. He finds that to be a bunch of bullshit, frankly, but whatever.

“Something wrong with Fitz?”

“What?”

“Just wondering why you won’t let me in and seem to not want me here.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” He lifts his hands up to gesture around, as if they aren’t currently standing in the hall. “Weren’t expecting me home so soon?”

“Grant,”

“Look, we both know you’re a shitty liar and I’m really not in the fucking mood so let’s not even waste any energy on this.” He picks his bag up again and glares at the door. He’s so tempted to barge in there and bash whichever dumb fuck’s face in. “I’ll see you around. Enjoy your night. I don’t want to keep you from… whatever enjoyment you found while I was gone.”

He takes about five steps before he hears her sputter indignantly.

“Enj- oh, just stop right there!” She snaps and quickly whips around in front of him to cut him off. “ _Enjoyment_? What do you think that I’ve gone off and… and… _what_? Found someone? I’m cheating on you? Do you honestly think that little of me? That I would be capable of doing such a thing? That is so incredibly rude and horrible! I can’t believe you’d even say that! Like I could go out… _gallivanting_ while I was trying to not think the worst about you! Aren’t you supposed to be some magnificent assessor, considering all the angles?”

“I did. Clearly, whoever is in there, doesn’t know about me and you prefer to keep it that way, otherwise you wouldn’t have come out here and called me your neighbor.”

“Technically, you are my neighbor.” She says, causing him to scoff. He hefts his bag further up his shoulder, then grimaces as the motion tugs on his ribs.

He pushes past her and makes it a few more steps before she jogs after him. She jumps into his path, cutting him off again, and pushes on his chest gently to stop him.

“I’m sorry. It does all sound quite mysterious when you put it that way. But it is definitely not another man, you idiot. It’s my parents.”

“Your parents.” He repeats as his heart stops. He glances back over his shoulder, as if they’re just going to burst out of the apartment. “From England?”

Her mouth twitches, like she has some snappy remark but she only nods instead. 

“Yes. They showed up last night. Apparently, my father was forced to take a vacation because he’s built up too many days so they thought they’d do some grand tour and dropped into DC during it to surprise me. So, you can imagine how stressed that made me, on top of being insanely worried about you being out of communication for weeks when you said you wouldn’t be gone longer than a few days.”

“Your parents are here.”

“Yes.”

His face must do some sort of contortion because she waves her hands before squeezing his arms gently.

“I know that you could not have been expecting this. I mean, I definitely wasn’t and… and… um, they don’t exactly know about you. I know that you’re probably exhausted and not in the mood for this and frankly, you looking like you went twelve rounds with Rocky Balboa probably won’t be a great introduction.”

He deflates a bit at how on the ball she is and that she is willing to let him sneak away without pushing him into a meeting he is definitely not ready to face.

He’s not a parent person.

Granted, he has never had a serious girlfriend long enough to consider meeting their parents but it had been a relief knowing there was a whole ocean between them and it was unlikely they would meet any time soon. And if that day came, there would be planning and time to get himself together.

Apparently, that ocean had not stopped them. Who the fuck just shows up randomly on their daughter’s doorstep?

His heart rate suddenly spikes as his brain reels.

“Wait, they don’t know about me?” He demands when he realizes that little tidbit she slipped in.

“Well, I mean, in a… sort of… no, no they don’t.”

“Jem, we’ve been dating ten months.”

“Yes, we have.”

“And you just somehow… managed not to bring me up? You talk to them multiple times a week!”

“Of course not! And we really don’t talk that- okay, maybe we do but it’s never… detailed. My mum just loves to ramble about what’s going on over there and I don’t say much because I still don’t know what I can and can’t say and so I just normally hum in agreement or say, oh everything’s same as always, busy at work, etcetera.” She shrugs and bites down on her thumb nail. “And it’s not like we have in depth conversations each time we talk. Sometimes, Mum just calls to rant or mention something she saw and hangs up a few minutes later. Sometimes, I don’t even get a word in. She has the conversation all on her own.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know! It was just… so new and I didn’t want to bring it up and something happen and now things are progressing and… it all got away from me. I want to tell them but they’re not very- oh, don’t look at me like that! I guarantee that you would act the exact same way and hide me from Agent Coulson if he had not been so involved in our introduction.”

His heart does another flip at her analysis. That the only person he would ever care to introduce her to is Phil and she doesn’t even stop to consider his biological family has some right to his life any longer.

“I’m sure you can imagine that if we ever had a daughter,” she says and he chokes at the thought, “and she was our only child, that having her live her life thousands of miles away, in a different country, and so young as well would make you nervous. You’d have reservations on what she was doing in what little spare time she has in between being a beautiful genius and assisting in saving the world.”

“Jemma,”

“They’re just a bit traditional and… my… work and my intellect and how driven I’ve been is such a… it’s important to them and they don’t… they don’t think now is a good time to be involved with someone, particularly someone they… think… might…”

“Might what?”

“Be… below my level.”

“Wow.”

“You’re not! But imagine how Fitz took you initially, magnified by 1,000. And if they ever found out that we’ve… that I spend most of my week in your apartment… that just would make things even worse. My parents are firmly in the camp that you do things in a certain order and to find out that some… strapping older man has defiled their daughter…”

“Defiled? And I’m sorry, why is it okay you live with Fitz then?”

“Because it’s Fitz.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “They know there is no chance of… defiling occurring and they see him as a son. They see this as siblings living together.”

“And I’m the big bad wolf coming to strip away your honor and virtue?”

“Now you’ve got the idea darling!”

“How long are they here for?”

“A few more days. Then they’re heading off to their next destination. When do you go in tomorrow?”

“I was given three days off so far.”

“Okay. Well, if you’d like to, and you’re under no obligation, I will tell them about you and you can join us for breakfast tomorrow.”

“You didn’t exactly paint a fun picture.”

“That’s me building it all up in my head. I know you’ll be your charming self and woo them over. Truthfully, we’ll have to do it at some point right? So let’s just rip off the bandaid now.” She says as she steps close and slides her arms around his waist.

“You just said I’m under no obligation here.”

“You aren’t but in case you’d like to, this would be a good time to do so. And they’re staying at a hotel so once they’re gone tonight, I’ll come over and nurse you back to health. Okay?” She leans up to kiss him but he suddenly finds himself slammed into the opposite wall when her door opens instead. 

Slammed isn’t a good word. Jemma is still petite and there’s really not much damage she can do to him but he wasn’t expecting the movement and he’s fucking exhausted so she manages to move him more than he would normally allow.

His back feels like it’s on fire but he manages not to yell out. Instead, he grimaces as she covers her mouth and shakes her head in apology.

“Pumpkin, where did you go?”

“Coming now Dad!” She calls, then spins back to mouth more apologies at Grant, who just waves her off and stays planted against the wall until her door shuts again.

* * *

Grant wakes up to birds chirping and he immediately knows Jemma is in bed with him. Not just because there’s an extra body than when he fell asleep - _when did he fall asleep_ \- but that chirping is from some album of sounds she had on her iPod.

He hears her move slightly and she turns off the iHome. That was another thing. He never used an alarm clock. His internal clock had always been enough for him. Most times. 

“Grant? It’s about 7:30.” She touches his shoulder gently, then settles back into the mattress and lays her head on him.

“What time did you show up?”

“I don’t know. 9:30? 9:45? You were passed out when I came in.”

“Jesus,” he rubs a hand over his face. The last thing he remembered was getting out of the shower and sitting down on his bed.

“Hey, even you need time to rest and recuperate. I tried waking you up but you were out cold. How do you feel?”

“Sore. How do I look?”

“Hmm,” she lifts her head to examine him, then kisses his mouth gently, “handsome as ever.”

“Thanks.” He smirks a little, which quickly fades. He reaches up to brush her hair back. “I’m sorry I jumped down your throat last night.”

“I wasn’t exactly being honest with you. I can see why you thought that.”

“Yeah, well, I know you better than that.”

“Let’s just call it even, okay?” She kisses him again. “Do you feel up to going out?”

“How’d they take it when you told them?”

“Ah, all right, I suppose. Of course, I didn’t give them details and they didn’t probe, though they may be waiting for today to do that. But they’re very… respectful so I don’t think you need to worry about them… inquiring on our… personal activities over breakfast.”

“Have they ever met one of your boyfriends before?”

“No.”

“So we have no precedence for how this will go.”

“Completely uncharted territory.” She says and he gives a small nod, ruffling his hair against the pillow. A smile starts to grow on her face and she strokes his chest gently. “Are you afraid of my parents?”

“No! And if I was, it would be because of how you’re acting but I’m not afraid of them.”

“Good, because you find yourself in more precarious situations on a daily basis. This is easy compared to those.”

“Right. What time is breakfast?”

“I want to try to get there by nine.”

“I’m going to take a shower.” He says, sitting up slowly.

“How many do you plan to take?”

“Until my skin falls off and regrows itself.”

“Do you need help scrubbing your back?”

“Nope.”

“I don’t want you to strain your ribs.”

“And I don’t want to face your father over pancakes, imagining you naked and wet in my shower.”

“Fair enough. Call me if you need me.” She settles into the mattress and tugs the blanket up to her chin. She listens as he moves around the bathroom, then the water turns on. After a moment, he reappears in the doorway and holds his hand out in a gesture to join him. “Changed your mind?”

“Well, it’s already in there so might as well go all the way, right?”

He thinks the smirk that crosses her face should be illegal. She saunters towards him and jumps out of his reach with a giggle when he attempts to swat her.   
  
“Yeah, laugh now because you won’t be later.”

”Oh, you always have to be so dramatic. It’s going to be totally fine. What do you think? My dad is going to sense that we had sex this morning?”

”That’s how you’ve made it sound.”

”He will but they’re too polite to make their hatred of you public. They’ll let it fester inside instead.”

”Great.” 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I mean, why aren’t you at work?”
> 
> “I am on administrative leave. Pending the results of my disciplinary hearing. What are you doing here?”
> 
> “I came to get some of my things. I… I thought you wouldn’t be here. What did you do?”
> 
> “I interfered with an ongoing investigation and… potentially murdered several individuals.”

_She opens her eyes slowly when she feels a gentle kiss against her shoulder._

_It’s still dark out, though she’s not sure what time it is or when exactly she fell asleep. The light is still on too and she never changed into pajamas._

_Regardless, she smiles tiredly and slips a hand into Grant’s hair as he nuzzles her neck._

_“You made it.” She murmurs tiredly. “Why didn’t you call me?”_

_“I did. Twice. Figured you fell asleep.”_

_“How’d you get in here?” She had decided to use her vacation to visit Paris - Grant’s last known location as he handled an assignment, or multiple assignments. She’s not really clear on the details, thanks to his higher clearance level, but that didn’t matter right now._

_“I told the girl at the front desk that I was able to join my wife last minute but she wasn’t answering her phone and I couldn’t get into our room.”_

_“And she believed you Mr. Simmons?”_

_“I can be very persuasive when I need to be. And who says I was Mr. Simmons? Maybe you were Dr. Ward.” He presses another kiss to her cheek. She buries her face in the pillow to hide her smile- thinking; wondering; hoping. Then she rolls over to face him. “Hi,”_

_“Hi. How long do you have?”_

_“Two days, unless something comes up.”_

_“What are you even doing?”_

_“Basically sorting out these small situations but it looks like they’re all leading into a larger one so I need to be on hand in case it gets there.” He’s been bouncing around Europe for over two months now, without a moment stateside. “I’m glad you’re here.”_

_“Me too. I miss you.” She tips her head up and they share a kiss. “Did they give any hint on when you might be coming home?”_

_“Not yet.”_

* * *

He moves quickly and quietly through the halls. That night is playing on a loop in his head as he takes out each person he comes across.

Jemma, happy and smiling and alive, and he needs to keep that in his head or he’s going to lose it even more than he already has.

He forces himself to move faster. He knows he doesn’t have a lot of time.

It doesn’t take him long at all to locate the wing he is looking for and he feels like it’s some joke that out of the numerous doors in this hall, it takes opening the last one for him to finally find what, rather who, he is looking for.

“Jesus Christ… Jemma, hey,” he drops down next to the cot and sucks in a sharp breath as he looks over her. “Jemma. Jem, hey, baby, can you hear me?”

He ignores the fact that his hand is shaking as he brushes her hair out of her face. She’s freezing and pale, so fucking pale, more so than usual and it makes the bruises on her face stand out even more. He feels terror grip his heart tightly as he finds a slow, weak pulse.

“Jem, come on. Open your eyes. Baby, look at me, please. Just open your eyes.”

* * *

Grant glances up when he hears the door open quietly. He’s expecting a doctor or a nurse but he finds Phil instead.

The look on his face is unreadable as he closes the door and walks further in. His eyes wander over Jemma, unconscious in the hospital bed.

“How’s she doing?”

“Hasn’t woken up since they admitted her. Her vitals are better.” Grant glances over the machines and his girlfriend, reconfirming the signs of life he spots. He stares at the readings, as if he expects them to suddenly drop.

His stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought; at remembering how weak her pulse had been, how she seemed to be barely breathing.

“I still don’t understand what happened.” He mutters, shaking his head. How she went from being in Paris to Berlin, how she got entangled with those bastards. She had three days left in her trip when he was called back to work and that had been over a week ago. She should have been back home, nowhere near any of this.

“Well, there’s probably very little we’ll find out, given the fact that there isn’t anyone left to explain.” Phil says. “You’re being called back to DC.”

“I’m not leaving for an assignment. I have days I can take. You’re always trying to force them down my throat. I’m taking them.”

“Not an assignment. A disciplinary hearing.”

“You came all this way-”

“I was in the area and I was worried about her. I got the call from Hill’s office not too long ago. If you don’t head back, they’ll make sure you get back. There’s a quinjet set to leave at 17:00.”

“No.”

“You don’t get an option.” His voice is stern and Grant’s stomach twists again. He’s never seen Phil actually get angry. Just disappointed, exhausted, fed up. In his opinion, that was worse than anger. He could deal with anger. “Look,”

“Are you going to tell me I was wrong?”

“For going AWOL and interfering with an investigation? Yes. You displayed a serious lack of judgment.”

“So what was I supposed to do? Just sit back and let those fuckers take all the time in the world to locate her? Fuck, they couldn’t find their own asses by themselves! She was almost dead! Can you imagine if I hadn’t found her?” His voice roughens at the end and he rubs a hand over his eyes.

“I understand.” Phil says, causing Grant to scoff. “I do. On one hand, I would always tell you to do what you needed to. You saved her and that is more important than anything else, on a personal, human level. But you did it at the risk of your own assignment. You abandoned your post, the team you were with. And… Jesus, Grant, do I even need to start on the mess you left?”

“Isn’t it impressive what I managed to do by myself in a few hours?”

“You gutted that facility.”

“I did what I needed to do to get to her.” He lifts his head and looks the older man directly in the eye. “And I’d do it again if I had to.”

“That’s what they’re concerned about.”

“Oh, they’re concerned about my judgement calls now? Doesn’t seem to matter when it works for them.”

“You interfered with their plan.”

“And what was the plan? We have state of the art surveillance and Jemma just is rotting in some hellhole for days because we somehow can’t find her? What was she? Some fucking sacrifice?”

“I don’t know the details.”

“Spare me the bullshit. Are we that disposable to SHIELD?”

“We don’t know what happened.”

“What does it matter what happened? What matters is they didn’t go after her! And no one bothered to tell me a goddamn thing. I heard it through radio chatter!”

“You know, in their eyes, this isn’t a thing.” Phil waves a finger between Grant and Jemma. “To them, they had no obligation to inform you.”

“And what about you?”

“I wasn’t looped in until I was told you were off playing Rambo. Do you think I’d hold back information from you like that?”

Grant grits his teeth and looks away, locking his eyes on Jemma. He feels his pulse slow as he watches her chest rise evenly.

* * *

Something is different in his apartment. He closes the door carefully once he’s inside and listens. Someone was definitely in the kitchen. He can hear the soft squeak of the chair every time they move.

He walks silently towards the room, hand at his hip, ready to pull out the knife hidden there, then sighs as he spots Jemma sitting at the table.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Well, you weren’t answering my calls or my texts. Figured I should drop by and check on you, make sure you’re okay. That’s what a good girlfriend does.” She says quietly. Her voice is still hoarse, even after almost two weeks, and he keeps his face neutral at the not-so-subtle jab she gives him.

“When did you get back?”

“Few hours ago. You’d have known that if you bothered to call me. Or better yet, if you had bothered to stay with me.”

“Jemma,”

“I just want to know what you think is happening here. I mean, I…” she trails off, swallowing against the knot in her throat. He feels his chest tighten as her eyes start watering. She shakes her head, then looks him right in the eye. “I guess I just thought after a year together, we… I don’t know. I just expected more… sympathy? But maybe I’ve got this wrong. Maybe I’ve… maybe I’m more invested than you are.”

He stares down at the floor, silent, and leans against the doorway. She continues to stare at him, waiting for some kind of response but when it doesn’t come, he hears the chair scrape as she pushes it back.

“Right, okay.” She mutters softly. She sniffs but when he looks up at her, she’s stone faced. “It’s funny, I heard all the stories about the Grant Ward who didn’t care about anything or anyone and I never thought you’d act that way towards me, especially in a case like this.”

“I got called back. I can’t help when they call me.”

“No but you could have checked in, right? You couldn’t even text me or call? Were you undercover? Did you go dark?”

“It’s complicated.”

“It really isn’t. Either you had the ability to speak to me and you chose not to or you were on an assignment and couldn’t. And I really, really hope it’s the latter.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” He finally mutters. He keeps what he hopes is a cool expression on his face but inside, he wants to punch himself. “I made sure you were fine before I left.”

“I was unconscious.”

“Because of the treatment they had you on. The doctors assured me you were fine.”

“Mm. Look, I’m a big girl Grant. You can let me know why you decided it was okay to… abandon me in a hospital overseas when I was unconscious. And I’m not leaving until you do.”

“You don’t want to get into this.”

“Oh, I really do.” She stands up from the chair and crosses her arms but makes no attempt to move closer. He sighs and walks further into the room but stops by the counter and tosses his keys down. He stays with his back to her and stares out the window. It’s already dark and he can see her reflection behind him.

“I don’t think this is going to work out.” He says quietly. He shoves his hands into his pockets and hunches his shoulders.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I realized when we were in Paris. We’re in this… cycle. I’m hardly here and that’s not fair to you. You don’t need to be waiting around on me. There’s more for you than that. I thought we’d have more time to discuss it but then I got called out to Madrid and then… this happened and I wasn’t going to break up with you while you were in the hospital.”

“Understandable. Disappearing was the more logical choice.”

“Jem,”

“Forget it.” She sounds exhausted and he feels her brush by him on her way out of the kitchen. “I’m not going to argue with someone who…”

“Jemma,”

“You’re acting like you’re doing me a favor!” She laughs slightly and turns to look at him. “That this is some big, sacrificial move for you. I don’t need you okay? And I’m offended that you think I’m just… sitting around wasting away, like some… Victorian bride waiting for her lover to return. I live a very full life with or without you. So no, I don’t need you! And I certainly don’t want you if you can be so unaffected by me being hurt!”

She gives him one last look of deep contempt and storms down the hallway. But she doesn’t leave. In an instant, she’s back and glowering angrily at him.

“You’re a bloody coward. That’s all this boils down to. It gets too serious or it gets too hard and you run.”

She waits, just a moment, to see if that prompts any sort of response from him but he’s frozen. Unable to move or speak. He continues to stare out the window, hoping she’ll get fed up and leave on her own.

When the door finally slams, it makes him cringe.

* * *

It’s another three days before they speak again. It’s the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday and he’s sitting on his couch with a beer in hand. It isn’t the first one either. The bottle of scotch is looking pretty empty too. 

He’s hoping to ignore the utter shit show his life has collapsed into but all he can see is Jemma, unconscious and broken, and those damn photos they showed him at the hearing.

He hadn’t noticed it at the time. He had been too focused on getting to her and cutting down anyone in his path that he hadn’t spotted the signs.

But now that he knows- he shakes off the chill he feels and takes a long sip from his drink.

The sound of the door opening catches his attention and he turns to find her in the hallway. She freezes on the spot, obviously just as shocked to see him as he is to see her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“I mean, why aren’t you at work?” She pulls her cardigan tightly around her as she walks into the living room. She sits carefully on the ottoman near the TV.

“I am on administrative leave. Pending the results of my disciplinary hearing. What are you doing here?”

“I came to get some of my things. I… I thought you wouldn’t be here.” She eyes him suspiciously. “What did you do?”

“I interfered with an ongoing investigation and… potentially murdered several individuals.”

“Potentially?”

“I prefer eliminating the enemy but there is some debate over if there’s a difference if I acted on my own or on someone else’s orders. Apparently, when you do it on your own, it’s not as appreciated.” He lifts his eyebrows as he takes another sip. “Then there’s, you know, the whole letting my weaknesses get the best of me and going AWOL.”

He closes his eyes and leans back into the couch.

“Feel free to roam about. I won’t bug you.” He mutters, waving his beer aimlessly. There’s a long silence, then he feels the cushion sink next to him.

“When was this?”

“The hearing? Few days after you were admitted.”

“No, when did you do this?”

“Oh. The day I found you.”

“You found me?”

“No one told you?”

“I’m still fuzzy on the details.” She pauses. “So,”

“So, I heard through the grapevine that a SHIELD scientist was missing and I heard your name mentioned. I was in Madrid with Morse and some other field agents. I may have… commandeered a quinjet and gone to Berlin. Because I’m fucking great at what I do, I was able to get a lead on where you might be and I took it.”

“And you’re now regretting this?”

“No.” He opens his eyes and looks directly at her. “I’d do it again if I had to.”

“So, let me get this straight. You… went to some… very drastic measures to find me.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“You told me you realized in Paris this wasn’t going to work.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” He mumbles. “Just means I’m bad for you.”

“What are you talking about?” She asks. He shakes his head and straightens up, turning slightly away from her. “Grant,”

Her hand curls around his forearm, trying to pull him back towards her. He looks completely wrecked when he finally meets her gaze.

“Are you sober enough to give me all the details?” She asks softly.

“I didn’t want to leave you. I fought Phil about going back. They demanded I go back. I never had any intention of not calling you. I was so fucking worried about you.” He rubs a hand over his face and sighs. “They had a crew go in after I got you out and they… they analyzed and photographed and got… what they could I guess. They showed me the photos during the hearing.”

He takes another sip, then leans forward enough to set the drink on the coffee table.

“I figured it out then. You got taken because of me. I was… I don’t even remember coming to find you. It was pure… instinct and adrenaline and I was so focused on you that I let it inhibit everything else. I didn’t even realize what I was walking into. The group I’ve been tracking and taking out- that’s who took you. They must have followed me to Paris and saw us and… I- that’s why you got taken. They used you to get to me. I can’t have that. Jem, I’d fucking lose my mind if you got hurt or killed because of me. Clearly, I don’t handle it well.” He hangs his head and rests his face on his palm.

After a few seconds, he feels her hand on the back of his neck, fingers sliding through the short hairs there. Her other hand moves to his jaw to lift his face.

“You’re an idiot.” She declares after scanning his face. The hand on his jaw migrates upwards and her fingers stroke over his cheek. “A complete and utter bloody idiot.”

“What,”

“I didn’t get taken because of you. After you left for Madrid, I still had a few days. I was asked to report to Berlin to help with a project I had worked on a while back. It never got off the ground but the lead scientist was trying a new version and wanted my input. The group, those… they wanted it. It had the potential to be weaponized. I don’t remember much from what happened but I know that’s why they took me. They had found out about it and they couldn’t get our version so they thought taking me would be the next best option. I refused to help and their various methods to force me didn’t work either. They didn’t take me because of you. They took me because of me.”

“Yeah, but they wouldn’t have known unless they knew about you and they knew about you because of me.”

“No. Stop it. There were several people working on that project. Any one of them could have been-”

“Then why take you and not them?”

“Because I was the one who came up with the original formula. If they found out about it, they would have known I was involved. But I would never allow my work to be used for nefarious reasons so it was a waste of time on their part.” She moves closer and tips his face up completely, so they’re eye to eye. “This wasn’t your fault. And even if, and that’s an extremely huge if, I was used as some retaliation against you, that’s their choice. Not yours.”

“Maybe not this time but in the future,”

“Grant,”

“I have a lot of enemies Jem. They would love to get their hands on you. I can’t have that.”

“So, during the hearing, you came to the realization that this same group you’ve been working to stop is the ones who took me.”

“Yes.”

“So, you instantly blamed yourself.”

“Yes.”

“And cutting me off, pushing me away… that was easier in your opinion?”

“You deserve better. Someone who’s here, consistently, and isn’t a threat to your existence. You don’t need to be involved with me.”

“Well, that’s… valiant in a twisted way. You’re still an idiot. Next time, before you decide on your own, let’s discuss it first.”

“No. No, see, this is why I didn’t want to. There’s nothing to discuss. Your well-being comes before anything else.”

“This may come as a shock to you but I am a grown woman, completely capable of making my own choices. You don’t get to make my choices for me.”

“Your choices are wrong.”

“Thank you. That is your opinion, which I have considered and chosen to ignore. I know we live in a dangerous world. I know that you have a dangerous job. I’m a part of that too. I’m an Agent of SHIELD, just like you. I’m not anyone’s bargaining chip or collateral or whatever. I can’t live my life in fear of some evil henchman that may decide to appear at some point.”

“Jem,”

“I know you worry and I know it’s terrifying. Trust me, I know because I think the same thing every time you walk out that door. If you don’t want to be with me because you don’t love me or you truly can’t stand to be around me, I understand. But if you love me and you want this, want us, me…”

“You know I fucking do but I can’t be the reason that you…”

“You’re not. And if it does happen, I know that you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I’m safe.” She murmurs. Her hand slides through his hair and he sighs, leaning slightly into her. “I know you were talking to Fitz while I was still there. He thought you were on an assignment and didn’t want to add any pressure for me. He mentioned it the other night, after I left here. So… that, paired with the… very drastic measures you took to rescue me proves your devotion. You really want to deprive yourself of that?”

“If it means keeping you safe.”

“I don’t see how I can be much safer than I already am. Maybe professionally, it wasn’t the best option, but I’m weirdly flattered by all that you did to find me. I want to live as much of a normal life as I can and I want you in it. You can’t just run off and expect me not to fight for you, especially after I get the real story.”

“You said you came here to get your things.”

“Well, I was going to make you work for it. Bit of groveling never hurt.” She says with a wink. He scoffs and shakes his head. “Grant, I love you. I’m grateful for whatever we have together and I would never, ever blame you for me being hurt, unless you personally did it. I want to be with you. I know what we’re signing up for and I accept the conditions that come with it. You can’t just… overrule me because you think you know best. Your heart’s in the right place.”

She slides her hand down to his chest and tips her head against his.

“I know that and I know you want me to be safe. But you’re letting your fear consume you. We both know better than that.”

“I thought you were gone.” He mutters, closing his eyes. He grimaces, the image of her laying there flashing against his eyelids.

“But I’m not. You saved me. You made sure of that. Please don’t push me away for something that might not happen again. Darling, it wasn’t your fault. I promise it was not. I’m dangerous in my own way.” She nudges him, trying to lighten the mood. “And thank you.”

“Thank you?”

“For dropping everything and coming for me. I’m sure that the powers that be are extremely displeased but I certainly appreciate it.”

“Hill said I was unhinged and acting irrationally. I wasn’t going to just sit by idly and wait for them to get their shit together. They would have raided that facility the same way. They just don’t like that I jumped the gun.”

“Would you have done the same for anyone else?”

“Probably not. Phil, yes. Maybe Fitz. Trip on a good day. But you? Always.” He turns a little more into her and runs a hand through her hair. The bruising on her cheek is starting to fade but it still makes his stomach churn.

“Are we okay?”

“I still don’t trust your judgement.” He mutters, pressing a kiss between her eyes. She lets out a quiet laugh and shakes her head. “But I have a feeling you’re not going to let this go.”

“No,” she shakes her head again and nuzzles her nose against his, “it’s not going to be that easy to get rid of me.”

“I have a tendency to ruin good things.”

“You don’t. You just… you haven’t had many to work with. It’s easier to run and hide sometimes. At least you can control it then.”

“Mm. Don’t do that.” He grimaces and pulls away slightly to scowl across the room.

“What?”

“Psychoanalyze me. Not fun.”

“I understand, is all I’m saying.” She murmurs as she smiles against his shoulder. “And hey, let’s make the most of this. We’re both on leave and haven’t been assigned return dates. When does that ever get to happen?”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wish it was the case but it’s not. I don’t call them Mom and Dad.”
> 
> “No. I thought maybe like you get old and you don’t have to call them that anymore. Like one day, I’ll call you Grant or Ward like everyone else does.”
> 
> “I’d prefer to stick with Daddy. You think I’m old?”
> 
> “Yeah. Well, not as old as Pop.”

He doesn’t understand.

It’s been three days since Jemma called and assured him the madness with Aida was over and they would be home in the morning.

Yet, there was no sign of any of them, and the little amount of searching he could do from the cabin gave no results.

He’s running one of Daisy’s algorithms from a laptop as he cooks dinner. His attention is split between both and in the back of his head, he’s slowly registering that the boys have been arguing and for quite some time.

“Would you two knock it off in there?” He calls, hardly sparing a glance across the kitchen to the living room. They both immediately fall silent.

There are a few moments of peace before Ben begins to whisper harshly. His voice rises steadily until he’s speaking normally and continues to pester Drew.

It’s distracting, the food is burning, and the program just popped up that red “NO RESULTS” message for the fifth time, blinking over and over. 

“Goddamn it Ben! Would you just shut up for five minutes?”

The bickering from the living room falls silent as Grant snaps and slams the pot down onto the stovetop. He nearly breaks the dial off when he turns the burner down.

For a moment, he sees red and can feel the rage bubbling in his veins. Then he catches Ben’s startled expression out the corner of his eye. He leans heavily on the counter for a second, trying to calm himself down, then hears Ben racing up the stairs.

“Ben… Benny!” He waits, then hears a door slam somewhere from the second floor. He sighs deeply, then turns completely towards the living room.

Drew drops down onto the couch, practically hiding under the blanket. Grant can see him peering fearfully over the top. The expression guts him. He squeezes the bridge of his nose as he sighs, trying to decide how to handle this.

“I have to figure out something else for dinner. You gonna be okay for a little bit longer?” He asks quietly. Drew gives a small nod and sinks further into the cushions. He has the feeling his son wouldn’t speak up in opposition even if he felt differently. “Okay,”

He turns back into the kitchen, glancing at the stairs as he does. He decides to give his older son some space.

The whole situation is getting to them all. The boys, normally so well behaved, were wreaking havoc on the cabin, thanks mostly in part to Grant’s absolute refusal to have them anywhere but inside. They had all been stuck in here way too long. Their interest in the trip was long gone and replaced with questions of when would they be going home or where was Jemma.

Grant had no answers and he hates not knowing. His anxiety was spiking and the frustration at the lack of knowing anything was just adding to this potential disaster.

He knows, whatever is going on, is not good. Another Aida? Something else? Who fucking knew but people just didn’t disappear into thin air. There was something that did this and he’s not going to leave to return to the Playground and have whatever happened to his wife happen to the boys too.

There’s also a piece of him that absolutely refuses to leave the cabin, thinking that the moment he does, Jemma would show up.

* * *

He doesn’t push Ben to come downstairs. He attempts to call him down to dinner, once it’s finally ready, but the lack of response tells him enough. Drew is equally silent but doesn’t decline to eat. He chews carefully with his head down but every so often, he glances up at Grant with a meek expression and watery eyes.

Grant recognizes the look. It’s one he used to give his parents all the time, unsure if what he did next would set them off.

“I didn’t mean to snap at you guys like that.” He says quietly. Drew nods in response but remains silent and keeps his head down. “Hey,”

Grant places a hand gently on the top of his head and ruffles his hair. The motion gets Drew to look up.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Sometimes, we all have bad days and it comes out wrong. I was kind of grumpy there for a bit.” He says. His son frowns but nods again. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You can tell me. It’s okay.”

“Well,” Drew hedges and slurps up a spoonful of soup, “you’re… different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno. You don’t play and… you’re sad.”

“You think so?”

“It’s okay.” He shrugs, as if this was no big deal. “You’re busy.”

“I’m not busy.”

“Yeah cause you’re on the computer and you told me and Ben that you were working and to go play. Are you sad cause you have to work?”

“Well, I guess now that you mention it, yeah, a little bit. But even if I’m sad, that doesn’t mean I get to yell at you. Do you forgive me?”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay, good. Are you done with your food?”

“Yeah.”

“All right. You go pick a movie or a game and I’m going to go see if Ben is ready to eat. When I come down, we’ll do whatever you decide, okay?”

Drew nods and leaves the table as Grant collects the dishes. He sets them all in the sink before grabbing a clean plate and bowl for Ben. Then he heads upstairs.

It’s been silent ever since he ran off. The door to their bedroom is still closed and when he opens it, he sees Ben pull his blanket further over him.

“Hey kiddo, I brought you something to eat.”

“Not hungry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll leave it here in case you are.” Grant says as he sets the tray onto the nightstand. He sits on the edge of the bed and when Ben doesn’t move or protest, he stretches out alongside him.

Ben is curled up on his side, facing the wall with his back to Grant. Grant remains on his back and stares up at the ceiling.

He feels an ache in his chest as he stares at the empty ceiling. Back home, Ben’s bedroom had glow in the dark stars scattered across the ceiling, perfectly replicating constellations he and Jemma had picked out.

Despite the fact they owned the cabin and had for some time, it was merely used as a safe house, and had zero touches of home. It had the bare minimum to make it livable.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to eat but I’d recommend doing it soon if you want to because I don’t think that’s going to taste good cold.”

“What is it?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

“Did you make it like Mommy does?”

“I think it’s a decent attempt.” Grant mutters. He can’t see Ben’s face but can just picture the displeased expression. Jemma had a knack for turning even the blandest meals into tasting like some gourmet food. He had no such talent.

“ _I do manage to survive when I’m not with you, you know.”_

_“Yes and there is the problem. You cook to survive. You don’t cook to actually enjoy your food._ ”

He feels another ache at the vague memory. Then, he feels an unsettling sense of panic. He doesn’t know how to do this without her. He needs to find her.

He takes a deep breath and recalls why he was even up here.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you like that.” He says quietly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I was being bad.”

“That’s not the point.”

“You’re supposed to yell when someone’s bad.”

“No, you’re supposed to discipline someone if they’re not acting properly. Disciplining and yelling are not the same thing. Mommy is good at that.”

“So is Mellie.”

“Yeah,” Grant lets out a chuckle and nods, “yeah she definitely is. I’m not a fan of yelling or losing my temper like that. It… reminds me of how my dad was when I was growing up and I don’t want that for you or your brother.”

“Pop yelled at you?”

“What?”

“I’ve never seen Pop yell at anyone.” Ben rolls over now and frowns as he looks at Grant.

“Oh, no.”

“But you said your dad yelled at you. I thought Pop was your dad cause he’s our grandpa.”

“Well, yeah, he is but he’s not my real dad.”

“He’s not?”

“No. You didn’t know that?”

“No. I thought him and Mellie were your mom and dad and Aunt Daisy was your sister.” Ben says. It’s so innocent and so painfully accurate that Grant laughs at the thought.

“I wish it was the case but it’s not. I don’t call them Mom and Dad.”

“No. I thought maybe like you get old and you don’t have to call them that anymore. Like one day, I’ll call you Grant or Ward like everyone else does.”

“I’d prefer to stick with Daddy. You think I’m old?”

“Yeah. Well, not as old as Pop.” Ben shrugs a shoulder.

“I cannot wait to tell him this.” Grant chuckles, before the stabbing ache returns reminding him that the remainder of their family had seemingly evaporated from the face of the earth. “But no, I didn’t meet Pop until I was a teenager. My… well, I don’t want to call them my real family… but… the family I was born into, they weren’t the greatest when I was little. My mom and dad… I… I don’t think they knew how to act with kids. And then my brother was mean to me too. It made me really sad.”

“You have a real brother?”

“I have two. An older one and a younger one. When I was a teenager, Pop found me and took me in. He taught me how to… how to be good and that all families weren’t bad. So I chose to see Pop as my dad instead. Then I went to school and I met Uncle Trip and Aunt Bobbi. They became my friends and they were like a brother and sister for me.”

“Is that where you met Mommy?”

“No, I didn’t meet Mommy for a few more years. We were at work and I had to go into the lab. You know how Mommy is always testing out different things?”

“Mhmm.”

“Well, she had something new she was working on and was trying to put it in a safe place but I startled her and she dropped it on me. We really didn’t know what it was so we had to stay in a room together for a whole day to make sure it wasn’t anything bad.”

“And you didn’t know her at all?”

“Nope. She was a total, crazy stranger.”

“Did you love her?”

“I don’t know if I loved her at that point but by the end of it, I really liked her. And since we started dating, I got to know Uncle Fitz. And then a long time later, Pop decided it was time to make a team and he asked me and Mommy and Uncle Fitz to come with him so we did and that’s when we found Aunt Daisy. Later, Uncle Trip and Aunt Bobbi decided they wanted to be on the team too and Pop got Uncle Mack and Uncle Hunter too.”

“Pop finds lots of people.”

“Yeah, he does, doesn’t he?” Grant sighs as Ben curls up around his chest and wraps an arm over his shoulders. Apparently, he had been forgiven and the path their discussion took distracted him.

“We’re lucky.” He mumbles. “Cause Pop made us a good family.”

The comment startles Grant, who should know by now that the boys could come out with some surprising statements.

And it’s so fucking true.

He thinks over the other Grants he had encountered or heard about during his jumps and he can’t recall many who found themselves in a positive situation.

Who had the opportunity to be better.

Who were actually happy and content. 

And now…

He sits up quickly as he sucks in a breath, jostling Ben to the side accidentally.

“Are you okay Daddy?”

“Yeah.” He nods and clears his throat as he hears how rough he sounds.

How could they just be gone? Quite literally everyone he cared about, minus his children, just vanished.

“I think I do want to eat.” Ben says quietly.

“Okay, that’s good. Do you want to bring it downstairs or hang up here? Drew is going to pick something to do tonight if you want to join in.”

“We can bring it down.”

“Okay.” Grant nods again and stands. He keeps his back to the bed and feels Ben staring him down. He rubs his hands over his face, then turns. “Listen, I know… I know the past couple of days have been… weird and I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should. I got a lot on my mind and that’s no excuse for what happened. But… I think it’s just going to be the three of us for a bit and I… I really need you to step up and help me out, okay? Nothing crazy but… the three of us are like a team right now so we got to work together. Like… I know I’m not the greatest cook but I know you’ve helped Mommy a lot so I could use some pointers. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah.” Ben nods as he frowns. “So… Mommy isn’t coming?”

“Not right now.”

He can’t think about what would happen if that answer changed to ‘ _not ever_.’

He blinks and forces a smile onto his face. He thinks though that Ben, and Drew too, is picking up that something is amiss. How has he spent essentially half of his life lying for a living and he can’t keep this under wraps from his kids?

* * *

Three weeks later, the sound of his phone ringing startles him. He’s made plenty of calls out at this point, as if it would make any difference.

“Hello?”

“ _Grant. Oh shit man, I thought,_ ” Trip cuts off with a sigh and sounds just as relieved to hear his voice. “ _What the hell is going on? Are the others with you? Where are you?_ ”

It’s then that he remembers Trip, Bobbi, and Hunter had been off on another assignment, completely in the dark. 

“ _Grant? Can you hear me? What the hell happened to the Playground?_ ”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“ _What happened? The place is destroyed. You mean you don’t know? Where are you?_ ” There’s a long pause as Trip waits for Grant to reply but he’s silent, completely in shock at the reveal. “ _Grant? Hey, Ward, you still with me?_ ”

“What do you mean destroyed? Did you find anyone?”

“ _We’re uh, we’re still here but no, not yet. I started trying to call everyone but no one is answering. I can’t even get the calls to go through. You’re the first one I got in contact with. Who’s with you?_ ”

“Just the boys. We’re in the Catskills, at the cabin.” Grant steps out onto the patio and slides the door shut behind him. He begins to explain what had occurred in the time they had been gone. He wasn’t alone. There were still some of them but where were the others? Where was Jemma? 

“ _Send me your coordinates. We’re on our way._ ”

“Wait, you need to-”

“ _Listen, there’s no one here and… from what we can find, it’s not any of them. We’ll be there within two hours and go from there._ ”

“Trip,” he should be ashamed at how his voice cracks but he’s been his best friend for almost twenty years. There was no point in hiding and it was such a fucking relief to let go for one minute.

“ _Hey, we’re going to find them. We’ll be there soon._ ”


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe I’ll keep you to myself for now.”
> 
> “The original version not doing it for you?”
> 
> “Jealous? Funny how you get to have your own little pets but I can’t. Hardly seems fair darling.”

The sound of a door opening catches his attention.

He remains perfectly still, eyes closed, as he listens.

“But ma’am,”

“Get it done Hanks. That’s an order or you can speak to the Director personally about your refusal.” There’s a pause, then Hanks lets out some kind of choking noise. Clearly, this idea terrifies the poor guy. “Mm, yes, I thought so. By the time I’m done in here, I expect some type of answer from you.”

The door slams shut and sharp clicks on the tiled floor warn him those high heeled feet are walking towards him.

“I know you’re awake so don’t try to pretend otherwise.” She says and steps down on his right hand. His eyes fly open as he bites back a yell.

He had been hoping he was wrong but he would know Jemma’s voice anywhere.

It’s not that Grant hadn’t been expecting this. More often than not, the jumps put them in contact with their alternate selves, which makes him wonder why they are so involved with the Darkhold regardless of which reality they’re in.

More likely, Aida was keeping good on her promise to torture them, no matter which reality they came from, and that interference was leading right to them.

But the last dozen or so had been conflict-free and never even showed a hint of one of their doubles.

It figures that today would be one and Jemma would be the focus.

An _evil_ Jemma.

Here’s the thing, in all his jumps, he has not come across an evil Jemma yet. Everyone else? Definitely.

Hell, he had even stumbled into one where _Ben_ was an adult and leading Hydra, with the Darkhold apparently handed down through the Ward family for generations. Jemma still doesn’t know about that one and Grant prefers to keep it that way, especially given the fact that Ben’s mother was definitely not Jemma in that one.

But Jemma was always good, or at least morally gray. Never bad or evil by any accounts.

He had just accepted the universe’s decision to make her wonderful anywhere she existed.

“I must say, I have to give you kudos for attempting to impersonate the Director.” She says, stepping over him with little care. He’s not sure what she’s looking at but she stays over him, a foot on either side of him, and he twists his head to avoid looking up her extremely tight skirt.

She hums, then steps on his chest and digs the heel in. She chuckles at his hiss.

“Oops. My mistake.” She turns and walks towards the other side of the room. He slowly sits up and leans against the wall to examine his surroundings.

It looks like an exam room, just slightly more ominous. The chair has thick, leather cuffs on the arm rests and at the foot of the seat as well. He also spots a smear of dried blood further across the floor.

Jemma is humming to herself as she gathers up objects and sets them onto a metal tray. Grant’s at a disadvantage from his position on the floor but there are definitely some scalpels, needles, and something he’s not eager to find out what it does.

“So what’s the plan?” He asks casually. He watches her carefully. She’s still busy digging through the drawers and she bends down to reach into a cabinet.

He slowly begins to climb to his feet but he barely straightens up when he feels a sharp zap to his left side. Zap is the wrong word. It feels more like someone is holding a cattle prod to him.

He grimaces as he stumbles back into the wall. He leans heavily on it as he claws at his torso to find what is causing it, then notices Jemma. She’s still crouched down, facing the cabinet, but she’s holding a remote in her hand and waves it idly.

“I know. You’re probably thinking, what a silly, stupid woman, allowing herself to be locked in here with you. No doubt, you think highly of your skills if you felt confident to break into one of the most guarded bases.” She stands and turns to approach him.

“I don’t think that at all.” He pants as the device finally turns off and the pain begins to subside. He slides down the wall to sit again and stares up at her.

He can just hear his wife scoffing at how ridiculous and impractical the outfit is for a lab.

A tight, black dress that barely reached her knees and had her breasts prominently displayed in the deep v cut of the neckline. A pair of high heels he is sure his own Jemma would break her neck in if she even tried taking one step. 

There’s a quiet, nasty part of his brain that can’t deny how fucking good she looks. If his Jemma dressed like this, he’d likely have a heart attack.

She pushes her hair behind her shoulder as she crouches next to him and he almost laughs when the move reveals the necklace she’s wearing.

It’s a long silver chain, with a custom made pendant, which lays perfectly against her cleavage.

He assumes it’s custom made. After all, he’s not sure where the intricate design of a Hydra skull with its tentacles wrapped around a W would come from otherwise.

“Mm. Well, I may not be some… hulking monster like the others here but I have my own skills and plenty of toys.” She smirks and yanks his shirt up. “I tagged you when they found you.”

He sees what she’s referring to - some small, circular, metallic item on his abdomen. He doesn’t feel anything stabbing him so it must be some type of electrode stuck to him.

“I could bring you to your knees with one click.” She smirks at him and her free hand comes to grab his jaw. Her blood red nails dig into his skin as she twists his head from side to side.

She tucks the remote into the pocket of her lab coat and feels along the side of his face.

“Not a photostatic veil.” She looks intrigued. He starts to open his mouth but she shakes her head. “No, no, don’t tell me. I prefer to find out for myself. We can cut you open a bit, maybe take some fluids, run some tests.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Of course it is! Unless you’re the Director’s secret, good twin, I have to find out how you’re managing to look exactly like him.” Her face scrunches up with a grin, exactly how Jemma’s did when she found one of her own corny jokes amusing. “See what I did there?”

“So, he’s not a nice guy, I take it?”

“I suppose that depends on who you are.” She shrugs and her eyes wander over him. A small smile plays on her lips. “Maybe I’ll keep you to myself for now.”

“The original version not doing it for you?” The nasty tone is accompanied by the door slamming.

Grant hadn’t even heard the door open. His double stands a few feet away, glaring at them - no, glaring at Jemma.

“Jealous?” She taunts, pushing herself to her feet. “Funny how you get to have your own little pets but I can’t. Hardly seems fair darling.”

He moves quickly, almost too quickly for Grant to track, and he wants to tell him to back the fuck off when he grabs her.

But it turns out Jemma can hold her own. She merely grins when Ward fists her hair and yanks her head back. They glare at each other for a few moments as she tightens her own fist around his tie and tugs roughly on it.

He whispers something in her ear, too low for Grant to hear. Whatever it is, makes her laugh. He still looks pissed off but he kisses her roughly, which she gives back just as furiously.

Grant wonders if it’s weird that he’s… well, he won’t say he’s happy they’re together. Both of them seem incredibly unstable as they claw and bite at each other.

Definitely not healthy but at least they have each other? Clearly, they both got off on whatever fucked up connection they had.

This Jemma obviously was not some wallflower. It seemed she was in some position of power if she could go around ordering others to do her bidding. He has the feeling that she uses the Director just as much as he uses her.

She’s the one to pull back first and wipes her lipstick smears away as she faces Grant. He catches sight of her pendant again.

His alternate self is possessive. Probably a narcissist too.

In every other world that Grant ran Hydra, he had fought to build up his empire and wasn’t usually quick to give it all up, or take kindly to threats against it.

“Look, I’m not here to start any kind of trouble.” Grant says, causing his double to scoff.

“Course you’re not.” He steps up behind Jemma. He grips her hips tightly in his hands, fingers almost white from the tension, but she is perfectly at ease.

“Honestly. I don’t know what goes on here and I really don’t care. I think that maybe you and I have the same… problem at the moment.”

“And what would that be?”

“Aida.”

“Oh, Christ, this fucking bitch again.” Ward turns and angrily knocks the tray Jemma had been organizing off the counter.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” She chides him.

“It’s your fucking fault!”

“It is not!”

“ _Let’s build a robot Grant! What could possibly go wrong_?” He says, clearly mocking her in a terrible accent.

“You were the one who wanted to use the LMD technology! So keep your bloody comments to yourself, prick!”

“I guess we do have the same problem.” Grant comments.

“You shut the fuck up!” Ward spins and storms back towards him. “Are you one of them? Huh?”

“One of what?”

“Yeah, that’s what the others would say. Look, pal, there’s only one of me, so that means you get to go.”

“Grant!” Jemma yells at him as Grant begins protesting when he sees the blade going for his throat. Ward hesitates when she pulls on his arm. “There are other ways to solve this.”

“You feeling sympathetic for a bucket of bolts?”

“No, but slicing his throat open won’t solve anything. It’s still going to bleed.”

“Well, then I’ll cut deeper so we see the wiring.”

“I’m not a fucking robot!” Grant exclaims. “I have a team that’s trying to track down Aida and the Darkhold. I seriously could not give a fuck about you, okay? If you know anything, I’d appreciate the intel and I will get out of your way.”

“What do you want her for?” Jemma asks curiously.

“She’s trying to take over. We are trying to stop her.”

“Little late for that.” Ward scoffs. “Seriously, this is fucking stupid.”

He lifts the knife again and this time, cuts into Grant’s neck. He manages to get out from under the weapon and rolls to the side.

“Look, if I can stop her, whatever issue you have with her will stop too.” He throws his hands up but Ward advances and they begin to spar. “It’s not going to stop with her if we don’t take action now! The others will come too but we can change that.”

“What others?” Jemma asks, scowling as they continue to fight. “Oh, would you both fucking stop for two minutes! Who are you referring to?”

“There- son of a bitch!” Grant jumps back as he gets sliced across the torso. “Alternate realities! I’m you from another one, okay?”

“Bullshit!” Ward growls.

“That’s not possible.” Jemma argues but she looks conflicted. _Always a scientist_ , Grant thinks to himself. He grabs one of the scalpels from the floor and manages to cut Ward across the left arm.

Their fight grows more vicious by the minute and they’re both bleeding from multiple wounds as Jemma tries to interject. Eventually, she turns on the taser, forcing Grant to his knees as he yells out. She walks calmly past him, opens a drawer, then turns and stabs him in the neck with a syringe before Ward can inflict any more pain on him.

His vision swims briefly and he sways before falling facedown on the tile.

“You couldn’t have done that before?”

“I was trying to gain some information but you had to turn it into a pissing contest.” She rolls her eyes at him and gestures to the chair. “Sit down so I can patch you up.”

He glares down at Grant and steps over him, making sure to kick him as he goes. She rolls her eyes again but says nothing as she gathers up first aid items.

“Isn’t this where you murder people? Why do you have bandaids in here?”

“I don’t murder people. I just experiment. Don’t scowl. You’ll make it harder to work.” She falls quiet as she cleans him up. “What if he’s telling the truth?”

“It’s bullshit.”

“I could run some tests. Compare him to you. If he is you, there will be some kind of a match.”

“Or we could just kill him, be done with, and never discuss it again.”

“You’re not the least bit curious?”

“Nope. How long will that sedative last?”

“Couple hours. If he’s telling the truth, someone might come looking for him. He did say he has a team.”

“Jemma,”

She sighs and reaches into one of her pockets, then pulls out a device.

“I took this off him when they restrained him. I thought it was some kind of smart watch or communicator. I’ve never seen something like it. Maybe it’s whatever he uses to… travel.”

He scoffs at her, grimacing when it tugs his cut on his cheek. He takes the band though and turns it over in his hands as she stabs him none too gently and begins stitching up the wound on his cheek.

“Thought you said alternate realities weren’t a thing.”

“I don’t _think_ they’re a thing and it’s hardly something to keep my interest to try and find out.” She glances over at Grant and frowns. “He is remarkably like you. I’ll just take a little blood. The rapid test shouldn’t take very long to figure out a match.”

“He seems like a little bitch.”

“Why? Because he can control his temper?” She retorts.

“You like him.”

“I don’t know anything about him. You’re just a jealous prick as always.”

“Damn right.” He grips her wrist tightly and smolders up at her. The kiss she gives him is considerably gentle though. “But if there’s a way to get rid of that bitch,”

“I think we should take it. She’s destroyed so much.”

“Or it could be another one of her tricks.”

“Then let’s cut him open. Carefully and in a non-lethal spot. Make sure he’s all human. I’ll make sure to fix him up. We don’t need whoever else on our tails too.”

“If there even is someone else.”

The device suddenly beeps and they both look down to see a timer listed on the face.

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.” He replies and frowns as he watches it count back from 20:00. He glances at his double again. “This was remote set. There is someone helping him. Anyone see him walk in?”

“No. He was in the library.”

“In the library?” The room was practically fortified and the only ones able to access it were the two of them.

“Yes so either he… appeared in there or his biometrics match yours.”

* * *

Jemma frowns as she stares into the microscope. The lab was deserted. The techs had gone to lunch and Fitz was in the bowels of the Playground helping Grant with the jump.

Yet, she has the distinct feeling she’s being watched. She lifts her head enough to glance at the baby monitor but both Ben and Drew are still asleep in the common room.

She turns, then sighs as she sees Grant behind her.

“You scared me.” She mutters. “What happened to your face?”

He simply smirks as he eyes her up and down.

“Grant?”

“Sorry. Got into a bit of a fight.”

“You okay?”

“The other guy looks worse.”

“Mhmm.” She looks over him, then turns back to the microscope. She sighs as she peers in, then straightens up as she pulls the slide out.

“You’re really fucking adorable, you know that?” He laughs a little as he walks towards her.

“I think you hit your head.” She walks towards her desk to grab a different slide. She jumps when she feels him behind her.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He mutters in her ear. He leans over her shoulder to pick up the frame on her desk.

It’s from the past Christmas. They were in front of their fireplace at home, with the boys on their laps.

It’s one of her favorites - a rare one with all four of them actually looking at the camera and smiling simultaneously. 

“Huh.” He chuckles slightly and sets the frame down. “That’s a cute picture.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, watching him out the corner of her eye. His free hand winds around her hip, almost sneaking along her front.

When his fingers reach her zipper, she turns quickly, scissors in hand, but he disarms her just as quickly and looks amused.

“How did you know? I’ve been wandering around here for a half hour and no one said a word.”

“Well, for one, he doesn’t leer at me like a piece of meat and that scar on your wrist-he doesn’t have that. Plus, I’m the only one he’ll let stitch him up. He’d still have been bleeding everywhere. What did you do to him?”

“Nothing. He’s fine. Sleeping off a nice little sedative your alter ego gave him.”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. When the device started counting down, I figured someone was calling him back and couldn’t let him go missing. Figured I’d take a look around, kill some time while he woke up. This is fucking pathetic, by the way. SHIELD, really? I’m disappointed in you Jemma.”

“You’re one of his evil doppelgängers aren’t you?”

“That’s hurtful. Maybe I should drag you back with me so you can meet yourself. Hell of a woman, I’ll give her that. Doesn’t have these curves though.” He smirks as he grabs her ass and she smacks him in retaliation. He grabs her wrist with his other hand and tightens his grasp, annoyance flickering in his eyes.

She doesn’t back down though. In fact, she looks even more angry. 

“You’re going back and sending him home.” She says sternly. He drops her hand but stays pressed against her. 

“Yeah I will. All in good time. Relax. I’ve got enough issues with my own SHIELD. I’ll leave yours alone, despite how sickening it is.”

“How thoughtful.”

“It’s not being thoughtful princess. I could bring this whole base down around your heads in a matter of minutes if I wanted to. But I don’t need to conquer other realities. Just wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side.”

“Is it?”

“Fuck no!” He barks out a laugh. “My operation is so much better than this. Who’s in charge here? Hand? May? Johnson? Ugh, don’t tell me it’s Rogers? This has his all for one and one for all, go Team America written all over it. Not going to tell me? Okay.”

“Let’s go.”

“Are you always this kind of a hostess?”

“You have no right to be here! This isn’t some game!”

“I think the space-time continuum will survive. You don’t want to get to know me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Damn.” He whistled and shakes his head. “You know, when I walked in here and saw you, I was really intrigued. My Jemma… she’s tough as nails, can command a whole fucking room. You look ready to host one of those kiddie science shows. I really want to know more.”

“And I’d really like my husband back. If you so much as laid a finger on him,”

“Oh, Christ, I told you. She’s the one who injected him. Blame yourself. Seriously, if I wanted you or anyone else here harmed, it would have been done already. I wouldn’t stand around chit-chatting, alright? I guess I’ll go back now. I wanted to see who I could fool. Now the game’s no fun.” Then he smirks and his eyes move to the frame again. “Unless,”

“You aren’t going anywhere near them. Don’t even think about it.”

“You’re not the least bit curious?”

“No.” She crosses her arms and glares at him. He tilts his head and continues to smirk at her.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

“Like you said, you would have hurt me if you wanted to already.”

“I could change my mind.”

“I’d have everyone in here in a matter of seconds.”

“Like they’d fight their precious Grant. People were so nice to me while I walked the halls. How does he ever get anything done?”

“A little bit of kindness goes a long way.”

“Yeah, so does a little bit of terror.” His eyes flick to her mouth and she shifts uncomfortably. “What? Don’t want to take the other model for a test drive?”

“No.”

“You’re a real stick in the mud.” But he backs away and holds a hand out to the door. “Lead the way.”

She watches him suspiciously and he rolls his eyes in response.

“I have no interests over here. Trust me, I’ve got plenty where I come from. I don’t need anything else.” 

“Start walking.”

“Do you want to chain me up too?” He chuckles but at her glare, he exits the lab. “Maybe you’re not so different from her.”

“I highly doubt that.”

They begin to move through the Playground and he’s surprisingly quiet as they go.

“I wanted to see if he was telling the truth.” He says after a few minutes.

“About what?”

“All of this. He said he was from another reality. Thought it was one of Aida’s tricks. We dismantled her but her army of LMDs seem to continue to pop out of the woodwork every now and then.”

“You know Aida?”

“Know her? You fucking built her. Worst decision you ever made. That and finding that goddamn book.”

“You have the Darkhold?”

“Yeah. No one’s allowed near it. Not after what happened to that scientist we had working for us.” He says, then notices the look she gives him. “I might be an asshole but I’m not stupid. Shit like that shouldn’t be messed with. I gain my successes the old fashioned way. So what did you do to piss her off?”

“Nothing. She doesn’t exist here, or at least not in any form we’ve seen yet. There’s another, who already destroyed other realities, trying to jump and take down as many as she can. She gets her knowledge and power from the Darkhold. If she doesn’t have it, then she can’t take that reality down, at least not as easily. You’d have a fighting chance, as you saw.”

“So she just moves on if she can’t find it?”

“From what we know, yes. Another team has been figuring out how to track her as she moves. She normally doesn’t stay long, if we manage to find it before her. I think she knows she’s vulnerable in that case. Although she’s powerful, she has to play by that reality’s rules and she may not be as strong as she thinks.”

He’s quiet as he considers this information. She unlocks the room that contains the gateway and Fitz looks up from the control board.

“You need to reopen the last coordinates.” She says as they step inside. She closes the door behind them.

“What for? I thought everything was settled.” Fitz looks confused, glancing between them. Ward smirks, obviously pleased by the reaction.

“We had a stowaway.” Jemma gestures to him. “I prefer the other version.”

“The other- wait,”

“Not as much of a genius as you thought, huh Fitz?” He chuckles. Fitz blinks and tilts his head, then looks to Jemma again.

“It took me a few minutes.” She admits.

“This isn’t good. I mean, if he did this, who knows if there’s been other instances. We need to find a way-”

“We’ll discuss it later. Let’s just get him over before anything else happens. Mack didn’t start his jump yet, did he?”

“No. About 15 minutes.” Fitz is already typing on the keyboard, pulling up the details for Ward’s reality. “Maybe some type of code, so that we know it’s us?”

“I didn’t plan to permanently stay.” Ward rolls his eyes. “This is a little too… sweet for my liking.”

He runs his gaze over Jemma again and there’s a twinkle in his eyes. He can’t hold back his laugh as she glares at him again.

“Like I told Jemma, it wasn’t fun once I got figured out. It’s amazing that so many of you didn’t even bat an eye.”

“Here is the tracker.” Fitz holds out the device. Ward takes it and turns towards the gateway.

“I’m going with him. Make sure everyone is in their right places.” Jemma holds out her hand for the second tracker. Fitz hesitates. “Fifteen minutes. No more, no less. You can keep it running.”

“This isn’t the agreement and what if- what if this is some kind of trap?”

“Oddly enough, I believe what he’s saying. I just want to get Grant and close it up.”

Fitz sighs, but nods, and hands over the second tracker. Jemma straps it onto her wrist, then approaches the gateway and gives Fitz a nod.

The machine comes to life with a quiet hum and they wait until the entry fully materializes.

“Fifteen minute.” He calls. She nods her understanding as she steps through with Ward. It closes behind them instantly and she looks around the library.

“He’s a few floors below us but let me get the demon book.”

“You’re giving it up?”

“One run in with Aida was enough. I prefer to avoid interacting with her again, especially some super powered version of her. I’m not suicidal and I like what I’ve got here.” He climbs a set of stairs to the second level and is gone for a few minutes. He returns with the book in hand. “I suppose you found some way of getting rid of it?”

“Yes.”

“Good for you.”

“Now, Grant?”

“Follow me.” He leads her out of the library and locks the door behind them. “You sure you don’t want to hang around for a bit? Try our world out?”

“Doesn’t seem like my scene.” She scrunches her face up in disgust as they pass a massive Hydra logo carved into the wall.

“You never know unless you try.” He stops at an elevator and lets her enter. He hits the button for the 22nd floor and leans back against the wall. “I think you’ve got it in you. That move with the scissors was pretty surprising.”

She shakes her head as the elevator begins to descend. When the doors open, they step out into an open hall. Directly across from them is a lab. A few of the scientists look up but quickly divert their gazes when they see them.

“Down this way.” He puts a hand on her back and pushes her to the left. They pass a number of solid metal doors before he stops near the end of the hall and presses his hand against a scanner. The lock clicks open and he pushes the door open to let her inside.

Her eyes immediately find her husband, still slumped over on the floor.

“Oh, hello. I wasn’t expecting this.”

Her own voice surprises her and she looks up to spot her double sitting in the corner.

“She had to see for herself.” Ward rolls his eyes as she stands up from behind the desk. “She tried to stab me so I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to piss her off any more.”

The women study each other briefly. Both look intrigued by the other’s appearance. Ultimately, it’s Jemma who scoffs quietly before kneeling down next to Grant.

“Grant?” She strokes his hair gently but he doesn’t respond to her. “Hey, come on,”

“The sedative should be worn off by now. You’ve been gone for almost two hours.”

“Really?” Ward lifts an eyebrow. “I wasn’t even there an hour.”

“How peculiar.” Simmons hums, a curious expression in her eyes. “What else was different there?”

”Tons. I’m going to need a fucking drink once they’re gone. They’ve got a set of kids if you can believe that.” 

She looks surprised at this, then grimaces at the thought. He nods his agreement. 

Grant suddenly moans quietly as he begins to move and Jemma smiles slightly as he blinks at her.

“Jem?”

“You had me worried there for a minute. Can you sit up?” She rubs his shoulder gently and he seems to think it over before nodding and slowly sitting up.

He seems to suddenly sober up when he notices their doubles lingering behind her. He tries to push her behind him and climb to his feet.

“Stop. It’s okay. Just take a minute and get yourself together. Fitz is going to open the gate in about six minutes.”

“Not supposed to be here.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, they're… fucking crazy.” He mutters, causing Ward to roll his eyes. Simmons makes an insulted sounding noise but doesn’t argue. 

“They helped us. See? There’s the book. Where’s the mixture?”

“The band.”

She turns her wrist over and spots a small slit in the thicker part of the tracker. When she presses it, the slot opens and a small vial pops out.

“Do you have a lighter?” She glances to their doubles. Ward nods and pulls a silver lighter from his pocket.

She accepts it with the Darkhold, empties the vial along the top of it, then lights it up.

It quickly burns away, leaving only a pile of ashes.

“How did you do that? We’ve tried multiple times to destroy that and it always seems to come back.”

“Special mixture one of the others came up with.” She glances at the tracker, noting the time, and looks back to Grant. He still seems groggy but is somewhat coherent.

“Oh, wait,” Simmons steps forward and crouches down next to them. She leans close to Grant, her chest almost in his face, as she feels under his shirt for the taser. Jemma raises an eyebrow but Grant doesn’t seem to notice. “You’d never have gotten that off without me. Biometrics.”

She holds up the taser with a proud, little smile before tossing it up onto the chair.

“Want to try standing?” Jemma pushes her double aside to help Grant stand. He sways momentarily and leans on her shoulder but manages to stay on his feet.

“What the fuck did you give me?” He runs a hand over his face but Simmons simply smiles again.

“Nothing serious. Intellectual property. Can’t really share the details. Don’t want you to steal my ideas. Drink lots of water though. You’ll be fine.”

The low hum of the gateway suddenly sounds and the trackers beep simultaneously as the timer runs out.

“I’ll take that.” Jemma yanks the other tracker out of Ward’s hand and helps slip it onto Grant’s wrist.

The wall shimmers, then opens completely back to the Playground. Fitz’s jaw drops as he spots the four of them through the gateway.

“Fitz?” Simmons raises an eyebrow and looks up at Ward in confusion.

“I know, right? It took everything not to laugh in his face.” He replies. “Ah, thanks, I guess. Saved us some problems.”

Jemma glances back at them before they step through. She makes a disgusted sort of face but nods. The gate closes once they’re through, leaving their doubles alone.

“What a snooty little bitch.” Simmons mutters, causing Ward to snicker. He shrugs as he turns to leave the room and she frowns, placing her hands on her hips. “Do you disagree?”

”Jealous?” He comments, mimicking her comment from earlier. 

“As if you’d ever take someone so... bland.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re so selfless!”
> 
> “I don’t know about that.”
> 
> “You are! Sacrificing everything to keep me happy and comfortable.”
> 
> “Well, you’re the one growing a baby and that takes priority so I can handle the one we’ve already got.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d seriously think he was being murdered.”

“I just want one hour of sleep.”

Grant looks over when Jemma states this, her voice thick with emotion. She’s blinking rapidly like she’s trying not to wail right along with Ben.

They’ve hit a bit of a snag the past couple weeks.

Ben was seemingly in the throes of teething -apparently a bit early and is it so surprising their son is an overachiever- which had turned him into a raging, sleepless monster.

Jemma was clearly in the throes of a horrifying first trimester. Grant says horrifying because he’s never seen one person vomit so much and the so-called experts should really rethink the name morning sickness when it’s all-day sickness. Then there was the exhaustion and chronic headaches and it was the complete opposite of her pregnancy with Ben. And the added bonus of having a five month old mini-Hulk certainly didn’t give her the downtime she needed, even with Grant’s help.

He’s not really sure how she is managing all of it, because he feels like the walking dead and he’s doing the best he can. Being pregnant on top of it? He’ll pass. 

He has the strong suspicion if she didn’t need him as an extra set of hands and eyes, a convenient little accident would have befallen him by now.

“Listen, I’m going to take him in the car and drive around for a bit.” He says, rolling closer to her.

“It’s 2:30 AM.” She scoffs as she rubs her hands over her face.

“It’s okay. It’ll calm him down and you can get some sleep.” He kisses her cheek and starts to move back but she turns her head to look at him completely.

“What about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” She argues and sits up on her elbows. “We’ll figure it out. He’s got to stop crying at some point.”

Grant makes a face at that. He’s not sure that Ben has that point. If he does, it is far away and at least one of them deserved the chance to sleep before then.

“I’m serious. It’s fine. I’m fine.” He insists and leans back in to kiss her gently. “Just get some sleep, okay?”

“But you’re still injured.” She protests, eyeing him with worry.

This is true. He had taken a few good hits at Afterlife and then on the Iliad during the fighting. It had only been five days and while he still felt like shit, it was manageable.

“Just some scrapes. My doctor told me I didn’t have a concussion anymore.” He lifts his eyebrow at her and she sighs. “And I’ve still got two hands and didn’t break into a million dust particles. I’m good. So, go to sleep, and I’ll handle Hulk. I’m serious.”

She watches him for another moment and then suddenly bursts into tears.

“I’m sorry!” She wails and presses her hands to her face.

“Honey, it’s okay. You’re just tired.” He moves back towards her and pulls her into a hug as he kisses the top of her head.

“You’re so selfless!”

“I don’t know about that.”

“You are! Sacrificing everything to keep me happy and comfortable.”

“Well, you’re the one growing a baby and that takes priority so I can handle the one we’ve already got.”

“I just love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He manages to contain his laughter as he kisses her. “Seriously, you’re going to feel so much better in the morning.”

“I really hope so.”

“You will.” He brushes her hair back as she lays back down. “Listen, I’m not sorry I keep getting you pregnant but I will apologize for apparently impregnating you with demons.”

“Stop it.” She laughs between her tears and Ben starts crying again over the monitor. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. We’ll be back in a bit.” He kisses her again, then pulls the blanket over her after climbing out of their bed. He stops to pull on a pair of jeans, then walks out of the room. He enters the nursery, grimacing as Ben’s voice seems to increase tenfold. “Benjamin… you need to sleep dude. I know, I know. Growing teeth is tough work.”

He leans down to pick his son up and presses a kiss to his forehead as he settles into his shoulder.

“You’re okay. We’re gonna go for a ride. You want to go in the car with me? Take in the late night sights? First, a diaper change though.”

Once the baby is changed, he heads downstairs to grab a bottle, his keys, and put on his sneakers. He eyes Ben warily, who is now down to soft whimpers.

“I think you’re okay dressed like that.” He mutters. It was almost the end of May and he looks quite cozy in the sleeper outfit. It wasn’t too hot or too cold. “We’re not going to be long.”

They head outside and he gets Ben situated in his car seat. He’s crying again by the time Grant rounds the side of his truck and gets inside.

“I know buddy. Give me two seconds, okay?” He turns the ignition on, then reverses out of the driveway.

Car rides were the only sure way to get Ben to sleep. Whether it was the constant motion or the low purr of the engine, something about it was soothing to the baby.

He makes it around their neighborhood twice before he feels his son is finally content. But when he pulls back into the driveway, Ben immediately wakes up with a wail.

“Okay, or not.” Grant sighs and leans back against the headrest. “Let’s go around a couple more times.”

This time, he drives out of the neighborhood, and perhaps it’s due to his exhaustion, but he winds up at the Playground before he even realizes where he is heading.

Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea. Kill some time here. Everyone was either gone or asleep. They could hang out in the common room without disturbing anyone.

He pulls his truck into the entrance for the hangar and frowns as he spots as Ford Escape parked near Lola. He parks on the other side and notices Fitz and Skye packing up the Ford.

“What’s going on?” Grant quietly exits his truck and carefully shuts the door.

“What are you doing here?” Skye glances over her shoulder at him. “Isn’t it like three in the morning?”

“Ben is not being very cooperative at the moment.” He replies, moving around the car to get his son. His whimpers immediately fill the hangar as Grant opens the door but he quiets down once he’s in his arms.

“Benny! Look at your little raccoon feet!” Skye coos softly. “What’s wrong little man?”

“He’s having trouble sleeping lately. He’s killing Jemma so I thought a car ride might calm him down. What are you two doing?”

“We’re going to go on a road trip.” Fitz replies. He runs a hand gently over Ben’s head and smiles a bit. “Just for a little while.”

“Really?”

“Coulson thought it’d be a good idea to take some time, given everything that happened.” Skye mutters. Despite her smiles for Ben, Grant can see the emotion she’s fighting down. She and Fitz share a long glance while he squeezes her hand.

“Uh, I’m still standing here.”

“Sorry. I forgot affection makes you uncomfortable. Anyway, we wanted to get a head start before the traffic gets crazy.”

“Oh. Were you going to say anything or just disappear into the sunrise?”

“Not fun when you’re left wondering where your friends went?” Fitz comments. Skye hides her smile as Grant looks surprised.

“Ah, that was different.”

“Yes, we were going to tell you.” Skye rolls her eyes. “In a text… once we were far enough away to not be pressured to come back.”

“Cute. Do you need a travel companion? He’s compact and only needs to be fed about twenty times a day. Oh and he has the best timing to ruin your romantic moments.”

“That’s why I’m bringing Fitz.” Skye winks. Her boyfriend scowls at her.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who doesn’t like when I get ‘ _hangry_ ’.”

“No, you’re like my little Scottish hobbit having elevenses.” She wriggles a finger in the crook of his neck and he squirms, trying to get her to stop.

“Okay. I’m out. Have fun, be safe, wear a condom or you might wind up with one of these.” Grant gestures with Ben as he walks towards the interior entrance.

As he suspected, the base is quiet. When he reaches the common room, he attempts to sit on the couch, but a shriek from Ben has him standing back up.

“I know. No sitting, must be constantly moving. I really hope this is a phase kid.” He sighs and paces the small area between the seats, then suddenly notices Phil sitting at the island in the kitchen. “Hi,”

“Hello. Wrong turn somewhere?”

“I think so. Am I disturbing you?”

“Not at all.”

“You approved Fitz and Skye to head on a vacation?” Grant raises an eyebrow as he approaches the island. He stays on the opposite side, swaying idly as he rocks Ben.

“You would have done it differently?”

“Probably not.”

“May’s gone too.”

“What?” His other eyebrow shoots up and his eyes widen.

“She left with Andrew earlier tonight. No return time listed.” Phil explains. He stabs his fork into the ice cream cake in front of him and takes a bite.

“Oh.”

“I think she’s earned a bit of rest, don’t you?”

“Is that why you’re eating ice cream cake by yourself at 3:00 AM?”

“No,” he chuckles and gestures at the refrigerator, “only thing I could actually find to eat in there.”

“Did I miss a birthday?”

“This is Hunter’s ‘ _Surprise, we’re alive_ ’ cake.”

“Fucking idiot.” Grant snorts and sits on one of the stools. Ben lets out a cry that makes him groan and he stands, then begins rocking and swaying again. He shoots Phil a deadpan expression. “Would you like a baby? They’re supposed to keep you youthful and on your toes.”

Phil smiles as he watches them but there is a melancholy look in his gaze. He lifts his left elbow slightly, his arm still in the sling, and shakes his head.

“Probably should pass for now.”

“Right. I thought Fitz said he was going to make you a prosthetic? He leave you high and dry?”

“No, it’s upstairs. Just… not ready to put it on yet.” He shrugs, making Grant nod slowly. “He felt bad for throwing it together. It’s too basic for him.”

“What does he want it to do? Shoot lasers out of the fingers?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll get a few versions out of him.”

“I still think you should go with a good old fashioned hook.”

“Thanks.”

“Maybe throw in an eye patch to honor Fury.” Grant smirks, then he chuckles. “Is it a requirement for directors to lose their body parts?”

“You’re delirious.”

“I’m starting to think so. Man, I thought I was having a shitty week. You lost your hand and your girlfriend all in a few days.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, come on. It’s like the worst kept secret around here.” Grant rolls his eyes. Ben starts fussing again but this time, he knows it’s a hungry fuss. He walks towards the counter and pops his bottle in the microwave.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re telling me in the almost two years we’ve been doing this, you guys never…”

“Never what?”

“Never… did it?”

Phil turns and raises his eyebrow at him.

“I’m serious!” Grant exclaims. He walks back as he offers Ben his bottle and leans against the island when he starts to drink.

“You’ve been married five years to a biologist and have a baby but you can’t say the word sex?”

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

“It’s not like that.” Phil shakes his head and takes a few more bites out of the cake. “It’s complicated.”

“If the two of you have been dancing around this again, I’ll scream.”

“Melinda is so much more than a girlfriend. She’s…”

“Your person.”

“She’s not-”

“She is. I know you’ve hooked up secretly. Maybe not consistently but you have. I know for a fact that you did while we were in Ireland after the Berserker staff so don’t even try to lie. And for whatever reason, you two still can’t take that final step to make it official. Honestly, I thought you were together and were just being quiet about it.”

“It would change things.”

“It would not. You already act like an old married couple.”

“Yes, it would. She has been one of my closest friends since… I don’t even remember at this point. Imagine if Fitz and Jemma decided they wanted to move towards a romantic relationship.”

“No thanks.”

“I’m just saying. We’ve got years of it being one way and… it’s nice. It’s comfortable. And if we have sought each other out for different reasons, we understand the why behind those times. Besides, she has Andrew.”

“Look, Andrew’s great but there’s a reason they got divorced.”

“Andrew is different and the reason they got divorced had nothing to do with how they feel about each other. I want her happy. She’s devoted her entire life to SHIELD. She deserves to figure out who she is away from that.”

“She’ll be back.”

“Sure.” Phil agrees but his face says otherwise.

* * *

“Grant. Douglas. Ward. You irresponsible stupid prat!”

He jerks awake at Jemma’s voice and finds her hovering angrily over him.

“What?” He sits up slightly, carefully holding Ben to his chest and looks around.

He’s on the couch in the common room, though he doesn’t exactly remember falling asleep there. Someone covered them at some point with the Captain America throw blanket.

He spots Trip and Hunter, wide eyed and shocked, in the kitchen and they both try to silently creep away without being noticed.

“Give me my baby!” She exclaims and he doesn’t try to fight her when she pulls Ben away from him. He lets out a cry and she coos softly as she kisses his forehead. “I know darling. I’m so sorry. I was so worried because Daddy is an idiot. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“What… what time is it? What are you doing here?”

“It’s almost 8:30 and I’m here because you’ve been missing for hours!”

“Jem, what the hell are you talking about? I told you I was going to take care of him and you go to sleep.”

“No! No, you said you were going to go for a _car ride_ and be back in a _bit_.” She snaps. “So, imagine my confusion when I woke up almost two hours ago and thought, hmm, that’s odd, I never woke up to take care of the baby. And I look over to see this on your night stand,”

She throws his cell phone and it hits him square in the chest.

 _Oh_.

“So I go downstairs, thinking you were already awake or maybe on the couch with him and you’re nowhere to be found! And then I notice your truck is still gone! And I can’t call you to find out where you are! I have no bloody idea if you came home and went back out? Or you’ve been gone this whole time? And, to add to it all, you left this too!”

His wallet hits him next.

 _Oh_.

“Honey,”

“I thought you were dead Grant! I thought you fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a ditch! _With our baby_! And the police had no way to identify your remains! I have been absolutely out of my mind with worry! And I said now, stop it Jemma. You’re a extremely intelligent and rational person, there’s bound to be a perfectly normal explanation. So I thought perhaps you went to get breakfast or something and you still didn’t come back so I try calling everyone to find out if you’re possibly with them and no one is answering! Not Fitz, not Skye, not May! I finally get Coulson to pick up but all I can think at that point is that somehow they knew about your demise and were trying to avoid telling me!” By the end of her rant, she is breathing heavily and in tears.

“Honey,” he stands from the couch and reaches out a hand.

“Don’t touch me!” She jerks away from him as she starts sobbing. “Do you have any idea what went through my mind? Oh God, I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“Alright, come here, just relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax!”

“Jemma, come on.” His voice gets slightly stern. “Stop. Take a couple breaths. You’re getting yourself all fucking worked up. Everything is okay.”

She finally lets him get an arm around her and she leans into his chest as she cries.

“It’s okay. I am sorry, okay? I’m so sorry I put you through that baby. I just wanted you to get some fucking sleep. I didn’t even realize I didn’t have my phone or my wallet. Ben was so antsy so I kept driving longer than I intended and I wound up here. But I figured that we’d hang here for a bit, then we’d head home. I never intended to stay out this long and if I did, I would have called or texted you and realized I was missing my phone and would have called you from a phone here. And you know I would never put Benny in danger. If I thought I couldn’t drive, I would have never left or pulled over. Okay?”

Ben wiggles impatiently between them and whines but neither of them move.

“I was just trying to give you a break.” Grant adds, mumbling it against her hair. “It was a misunderstanding and I’m an idiot for not making sure I had everything before I left.”

“I was so worried.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He kisses her forehead and she steps away slightly. She sigh and balances Ben on her hip as she rubs her free hand over her face. “Here, give me him,”

“No.”

“Babe, you look ready to throw up everywhere. Sit down, give me him, and I’ll make you some tea.”

She slowly sits on the couch and reluctantly hands Ben over as Grant hands her the small trash can next to the couch.

“Hold onto that, just in case.” He wipes a hand over her cheek and pushes her hair back. “Did you at least sleep well?”

“Are you bloody serious?” She scoffs at him. “I feel like I was put through a nightmare! Any sleep I got is long gone at this point!”

“I’m going to be paying for this for a while, huh?”

“Oh definitely.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes. Benny, you’re just a kid. We’re the parents. It’s nice if you help them if they need some but serious things fall on us to take care of.”
> 
> “No! It’s not cause you’re gonna be gone and it’s just gonna be us!”

“Whoa, hold it. This is not okay.”

Drew skids to a halt as Grant quickly catches up with them.

“First off, this is a hospital.” He says as he grabs both of his sons by the hand. Ben rolls his eyes but doesn’t try to pull away. “There are sick people trying to rest. They don’t need to listen to you two running through the building like a herd of elephants. Second, you have no idea where you’re going and to run off while I’m talking with the workers at the desk, gives the impression that you shouldn’t be here because you can’t behave.”

“We’re just really excited.” Drew says.

“I know and I understand but you have to understand that it is a very big deal that you guys get to be here because normally, you have to be a little older to visit a hospital. And when we get up there, don’t act like psychos. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Thank you.” He leads them into the elevator and hits the button for the fifth floor. “And don’t go nuts on your mom either. She’s tired and needs to rest.”

“Why?” Drew peers curiously up at Grant. He glances down, then frowns at the smear on his cheek.

“Because she is. Babies are a lot of hard work.” He wipes at it with his thumb but it doesn’t come off completely. “What the heck is on your face?”

“Aunt Daisy made us brownies.”

“After breakfast?”

“That _was_ our breakfast.” Drew replies as the elevator stops and opens.

“Daisy fed you brownies for breakfast?”

“Yup!” He wiggles a bit as he hops out the elevator. “She said it was a special day.”

“Okay, I’m not even going to bother.” Grant mutters. “Here, this way.”

He leads the boys down the hall and Drew slows to a stop outside the nursery.

“Whoa! That’s a lot of babies. Which one is ours?” He peers through the window. Grant scans the bassinets but shakes his head.

“None of them. She’s with Mommy.”

“How come they’re not?”

“Ah, I don’t know. Sometimes, they have to get tests and cleaned up or their parents want a break.”

“Oh. Are you sure she’s with Mommy?”

“Yeah. Once they checked her over, we told them we wanted to keep her with us. Come on, let’s go.” He presses gently on Drew’s back to propel him down the hall again. Ben walks silently next to him with a completely neutral expression. They finally come to a stop near the end of the hall and Grant hesitates before he opens the door. “Remember what I said.”

“I’ll be good! I promise!” Drew insists. Grant glances at Ben, who gives a silent nod. He nods as opens the door carefully.

Jemma is asleep, or she looks to be at least, though she opens her eyes as Drew rushes towards the bed.

“Sorry,” Grant flashes her an apologetic look but she smiles and waves him off.

“It’s okay. It’s impossible to actually rest around here.” She pushes herself up a little more. “Hi guys,”

“Hi Mommy! This is for the baby!” Drew thrusts the pink teddy bear he’s holding towards her.

“Oh, she’s going to love it sweetheart. That’s her first present!”

“Ben didn’t want to get her anything.”

“That’s not true!” He argues, his voice slightly raised. Drew turns to scowl at him but Jemma quickly diffuses it before they can argue any further.

“It’s okay. It can be from both of you. Would you like to give it to her?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll get her.” Grant offers and approaches the bassinet. Jemma smiles as she watches him carefully lift their daughter into his arms.

“She’s very quiet.” Drew comments.

“It’s a trick. You and your brother were quiet too until we got you home.”

Jemma chuckles as Grant sits on the bed next to her. He places the baby in her arms, then lifts Drew onto his lap.

“What’s her name?”

“We haven’t decided yet.”

“Hmm.” He peers intently at his sleeping sister, then leans into Grant’s chest. “Let’s call her Baby Yoda.”

“I don’t think so.” Jemma says quietly. Grant laughs against Drew’s hair and shakes his head.

“You’re nuts.”

“She’s still going to be him for Halloween right?”

“I think it might be a little big for her.”

“Benny,” Jemma suddenly notices that he’s still across the room, “honey, why don’t you come here?”

“Nah, I’m good.” He slumps against the wall and crosses his arms. He seems to be looking everywhere except at them. “Let Drew have his fun.”

His parents share a look.

“I didn’t realize you were going to be back so soon or I would have texted you. Do you mind getting me something to drink?” Jemma looks at Grant. He glances at Ben and she tips her head slightly. “I know you just got up here.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes. You want to stay here?” He tilts his head to look at Drew, who nods in response. “Okay, you have to be careful around your sister.”

“I know Daddy!”

He sets him carefully on the bed next to Jemma, then stands up.

“Anything in particular?”

“Maybe some kind of juice?”

“Okay. Benny, take a walk with me. I could use an extra pair of hands. We’ll get some stuff for all of us.”

He follows his father out silently, without even sparing a glance back.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“You sure? I thought you’d be a little happier about the baby being here.”

“I don’t get why it’s a big deal.” Ben shrugs. He shoves his hands into the front of his hoodie and hunches his shoulders. “It’s just a baby.”

“Well, it’s not just any baby. She’s ours. I could see not caring about some baby we don’t know.”

“She’s going to cry and poop and be obnoxious like Annie is. Now there’s two of them.”

“You were pretty obnoxious back in the day too.” Grant shrugs as they get back on the elevator. He hits the button for the first floor while Ben slumps in the opposite corner. “Look, newborns aren’t the greatest but it’s a necessary step. Once she gets used to… being alive and starts growing, she’s going to be her own little person and it’s cool. She’s gonna look up to you.”

“I don’t want her to. Let someone else have her!”

“Ben!” He looks genuinely shocked by his son’s outburst.

“No! I already got Drew following me around! I don’t need more responsibility.”

“Alright, hold on. Responsibility? Why do you suddenly sound like a 50 year old man?”

Ben grunts in annoyance and storms out of the elevator as it opens.

“Ben, wait a second. Ben!” Grant calls out as he sees him continuing on down the hall. “Benjamin, stop!”

He halts in his tracks but keeps his back to his father.

“What has gotten into you? Hey,” he tries to move in front of him but Ben twists so his back is to Grant once more. “Hey!”

He manages to grasp his arms, not roughly, but enough to keep him in place.

“Seriously, this is not like you at all so what is going on?”

“Nothing!”

“Benny, look at me.” He crouches down and sees one hand dart under his noise.

“I said nothing!” He exclaims, more of a shout, and his head jerks up enough that Grant can see his eyes are red with tears.

“Alright, come here, in here for a minute.” He glances at the few people who look at them as they walk by but ignores them as he ushers Ben into the small chapel. “Sit down,”

He slumps onto the end of a pew as Grant kneels in front of him.

“Come on buddy, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing. I thought you were happy about getting another sibling.”

“I don’t want to take care of it.”

“ _Her_ and you’re not. When have I or Mommy ever implied that would happen?”

“That’s what you always say! I have to look out for Drew and Annie and now this one!”

“Okay. I am sorry if… that felt like pressure for you. Looking out for someone doesn’t mean you’re in charge. Me and Mommy are in charge of you guys and Aunt Daisy is in charge of Annie.”

“But you’re not!”

“Yes. Benny, you’re just a kid. We’re the parents. It’s nice if you help them if they need some but serious things fall on us to take care of.”

“No! It’s not cause you’re gonna be gone and it’s just gonna be us!” He exclaims and bursts into tears.

“Okay, okay. Hold on, scoot over.” Grant nudges him gently into the pew as he sits and pulls him into a tight hug. “You’re confusing me kiddo. What’s going on?”

Ben simply continues to sob and buries his face in Grant’s chest. He remains quiet as he cries, opting to hold him until he feels he is at least able to speak. He truly cannot remember a time his son was so distraught.

“Alright, can we try this again?” He slides him back a couple inches so they can look each other in the eye. Ben sniffs loudly as Grant wipes the tears off his face. “Start from the beginning.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, you are way too upset right now and I’ve got to fix it.” He studies him carefully and frowns when he realizes he’s not angry- he’s _scared_. Terrified actually. “What’s got you so scared baby? And I want the truth because you and Drew have never had problems and you seem to love Annie and were so excited for the baby. Why all of a sudden today do you want to keep your distance?”

“Cause it’s gonna come true.” He whispers. His pulse is racing and he breathes heavily, looking about ready to cry again.

“Okay, hold on, relax. Take a few breaths, okay? Everything is fine.”

“It’s not! It’s happening! Just like she showed me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Robin!”

“Robin? When did you see Robin?” Grant is confused by the sudden topic change, as the girl hadn’t been around in months.

“Not now. When she was with us, when Mommy was still gone.”

“Okay,”

“She was giving me pictures.”

“You never told me that.”

“You were busy.”

“Never too busy for you. Ben, you can always come to me and always talk to me about anything. What were the pictures?”

“Lots of stuff but… but… she was right about the baby. The one… was… it’s today. You’re wearing the same shirt and we’re all there and there’s roses on the table and Drew’s holding that stupid bear.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does! Because then if that’s true then the other pictures are gonna happen too!”

“No, no it doesn’t. Listen to me, Robin… ugh, okay, Robin can see things that _might_ happen.”

“Like the earthquake and we have to live in the Lighthouse forever.”

“Yeah and do you know what? We all stopped it. No earthquake.”

“But what if it just didn’t happen yet? She’s here now. And… and maybe we won’t leave the Lighthouse and then those blue guys are gonna come and you…”

“But it’s not. The things- how do I- we had to piece together what Robin was seeing. It was like she was giving us clues and those clues, as they happened, we knew that’s what she meant. She sees lots of things but that doesn’t mean it’s all related. That’s the bad thing about it. Things weren’t in order and some things may not have even been part of that whole possibility. The baby’s not part of that.”

“We don’t know that!”

“I know that it… it’s scary and it can be really confusing, especially if… you’re seeing these things. But, God, Ben, it’s a hard thing to explain.” Grant scratches the back of his head. “You said I’ve got this shirt on in the picture?”

“Yeah,”

“Okay.” He unbuttons his flannel and takes it off, leaving him in a plain, gray t-shirt. He stands up, balling the fabric in his hands, and throws it in the garbage can at the back of the chapel. “I changed it.”

“But what if you didn’t? What if it’s too late?”

“Well, what else did she show you? You said there were lots. What were they?”

“When Mommy came back and… and after the earthquake. And Mommy came back and now we have a baby. So the other stuff is gonna happen too and I don’t want it too. So we can get rid of her. And maybe it won’t happen.”

“Why do you think she has anything to do with this?”

“Because she’s in all of them after the earthquake.”

“So, years from now?”

“Yeah. And… and you die.” He whispers it tearfully. “I don’t want you to! I’ve had you forever. She can go to another family!”

“Okay, you know what? All the things that we were trying to fix, that Robin showed us, they already happened. So, if all of that happened and we stopped the earthquake, we don’t have to worry about all the other stuff.”

“But you don’t know!”

“I do. Ben, I promise you, there is nothing that is going to happen. I can’t... there are things that I know Robin saw but now are different. I… I don’t know how to explain it to you.” He runs a hand over his face and sighs. How the hell is he supposed to discuss time loops and alternate realities with an eight year old? “Think of… think of us going for a car ride. We are just driving along, straight down the road, and keep going. But maybe we might decide to make a turn and then we’re on a different road. I think… no, I know, that… everyone gets choices to make and sometimes those really big choices, they might have different endings. So, you could have kept on the one path and made choices that kept you there or you could have changed your mind and wound up on another. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Robin saw what one ending could have been and we got the chance to try out another one instead. So because we made the choices to stay on ours, that other path is gone. Everything that could have put us on that other path is gone. There isn’t anything that can make that earthquake she saw. We fixed it. And… who knows, maybe the sister she showed you is not the one upstairs. Maybe, if the other things happened, we would have gotten a different baby. Or maybe it is and she gets to grow up in a totally different world.”

Ben chews on his lip nervously and bounces his foot as he considers this information. Grant strokes his hair gently and waits for him to speak.

“Why are we still at the Lighthouse?”

“Right now? It’s easy. There’s a lot of work we have to do and it keeps us all together. Uncle Mack is going to be in charge when he gets back but I have to fill in for him now. Once he’s back, we’ll… we’ll start thinking about moving out.”

“Back home?”

“I don’t think so. I think we’re all going to be staying around here now, because this is where we work. We might keep the house, use it sometimes but we’ll find a good place around here.”

“What if the blue guys show up?”

“I’ll kick their butts.”

“They kill you.”

“Nope, remember the paths. That might have happened but it’s not. I’ll learn about them and make sure I know how to fight them. But I don’t think they’ll want to come here.”

“How come?”

“Well, the aliens I’ve met think we’re kind of silly and really behind the times.”

“You met aliens?”

“A few. I think they think Earth is kind of lame.”

That pulls a smile out of Ben. He sighs deeply and stares down at his lap. Grant nudges him gently, causing him to glance up.

“If anything happens that you recognize, you let me know, and we’ll change it. Just like my shirt. Okay? I don’t ever want you feeling like you need to hold something like that, or anything else, in. That’s why you’ve got me. It’s my job to take care of you. If something is wrong, I’m here to fix it. Got it?”

He nods silently and leans into his chest again. Grant sighs as he buries his face in his hair and rubs his back.

“Are you ready to really meet your sister now?”

“You promise it’s okay?”

“Absolutely. Let’s go get Mommy a drink and we’ll go back up.”

When they return to the room, Drew nearly barrels into Grant with excitement.

“Mommy let me hold the baby! But then she started to cry. I don’t think she likes me.”

“Nah, that’s not true.” Grant shifts the small vase to his left hand and ruffles Drew’s hair with his right. “She’s going to cry about lots of things. Looks to me like she needed a diaper change.”

Jemma smiles softly as she glances up from changing their daughter. She looks confused when she spots his wardrobe change but she focuses quickly on the flowers he sets near the window.

“Those are beautiful.” She comments.

“I picked them out.” Ben says quietly, approaching from her right side. She turns to smile at him. “I know orchids are your favorite but they didn’t have any in the gift shop so I picked lilies cause they’re your second favorite.”

“That is very true and also very thoughtful. I love them. Thank you.” She glances at his hands and nods at the small sock monkey he holds. “That looks like a baby Georgie, though perhaps not so tattered.”

He smiles at the mention of his beloved toy, nearly worn to pieces since Fitz had gifted him when he had been born.

“I thought maybe she’d want her own.” He mumbles.

“I think you’re quite right.” She quickly finishes changing the baby when she lets out a sudden cry. “I’m sorry! I know, you probably prefer being all swaddled up, hmm?”

“Can… can I hold her?” Ben asks quietly.

“Of course you can. Come here.” She moves over to give him space to sit. Once he’s situated, she carefully hands the baby to him. “Watch her head. Just like when you hold Annie.”

He glances up at Grant, who gives him a comforting nod and smile. Drew climbs onto his lap and begins to drink his chocolate milk.

Jemma glances over their heads to make eye contact with Grant. She tips her head at Ben in a silent question. _Okay_ , she mouths. He gives her a nod in return.

“Are you sure we can’t name her Princess Leia?” Drew asks.

“Oh my goodness. This again. This is what he was trying to convince me of while you were gone.” Jemma says as Grant chuckles. “No, we are not naming her Princess Leia, Baby Yoda, or any other silly names you come up with from _Star Wars_.”

“How about Lily?” Ben suggests quietly. That catches both his parents’ attention. “Since you like them so much and it’s a girl’s name.”

“Lily.” Jemma repeats it and stares at Grant, mulling it over. “That’s different.”

He knows immediately what she means. They had been leaning towards a different name, until she remembered the time that alternate Grant found his way into their reality. Their daughter there had been Evie.

But there had been so many other differences, like the boys’ age gap and the addition of two more sons before her. Clearly, they were not their alternates.

And Jemma had mentioned that in the future, their daughter was referred to as Evie as well. 

Despite breaking the loop, she had the same reservations their son did, and was hesitant to move forward with the choice. But also felt like they may not have a choice in the matter.

But if they chose differently… that proved his point to Ben. This baby wasn’t the baby Robin saw or she was and didn’t tie into her apocalypse drawings at all.

Plus, really, they didn’t even know when that drawing was supposed to have taken place. Maybe she was supposed to be born sooner or later.

And he didn’t know what the picture looked like exactly but he figures that if it was supposed to be after the earthquake, the room would have been different. They didn’t have rooms like this in the Lighthouse and where would someone have gotten roses?

“I like it.” He finally says.

“I do too. Drew, I’m probably going to regret this, but do you have a normal suggestion for a middle name?”

“How did you pick our names?” He asks. He leans over Grant to throw away his milk bottle, then looks back at Jemma.

“Well, you’re named after Grandpa. His name is Andrew Owen too. He goes by Andy. That’s why we call you Drew. And Benny, I don’t… I don’t remember where we came up with Benjamin.” She frowns and looks to Grant, who shakes his head.

“I think we just liked the sound of it. But Philip is Pop’s name.”

“How come we weren’t named after you?” Drew tilts his head to look at Grant, who smirks a bit.

“I didn’t think it was fair for someone to have my name. I think having Ward is enough.”

“Oh. We should name her after someone we know too. What about Mommy?”

“Lily Jemma Ward?”

“Or we can share a middle name - Lily Anne Ward.” She says softly.

“What do lilies mean anyway?” Ben asks.

“Well, it depends on the type. White lilies are usually supposed to be purity and virtue though.”

“Purity. I am 100% on board with that.” Grant says, making her laugh.

“You need to relax. She’s six hours old.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Well other types, like pink lilies can mean prosperity. Orange lilies can mean confidence. All good things.”

“Lily Anne Ward.” Ben says. He glances down, then smiles as he notices his sister opening her eyes. “I think she likes it.”

Jemma smiles again at Grant, waiting for his input.

“I will say yes.”

“Me too.”

“What about you?” Grant pokes Drew in the stomach and he shrugs.

“It’s not my first choice but sure.” He replies, making them both chuckle.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then.” Jemma murmurs.

“Hey Benny?”

He glances up at Grant’s voice.

“Different.” He says. A relieved smile breaks out on the boy’s face.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We were talking about the candidates and some of the kids wanted to know if we’re related to that one guy.”
> 
> “What guy?”
> 
> “The Massachusetts senator.”

“My turn!”

“Alright, spell cat.”

“C-A-T.” Then there is an exasperated sigh, “Mommy, these aren’t hard!”

Grant chuckles to himself as he walks closer to the kitchen. Drew and Lily sit at the table, Ben at the island, and Jemma stands at the stove, stirring a pot with one hand and swiping an iPad with the other. None of them have noticed him yet.

“Benny, you get New York.”

“Ah… 27? Wait, no. That’s how many reps they have. 29.”

“Drew, California?”

“55.”

“My turn!” Lily exclaims before Jemma can move on. “And make it hard!”

“Tortoise.” Grant says.

“T-O-Daddy!” She spins suddenly and jumps off her chair to run to him.

“Hey baby,” he drops his bag and crouches down to catch her. “So?”

“Huh? Oh. Um… T-O-R… tort… T… oise… O-U-S?”

“Close. T-O-R-T-O-I-S-E.”

She frowns as she considers this and he can see the wheels turning as she files the information away.

“See! Daddy makes it hard!” She says, turning to look at Jemma. His wife gives a shrug.

“Perhaps Daddy is just smarter than I am and knows better words.”

Lily turns back to Grant with a wide grin. He grimaces and shakes his head.

“That’s definitely not true.”

“Did you get me a present?”

“Lil, you don’t get a present every time someone leaves the house.” Jemma says even as Grant unzips his bag and digs through the items.

“A penguin!” She coos when he finally pulls it out. She goes to reach for it but he holds it back.

“What kind?”

“It’s a gentoo.”

“Hopefully, you can find some space for him in the rest of the gang.”

“It’s a Waddle Daddy.” She gives him a look as she hugs the stuffed animal to her chest. “But! If we lived in the water, it would be a Raft.”

“Well, I guessed I learned something new today. Thank you.” He grins at Jemma over Lily’s shoulder. She shakes her head as she turns back to the stove.

“Wait! Did you go to a zoo?”

“Without you? I would never. I had a meeting nearby. And what are you two studying?”

He drops a Lego kit in front of each his sons- an X-Wing for Ben and a dragon for Drew.

“Electoral college.” Ben replies, before dropping his head against his notebook.

“We have to write an essay about Super Tuesday.” Drew adds. “Well, we have to watch two hours of election coverage - each on different channels - and discuss what we saw.”

“Is that today?”

“You didn’t know?”

He exchanges a glance with his wife, then shrugs.

“I don’t think New York is part of this round, if I’m not mistaken. I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“I think we should have a queen.” Lily says, getting a chuckle out of Jemma.

“The United States is a republic.” Drew informs her. “Not a monarchy. No kings and queens. We get to choose who our president is.”

“That’s stupid. I like William and Catherine.”

“What are you doing to my children?” Grant complains as he hugs Jemma from behind. She laughs and tilts her head back to kiss him.

“Simply informing them of both sides of their heritage. Did you bring me a present too?”

He smirks and lowers his mouth to her ear. She listens, then her cheeks turn bright red as she slaps his arm.

“That’s gross.” Ben comments. “You’re old.”

“First off, you don’t even know what I said and second, I am not old.”

“Your cake had lots of candles.” Lily says. Jemma continues to giggle but Grant pokes her in the side.

“Your cake had lots of candles too.” He reminds her.

“Hey Dad?”

“Yeah?” He glances at Drew, waiting for the next part of his question.

“We were talking about the candidates and some of the kids wanted to know if we’re related to that one guy.”

“What guy?”

“The Massachusetts senator.” Ben adds. Jemma feels Grant’s arms tighten slightly around her waist. “Christian Ward.”

There’s a long silence before she scoffs.

“Are you expected to be related to every person with the last name Ward?” She asks. “It’s quite common. As a matter of fact, its origins are English and-”

“Is he a cousin or something?” Drew asks.

“Or something.” Grant finally says. He turns completely from Jemma and leans against the island.

He knew, when he had seen Christian’s announcement months ago, that this would be inevitable. It had been the main reason he hadn’t been paying close attention - one, not only despising politics having grown up in the thick of it, but also because he knows the family will be put on display.

Ben was the only one who knew of his siblings but even then he did not know their names.

“He’s my brother.”

“Your brother?”

“Yep.”

“You have a brother?” Drew looks bewildered at this information.

Jemma rests a hand gently on Grant’s back and they share another glance. It had been a conversation over the years, wondering if he was doing the kids a disservice for not sharing the fact that they had a whole other side of a family out there.

“I have two actually. Christian is the oldest, then me, and then there’s Thomas.”

“But you never mention them. We’ve never even met them.”

“You’re right. It’s… complicated. Look, this stays between us, okay? Nothing needs to be shared outside of us. Sharing some DNA doesn’t make a family. It’s been a really long time and… yeah, there’s not much else to say.”

But there was so much more and his biggest concern is that some plucky journalist is going to go digging into Christian’s past, then find their way here.

“We didn’t get along.” He adds, hoping that will suffice.

“Oh.” Drew blinks and glances at Ben, then Lily. Grant can see he is trying to comprehend the idea of never seeing or speaking to his siblings. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize about. It was a long time ago. And… I chose to focus my attention elsewhere.”

“I’d be sad without Drew and Benny.” Lily comments.

“Yeah, I know.” Grant smiles at her innocent view. Ben and Drew had always been her protectors and the age gap had seemed to help. At the ripe old age of four, she could only idolize her brothers. “I get that. But, when you grow up, things are different. Like, I miss Aunt Daisy but it doesn’t make me sad when we’re not together because I know we’ll see each other soon.”

“Oh. So what’s he doing?”

“He’s a senator,” Ben explains, turning on the stool to look at her, “which means he helps make rules. He wants to be the president, so he’s in charge of everyone.”

“Like Uncle Mack?”

“Sure but on a bigger scale. Like a queen but he gets picked. That’s what we’ve been talking about.”

“Oh! So I’m a princess!”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Yes! You said it’s like a Queen and he’s Daddy’s brother. Like William and Harry.” She argues.

“Yeah but you have to be picked. The same family doesn’t stay in charge all the time.” Ben replies, which makes Grant snort as he considers the Wards’ history in Massachusetts.

“Oh. Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Is there a king or queen in your family?”

“Well, very far down the line, we share a few relatives but that was from a long time ago. Not close enough to claim a title or a crown I’m afraid.” She replies, causing their daughter to pout.

“Don’t worry Lil. You’ll always be my princess.” Grant says, stopping to kiss her head as he passes to leave the kitchen.

“But I wanna be a real princess.”

* * *

_“It is absolutely stunning to me that Senator Ward can stand there with the rhetoric he spews and people are fine with it.”_

_“Oh please! If he was a Democrat, he would be the media’s darling. He’s young, attractive, and intelligent. He’s like today’s JFK.”_

_“The only thing that man has in common with JFK is the fact they both are from Massachusetts.”_

_“He’s a man that is concerned for the safety and security of this country and plans to bring traditional values back to the White House.”_

“Traditional values.” Grant says dryly. He mutes the television as Jemma sits next to him on the couch.

“I’m surprised you’re still watching this.” She murmurs. He’s silent for a moment before he sighs.

“Yeah, me too.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Don’t think burying my head in the sand will make this go away. You know, we could be impacted by this.”

“Perhaps.”

“Someone just finds the right thread and gives it a tug.”

“And the only thing that will do is expose him for his own actions as well. Do you think he wants to risk that? He won in the past without bringing you up.”

“That was Massachusetts. This is the country. A country that is divided on where it stands with Inhumans and SHIELD flips in and out of at the whim of people like him, who can’t decide if we’re good or bad but what our actions result in at the time. It used to be easier, when we worked in the shadows. We could damage control what was happening but now we can’t. People are used to this… massive crisis we seem to have every year or so and know it’s because of super powered people and extraterrestrials. I wouldn’t put it past him to flaunt his tie to me, whether positively or negatively. Guess it depends what narrative he’s going for.” 

He doesn’t realize he’s clenching his fist until she gently pries his fingers open and takes his hand in hers.

“The convention is still a while away. He’s a front runner but he’s not the nominee yet. And even then, he may not win the general election.” She says as she leans her head against his shoulder. “Anything could happen before then.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you more worried about what could be found or how three certain people will react?” When he doesn’t respond, she lifts her head to look at him. “Grant, it was almost thirty years ago. You were a child.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does.”

“Could you imagine Ben doing something like that? And brushing it off as being a child?”

“I can’t imagine putting Ben in a position where he feels that’s the only option he has.” She retorts. Her eyes catch the television and she sucks in a breath as the screen changes from the media to a live feed of Christian’s HQ in Boston. “Why don’t we turn this off and go to bed?”

“I’m going to go downstairs for a bit.” He replies. She looks at him with worry, knowing he’ll be locked in the basement and pounding away at the punching bag for hours at this rate. He presses a kiss to her forehead, then stands up. “I’m fine. Promise. I’ll be up soon.”

“Okay,” she leans back into the couch with a sigh and watches as he disappears around the hall, to the stairs that led to their basement. It isn’t much longer after that point that she hears footsteps coming down the stairs.

Somehow, she’s not surprised to see her sons enter the living room, despite it being nearly midnight. 

“I thought you two fell asleep hours ago.”

“I wanted a glass of water.” Drew replies while Ben is more up front and says, “I want to see them.”

He immediately looks remorseful, as though his curiosity is somehow a betrayal to his father.

“Is that bad?” He asks, causing Jemma to smile softly.

“I think it’s normal to be curious.” She replies. She moves down the couch slightly, a silent invitation to sit. “I’m sure that was very surprising for you.”

“Where is Dad?” Drew glances around, as though he’s concerned that Grant would not approve of this.

“He went downstairs.”

“I don’t get it.” He says after a few moments.

“Get what?”

“How… he just left. Doesn’t it bother him? I mean, I fight with Ben but he’s still my brother.”

“I think it was a bit more than fighting.” Jemma explains softly. “You know, the fact that you can’t imagine what it may have been like for your dad tells me we’ve done a pretty decent job. I am so happy that you have the relationships that the three of you have with each other. That’s important. Sometimes, it can be hard to see and understand something that you haven’t experienced. Like, I didn’t know what to expect when Drew was born because I don’t have any siblings.”

“You have Uncle Fitz.” Ben points out.

“True but we didn’t know each other until we were teenagers. And that’s a great example. It’s like your dad said before, DNA doesn’t make a family. Biologically, of course, but there’s more to a family than just that.”

“Like Colin.” Drew says.

“Perfect example darling. Even though Colin isn’t biologically related to Aunt Daisy and Uncle Fitz, he’s still their son. Sometimes, the family you’re born into isn’t the best fit for you. And then you’re lucky enough to find a family that is. For your dad, that was Pop.”

“But he should have told us.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well,” Drew pauses and stares at the television, where the other Wards have finally piled onto the stage. Jemma watches as the camera pans the group and she understands what her son is trying to convey.

They have cousins, an aunt and uncle, and grandparents that were off existing without their knowledge.

It is surreal to think that she has a legal bond to these people, or she assumes she still does in the event no one ever formally disowned Grant.

But this is their blood. As much as she wishes to keep her children away from these people, the biologist part of her brain protests this. She tells herself this is ridiculous because plenty of people were out in the world with no ties or knowledge of their biological history but she can’t shake the concern that there may come a point where the kids, or Grant even, needs something only they could provide.

And she knows that this isn’t part of her sons’ curiosity. It’s just the basic wonder that a whole part of their family could exist and not know it.

“I don’t think he should have.” Ben says suddenly, causing Jemma to glance at him. He’s glaring at the television. “They look like assholes.”

“Benjamin!”

“They do! They’re fake.” He insists and she glances back to the screen.

It does feel like some mass production, with movie star smiles and glamour. She’s no expert in body language but she can see how Christian’s wife, although accepting of his embrace for the cameras, seems to want to pull away at the quickest moment.

And then there’s the whole farce of Patrick and Olivia being present, like proud, adoring parents. She knows from Grant’s information that they were just as terrible to Christian. Obviously neither of them knew what kind of relationship they had today, but Jemma can’t imagine that it’s healthy for anyone involved.

She’s curious to know what the children, though hardly children based on their approximate ages, are like. If they’ve managed to come out unscathed or they’re part of a new generation of Wards continuing on the actions of their elders. If they’re anything like her own children. 

“But why?” Drew persists.

“Obviously Dad has his reasons. That’s enough for me. I don’t want to know them.” Ben says roughly.

He’s still glaring at the screen, which makes Jemma set her hand comfortingly on his back. Always Grant’s staunchest supporter and defender, perhaps to a dangerous point. Ben’s only twelve and she’s sure it will change, or fade for a period at least, but Grant has always been his hero, with the impression he could do no wrong.

He hasn’t quite grasped the idea that it isn’t just good vs. bad out in the world, that there’s a whole gray area, and there were plenty of times that Grant, and even herself to an extent, fell into this area.

“It’s a conversation that you’ll need to have with Daddy but it’s his decision what he’ll share and when. It’s not a topic that is easy for him and you need to respect that.” She says quietly.

“Did you ever meet them?” Drew asks.

“I did, for a few minutes many years ago. I met Christian and a few years later, I met Olivia, your grandmother.”

“And?”

“And it was enough to satisfy my curiosity.” She replies with a small smile. She still can see Olivia’s expression when she spotted them, including the boys, like it was yesterday instead of a decade ago. The eagerness that had nothing to do with seeing her son for the first time in years but rather the knowledge of her grandsons and the potential to sink her claws into them for her own reasons.

“That doesn’t tell us anything.” Drew says, causing his brother to groan in exasperation.

“Are you stupid?” Ben leans around Jemma to stare at Drew.

“There’s no need to talk like that.” She pushes him gently back into the couch. It only highlighted the difference between the boys. Ben was happy to accept half truths and assumptions in order to spin his own story or fill in the blanks. Drew required concrete evidence to determine his opinion on a subject.

“It’s obvious they’re not good people. Use your imagination.”

Drew scowls at this suggestion. Jemma isn’t sure she approves of it either. Drew is clearly struggling to grasp the idea that all families weren’t like theirs and Ben seems to be diving off into the deep end of terror, though she’s sure he’s nowhere near the actual truth or if he was, he was way beyond it at this point.

“I’m going to say this and it will be the last I say on the topic. Am I clear?” She looks at both her sons and once they nod their understanding, she continues. “You guys and your sister have grown up in a very safe, very loving environment and that’s how it should be for everyone but unfortunately it isn’t. Daddy has always worked so hard to make sure that you three have everything you need or want and I know that it’s his love for you and the desire for you to have a great life that pushes him to keep at that. He never wants any of you to … experience what he did growing up and he’s always going to do his best to keep people who aren’t good for you away. What I really want you to take away from this is that you are so lucky to get to have a dad like him and know that not everyone does. Alright?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now, off to bed for real this time and be quiet so you don’t wake your sister. Good night. I love you both.”

They both climb off the couch and start for the stairs.

“Ben,” she calls out to him as he reaches the first stair but he turns to look at her. “I know it bothers you and you feel like you need to protect your dad.”

He flashes another contemptuous glance at the television.

“I find that to be admirable but that’s not your job, okay? He is an adult and this is something he has dealt with for a very long time. He’s okay, I promise. Okay?”

His eyes linger on the television screen but he gives a silent nod before he continues upstairs.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, totally! I was going to go around, take in the sights, maybe check out a few things. I’m sure there’s some great places to hang around.”
> 
> “Okay, next lessons we start on are going to be your ability to lie effectively.”
> 
> “What he means is we would love it if you spent your leave with us.”

“Grant?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen my red sweater?” Jemma frowns as she turns in circles. Her bunk was not big enough to be misplacing items. She also wasn’t the sort of person to be misplacing items.

“This one?” He asks and a red sweater comes flying over the wall separating their bunks.

“Ah, yes, thank you.” She frowns as she sees how crumpled it is. She shakes her head, then folds it carefully and places it in her bag.

“Do you know where my other belt is?”

“Fitz has it, I believe.”

“Wow, this is so disgustingly domestic.”

Jemma smiles as Skye leans against the open door of the bunk.

“You know we’re on a plane right? Do you two really need to keep track of things for each other?”

“Of course not but sometimes things have a way of wandering where they’d like. Three weeks can be a long time. Just making sure we have everything we’ll need.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is. So what are your plans?”

“Oh, I think we’re just going to stay home.”

They were grounded, under Director Fury’s orders, due to Phil’s capture and rescue. It was estimated they would be back in the air after the new year.

“Are we sure about this?” Fitz asks. He wanders out of his own bunk and catches the girls’ attention.

“Yes, absolutely. Fitz, you shouldn’t feel guilty about using your time off.” Jemma exits her bunk as well.

“But give me my belt before you do.” Grant adds.

“Because there’s a flight leaving tomorrow morning that would work and I could be back on the 29th.”

“Where are you going?” Skye asks.

“Oh, I thought I’d go home and see my mum.” Fitz replies. He rubs a hand over the back of his head. “I haven’t seen her since last year.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

“Just book it.” Jemma says, making him sigh. “You know you’ll regret it if you don’t. Who knows when the next time will be?”

“You’re right. I just feel like…”

“You’re entitled to use your time off however you’d like.”

“I know but the only reason we have off is because Coulson is on medical leave. Doesn’t seem fair.”

“We’ll be here to keep an eye on him. Don’t feel guilty.” She assures him. He glances at Grant, who gives an agreeing nod.

“Alright but I can always come back early if you needed me too.” He mumbles as he walks back into his bunk.

“You sure you don’t want to go to your parents’?” Grant asks, walking towards Jemma.

“I don’t think I’m up for the big holiday gathering this year and I know you’d prefer to be close in case Phil needs you.” She replies. “Besides, I think I’ll quite like having you to myself for three weeks.”

He chuckles as he wraps his arms around her waist.

“Not sick of me yet?”

“Perhaps a little.” She smiles as she leans up to kiss him. He hesitates when they’re inches from each other, watching as Skye silently creeps back to her own bunk. Jemma follows his gaze and feels her heart drop.

Although she didn’t like the circumstances, she was looking forward to some time off. They would be home in DC for Christmas and New Year’s. It would be amazing to sleep in their own bed together without being scrunched up against the side of a plane.

They would all be home and with family and Skye…

“We are horrible people!” Jemma hisses. “Did any of us stop to consider where she’d be going? Has she ever even been to DC?”

She sees how conflicted he looks. No doubt he prefers their privacy and solitude but he’s taken more of a liking to Skye than he’s willing to admit and given her major part in finding Phil, he is certainly feeling grateful. Forget being kind to a friend - _they owed her._

They share a long gaze, silently considering their options, though in Jemma’s opinion there was no other options.

“Skye, did you have any plans yet?” She asks, playing naïve because perhaps they’re completely wrong and it would be offensive to imply she was a lonely nomad still.

The other woman looks up, briefly startled, but quickly waves it off and nods.

“Yeah, totally! I was going to go around, take in the sights, maybe check out a few things. I’m sure there’s some great places to hang around.”

“Okay, next lessons we start on are going to be your ability to lie effectively.” Grant comments, which makes her scowl at him.

“What he means is we would love it if you spent your leave with us.” Jemma interjects. Skye’s face softens, then she immediately looks somewhat uncomfortable.

“I couldn’t.”

“Nonsense! We have plenty of room. We have this cute townhouse near the center of the city. And we can show you around. We insist.”

“What happened to staying home and having each other all to yourselves?”

“Well, we can do that too. We have three bedrooms and frankly, between Fitz, Coulson, and Trip, we’ve had our fair share of interruptions.” Jemma shrugs, rolling her eyes as though she’s just accepted this part of her life.

“Trip?”

“My not-so-secret lover.”

“Jesus Christ,” Grant rolls his eyes and moves back into his bunk as Jemma laughs.

“You know if he finds himself in DC, he’ll be staying with us.” She says. At Skye’s confusion, she adds, “Grant’s best friend. He’s a specialist too.”

“He is not my best friend.”

“They like to antagonize each other.”

“Wait, Ward has friends?” Skye questions. Grant throws something heavy down into his bag but Jemma smiles cheerfully.

“Just the one. So what do you say?”

“I really don’t want to step on your toes. I can find a hotel to stay in.”

“Which are either absurdly expensive or not fit for humanity. And three weeks? That’s a long time.”

“You’re not going to give up, are you?”

“Definitely not.”

“And you’re sure about this?”

“Absolutely.”

* * *

“Oh my God. Can we get one of those showers on the Bus?” Skye groans in delight as she comes down the stairs. Jemma laughs and nods her head.

“I know, right? Definitely missed that. How is everything? Do you need anything?”

“You’ve done enough but thanks.”

“All I did was put clean sheets on your bed.”

“Uh, no, you’re letting me stay here. That is way too generous. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t suggest it sooner. It was a whirlwind with Coulson being released and turning the Bus around. For me, at least, it was just thinking that we were going home and not realizing that, anyway - well, you should have spoken up.” Jemma says. She fidgets nervously for a moment, then with a teasing tone, she adds, “You never seem to have a problem any other time.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Skye lets out a short laugh but she shrugs. “I’m not the type to push my way into someone’s home. I know when to keep my distance.”

The comment makes Jemma’s chest clench and her expression turns sympathetic. Skye moves quickly towards the fireplace and scans the frames on top of the mantle.

“Wow,” she chuckles and shakes her head, “I never thought I’d see Ward acting like a human.”

“He’s very photogenic, isn’t he?” Jemma smiles and steps up next to her.

“Are these your parents?” Skye picks up one frame and gestures with it. It’s a picture from their wedding, a family photo she supposes, with Phil standing at Grant’s side and her parents at hers.

“Yeah.”

“You look like your mom.”

“You think so?”

“Oh my God, yeah.” Skye scoffs and looks at the picture more closely. “Your dress is gorgeous.”

“Thanks. I’m not usually a fancy sort of person but if I could wear it every day I would. I loved it the second I saw it.” She smiles as she thinks of her wedding dress. The off the shoulder sleeves, full ball gown, layers of tulle, how it seemed to fit her perfectly, how Grant never seemed to take his eyes off her that day.

She watches as Skye places the frame back on the mantle with little thought. When she moves onto the next frame, Jemma fixes the original’s position to the proper angle.

“I don’t think I ever realized that A.C. was this close to Ward. They never really elaborated.” Skye comments, tapping the picture of them grinning over beers at a baseball game. “I just thought he was like that with everyone.”

“He is but Grant is definitely different. He’s been with him ever since he was a teenager. They’re family.”

Skye’s gaze returns to the original photo, which only reaffirms Jemma’s point.

“It means a lot to him, how you helped find Coulson.” She stares at the picture as well and a melancholy expression forms. “If… if something were to happen to him, I know it would have wrecked him.”

“Really?”

“Last year when… well, I still don’t know how to describe it. When we thought he was dead, Grant did not take it well. We… we weren’t there when it happened. He was supposed to but he had gotten injured on another assignment and he hadn’t been cleared yet so we went to our house in Hawaii.”

“How many places do you have?”

Jemma smiles slightly but ignores the question.

“I think he felt responsible, you know thinking he could have stopped it if he had been there. I don’t think that would have even been possible. He never really came to terms with it but in true SHIELD fashion, they assigned him to a new SO and expected him to move on like nothing had happened. But he wasn’t just his SO. Grant loves Phil more than he loves his own father.”

“Sounds like he had a shitty childhood. I mean, just from what he mentioned about his brothers.”

“It definitely wasn’t easy from any angle. I shouldn’t be getting into that though. My point is, even though he didn’t show it, he was worried about him. We’re so grateful for what you did to get him back. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Grant isn’t the best at sharing his feelings.” She pauses as Skye laughs. “So I just wanted to make sure you know that we are thankful and you’ll always be welcome here so please don’t feel awkward or out of place.”

“Thanks Simmons.” Her voice is soft and she looks rather touched by the admission.

“You’re welcome.” She glances over her shoulder as the door swings open and immediately scowls. “What on earth are you doing!”

“Bringing in the groceries?” Grant replies as he kicks the door shut.

“You do know you have a broken hand and a gunshot to the shoulder, correct?”

“I believe it’s just a finger and it’s stitched up.”

“If you bleed all over my floor, I’m not helping you.”

“Sure thing.” He rolls his eyes as they both grab bags from him. “But if you insist, I won’t complain.”

* * *

Jemma begins to stir slowly when she feels Grant moving behind her.

“What are you- oh.” She trails off with a hum as he kisses the crook of her neck and his hand slides over her hip. “What time is it?”

“Almost 6.”

“In the morning?” She sounds slightly outraged but he chuckles against her shoulder. “I’m on vacation.”

“I figured Skye definitely would not be awake.”

“You’re injured.”

“Thank God I’m right handed.” He snaps the waist band of her pajama bottoms before his hand slips inside. “My mouth works fine too.”

“Remind me why I married you?”

“Pretty sure this is why.” He mutters as she moans softly.

“I mean it’s a good point.” She turns more onto her back and accepts the kiss he gives her. “Oh God, Grant,”

“Nice having space again, huh?”

“Mhmm. Still not sure I like you waking me up so early.”

“You’re always up this early.”

“Not on vacation. I’m not a lunatic like you.”

“Lunatic, huh?” He pulls his hand away and she glares at him through the darkness of their bedroom.

“Grant,”

“No, I mean, I don’t want to disturb your beauty rest.” He shrugs, smirking as she whines.

“Get over here.” She gives his t-shirt a tug. “I’m already awake so we might as well.”

“How terrible for you.”

“Absolutely horrible.”

“Sit up.” He orders and she lifts up enough for him to pull her top off. She drops back against the pillows with a sigh as he moves further down and tugs her bottoms down.

That’s right about the time they hear the smoke alarm begin blaring from downstairs.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He growls and glares at the door, as though that will reveal the cause of the alarm.

“Guess you don’t know her as well as you think.” Jemma chuckles as she reaches for her shirt.

“Yeah, keep laughing, but it’s likely your kitchen she’s fucking up because I definitely smell something burning.”

When they get downstairs, Skye is jumping up and down and waving a newspaper at the smoke alarm. A pan is on the stove with something - Jemma thinks it may have been a pancake at some point.

Skye turns slightly, then smiles awkwardly when she spots them in the doorway. Jemma, though concerned for the state of her kitchen, has a hand over her mouth as she tries not to giggle at the same. Grant simply looks exasperated.

“Hi. I hope I didn’t wake you. I just thought I’d express my gratitude by making you some breakfast.”

“Don’t.” He says, stepping forward to yank the paper out of her hand. She blushes deeply and looks apologetically towards Jemma.

“We appreciate the gesture.” She says as her husband looks at her incredulously. “But maybe another gesture would be better.”

“I could go get some doughnuts?”

“I don’t think the bakery is open yet but it’s up on the corner and is delicious. But only if you’re offering. Please don’t feel like you need to.”

“No, no. That sounds great.” Skye insists as Grant finally gets the alarm to stop beeping. “I’m going to go get dressed. Sorry. But think of this as good practice for when you have kids.”

Grant snorts as she runs from the kitchen.

“This is going to be a long three weeks.”

“Oh stop!” Jemma whacks him in the chest as she approaches the stove.

“Seriously. Probably not even going to have a house by the time we get back on the Bus. And God help us if we ever have a kid like her.” 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ Ah, Ward, if you’ve been locked up here for a month with those terrors on your own, I assume there is some type of liquor on the premises?”
> 
> “Cabinet over the sink.”
> 
> “Bless you. I’ll get a glass for everyone. How’s it been? They treating you okay? You look like shit.”

**_MONTH TWO_ **

A loud knock catches everyone’s attention. Grant tenses as Ben jumps off the couch.

“Mommy?”

“No, stay here.” He quickly moves to grab his son before he can approach the door. “Stay with your brother.”

Ben pouts but flops back onto the couch. Both boys peer curiously over the top and wait for Grant. He taps the panel next to the door and sighs quietly as he sees the group on the porch, then opens it to let Trip, Bobbi, and Hunter in.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes.” Trip comments, slapping Grant hard on the shoulder.

“Never thought I’d be so relieved to see you assholes.” He retorts.

“Love you too Ward.” Hunter rolls his eyes.

“Aunt Bobbi!” Drew jumps off the couch again and races towards her. Ben follows silently but keeps his distance as he lurks near the stairs.

“Hey kiddos!” She flashes a quick smile as she bends down to catch Drew in a hug.

“Did you bring Mommy with you?” He looks eagerly up at her. She hesitates and glances up at Grant, who looks completely tormented.

“I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” His smile falls instantly and looks ready to pull away. He seems to think better of it though and clings to Bobbi while burying his face in her shoulder.

“Benny, you want to come say hi?” Grant glances back at him but he shakes his head. Although he tries to hide it, his disappointment at their appearance, rather than Jemma’s, is obvious.

“What? No love for the two of us?” Hunter asks, gesturing between himself and Trip. “What’s the obsession with her?”

“There’s been a obvious lack of female influence around here the past month.” Grant mutters.

“Well, yeah, sure she classifies as a female but it’s not like I’d consider Bob maternal.”

She twists her head to glare up at them. Hunter backs away, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Tell you what.” She turns her attention back to Drew and pokes him gently. “Give me a few minutes with your dad and then I think I might have your mom’s cookie recipe memorized. Wanna give it a go?”

“There’s no ‘gredients.” He mumbles.

“That’s okay. We can always pick some up. I’m sure there’s a store somewhere nearby.” Bobbi glances at Grant again and he gives a nod of confirmation. “See? Go upstairs for now and then I’ll come get you when I’m done.”

Drew nods and turns, following Ben, who is already sprinting up the stairs.

“A month?” Bobbi hisses when they hear the door close. “What the hell is going on? Why didn’t you get in contact with us?”

“Because you went dark and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly SHIELD HQ up here.” Grant snaps back. “I didn’t call you up here to get a fucking lecture Bobbi.”

“Before we all start jumping down each other’s throats, let’s just take a breath and figure out what’s next.” Trip says, stepping between them.

“Fabulous idea.” Hunter interjects. “Ah, Ward, if you’ve been locked up here for a month with those terrors on your own, I assume there is some type of liquor on the premises?”

“Cabinet over the sink.” Grant mutters with exasperation.

“Bless you. I’ll get a glass for everyone. How’s it been? They treating you okay? You look like shit.”

“Hunter.” Bobbi glares at him and he throws his hands up again.

“I’m making conversation! I imagine it hasn’t been easy. He’s never been a single parent and he’s not exactly Simmons.” He says.

“What?”

“Well, he’s always used to Simmons taking the lead and she knows how to handle them on her own, with him being out on assignments. He’s out of his depth. It’s expected.”

There’s a long pause, then before any of them can blink, Grant punches him in the nose.

“Grant!”

“What the hell mate! I’m on your side here!” Hunter spits out as he braces himself on the wall. He cringes and touches his face gently, glaring when his fingertips come away with blood. “I just meant it must be hard!”

“Because I don’t know how to be a father right? Can’t do it without Jemma, _my wife_ , who’s fucking _missing_ and for all I know is-” Grant cuts himself off. He flexes his hand, then gets in another punch, this one landing on Hunter’s jaw.

“Enough!” Bobbi holds up her hands as Trip pulls Grant back. “You shut the hell up and you keep your damn hands to yourself. You wanna relieve some anger? Get a punching bag. I know we’re all concerned and I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now but it’s just the four of us and taking it out on each other isn’t going to help them. Alright?”

The guys all exchange silent glances.

“I may have been wrong.” Hunter says, sticking up a hand. “You definitely have that Mommie Dearest way about you.”

She rolls her eyes and storms towards the living room.

“I managed to get a copy of the surveillance tapes.” She says as they fall in line behind her. “Hopefully there’s something on it that explains. When was the last time you talked to any of them?”

“Twenty four days ago. Jemma called me. It was about two in the morning, said they were at a diner. What did you find when you went to the Playground?”

“Nothing. It was destroyed, some sort of explosive maybe. It was hard to get around but some areas weren’t as bad as others. Z1 wasn’t there. I’m skeptical this is even going to work. What diner?”

“She didn’t say.”

“Well, they must have taken Z1. Where would they have gone?”

“You’re assuming they flew to get food?” Hunter asks. He sits on the couch with his head tipped back on the cushion. “Yes, I can just see Coulson recommending to stop off in Philly for some cheesesteaks.”

“Or they went back after they ate.” Trip comments. “Got the Zephyr after. She didn’t say anything else?”

“Just that it was over, Aida was gone, and it was a long story she’d explain when she saw me.” Grant replies as Bobbi takes command of his laptop. She sticks in the USB and waits for it to load.

Files begin to populate and she clicks the view for the hangar, surely expecting to be able to see them all leave. The date at the corner shows April 20, 2021.

“Too soon.” Grant mutters. “Fitz got taken on the 25th. Jemma and Daisy hacked into the Framework that night. They were in there for ten days.”

Bobbi gives a short nod and begins to fast forward. Grant feels his chest clench as he stares at the screen, watching as they all zip in and out of the frame.

It feels like forever since he’s seen Jemma’s face and his hands curl tightly into fists as they reach the morning of the 25th, before everything went to hell. She’s leaning into the driver side window of one of the SHIELD trucks, talking to him, he remembers, and it feels surreal to be watching it, them laughing together, unaware of how it probably was the last time.

“Can’t you make it go any faster?” Trip asks.

“It’s a raw feed. I don’t have the option to move through the days.” Bobbi replies. Still, she clicks the fast forward again, as though it may speed up one more time.

It doesn’t and they watch as Aida appears that afternoon, facing down Grant, Jemma, Daisy, and Fitz. He knows Phil is in the corner, blocking another doorway, even though he can’t see him from this angle. Then the camera begins rumbling, all of the Playground rumbling, as Fitz steps forward and Daisy is screaming. He grabs Jemma as she steps forward, trying to keep from being involved and being hurt.

He looks down at his lap and he begins twisting his wedding ring - _one, two, three_ , until he loses count and Bobbi lets out a string of curses.

“Someone looped it.” She slams down the lid before he can confirm for himself. “Z1 never returns to the hangar and there’s no damage. You can see it glitch as it loops back.”

“Someone knew we would look for it.”

“Probably.”

“We can strip it, get the original feed back, can’t we?” Hunter asks.

“Not with just a laptop and not without Daisy or Fitz. At least not without a ton of challenges and it being time consuming. So what next?”

* * *

_**MONTH THREE** _

“I’ve never felt so fucking helpless before. I should be doing something and I’m just sitting here.”

“ _Are you serious_?” The connection freezes briefly but Trip looks incredulous over the video call. “ _Grant, you’ve got the most important piece in this_.”

He turns slightly to glance in through the sliding door, where the boys are sitting on the couch.

“ _We’ve got this part. I’m sorry that it’s taking so long. We have none of our usual resources. Trying to get in touch with some of our contacts but no luck_.”

“I know.”

“ _And there’s no other bases_?”

“None that I know of.”

“ _What I wouldn’t give for a Koenig to pop up_.” Trip mutters with a sigh. Grant cracks a small smile.

“And the Avengers Compound is out?”

“ _Heavy military presence. With Talbot being injured and that video… we don’t think we should risk it. From what we’ve seen, none of them are even there_.”

“Yeah.”

“ _Something is going to give. In the mean time, you just focus on the kids. That was the whole reason for splitting up. She wanted them safe with you, out of the way. You know she would put them over her any day._ ”

“But if there’s a chance of finding her, all of them,”

“ _That’s why we’re on the hunt. They’re your priority. How are they_?”

“Withdrawn. Angry. Ben’s trying to hide it but I can tell. Drew hardly talks these days.”

“ _They need a change of scenery. You go do anything? Get their minds off it_?”

“Not really. Just grocery runs.”

“ _Maybe something different will help_.”

He must make a face at that because Trip gives a shrug.

“ _I’m not going to tell you how to parent your kids. But you’re up in the mountains and there are just small towns around you right_?”

“Pretty much.”

“ _How much trouble can you get into? Even if you want to say that maybe going out isn’t a good idea, given the Talbot thing, I’d get that. But if I didn’t know you, I wouldn’t know I was looking at you. You’re pretty unassuming right now. Plus, you’ve been going out for groceries you said. Anyone say anything to you or look at you funny_?”

“No.”

“ _Take them rafting or fishing or something_.”

“Yeah, okay,” Grant snorts, then he sighs, “I’ll think about it.”

“ _It’s okay to be upset but if she saw all three of you withering away, she’d have some choice words for all of you_.” Trip comments. He tips his head in a ‘you know I’m right’ sort of way.

Soft knocks catch Grant’s attention and he sees Ben standing on the other side of the door, staring at him as he bangs his knuckles against the glass.

“I’m being summoned.”

“ _Tell them I said hi. I’ll call with any updates but if you need me, just reach out_.”

“Thanks.” He ends the connection, then stands up to enter the house. “What’s up?”

“What about dinner?”

“It’s 5:30. You hungry already?”

“Yeah.” Ben nods. A quick glance at Drew finds him to be indifferent.

Maybe it’s just his conversation with Trip, but Grant suddenly notices how pale both the boys are.

It was the nearing the end of July. Summer usually meant swimming and day trips to activities when their schedule allowed it. Even if they didn’t go some place exciting, afternoons in the backyard were more than enough. By this time of the year, they usually had a good tan going with the amount of time they spent outside.

God, Trip was right. Jemma would be kicking his fucking ass right now.

“How about we go out to eat?” He suggests. The boys look suspicious and he doesn’t blame them. His tone isn’t exactly inspiring any sort of confidence. He clears his throat and nods. “Yeah, come on. You’ve got to be sick of my cooking by now.”

* * *

“Alright, I have an iced tea and two apple juices.”

Grant looks up as the waitress returns to the table and places a glass in front of each of them. She sets the tray on the table next to them and smiles kindly.

“Do you all know what you’d like to get or do you need a few more minutes?” She glances over the boys, then her gaze lingers on him.

He shifts in his seat but she’s not looking at him with suspicion. He recognizes the admiring expression and he almost wishes she was ready to call the police on him instead.

“I think we need another minute.” He says, reaching for his iced tea, and makes sure to use his left hand. A subtle but hopefully obvious sign. The sun reflects off his wedding ring and she blinks but doesn’t falter.

“Of course! I’ll come back.” She glances at the boys again, then back to him. A sort of pity or sadness creeps into her gaze as she walks down the sidewalk to her other table.

He’s not sure what she thinks as she continues to glance back, checking if they’re ready to order.

Recently separated and the kids are reluctantly being dragged along with the weekend dad?

Recently widowed and none of them know how to function in society anymore?

Since there is no recognition as she watches them he decides to ignore it. 

Trip is right. Even though they were not involved with whatever attack occurred on Talbot, the military had put all their pictures out on wanted posters. Hunter had attempted to take them down but the last time Grant had checked, they were put up again.

His own was his old SHIELD ID photo, from before the Uprising. It had been a shock when he had seen it.

That Grant Ward felt like a lifetime ago. Not even thirty, probably a newlywed considering when it had been taken, no kids. His clean cut, hardened stare that Jemma always cackled at. A rising agent who thought he had seen shit but had no fucking clue.

He knows they could have gotten a more updated photo. Maybe someone felt like doing him a favor.

Regardless, it was worlds away from his current appearance. Beard grown in, with a hat and glasses combo that shouldn’t have worked as well as it did, exhaustion, and some kind of heaviness the waitress clearly picked up on.

“Still need a minute?” She creeps back over. She’s still smiling but that sympathy flicks back on when she looks at the boys, so quiet in their seats as opposed to the ruckus occurring four tables away.

“You ready?” He nudges them under the table.

“A cheeseburger please.” Ben finally says.

“You got it. Are fries okay? Or do you want something else?”

“Fries are okay.”

“Me too.” Drew mumbles.

“I guess you can make it three then.” Grant says, stacking up the menus and handing them to her. He finds her name tag and forces himself to smile. “Thanks Diana.”

“You’re welcome. You boys are easy to please. I’ll put those right in.”

After dinner, they cross the street to look in the bookstore.

“Pick out whatever you want.” He tells them. It’s a small store and he can see them from any point, so he lets them wander off down the wall on their own.

“Daddy, do we have this one?” Drew asks and the question startles him. He thinks it may have been more words than he said all week so far.

He’s holding up some book with a dog on the front, which he recognizes as a series his son enjoys.

“I don’t think so. The last one I remember was a blue cover.” Grant replies. Drew stares at it briefly, then tucks it into his elbow and keeps moving. Ben is still empty handed as he walks down the stacks.

There’s a small table set up near the window. Grant spots one title and picks it up. He glances at his sons and walks towards them.

“Find anything good?”

“No.” Ben mutters. He frowns when he looks at Grant and notices what he’s holding. “No.”

“No what?” He looks briefly confused, then follows his stare. He’s holding a copy of _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone_. “I know we didn’t bring your copy with us. I thought maybe we could start reading it again.”

“Put it back.”

“Benny,”

“I don’t want it!” He suddenly snaps and yanks it out of Grant’s hand, then proceeds to throw it across the room. It hits into a small display on a table in the corner, knocking a few other books off. “That’s mine and Mommy’s!” 

The commotion catches the attention of the man at the checkout, who glares at Grant.

“Go pick them up.” Grant says quietly. Ben glares defiantly back at him and crosses his arms. “Ben, pick it up. Now. And bring me back the book.”

A line of tears form as his mouth works angrily. He turns and stomps towards corner. He stacks the fallen books, then stomps back to Grant and smacks the copy of _Harry Potter_ into his palm.

“Drew, we’re leaving.”

He silently falls into line next to them and hands over the books he picked out. Grant blinks as he looks at them, then walks to the cash register.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, then glances back at Ben. “Right?”

“Sorry.” He stares down at the floor and sniffs.

“We’re not going to take this one.” Grant hands over the _Harry Potter_ copy, then the two Drew gave him. “Just these.”

Once they’re back in the truck, Grant collapses against the headrest and closes his eyes. He opens his mouth, then thinks better of it, and starts driving.

After a few minutes, he glances in the rear view mirror and spots Ben chewing on his lip as he tries desperately not to cry. The tears are falling anyway and he sucks in a loud, harsh breath.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He says quietly. “I just thought you’d like to have the book again.”

“Mommy reads it.” Ben says, which is true. She had introduced the boys to the series only a couple months before. It was their little routine for her to read with them. If he remembered correctly, they were five or six chapters into the first book. “I’m not reading it without Mommy.”

Grant doesn’t know what to say to that.

“What if she doesn’t come back?” Drew asks quietly.

“She is.” Ben insists.

“But what if?”

“No!”

“Guys, stop.” Grant raises his voice slightly to override the impending argument. They both fall silent and he sighs. His hands tighten around the steering wheel and his ring glints hopelessly at him. “We are going to just… take this day by day. I- no matter what happens, I know that Mommy wants us to get back into our routine. With everything.”

“How do you know?” Drew asks.

“Well, we’ve talked about it before but I know how Mommy thinks and what she wants. She wouldn’t be sad if you read a few chapters without her. She would be sad if we stopped doing things we like.”

“But she’s missing it.” Ben mumbles.

“I know baby but she’ll love hearing about it when she gets back.”

“I don’t think she is.” Drew whispers. Grant feels his chest clench and he can’t find the words to reassure them that that isn’t true.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. It’s yours. I just hope that you’re prepared for any outcome. We’ve gotten used to playing with these different boundaries. It can be dangerous, risky… addictive. You should be grateful for what you still have. It’s painful to lose our loved ones but we can’t keep playing God.”

Grant nearly slows to a stop as he approaches his office. He can vaguely make out a silhouette behind the curtain, which is usually always pulled up to look out into the command center.

His hand goes to the ICER at his hip as he slowly pushes the door open. Then, he immediately sighs as he sees the person, scowling while he closes the door.

“Do you ever work?” Simmons asks from the couch. Her exasperated tone makes her deadpan expression seem even worse than usual. “I’ve been sitting here for almost an hour.”

“Yeah out around the building. What are you doing here?” He glances around, all his internal alarms sounding. He cannot take another fucking crisis. He’s barely just managing to keep them all together at the moment.

“You messaged me.” She points out as she stands.

“Four months ago.”

“Well, I’m not Hermione. It did take me some time to put together what you asked for.”

“You have it?”

“Why else would I be here?” She reaches into her pocket and at first he sees nothing, then a small case expands in her palm.

“Thought maybe you had another multi-verse disaster on your hands.” He shrugs. He opens the case and stares at the vials inside. “It works?”

“As far as I can tell. All the test subjects survived.”

“No side effects?”

“No.”

“And it will actually work here, considering it’s from… yours?”

“Everything that I’ve seen implies all biological make ups are exactly the same, regardless of the reality. I’ve come to see it as branches, all from one main tree. Composition is the same, scenarios can vary. Nothing I used is different from anything you have here.”

“Thank you.”

“It was the least I could do. Given everything your team has done for the greater good.” Her voice softens as she closes the case and tightens her fist around it. The gesture surprises him and causes him to blink. _Hadn’t she just said_? “I’m sorry for what you’ve all encountered. Truly I am. But has it occurred to you that this may not go the way you hope?”

It has. First, as time moved on, he had lost hope that she would even respond.

And if it’s not too late, he’s afraid that he’ll be roadblocked by pure stubbornness.

But he has to at least try.

Before…

Before had been a necessity, the key to stopping all this shit. He didn’t like it but he understood.

Now, it was done, and if they could, they could fix the other pieces too.

“Did you bring it here just to fuck with me?” He asks and she rolls her eyes.

“No. It’s yours. I just hope that you’re prepared for any outcome. We’ve gotten used to playing with these different boundaries. It can be dangerous, risky… addictive.” Her eyes flick to the corner of his desk, to the picture of the four of them at Daisy and Fitz’s wedding. She swallows, then looks at him again. “You should be grateful for what you still have. It’s painful to lose our loved ones but we can’t keep playing God.”

“So you think we shouldn’t give a sick person medication to help them get better?”

“I don’t think we should be hopping realities to find the solution. If you didn’t know I existed, that would be the end of it. And if it doesn’t work or he refuses or it’s too late, what then? It’s not as though you can pluck him from another timeline. I’ve gone down that road before. It doesn’t help. At some point, we have to move on.”

She glances at the picture again, of a Jemma and a Fitz with other spouses and very evidently in love with those spouses. Even after years of knowing about their lives, it still apparently hurt her to know there were places in the universe where they didn’t choose each other.

“I appreciate the advice.” He says after a long pause.

“Liar.” She smirks at him but there is a vaguely fond expression in her eyes. “Anyway, if you do have the chance to try it, just inject it directly into the bloodstream.”

“Should this be enough?” He accepts the case when she finally hands it over. “I don’t know how… severe things are.”

“Yes. Our Tony had quite an injury but this is rather potent and worked fine.”

“Just fine?”

“He’s back to his normal self.”

He tries to think back, to the last time he held something like this, and gives a short nod. It had been just a few vials as well, back then, but it had done its job, even if Jemma was annoyed at the lack of leftovers.

“I just don’t want to have to bother you again.”

“I’ll leave the line open but maybe multi-verse emergencies only.” The corner of her mouth lifts as they hear a knock on the door. “I guess that’s my cue.”

“Thanks again. I do appreciate it.” He stares down at the case, then back up. She nods in understanding then pulls back her sleeve to program the device she wears. “See you around?”

“Hopefully not. Tell Jemma I said hello.”

* * *

“What are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too.” Grant retorts and pulls off his sunglasses. He approaches the bungalow from where he landed the quinjet further down the beach. May looks less than pleased to see him. Or maybe she was. He still can’t tell the difference between her expressions. “I am allowed to visit him.”

“You haven’t.”

“Seriously, May? I’ve kind of got a lot on my plate. You know I reach out when I can.”

“Exactly so why are you here, in person, thousands of miles away from your responsibilities? You shouldn’t be here.”

He holds up the case from Simmons and she scowls even further.

“I don’t even want to know what that is.”

“It’s for him.”

“He made his choice.”

“No, he made his choice thinking that was the only option he had. If he knew we could get other dosages, maybe he would have changed his mind. He sacrificed himself twice over for the rest of us. With Aida and then with Talbot. Because that’s what we needed to beat them both and he knew that. The loop is broken now. There’s no reason not to help him.”

“You can’t force him to take it.”

“He deserves to know he has an option.”

“Grant, at some point, you need to let him go.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not ready for that. Not without a fight at least. You gonna tell me you think differently?” He ignores the sympathetic tone she uses. When May was dishing out sympathy, you knew it was bad.

“I’m respecting his decisions.”

“Then we’ll give him another to make. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“What is it?”

“Same as last time.”

“How did you get it?”

“Called in a favor.”

Her jaw tightens as she grits her teeth but she doesn’t move out of the doorway.

“Do you want him to die?” He asks coldly and she glares even more at him. He almost takes a step back.

For all the joking that Melinda is the group’s mother, she truly was, and this look is no exception to that. A piece of him feels like he suddenly fucked up but he’s come too far to literally have her block him. But yeah, not a good move on his part.

He’s surprised she doesn’t twist it and ask if _he_ wants to die because she’s surely contemplating murdering him right about now.

“How could you say something like that!”

“Because I don’t fucking understand!”

“You don’t understand that he was forced to come back last time without a choice? That he’s made peace with this?”

A loud coughing from the open window catches both their attention and she looks briefly pained at the sound.

“It’s not his time.” Grant says and she scoffs at that, shaking her head. “I’m not ready for this.”

“Neither am I but this isn’t about us!”

“Of course it is! It’s about all of us. He’s still needed and right here is the way to fix all of this.”

“You are trying to force this to go the way you want and get him back in SHIELD.”

“That’s not true.”

“Hasn’t he done enough? Given enough?”

“Oh so death is better than retirement? He doesn’t have to come back to SHIELD. Neither do you. This is a chance for the two of you to actually live, away from all of that. Go travel, spend time together, be overbearing grandparents, or if you want, be agents again. Whatever. I don’t care what you choose. But at least let him know. If he says no, I’ll toss this shit in the ocean and we don’t have to talk about it again. Why are you so against this? You know he’ll say yes.”

“He’ll say yes for the wrong reasons.”

“It’s his choice. If we’re going to respect his choice to die, then we can respect his choice to live too. Just please let me see him.”

There’s a long silence before May climbs down the porch and slips a pair of sunglasses on.

“I’m going for a walk.” She mutters. “The door is unlocked.”

He takes a moment, then enters the house. It’s not very big, just a kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom. Despite all the mental preparation, he’s still not ready for how terrible Phil looks.

It’s depressing to say the least.

He’s mid cough when Grant stops in the doorway. Once he finishes and sighs, he looks up blearily and groans.

“Am I hallucinating?”

“That’d be a terrible hallucination to have.” He forces a smirk onto his face as he approaches the side of the bed. 

“What did you do to Melinda?”

“What makes you think I’d be able to do something? I thought she was going to drown me.”

“She’s worse than a warden.” Phil coughs again and tries to sit up a little more as Grant lowers himself onto the mattress.

“Stop. You’re fine. How are you feeling?”

“Like a million bucks. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Needed to get away. If you thought living on a plane with Jemma and Daisy on a regular day was bad, it has nothing on living underground with them while pregnant and both of them hating my guts.”

Phil starts to laugh weakly and shakes his head.

“How are they?”

“Tough as nails.”

“Fitz?”

“No word from the others yet. It’ll be fine.” Grant sighs and glances down at his lap. “You know, Jemma said you only had a few weeks to live.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Are you just hanging on to prove her wrong?”

“Jackass. Seriously, what’s going on?”

“I brought you something.” He sets the case on the bed between them and opens the lid.

“Grant.”

“Look, I read your letter. If you went through the trouble of a brain scan for a possible LMD and swore my wife to secrecy about it, you didn’t exactly prefer the dying option. You thought it was a last resort and thought up a contingency plan just in case we needed you. Well, we need you. _I_ need you and I’d much rather have the human version. Plus, I’ve got enough going on that I don’t need to also have a conversation with my kids about how Pop turned into a robot. So I made sure it wasn’t a last resort and this one comes free of the risk of losing your mind so there’s that added bonus.”

“You shouldn’t have done this.”

“It took me about five minutes after we left you here to realize that it was wrong. Not for your decision of retiring, but for dying. And you knew it or you wouldn’t have been plotting with Jemma for alternatives. So why not live it yourself and lose some more hair and actually get old instead of getting rusty and broken up for spare parts?”

“Because then I don’t have to listen to this bullshit. I could power down when I was sick of you.” He mutters, making Grant scoff.

“Dad,” he starts, feeling a little more than wicked for playing that card, but he means it and Phil’s hand clasps gently over his own.

“Why’d you do it?”

“Because I couldn’t stop it the first time and if there was a chance, I wanted you to have it.” He drops his head and lets out a rough laugh. He rubs his free hand over his eyes. “And because I feel completely helpless and need you. I feel like an asshole. Thirty eight years old and goddamn director of a government agency and there’s still times I feel like I need you to tell me the right thing to do. Give me the answers. And your unsolicited advice that drives me insane. I’m not expecting you to come back but knowing I wouldn’t be able to just pick up a phone and ask you for help was killing me. And you knew that because you thought about an LMD. But it’s not the same. It wouldn’t have been you. Losing you once was- was hard enough.”

He stops for a moment and swallows hard as Phil’s grip tightens on his hand.

“There were so many things that I wanted to tell you when you were leaving and I couldn’t. And then you were gone and I read your letter and,” he shakes his head and runs his hand over his mouth. He happens to glance up and sees how red Phil’s eyes are, no doubt matching his own. “I never thanked you. For any of it. I’ve always been grateful but I never said it and I never thought there would be a way I could repay you. And I let you leave not knowing that.”

“I knew it.”

“No. No, you don’t. I had nothing and when you came and got me, I was such an asshole for so long but you never gave up on me. You gave me opportunities that no one ever did or cared to. And you didn’t have to. You were this rising agent, some single guy who could’ve spent his nights picking up women, but you took in a scared sixteen year old and made him into someone so much more than that. Everything that I am and have is because of you. The person I am, the… the father I am, the husband. That’s _you_. Every lesson and advice and word of encouragement- it all led to right here. I wouldn’t have any of it. I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t have my family and I know I wouldn’t because I’ve seen the other options.

“I constantly think of the other timelines and who those Grants are and I want to just punch them and ask what the fuck are you doing. They have potential and they’re wasting it or using it on the wrong thing and they have nothing. Nothing that really matters at least. And I realized that in all those versions, you weren’t there. Of all the versions I saw or heard about, where I’m at least a semi-good person, you had a hand in it. I was ready to accept your decision and then I read the letter and I couldn’t just sit back and let you die, without exhausting all the options. I had to try. It was the least I could do after all this time.” He coughs and clears his throat, then flashes a weak smirk. “Anyway, you uh, you’re always telling me to use my words so I figured I’d give it a go. I’ll respect whatever you decide but I really hope you take it. There’s so much for you to be a part of and to experience and you shouldn’t have to be a martyr anymore.”

There’s a long pause before Phil begins to speak quietly.

“I meant every word that I wrote. Watching who you turned out to be… I don’t think I ever expected how well it would go. I am so proud of you. My first kid.” He smirks slightly as Grant lets out a laugh. He tightens his hand over his again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He mutters, then feels his heart stop as Phil lets go of his hand and closes the case.

“Can you give me some time to think it over?”

“Do… do you have time to think it over?”

“I think I can manage a few hours.”

* * *

“ _Hello darling_ ,”

“Hi. I didn’t wake you, did I? It’s after midnight there.”

“ _When have you ever known me to be asleep before midnight?_ ”

“True. I… don’t think I’ll be back by the morning.”

“ _I could have told you that. Why?_ ”

“Well, May told me I was eating dinner whether I liked it or not and to get out of her damn way until then.” He mutters as he lays back in the hammock and stares up at the sky. Jemma giggles on the other side of the phone. “Phil is still deciding.”

“ _I see_.”

“I just don’t want to up and leave. I need to… see this through. Either he takes it or… I don’t think he has long.”

“ _You don’t have to explain darling._ ”

“I shouldn’t be leaving everything in your lap, especially right now.”

“ _It’s rather quiet at the moment._ ”

“Well now you just jinxed it.”

“ _And do we really need to have this discussion again? I’m pregnant. That doesn’t render me useless._ ”

“You don’t need the stress of being Director of SHIELD.”

“ _I think I can manage a few nights just fine. Do you think Peggy Carter, our founder, who happened to be British, gave up her role while pregnant?_ ”

“I highly doubt it.”

“ _Exactly. We’re tough women. Besides, who else are you going to leave in charge? The boys?_ ” She retorts, getting a chuckle out of him. “ _I’m fine. Stop worrying. How are you? Did you get to say everything you needed to say?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Good. Good. Regardless of what happens next, I think that was for the best. It’ll… make things easier I think. Where are you now?_ ”

“Ah, currently, I’m laying in a hammock between two palm trees watching the sun set over the Pacific.”

“ _Oh. That sounds dreadful._ ”

“It’s horrible.” He agrees and trails off into silence, unsure of what to say next.

“ _Grant_ ,”

“Yeah?”

“ _You did everything you could. The rest is up to him._ ”

“No I didn’t. I could just stab him with it and all of this would be over.”

“ _But you know if it’s against his wishes, he’d be furious with you. That’s why you won’t._ ”

“Could you stop being so smart? Thanks.”

“ _Can’t help that I’m a genius._ ” She replies. When he doesn’t speak again, she sighs. “ _You know that if you need me or just want to talk, you can call me. I don’t care if it’s three AM over here._ ”

“I know. I’ll keep you updated.”

“ _Alright. I love you._ ”

“I love you too. Good night.” He ends the call, then tosses his phone into the hammock next to him. He glances back at the bungalow, then closes his eyes with a sigh, and listens to the waves crashing nearby.

* * *

“You know, I think being a beach bum suits you.”

Grant frowns, then opens his eyes slightly. It’s dark now and he’s surprised to find that he dozed off.

He’s even more surprised to see Phil standing next to him. Still exhausted and weak looking but he’s standing and is outside. He sits up slightly, blinking in disbelief, then rubs his eyes just to make sure.

Still there, smirking a little in amusement. He feels a lump in his throat and lets out a quiet laugh. 

“You took it.”

“You made some valid points. This doesn’t mean I’m coming back. Not yet. We’ll see around Christmas. Maybe Thanksgiving.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m afraid she’s not… very… well, to put it quite simply, she’s a bossy know it all.”
> 
> “Wow. I don’t know where she gets it from.”

Jemma tries to creep into the room without causing too much of a distraction. Her daughter, however, spots her instantly.

Lily’s face lights up with excitement, a huge turnaround from the bored expression she was previously wearing, and waves enthusiastically. She smiles back and gives a small wave, then points at her teacher to insinuate for the girl to continue to pay attention. She heaves a big sigh but looks back to the front of the class.

Kindergarten started two weeks ago and the school was holding an open house for parents to come visit. Jemma was more than happy to participate.

She had been nervous about sending her baby off into the world, especially given how differently they had handled Ben and Drew’s schooling for the first few years. But life had changed drastically since then and she and Grant agreed this would be the best option.

“Go ahead and work on your sheets. Let me know if you have any questions.” The teacher says as Jemma sits in a chair at the back of the class. The seat puts Lily in her direct line of sight and she watches as her daughter scribbles furiously on the paper, tongue caught in her teeth as she concentrates. She glances over the others in her square and frowns.

“You can use other shapes too.” Jemma hears her say a short while later. “It says draw a shape with more sides than a triangle. How come you all just made squares? I made a nonagon. That has nine sides.”

Lily’s voice is loud enough that it catches the teacher’s attention. A strained smile crosses her face as she approaches the little quad.

“Lily, it’s time for everyone to work on their sheets now. Let them answer the questions themselves. There’s no wrong answer for that.”

“Actually, if they say a circle that’s wrong because circles don’t have sides.” She replies. Jemma swears Miss Henderson’s eyes glaze over. She clears her throat and looks a little exasperated.

“Okay, sweetie. Go ahead and finish your sheet now.”

“Already done.”

“Really?” She looks skeptical and turns the paper towards her. She scans the questions and swallows as she looks up again. “Ah. Well, um,”

“Can I go say hi to my mommy?”

Miss Henderson looks up and locks eyes with Jemma, who smiles and waves hesitantly.

“Actually, I’d like to talk to your mom for a minute.”

Well, that was never a good sign. The young woman tries to smile cheerfully as she approaches.

“Hi Mrs. Ward! It’s really nice to see you again!”

“You too!” They shake hands as Jemma stands. “And I- well, it’s actually Dr. Ward.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite alright! I’m not picky but after working on two PhDs, you tend to appreciate the acknowledgment.”

“…right.” Miss Henderson says slowly. She has the same expression she gave Lily and Jemma suddenly realizes what’s happening. “Do you mind stepping outside with me for a moment?”

* * *

“I was wondering where you were hiding.”

Jemma glances up as she hears Grant’s voice, accompanied by the loud yapping of their dog. He kneels down to scoop Minnie into his arms and she whines as she scrambles to lick his face.

“It’s such a nice night out. I thought maybe we’d grill. Probably going to be one of the last chances before the fall comes.”

“Sounds good.” He sits down next to her as he rubs Minnie’s ears and leans over to kiss her. “How did Lil’s class go? I really wanted to be there. They have another one tomorrow right?”

“Yes, they do.” She sighs and stares across the backyard. “Maybe you’ll fare better than I did.”

“She wasn’t happy to see you?”

“She was thrilled to see me. Miss Henderson… not so much. And honestly, I understand. Poor thing is barely out of college and trying her best and gets that one as a student.” She throws her hand out towards where Lily is sprawled in the grass as she colors.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m afraid she’s not… very… well, to put it quite simply, she’s a bossy know it all.”

“Wow. I don’t know where she gets it from.” He starts laughing and lets Minnie down carefully. She sprints off, ears flopping behind her, as she races towards the little girl.

“I’m glad you find it so funny. They were studying maths when I walked in and she looked positively bored. And then sped through her worksheet, which was perfect, and then proceeded to chastise her group for not knowing shapes bigger than a square. Miss Henderson pulled me into the hall and explained this is a rather common occurrence and she’s not quite sure what to do with her. She flies through everything she’s given and is… eager to teach the others instead… and point out where they’re wrong.” 

“And again, where does she get it from?”

“Grant, I’m serious! I’m worried about her.”

“What shape did she want them to use?”

“The question was draw a shape that has more sides than a triangle. As she stated, there could be any number of answers, except a circle.”

“She’s not wrong. What did she put? A pentagon?”

“A nonagon.” She replies. When he blinks, she adds, “It has nine sides.”

“Yeah, I know. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s not that it’s a problem. I’m thrilled we have such intelligent children but… I think she’s more advanced than Ben and Drew were at this point. And she reminds me so much of myself. I just… I accepted how she was, you know? That’s just Lily and I never questioned it. Yes, she completely blows me away at points, but until I saw her with other children her age, I don’t think it actually clicked. I knew she was advanced of course and she speaks very well but I just attributed that to how much time we focused on her and we never played into that baby talk with any of them but she really does grasp things that no five year old should. I caught her reading Ben’s science book the other night. She explained photosynthesis to me. In detail.”

“Damn. I can’t even do that. Be happy she has your brains.”

“And I am.” She insists but a melancholy expression passes over her face. “I am so proud of her but I know what that level of intelligence comes with. I was lonely as a child. I didn’t have any siblings and it took me a while to realize that other kids found me odd. And… I love my parents, you know I do, but I felt pressure from them to be a certain way and always strive to be the best and I remember being very anxious. I don’t want any of that for her. I saw how they were looking at her today and she had no idea. She thinks she’s being helpful but it can definitely be taken the wrong way. I don’t want her to alienate herself. I don’t ever want her to feel like she can’t reach her full potential but I also don’t want her to feel like she has to either. It’s okay to be average. Or slightly above average.”

“Says the woman with two PhDs before she was sixteen.” He smiles fondly at her and she sighs as she leans against his shoulder, curling her arms around his.

“That’s exactly my point. I may have come off exactly the same way when I corrected the teacher.” She mutters, making him laugh quietly. “I moved through grades so quickly and even though mentally I was on that level, I wasn’t socially. Interacting with others was hard for me and I wonder if it was all worth it, just for the education piece. I missed out on a lot of typical milestones and… I suppose I turned out _fine_ …”

“… _you suppose_?”

“I want her- all of them, really- but I want her to have a normal childhood. As close as they can get with parents like us. Am I a horrible mother?”

“For wanting the best for your kids?”

“But what is the best? Shouldn’t we encourage her to meet her maximum potential?”

“Yeah, at a pace that works for her. She doesn’t have to skip three grades.”

“What if she does? You should have seen her face when I walked in there. Like, _really, this is the best you can do_?” She sighs as he starts laughing again. “It’s not funny!”

“It is. I’m sorry. You’re making valid points but you don’t see she is exactly like you? I feel like Miss Henderson every day. She says something and it takes my brain a moment to process what she’s said and in the mean time, she’s looking at me with the little glare you normally give like _what the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you speak English_?”

“Do I really?”

“You can be very judgmental depending on the situation. But I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere Agent Ward.”

“Weird. It usually does Dr. Ward.” He smirks. She rolls her eyes but tips her head up to kiss him. He turns slightly to hold her better.

For a few moments, they are uninterrupted until they hear a crash from inside the house, then pounding foot steps as the boys sprint through the sliding door and out into the yard.

“I think a herd of elephants just went by.”

“What did you break?” Jemma calls out.

“Nothing!”

“And why are you running through the house?”

“Sorry!”

“If she is me, they are definitely you.”

“Oh, 100%.” Grant agrees with a firm nod.

“You don’t have to look so smug about it.”

“Sorry. Hey! What do you three want to eat? Burgers or hot dogs?”

“Chicken!” Lily shouts back.

“That wasn’t an option!”

“How about both?” Drew calls.

“What do you think this is? A restaurant?”

“We’re growing boys!” Ben says, prompting a yeah from his sister. “What’s the point of having that big ass grill if you’re only going to cook one thing?”

“Don’t use that type of language please!” Jemma calls. “Come on, I’ll help you bring all that out.”

“Going back to Lily for a minute, you don’t need to worry.” Grant says as they step into the house. “I know it’s easy to project onto her but we’ll figure it out. You might think you turned out just fine but I find you to be fucking fantastic and if our daughter turns out to be even half the woman you are, she’s damn lucky.”

“Grant,” her expression softens as he pulls her in close by the waist.

“I’m serious. We’ve got a good crew. I’m not ashamed to say there are some kids out there who are fucking assholes and with those Ward genes, we’re lucky ours aren’t.”

“Oh stop it! You’re horrible.” She smacks him on the chest and twists out of his hold.

“It’s the truth. She’s going to be great.”

“I know she is but it’s the path to get there is what concerns me.”

“Whatever happens along the way, we’ll make it work and give her what she needs. She’s going to know what she wants for herself soon and we can take that into consideration. Real wants I mean. Like if she wants a PhD at thirteen, not eating ice cream for breakfast half the week. Craziness is a sign of being a genius right?”

“I don’t want her to be sixteen before she finds a friend.”

“She has friends. She’s got Ben and Drew and Annie and Colin.”

“Those are family members and while it’s more than I ever had, it’s not the same. Besides Ben and Drew are going to be in college or the Academy or wherever soon. Annie and Colin are in London. She’s practically on her own.”

“Do you want to try for another one? Give her some company closer to her own age?”

“Are you out of your bloody mind? We are absolutely not having another baby!”

“Geez, okay. It was just a suggestion. She will have real friends. I promise. We might just need to teach her some manners first.”

* * *

“So you want me to pretend that I don’t know what our lesson is already?” Lily looks skeptical and glances between her parents.

“Ah,” Grant looks across the table helplessly as Jemma freezes in dishing out macaroni salad.

“Of course not! That’s not what we’re saying sweet pea. We’re just saying perhaps not… be so boisterous about it. You know how you get upset if it takes you a few tries to get something but Benny and Drew already know it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that may be how your classmates are feeling.”

“I’m feeling like we definitely were not cared about this much.” Ben mutters around a mouthful of cheeseburger.

“We weren’t geniuses like Princess Lily.” Drew retorts.

“Would you two shut up? Your mother and I are trying to have a serious conversation.”

“I think it’s wonderful that you want to help them learn but everyone learns at different paces and sometimes not everyone likes to get help. There are ways to… behave in those scenarios.”

“Like how?” Lily frowns.

“Well, for example, take today. You drew a different shape than your friends did. And that was perfectly fine but the way you spoke to them was… a bit much. Next timed maybe try saying something like… _did you know the other shapes you can use? Would you like me to tell you?_ Offering your assistance may come across better than… just… blurting it out that they’re wrong or could do better.”

“But I didn’t say that.”

“You’re right but your… tone was a little… well, we always just want to be as nice as possible to everyone.”

“So… because she’s smarter than them, she shouldn’t make them feel bad about themselves and dumb herself down to their level?” Ben says.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Jemma argues. “Okay, here’s an idea. You know how Daddy likes to gloat when he’s winning a game?”

“I don’t gloat.”

“Well, that can be seen as being a sore winner. We all know Daddy is the best but he doesn’t need to make it obvious. How does that sound?”

“I have to be respectful.” Lily says firmly.

“Yes! That’s perfect darling. You should never be ashamed of your talents. There’s always going to be someone who is the best in a situation and that’s okay. But if we see our friends are a little sad, it’s okay to pull back a bit. And Miss Henderson is such a lovely lady and a very good teacher. She puts a lot of work into her lessons. You also need to be respectful to her too. If you know the answer or you finish your work, you need to be quiet so the others can have the same chance.”

* * *

Later in the evening, Jemma sits alone out near their pool and lies back in one of the loungers. She lifts her head slightly as she hears footsteps and smiles as she sees Lily coming towards her.

“Daddy said it’s time for bed.”

“Did he? I suppose it is about that time, isn’t it?”

“Mhmm.”

“Would you like to sit with me for a moment?” She holds out her arms as her daughter nods and climbs onto her lap. Lily sighs and snuggles close to her chest.

“It smells like Daddy.” She mumbles, making Jemma chuckle.

“I stole it from him.” She tips her head down, enough to press her nose to the collar of the Academy sweatshirt. Sure enough, a scent that was unmistakably her husband’s hits her. “Don’t tell him, okay?”

“Okay.” Lily squirms a bit. “I’m sorry I was bad Mommy.”

“Oh, honey, you weren’t bad.” She sighs and kisses the top of her head. “School is so new to you. Once you get into a routine, you’ll know the proper way to act. And it’s not to say you weren’t proper at all. I know you’re just eager to share what you know with everyone and to learn more. We just need to be mindful, that’s all.” 

“I just get so bored. And if I don’t know it, then I figure it out really fast. It’s not hard.”

“I know how you feel.”

“You do?”

“Mhmm. I was just like you when I was your age. I felt like my brain was always going very fast and I was able to figure out things very quickly. It can be frustrating when we’re not challenged, isn’t it?”

“I don’t like waiting for everyone else. I wish they could be quick too.”

“That might not always be the case. You shouldn’t worry about what the others are doing. You just focus on your work instead.”

“But when I’m done, Miss Henderson says I need to wait for everyone else. And that’s when I get bored because I just have to sit there.”

“Maybe it would be a good idea to check your answers again. It’s always good to practice.”

“What did you do if you got bored?”

“Oh.” Jemma chuckles and looks up at the sky. “I’m afraid I was a bit naughty at times.”

“You were?”

“Mhmm. I would sneak in books and hide them in my schoolbooks so my teacher would think I was working or I’d do my lesson and then I’d draw constellations in my notebook.”

“Did you get in trouble?”

“Well, a little bit, but my teacher realized what was happening. After a while, my mum and dad thought I needed to learn more so I moved up a few grades. So, if I was supposed to be in grade two, I’d actually be in grade four.”

“Did it help?”

“In some ways.”

“Can I do that?”

“Not right now. You’re going to have so much fun in kindergarten with your friends. As you get older, we’ll consider options. But right now, school just started, so let’s get used to that first.”

“Fine.” Lily sighs as if she’s suffering, which makes Jemma shake her head.

“Daddy and I are always going to make sure you have what you need. We’ll talk with your teacher and decide what’s best. Maybe she can have some extra worksheets for you, in case you finish early. And sometimes when you come home, I can teach you some things too. But I also want you to have fun, okay? It’s very good to learn and work hard but in moderation. As you get older, you’ll learn how to balance it out.”

“Okay.”

“I’m so proud of you Lil. You amaze me every day. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, good. Ready to head up to bed now? I’m sure Daddy is eagerly awaiting the next part of the princess saga.”

“Yes.” Lily sits up and pushes her hair out of her face. “I will try my best to be good Mommy.”

“Thank you darling. That’s all I ask for. Be kind and try your best.” Jemma smiles and taps her nose gently.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’ve been engaged for almost two months and we haven’t even started to consider planning a wedding. I haven’t, at least. I don’t know where to start or what to do and… I’m not the least bit concerned over it. It’s as though there are other things that are taking priority in my mind. You deserve someone who can at least pretend that they want to be married.”
> 
> “Well, I think being married and planning a wedding are two separate things. Frankly, if it were up to me, we’d skip the party and elope.”

“Oh, this is it!”

“Simmons, I really don’t think I should be here for this.”

She spins away from the window to look at Fitz and frowns when she sees how uncomfortable he looks.

“It’s a clothing store.”

“It’s a _wedding dress_ store. What the bloody hell am I going to do?”

“Give your opinion. You’re my gentleman of honor, aren’t you?”

“Yeah but that was supposed to be… honorary. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do and you never listen to my opinion when you ask about your regular outfits so why this one?”

“Well, who else am I going to bring? It’s not like Grant can come and my mum isn’t exactly right down the road.”

“So I’m the last resort.”

“Of course not! You’re my best friend. Your opinion matters.”

“I don’t know a bloody thing about dresses. And look, there aren’t any guys in there.”

“Don’t make this a gender thing. Please. It’s archaic and silly superstitions, which are hardly based in logic.” She grabs his hand and he grimaces.

“If you think that, then why can’t you bring your fiancé?” He retorts causing her cheeks to flush.

“It’s not like you’re going to be in the dressing room. You just get to sit there and say yes or no. I don’t want to do this by myself.”

“Maybe you should get some girl friends.”

“Maybe but it’s a little late for that now.” She shrugs, unable to hide the hurt in her expression. He closes his eyes in exasperation but allows her to drag him through the door.

It’s loud inside. Several other women are scattered about, with groups of bridesmaids and mothers surrounding them, and workers chatting as they took measurements.

Two women are behind the counter near the front of the store and look up as Jemma approaches, dragging Fitz along, with a determined expression on her face.

“Hi, can we help you?” The younger smiles politely while the older pops her gum and watches with a curious gaze.

“Hi! Yes, I have an appointment. Jemma Simmons.”

“Oh! You’re my two o’clock. Hi, I’m Shelly. Nice to meet you.” Her smile widens as she extends her hand over the counter. Jemma lets go of Fitz to shake her hand.

“You too.” She notices that they both glance at him. “Oh, this is Fitz.”

“Honey,” the older woman chuckles and clicks her tongue, “you’re supposed to leave the groom at home for this one.”

“Oh, he’s not the groom. He’s the gentleman of honor. So where do we begin?”

“Jemma,” Fitz squirms uncomfortably next to her as the woman eyes with him with surprise and curiosity.

“Fitz, it’s fine.” She insists.

“We can start by pulling some dresses that you’re interested in. Do you know which style you’d prefer?” Shelly rounds the side of the counter, as does the other woman. “Patricia will be shadowing me today. Is that okay?”

“Yes, it’s fine. Ah, I hadn’t given it much thought to be honest. I’m not normally a dress type of girl and we just moved back from New York and I’m busy with work. I’m afraid I haven’t had much time for wedding ideas.” Jemma rambles as they approach the first rack of dresses. She turns and hands Fitz her bag, hardly sparing him a glance, and he stands awkwardly to the side.

“That’s okay! When are you getting married?”

“Oh. Well, we haven’t actually set a real date at the moment. Sometime next year. Or the following. Maybe around autumn.” She frowns as she examines a gown with heavy beading down the front. “Oh. This is… not quite me. Something simple I think. Not a lot of decoration, if any. Comfortable. Easy to move in. Practical. Right?”

She glances at him and he gives a shrug.

“But then again, it is my wedding. I suppose I should put out a bit more effort than I normally do.”

“No! It’s your wedding. You do what you want to do. Chuck all those expectations out the window.” Shelly reassures her.

“You certainly have already!” Patricia laughs.

“Bloody hell.” Fitz mutters, low enough that only Jemma hears him. She glares at him and moves into the next aisle.

“What do you think Grant would like?” She calls.

“How should I know?”

“You’re his friend. You know how he thinks.”

“Does anyone know how Ward thinks? Besides, you’re the one marrying him. Shouldn’t you know how he thinks?”

“Of course I know how he thinks.” She scoffs. “But this is also the man who thinks I’m pretty when I just rolled out of bed. He’s hardly a trusted source. You, on the other hand, can always be relied on for criticism. This is nice.”

She pulls a dress out and turns as he rounds the corner.

“That’s hideous.” He promptly states.

“See!”

“So you’re friends with the groom?” Patricia asks.

“No. Well, yeah, but I’m on her side.” Fitz gestures to Jemma, who has moved further down.

“Fitz and I have been best friends since… school.” She explains. “He became friends with my fiancé through me. But we’ve always been together. He’s my person.”

“Interesting way to phrase it.” Patricia murmurs. She pops her gum again. “You’d expect your fiancé to be your… person.”

“I think I have an idea for you.” Shelly cuts in as the duo exchanges a bemused look. “We are starting to get our spring collection in and there is this gorgeous gown that I think you’d look amazing in.”

* * *

“Baby? I’m home.”

Jemma opens her eyes as she hears Grant call through their apartment. She opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out. She slips a little further down as his footsteps begin to approach the room.

“Jem?” She can see him pass by the partially opened door, heading for their bedroom. Then, he doubles back and pokes his head around the door. “Oh, hey. There you are.”

“Hi.”

“Am I disturbing you?”

“No. I… I think I zoned out for a moment.” She mumbles.

“Rough day?” He steps further into the bathroom, then sits on the lid of the toilet.

“What makes you say that?”

“The bubble bath and enough candles to burn down the entire building. You usually only do that if you had a bad day and need to de-stress.”

She stares at him for a moment and ridiculously enough, she feels tears prick at the corner of her eyes. It’s a silly thing to become emotional over but it reminds her of how well he knows her. And he should, shouldn’t he?

“What happened?” He frowns and she recognizes the look in his eyes- determined to figure out what upset her, who was responsible, and how he’d resolve it.

“Nothing. I just needed a bit of pampering.” She replies, clearing her throat. “I’m allowed to do that.”

“Of course but you probably shouldn’t be crying during it.” He moves down onto the floor and leans against the side of the tub.

“I’m not crying.”

“Not yet but you look pretty upset.” He says and she opens her mouth to argue, but he adds, “You have a horrible poker face.”

“Totally fine.” She insists, lifting her hand to wave off his concerns. She flicks soap and water in the process, hitting him in the chest and face. He flashes a wry smile as he wipes his cheek off.

His phone lets out a beep, making him sigh, and he moves to pull it out of his pocket. She sinks lower into the tub and tilts her head back to stare at the ceiling.

She’s being ridiculous. She’ll just ignore the ridiculous thoughts in her head and keep marching on. Put it in the box and lock it away. Everything is completely fine.

Except she referred to Fitz as her person and shouldn’t Grant be her person? He was, definitely, in so many ways but Fitz was also, and that probably wasn’t right.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be getting married.” She suddenly blurts out. He pauses in scrolling through his phone and slowly lifts his head to look at her.

“What?” He’s usually so good at schooling his features but there’s pure confusion, and perhaps a slight bit of terror, all across his face.

It was absurd really. After the few attempts he made to pull back, and she had stood her ground, to now have them reversed.

Everything was fine. Perfect. They were happy. In love.

And then that blasted woman just had to open her mouth.

“Jem?”

She blinks at his gentle prompt and she wants to sink below the bubbles to avoid his concerned gaze.

“What’s going on?” He asks, scooting further up, so he’s closer to her head. He leans an elbow on the edge of the tub with no regard for the water there and stares at her.

“We’ve been engaged for almost two months and we haven’t even started to consider planning a wedding.” She starts off, her voice even and quiet. “I haven’t, at least. I don’t know where to start or what to do and… I’m not the least bit concerned over it. It’s as though there are other things that are taking priority in my mind. You deserve someone who can at least pretend that they want to be married.”

“Well,” he clears his throat and she sees him smirk faintly, “I think being married and planning a wedding are two separate things. Frankly, if it were up to me, we’d skip the party and elope.”

“Really?”

“You think that I want some fancy wedding with hundreds of eyeballs watching me?”

She smiles softly at his teasing tone, feeling slightly more relaxed. But her thoughts drift back to the dress shop and her stomach plummets once more.

“Babe, I asked you to marry me because I love you. I want us to build a life together. I didn’t do it so we could have an excuse to party. As long as you’re the one walking down the aisle, I really don’t mind the details. Whatever you want to plan is fine.” He says. Then, after studying her face, his smile fades slightly, and he says, “Unless you really don’t want to marry me.”

“I went to look at dresses today and I made Fitz go with me.”

“I’m sure he loved that.”

“The entire time we were in there, he complained and I tried to act like it was no big deal but everyone from the employees to the other brides kept putting in their two cents. And every question they asked me about the wedding, I didn’t have an answer for, and they just looked at me like I was the worst bride in the entire history of marriage and weddings. The one employee who was actually trying to help me was nice but the other one with her was a horrible gossip. She wanted to know about you and about Fitz and what everyone’s relationships were like. And I was honest. At first, I don’t even think I realized what she was doing but by the end of it, she just bluntly stated that I seemed to be in denial and marrying the wrong person.”

“Well, that’s one way to sell a wedding dress.”

“I didn’t even find one. Nothing interested me.” She adds miserably. “And then one of the other brides chimed in that maybe I was having trouble planning a wedding because I didn’t want to have a wedding.”

“What did you say?”

She sighs and runs her hand over the edge of the tub, sliding droplets along the porcelain.

“That’s the thing. I had this rousing argument all built up in my head and I said none of it. I said that I’d come back with my sister on another day.” She blushes faintly at the memory of her terrible lie. “So, I suppose I’ll need to locate another store at some point. But I can’t stop thinking about it all. Like I was in the midst of some terrible romantic comedy and didn’t even know it.”

“Oh.”

“The woman kept commenting on how young I was and I wasn’t even fully formed as an adult yet so how could I possibly know that we’ll be compatible in the future, especially since we didn’t seem compatible in the first place. I said we were very compatible. Then some mother of the bride said that I seemed more interested… in Fitz than you. Which hardly seems fair because they didn’t get to see us together but apparently, it’s rather obvious. To everyone except the three of us I assume.”

“Right. So, are you planning on leaving me at the altar?”

“I was hoping to spare you the embarrassment and figure it out before then.” She mutters, making him chuckle. “You deserve someone who loves you completely and is fully devoted to you. And…”

“And doesn’t have a life of her own or friends of her own?”

“I was going to say someone who knows you’re her person but that works too.”

“Her person?”

“The one that’s there for everything, that she turns to for help or comfort or something happens and you think I have to tell them. The first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing when you go to sleep.”

“And that’s not me?”

“It is. Of course it is. In all the ways that matter. Like when you’re gone, I don’t feel right, and when you come home, it’s the best feeling. I don’t get that with anyone else. But I said Fitz is and I feel horrible for thinking it. But truthfully, he is, in a lot of ways but ways that are different from you. He’s my best friend. There are things I… I don’t know, I think of him first or I need him to talk me through something. But that’s you too, even more so. I think when I said it, I was thinking of the camaraderie we have and if I can’t have you there, then he’s the next plausible option and in some cases, he’s the only option. Do you have someone like that, aside from me?”

“Yeah. I think that about Phil. Jem, we’re not the same person. You’ve got your little side projects and while I love the enthusiasm, you need someone to bounce that off of and I’m not the best at that. And there are things I go to Phil for that I don’t bring up to you or I tell you later or I go to him because even though I love you, you can drive me really fucking crazy and I need to vent. I know you talk about me to Fitz the same way. I’m not faulting you for having a best friend. And honestly, I feel like the only reason this is coming up is because it’s Fitz. If he was a woman, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Or maybe we would and that’s okay too.” 

“At some point, you’re expected to be my priority.”

“And you don’t think I am?”

“I don’t think you should be fighting Fitz for my attention and interests.”

“I don’t feel that I do. Now, I’m not exactly objective in this situation, since I do have a horse in the race, and I don’t want to sway your opinion in any way but I feel pretty certain that you love me.”

“Of course I love you! Why are you smirking? You’re not the least bit concerned?”

“That you have repressed feelings for your best friend? No.”

“You don’t think I could cheat on you?”

“I think anyone can do anything. Would you? I’m going to say no.”

“Why?”

“Because you have never given any inclination that you would. Didn’t you say you guys tried dating back in the Academy?”

“For approximately two days. It was a disaster. It was like kissing my brother. But then again, it was six years ago. Perhaps things have changed.”

“Do you want to kiss him?”

“No. Maybe I should, purely for science.”

“Well, if it’s for science.” He rolls his eyes and she flicks a little more water at him. “Jem, I’ve known since Day One that you and Fitz were a package deal. In the beginning, I thought maybe he did have a crush on you but I never got those vibes from you and I trust you. I know how important he is to you and I’m never going to make you feel guilty for that relationship, no matter what some old witch wants to say. I feel secure enough in our relationship that I don’t view Fitz as a threat. And if there does come a day when you feel you do want to be with him or any other guy, I wouldn’t stand in your way.”

“You wouldn’t fight for me?”

“I would respect your decision because I love you and your happiness is more important to me, even if that doesn’t include me.”

“Are you serious?”

“I mean, I’d probably punch him first a few times but yeah.”

“Grant,”

“I’m supposed to say that, right?” He teases as she blinks rapidly.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Because I love you and I never want to hurt you. I don’t want to disappoint you and I have no idea what I’m doing, which is absurd, because I’m a genius.”

“First off, I highly doubt there is anything you could do that would disappoint me. And what do you mean you don’t know what you’re doing?”

“Getting married. Being a wife. It’s ridiculous, I know, because we are already doing most of that. This is really just for legality purposes. I just- I feel like once we say I do, a switch is going to flip and everything will be different. And Fitz will become a third wheel.”

“If I don’t see him as a third wheel by now, I doubt I ever will, so don’t even let that concern you. I’m nervous too.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to ask you or not.” He smiles slightly and she feels her chest twinge at the boyish expression on his face. “Because I know I want you and I love you,”

He taps his chest gently, making her smile.

“But then this part likes to interject.” He finishes, tapping the side of his head. “And that’s our problem. We’re both intelligent people who have to consider every scenario. And at the end of the day, regardless of any possibility that might occur, I’d prefer having you there for as long as you’ll let me. I don’t need some Stepford Wife and you’re a strong, independent woman who takes charge and shouldn’t let some catty eavesdroppers tell you how to live your life. Maybe the reason why we work so well is because we know how to live independently of each other and we’re not up each other’s asses 24/7.”

“I’ve been judged for so long because I don’t fit people’s expectations. And weddings are a big deal with traditions and expectations and we don’t seem to be doing that.”

“Luckily, I don’t have any expectations for you. Just to be yourself. That’s who I fell in love with. You don’t fit into anyone’s box. And I know that it’s easy to concern yourself with other people’s opinions but ultimately, that day is supposed to be about me and you. No one else. So, wear a white dress, green, polka dot, jeans, naked… I don’t care. Well, maybe naked would be preferable but probably not appropriate.” He says and she pushes his arm gently. He catches her hand in his and presses a kiss to her palm. “If you want to wait, not wait, sneak off to Vegas, have Phil marry us, doesn’t matter. Just tell me the date and I’ll be there. That okay with you?”

“Yes.” She gives a small nod and curls her fingers between his. “I’m sorry for being crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.”

“I do love you.”

“I know that.”

“And I do love Fitz but like a brother. I’m not in love with him. No matter what someone thinks, they just don’t understand what we’re about. I just… I don’t want you misinterpreting it either.”

“I’m not. Trust me,” he chuckles slightly, “Fitz is the least of my worries. I’m more concerned about Trip.”

“Oh, well, now that’s different. You leave him alone.” She smiles as he rolls his eyes. She tugs on his hand gently and he moves in closer to kiss her. Her other hand moves through his hair, keeping him as close as possible.

“You’re turning into a prune. Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll go grab dinner.”

“Or you could get undressed and we can eat in.” She murmurs. He blinks, possibly caught off guard briefly by the sudden change and her forward comment, then a smirk starts to form again on his face.

“See, this is why I’m marrying you. You have all the great ideas.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah. Later on. I thanked her for saving us.”
> 
> “So… you were clearly suffering from some type of injury. One of those blasts hit you too hard.”
> 
> “I was fully coherent. I didn’t mean to. I just- I thought I’d maybe kiss her cheek and then she wasn’t looking but then she turned and I was right there and we… kissed. By accident.”

“I’m bored.” Skye flops down onto one of the chairs, an arm dramatically thrown across her eyes.

“I can always give you more exercises.” Grant comments without looking away from his book.

“Ugh, no. We are off duty. Let’s have some fun Agent Ward. Does he know how to have fun?” The question is aimed at Jemma, who smiles behind her tablet. She pokes him in the thigh with her foot and he clasps a hand down over her ankle, which he squeezes gently. “I’ll take that as a no. Simmons, I’m really struggling here.”

“About what?”

“Well, you promised me he’d lighten up but he hasn’t and I’ve yet to find one redeeming quality he has. Your marriage is a mystery.”

“Grant, would you please stop torturing Skye?”

“Nope.”

“You know, I’m concerned for your well-being. Without any concrete evidence, I’m left to wonder what could possibly be the key, and since I’ve seen pretty much all there is… that only leaves one thing.” Skye shrugs. Jemma’s toes dig into Grant’s thigh as he sighs deeply. “And I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to investigate that theory on my own.”

“We’re technically not off duty.” Grant says as Jemma giggles softly. “So go run Drills A through C. I’m going to time you.”

“You’re such a killjoy! You’re not exactly working hard over there either.”

“I’m researching.”

“Yeah, looks really intense. Just because AC and May got to go to some fancy, high level meeting doesn’t mean we have to waste the hours away doing work. AC even said enjoy your downtime. We have no active cases. There’s more to life than exercising. And would you like to know something?”

“Not really.”

“Simmons, would you like to know something?”

“Sure.” She nods as Grant throws his head back. He gives her a long side glare that she smiles sweetly at in return.

“I don’t think AC and May have gone off to some meeting for high level agents because if they did, they would have taken Tin Man here, since he’s a big and fancy Level 7. Just. Like. May. I think they’re having their own private meeting. If you know what I mean.” She finishes with a little waggle of her eyebrows, in case they did not get what she meant.

Jemma raises her own eyebrows but keeps her face hidden behind the tablet. She does make eye contact with her husband but neither of them say anything.

“Oh come on!” Skye crows. “You don’t get the _Mom and Dad sneaking away from the kids_ vibe here? I couldn’t really tell from May but AC was definitely excited for something.”

“They’re your superiors. Have a little more decency or I’ll write you up for inappropriate behavior.” Grant snaps. Jemma’s toes flex against his jeans but he ignores her. Skye ignores him, apparently, because she just grins cheerfully and winks.

“What’s that line about protesting too much? Anyway. They said they won’t be back until tonight. That’s hours away. I’m going to go plan something fun for us.” She stands from the chair and runs down the stairs to the cargo hold.

“Unbelievable.” He looks to his wife, who has finally lowered the tablet and giving him a disapproving look. “What?”

“You could be a bit nicer to her.”

“Nicer? She needs discipline! She’s never going to survive in SHIELD without it.”

“Sure but not 24/7. We are off duty. You can try and let your guard down around her now and then.”

“She’s a pain in the ass. Who the hell does she think she is, talking like that?”

“We said the exact same thing.” She reminds him as she sits up. She moves along the couch to lean against him, curling her legs underneath her.

“That’s different.” He argues. He’s tense as she attempts to curl around him. The lounge is completely empty but he knows Skye could come bursting back in at any second. Jemma, however, gives his hand a rough tug, and he gives up almost instantly. His book gets tossed to the side, then he wraps his arms around her as she tucks her head under his chin.

“How so?”

“Because!” He sputters briefly and she feels him shake his head, ruffling her hair. “That is a private conversation between a husband and a wife not flagrant gossiping by someone who hardly knows them.”

“Oh, so because we know them, that makes our gossiping okay?” She teases, lifting her head to make eye contact. He makes a face and stares across the lounge to the kitchen. “I know you think you’re trying to toughen her up or trying to keep your distance or whatever. You two are merciless towards each other but you have your good moments. I think she grabs hold of that because your… well, nagging, for lack of a better word, would be enough to drive any person crazy. She puts on a good face but I wonder how much of that is deflection. She’s working hard. She deserves some praise now and then. She also deserves some rest. We all do. It would be nice to relax today, especially since the past few weeks have not been the greatest.”

His hand flexes on her hip at the reminder of their most recent assignments.

“You make me sound like a monster.”

“I’m sorry darling. Of course I don’t think you’re a monster. An effective, yet stern, teacher. If you manage to survive long enough to retire from the field, you should think about giving the Academy a go.” She says, a bit teasing, and he scoffs. “I do think you give her credit where it is due but I won’t disagree it hasn’t been a bumpy ride so far. Please agree to whatever she comes up with. It will be a good bonding experience.”

* * *

Jemma, for her part, loves the idea. And really, it’s no different from their semi-regular game nights. She can already feel her competitive side coming alive.

Grant is silent at her side, a reluctant agreement that she knows has everything to do with herself and nothing to do with Skye.

Fitz looks uncomfortable. But then again, he’s looked uncomfortable since the afternoon he returned from South Ossetia last week. Jemma knows he likes Skye. The attention he gave her was obvious. The other woman has to know it too. Skye catches his eye as she explains the rules and her cheeks flush before her gaze quickly moves to Jemma again. _Well, that’s interesting._

And now that she thinks of it, the two of them hadn’t been spending time together. Fitz was holed up in the lab more often than not and when Skye came to visit, he kept busy. When they were in a group meeting, he stayed by Jemma’s side, which wasn’t all that surprising, and he kept a level of professionalism if he needed to interact with Skye.

But now, off duty, being forced ( _not really_ ) to interact with her, he seems to hide behind Grant.

“So here is your list. The only place off limits is the cockpit because May will definitely know if we touched anything.” Skye thrusts a paper at Grant. “Timer is… starting now. I’ll send a text once it’s done if you’re not back.”

He glances at Jemma one final time, then at Fitz, who gives a silent shrug.

“You better get a move on.” Skye adds. “Clock is ticking.”

The guys would go first. An intense scavenger hunt through the Bus that Skye swore was going to be difficult. But Jemma could already see the calculating gaze on her husband’s face, and Fitz’s too, as they stared at the paper together.

Once they finished, they would reverse, and they would set up a hunt for them to complete. The pair that found the most items in 30 minutes would win for that piece of their multi-game activity.

Grant jerks a thumb towards the stairs that led downstairs. Fitz nods silently and follows him out.

There’s a long moment of silence as they listen to their footsteps disappear.

“So, is Fitz always this way?” Skye asks casually.

“What way?”

“Awkward and avoiding people?”

“Oh. Well, sometimes, more so with people he’s not comfortable with. But other times, he just gets so focused on what he’s working on that he tends to block everything and everyone out.”

“I think I might have scared him.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Jemma looks curious as Skye blushes faintly. “What did you do?”

“It was him! Well, it was both of us. We kissed… accidentally. At least I think it was an accident. At first. I was kind of surprised.” She smiles behind her hand as she bites her nail. “Fitz is cute and sweet and funny and of course super smart. He’s not like anyone I’ve been interested in before. It kind of caught me off guard but when it did, holy hell. I kind of… went a little crazy on him. Maybe he wasn’t prepared for it. He ran away. Literally.”

She trails off and shrugs as Jemma stares with wide eyes.

“Maybe I just haven’t been kissed in a while but damn. Who knew? He’s hiding a lot of secrets. Like his… well, never mind.” She fall silent again but she’s grinning and Jemma feels a blush rise in her own face. “Oh, have you…”

“What? No! I just - I mean,” she stutters and shrugs. She had lived with Fitz for years. Accidents were bound to happen. “I knew that part. About you walking in.”

“He told you that part?”

“Not exactly. I overheard it… happen.”

“Where were you?”

“Nearby. In a closet.” She blushes more fiercely as Skye puts the pieces together and grins.

“Simmons! Were you and Ward getting frisky in the closet?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Mhmm.” She keeps grinning and sits on the couch. “So, he never said anything?”

”Fitz? No.”

“Has he talked about me at all?”

“Actually, now that I think of it, he hasn’t.” Jemma admits, frowning at the thought of it. It definitely was out of character for Fitz to be withholding information from her. 

* * *

“Should we take our time?” Fitz asks as they make their way through the cargo hold. “I don’t want to embarrass her.”

“If this is the best she could do, she should be embarrassed.” Grant retorts. He glances at the paper again and moves behind the lab, where the storage was.

“Well, I mean I’m a genius and you’re… you. It would be difficult to actually stump us.”

“I guess you’re right.” He stops in his tracks and examines the area around him. Then, in a small spot above one of the pods, he sees the hula girl duct taped to the metal siding. He reaches up to grab it but it is just out of his reach.

“She’s really smart too. I mean, all the stuff she does with the computers and hacking and she taught herself all that. Did you know that?”

“Yep.”

“I just think it’s a testament to her character, all that she went through, and came out with those talents.”

“You do know she’s part of a group that was leaking our classified information into the world?” Grant shoves a small foot ladder against the pod and steps up. “And she was sneaking behind our backs.”

“And she apologized and has put that behind her. We wouldn’t have gotten out of South Ossetia without her.”

“Yeah, I know.” He tugs but the tape is quite secure and he’s concerned about breaking the figurine. He scowls and pulls his pocket knife out. He doesn’t know why he’s taking such care in releasing it. If she was stupid enough to tape up such an important item, she deserved whatever happened to it. He’s in the midst of cutting through the layers of tape when he hears Fitz mumble something. “What?”

“I said I kissed Skye.” He repeats. Grant nearly slices his finger open and freezes.

“What?” His head whips around and he stares at his friend incredulously. Fitz stares at the floor and combs a hand nervously through his hair. “When?”

“That afternoon.”

“What aft- that day?”

“Yeah. Later on. I thanked her for saving us.”

“So… you were clearly suffering from some type of injury. One of those blasts hit you too hard.”

“I was fully coherent. I didn’t mean to. I just- I thought I’d maybe kiss her cheek and then she wasn’t looking but then she turned and I was right there and we… kissed. By accident.”

“Oh.”

“But the next two definitely weren’t by accident.”

“Oh.”

“And then I heard Jemma coming and I ran away.”

“Oh.” Grant blinks in astonishment, then realizes he still hasn’t freed the damn doll. And the clock was still counting down. He suddenly has the feeling that she did this on purpose, knowing it would cut into their time. “So is that why you two are being awkward around each other?”

“Is it that noticeable?”

“Just a bit. Son of a bitch! How many fucking pieces did she put on this thing?”

“She kissed me back.”

“Okay.”

“That’s a good sign right?”

“I- yeah? Maybe. I don’t know. Why are you asking me?”

“You’re one of the only people I know in a stable relationship and somehow managed to get someone to kiss you regularly. I don’t know if I’m in over my head. She’s way out of my league.”

“Yeah, like 20,000 leagues under the sea.” He finally frees the hula girl and steps off the ladder. He grimaces as he comes face to face with Fitz. “What? Are we about to have a heart to heart?”

“I just want your opinion.”

“No you don’t. You know what my opinion is already.”

“Yeah but I think it’s all an act.”

“What about Becca? That girl in Admin? She’s cute.”

“No. She chews weird. The sound is awful.”

“Okay. Melanie?”

“Alvarez’s assistant?”

“Yeah. She always loves talking to you. And she looks like you hung the fucking moon.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know anything about Skye.”

“She’s too good for me.”

“What? You’re too good for her! You’re a damn genius Fitz.”

“She’s smart, sassy, insanely brave. You have to admit that everything we’ve thrown at her, she’s managed to do.”

“Yes, I know she’s all those things but that doesn’t mean she’s compatible with you.”

“We actually have a lot in common.” He argues as Grant rolls his eyes and moves further down the hall. “After you damned her to hell, after the thing with Miles, she was spending most of her free time in the lab, and we’ve gotten to know each other. I mean, I tune her out sometimes.”

“That’s a great way to start a relationship.”

“Because I was working. And when we were kissing,”

“I don’t want to know.”

“It’s like I felt something.”

“Oh. Do we need to have The Talk?” He stops outside the bathroom and places a hand mockingly on Fitz’s shoulder. “My little boy is finally becoming a man.”

“Not that, you asshole. You know, I’ve had to listen to plenty of sordid details of your life over the years.”

“Okay, then talk to Jemma! She’s the one without boundaries apparently.”

“She’ll make a big deal out of it. I want your blunt, realistic take on it.”

“You really don’t.”

“You don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I think you should view it from all angles. You nearly died, she was the catalyst for your rescue, you’re living in close quarters, and she’s on the rebound. Emotions are running high and she’s apparently obsessed with everyone’s love life.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… this could be a fleeting, lust filled moment. And I’d like you to be prepared for that than... a life full of Hogwarts cosplays.”

“You buy one Ravenclaw robe.” Fitz mutters under his breath. “You could be wrong.”

“Well, it would be a first but I guess it’s possible.” Grant retorts. He stops suddenly and plucks his battered copy of The Great Gatsby from between two shelves. How the hell had she even grabbed this? “Just don’t make any impulsive decisions. That would go against everything you are.”

“You know, you could just say it.”

“Say what?”

“That you love me and care about me and don’t want my heart to get broken.”

“Please do not make me say that.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was an unknown person in Grant’s apartment.
> 
> “Oh my God!” The sudden realization hits her and her brain shorts out for a moment. She knows there are plenty of weapons scattered around the apartment but to find one and actually use it and wait, this guy is not even approaching her. “Who are you? How did you even get in here?”

_About to enter my debriefing. Should be back by nine._

Jemma smiles to herself as the text from Grant pops up. That gave her approximately 90 minutes to get everything in order.

He’s been gone for three weeks, somewhere tropical judging by the background noises when they spoke the other night.

Not that she had much time to miss him. She was so busy with her own assignments at the moment and she had just spent a week at the Academy for a seminar.

And while that had been perfectly enjoyable, she was ready to be reunited with her boyfriend.

She quickly packs a small bag, then leaves her room. She heads to the kitchen next and gathers up the ingredients she bought to make lasagna.

“I’ll be at Grant’s. Are you sure you don’t want any help with the-” she stops when Fitz grunts and waves her off without even looking up. “Alright, well good night then.”

“You’re staying over there?”

“Most likely. It has been three weeks.”

They had plenty to catch up on. Her cheeks flush a bit at the thought but he is still staring at the computer.

“Okay, bye.” She waves even though he’s not looking and exits their apartment. It’s a short walk to Grant’s building and once she’s there, she uses her key to let herself in.

It makes her a little sad to see everything locked up and darkened. But at least this assignment, she had her key, and she had stopped by a few times to clean and water the plants she was keeping there. It definitely was not as stuffy as it usually was when he came back after a long assignment.

She glances at her watch. She had maybe 65 minutes before he got home. Food first, she decides, and goes to the kitchen to begin prepping the lasagna. 

Once that’s in the oven, she grabs her overnight bag and walks down the hall to the bedroom. She puts a new air freshener onto the dresser, then changes the sheets on the bed.

For a brief moment, she pauses, unsure of herself, but then she takes a deep breath and moves into the connecting bathroom.

It’s silly really. She had been in the cafeteria at the Academy, minding her own business, and couldn’t help but overhear the giggling group of girls at the table next to her. Instead of textbooks and tablets, they hovered over copies of _Cosmo_.

It was certainly a different scenario than she had ever experienced in the Academy. She and Fitz had always been stuck in a book, waltzing through packed schedules with relative ease. She doesn’t think it ever occurred to her to sit around the cafeteria, taking personality quizzes and learning different sex positions.

She blushes when she examines her reflection in the mirror. She scolds herself silently and dumps her makeup bag onto the counter. There was nothing to be embarrassed about.

Sex was a perfectly natural, biological function. One that she and Grant had partaken in plenty of times over the past few months.

They both clearly enjoyed it and there was plenty of variety, though when she flipped through a _Cosmo_ copy at the store, perhaps not as much variety. That would be for another day though. They had plenty of time to experiment.

But another blurb had stood out to her - about making an effort for your partner, spicing it up from time to time, switch up the schedule. Keep your relationship fresh.

While she didn’t necessarily agree with the idea of making one’s self up just for the attention of a man, she had to agree that a relationship was a continually evolving thing and a few surprises here and there were a good thing.

Somewhere along the way, her idea of a welcome home lasagna morphed into an idea for a welcome home seduction. She had been watching those ridiculous TV movies at the time, so perhaps she had been inspired.

And they had been together seven months now, coincidentally as of today, and was that enough time for things to get stale?

Was she out of her comfort zone? A little. But maybe she needed to relax a bit. She was only twenty. She was allowed to let loose, have fun, be flirty. And at least she was in a safe space with her boyfriend and not being reckless.

God, she hoped he didn’t laugh at her. Knowing Grant, he wouldn’t actually laugh but he’d definitely have that amused little smirk on his face.

Or maybe he’d be pleased. Maybe he preferred the model/actress looks and body. Maybe regular Jemma was too plain and studious and rambling about science.

No. She could do both. She could _be_ both. Maybe she wasn’t as experienced as some other people were but she knew him. Grant didn’t trivialize things like that.

But he was still a man. And they all had some ideal version of a woman in their heads and what they preferred. It wasn’t anything to be annoyed about. Basic biology and attraction. They were practically wired to look for those things.

And women definitely weren’t immune. She was just extremely fortunate that Grant ticked many of her boxes. Tall, muscular, strong jawline, dark hair. But there was a small part of her that fantasized over others. She had to expect he did the same. But what the hell was he dreaming up?

She finishes her makeup, takes a final look over herself, then turns into the closet. She smiles, not for the first time, about how orderly he is- all his dress shirts hung together, color coded, though there were plenty more white ones than any others. She plucks off a dark green one though, one he hardly wore much to her disappointment, and returns to the bedroom. She grabs her overnight bag again and sifts through the items until she finds the bra and panties she bought at the mall the other night.

These were not for Grant. Obviously, he would benefit from it, but she had always loved a good bra, and she couldn’t deny how good her breasts looked when she tried this one on. Then it was only right to complete the set.

She changes in the bathroom and buttons, then unbuttons the shirt. Several times. Finally, just as she hears the door shut at the entrance of the apartment, she decides to button it half way, leaving a hint of the lacy undergarments below.

She quickly moves into the bedroom’s doorway, knowing Grant’s routine was to immediately empty his bag in the proper location.

She hears a loud thunk though, like he tossed his bag in the living room. And she can hear him walk into the kitchen. The refrigerator opens, then shuts, and a bottle top pops open, then clatters on the counter.

She frowns, wondering if his assignment or his debrief went poorly. It must have for him to already be grabbing a beer.

But then he begins to approach the hall and she quickly adjusts herself so she’s lounging against the door jamb.

“Hi stranger,” she says in her most seductive voice, tipping her head back.

There’s a pause that’s just a few seconds too long.

“Um, hi?”

Her eyes pop open in horror. That was definitely not Grant.

“Oh my God!” She shrieks and crosses her arms over her chest as she spots the unknown person at end of the hall.

He’s staring at her with wide eyes, part intrigue and part amusement and perhaps a bit admiring. But he is also clearly trying to focus on her face and anywhere else that was not her half dressed body.   
  
That was quite respectable of him. 

_No!_ Her brain shrieks. _Not respectable_. 

There was an unknown person in Grant’s apartment.

“Oh my God!” The sudden realization hits her and her brain shorts out for a moment. She knows there are plenty of weapons scattered around the apartment but to find one and actually use it and wait, this guy is not even approaching her. “Who are you? How did you even get in here?”

Grant had to be walking in any moment. It had been almost 90 minutes since he had texted her. Unless something went terribly wrong and he’d be delayed further.

And if he found her conversing with the man who broke into his apartment, instead of trying to apprehend him or protect herself, he was going to launch into a tedious lecture once he knocked this guy out.

She’s a strong, independent woman, but she can’t deny the idea of Grant sweeping in to rescue her is a good one.

“I used my key. How did you get in here?” 

“Your key? How did you get a key?” She splutters in disbelief. Was this the person who lived here before Grant? Did SHIELD not change the locks when agents changed their living arrangements?

“Ward does still live here right?” He asks.

Ward.

Grant.

“You know Grant?” She feels herself relax slightly.

“Unfortunately.” He snorts, then sweeps a hand out and bows a bit. “Antoine Triplett at your service. You can call me Trip. Or feel free to call me whatever you’d like.”

Trip.

His best friend.

Who had been stationed out of the LA office since last summer.

“Oh. Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“You too? I didn’t know anyone was here. Definitely wasn’t expecting you. Who are you?”

“Jemma.”

“Jemma?”

“Yes, Jemma Simmons. Grant’s girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” That makes him start cracking up. “ _You_?”

“Why not me?” She immediately gets defensive and he waves a hand at her as he shakes his head.

“I mean, what are _you_ doing with _him_? A gorgeous and intelligent woman such as yourself can do so much better.”

“Ah,” she calms down again and can’t help the smile that crosses her face. “He didn’t mention me?”

“We haven’t had much time to talk. I remember when he first took you out but I didn’t think you were still together. Figured one dinner with him would be enough to make you run for the hills. Damn, that was a while ago.”

“Seven months today.”

“Sorry to hear that. You know, if you ever get tired of Ward…”

“Jem?” The door suddenly slams at the front of the apartment.

“I’m going to go get dressed.” She slides away from the door and towards the bathroom. “I’ll be out in a minute!”

“Don’t feel like you have to on account of me.” Trip says as Grant calls,

“Are you making lasagna?”

“Yes! Don’t touch it!” She closes the door to the bathroom. She can faintly hear him approaching.

“Oh, hell, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too. Are those for me?” There’s a pause, then Trip continues, “I’m in town for the week. Su casa is mi casa, right?”

Jemma finishes changing quickly. She glances at her makeup and cringes. There’s no way she’ll be able to get it off in the next few minutes.

She straightens her t-shirt, then exits out into the bedroom. Trip is still in the hall, with Grant now at his side. She smiles when she sees the orchid bouquet in his hand. He turns a little to look at her better. He smiles, then blinks when he spots her, more than a little confused.

“Hi,” she rubs her hands over her thighs and smiles.

“Hi,” he replies. They stare awkwardly at each other, with Trip glancing back and forth.

“I can go back to the kitchen.” He offers, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

“Or you could just leave.” Grant replies. Jemma crosses her arms and gives him a disapproving look.

“There’s no reason to be rude to poor Trip.”

“Yeah, don’t be rude to poor Trip.” He grins, winking back at her. “How good is your lasagna?”

“It’s not for you.” Grant argues even as Trip chuckles and returns to the kitchen. “I’m sorry. He didn’t even warn me he was coming. He just comes in and out as he pleases.”

“It’s okay. He didn’t think you had a girlfriend. I’m sure he’ll give us warning in the future.”

“What do you mean? I’ve told him about you.”

“Apparently not enough. He thought we broke up. Or weren’t ever serious enough to have gotten to a break up point.” She explains, which makes him roll his eyes. “Are those for me?”

“Yeah. Happy Anniversary.” His annoyance fades to a boyish smile.

“You know, if I had known you were a sap in the beginning,”

“Yeah?”

“I’d still have dated you.” She smiles and kisses him gently as she winds her arms around his neck.

“Was this all for me?” He strokes a finger gently over her cheek and she sighs with a shrug.

“Among other things.” She replies and he scowls in disappointment when he picks up on what she means. 

“He can stay somewhere else. I bet he’d get along great with Fitz.”

“Stop. When was the last time you saw him? Don’t you want to get reacquainted?”

“Not that long ago. I’m more interested in getting reacquainted with you.” He smirks. She rolls her eyes before he kisses her again.

“Uh, not that I’m purposely trying to interrupt but I think the lasagna is done? Want me to shut this off?” Trip calls.

“We’ll be there in a second!” Jemma replies. She wrestles her way out of Grant’s grasp, then takes the flowers out of his hand. “I have to go get these taken care of anyway.”

“He can have dinner but then he has to go.” He says, causing her to roll her eyes.

“So, Trip, how did you and Grant meet?” Jemma asks when she enters the kitchen.

“He hasn’t told you?” He looks offended and glares at Grant. “The greatest story that’s ever existed?”

“He said you met at the Academy.”

“Of course he keeps it right to the point. Let’s see, it started on Orientation Day 2001. I woke up to a torrential rain storm. I think they were lying that it wasn’t a hurricane because it was whipping all around us…”


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never in his wildest dreams, when they first came to the Lighthouse would he have expected that this would become home.
> 
> And it wasn’t home. It was where they resided but it wasn’t a home.
> 
> Maybe he’s just in a mood. Maybe he’s actually had time to consider what the hell is going on here.

Grant hates the Lighthouse.

He can appreciate its construction, its effectiveness, the fact that it can withstand a nuclear fallout apparently. Hell, it had been able to withstand the Earth’s destruction. Or so he’s been told. Fortunately, he never got to see that part.

With many of the other bases destroyed, it was a good place to set up HQ. It was smart, from a practical perspective, and he enjoys all that the base has to offer from an operational standpoint.

As far as a personal standpoint… it’s sorely lacking. He doesn’t think - no, he _knows_ they didn’t intend on still living here, over a year after the fact.

Never in his wildest dreams, when they first came to the Lighthouse would he have expected that this would become home.

And it wasn’t home. It was where they resided but it wasn’t a home.

Maybe he’s just in a mood. Maybe he’s actually had time to consider what the hell is going on here.

But he enters Ben’s room when he reaches the end of the hall, where they have a group of rooms set aside for them, and he hates the fucking place. His son is asleep, tangled up in his Star Wars sheets, and from the middle of the mess he sees Minnie’s head pop up.

“You’re not supposed to be up there.” He mutters, sitting on the edge of the bed. The dog leans into his hand as he pets her. Ben doesn’t move an inch.

Grant watches him carefully, memorizing features he already knows by heart, and pushes away the ache he feels. He stands up, then gently moves Ben into a more comfortable position. The eight year old mumbles something but rolls onto his side, then sighs as he relaxes into the mattress.

The top sheet is long gone, tangled and twisted somewhere around the bottom of the bed. Grant straightens out the blanket, fully covering the bed and his son once more, and is rewarded with a soft growl from Minnie for his efforts.

He swears she glares at him, part annoyance at disturbing her nest and part protective over Ben. The dachshund paws at the bed, then curls up against his back.

“Don’t be a brat.” He mutters, stroking a hand over her fur. She gives him a side eye in response.

He shakes his head, then runs his hand over Ben’s hair before kissing his forehead. If he knows he’s there, he doesn’t react to it, and not for the first time, Grant muses over how deeply the kid could sleep.

He shakes his head again, then turns to leave the room. He glances over the room, making sure everything is in order. Legos cover his desk, a Captain America poster is tacked to the wall, a stack of books sit on the floor near his dresser. It could have been his room back in Virginia or the Catskills.

But all Grant sees is a typical little boy’s room covering up a bland, minimalist room in a bomb shelter intended for agents.

He turns the light off as he leaves and pulls the door closed, but leaves it slightly ajar.

Next, he goes to Drew’s room and he barely has the door open when he sees a light click off from the bed.

“Nice try.” He chuckles as he steps into the room. Drew is flat on his back, rigid against the mattress with his eyes screwed shut. “Weren’t you supposed to be asleep about two hours ago?”

“I am sleeping.” He mumbles.

“Mhmm. What do you got there?” Grant turns on the lamp on his night stand. Drew sighs and sits up, then hands over a flashlight and a Captain America comic book. “Where did you get this from?”

“I went to the book store with Aunt Daisy today. We took Annie for a walk.”

“How is it?”

“Really good. Cap was just about to fight Red Skull.” Drew smiles boyishly. “Can I please finish it?”

“Only if I get to read it too. Scoot over.” Grant nods his head. Drew’s smile turns to a triumphant grin as he squirms across the mattress. Once Grant is seated and kicked off his boots, Drew snuggles into his side and opens the book back up. “You know, you have a bedtime to make sure you get enough sleep.”

“I know. I just couldn’t put it down.” He gives a shrug. Grant chuckles to himself as he runs a hand through Drew’s hair. “Do you want to read it?”

“Why don’t you read it to me? It’ll be good practice.”

“Okay.” He clears his throat and starts from the page he left off on. “Wait, you don’t know what’s going on.”

“I think I’ve got enough details. You can go ahead.”

He reads rather quickly, though he stumbles over a couple words, and it isn’t long before they reach the end of the book.

“I knew Cap would win.” Drew mutters. He twists in Grant’s grasp and buries his face in his chest. “Don’t tell Mommy, okay?”

That gets a laugh out of his father, who knows all too well the late nights his wife pulled as a child.

“It’s our secret buddy.” How could he refuse? Drew had just turned seven earlier in the week and Grant knows the day is rapidly coming where he would refuse these cuddles and hangouts. He prefers to take these moments as they came. The rules could be bent a little. “But it’s bedtime for real now. You don’t have any other contraband hiding anywhere do you? Put your hands up.”

Drew breaks into giggles as Grant tickles him.

“Okay, good night.” He stands from the bed and tucks Drew back in.

“Night Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too.” It sends a twinge through his chest as he kisses his forehead. “See you in the morning.”

He watches as Drew twists into a more comfortable position, then shuts his light off and leaves the room, pulling the door nearly closed like Ben’s. He hesitates in the hall, glancing between the doors, but finally steps into his own room.

“Hi stranger. Welcome home.” Jemma smiles from their bed as she glances over the top of her tablet. “How did it go?”

“It’s done.” He replies as he closes the door and heads for the dresser. He stops momentarily at the bassinet and peers in at Lily. Their daughter is sleeping peacefully, chest falling and rising in deep breaths as her fingers move.

He rubs his thumb gently over her curled fist and she sighs as Jemma makes a protesting noise.

“You wake her up and she’s yours.”

“I’m okay with that.” He replies but lets go of the baby.

“Bring me anything back?”

“No. It was pretty cut and dry this time.” He had left yesterday morning on an assignment. He’s quiet as he changes into a t-shirt and sweatpants, mulling over the mission while his wife’s gaze burns a hole in his back.

“There’s always next time.” She shrugs as he approaches the bed and collapses face down into his pillow. He grunts in agreement. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing. When did the baby fall asleep?”

“About an hour ago.”

“Okay. I can work with that.”

“You don’t have to get up with her.” Jemma murmurs as she rubs his back gently. “You sure nothing is going on?”

He ignores the question and turns his head to look at her.

“What are you working on?” He spots the tablet turned over on her lap.

“Oh, I was just looking over Lily’s photos to see if I could use any for the Christmas card. I really like this one.” She tips the tablet back up and aims it in his direction.

Daisy had been the one to insist on doing a photo shoot for Annie and Lily together, as well as Ben and Drew. Grant thought it was absurd but the sight of his daughter and niece in fluffy little dresses and hair bows bigger than their heads was a little amusing. He also wasn’t going to begrudge Daisy whatever happiness she found as a new mom.

The picture Jemma was currently viewing didn’t include Annie but it did have Lily carefully placed between Ben and Drew, who were proudly displaying their big brother t-shirts and grinning while their sister slept.

“Cute.” He says, turning his face back into the pillow. He tucks his arm underneath the pillow and digs his fingers into the mattress.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” She asks after a few minutes of silence.

“Why?”

“Obviously it’s bothering you.”

He hears the tablet clink onto the nightstand and then she moves, pressed against his side as she rubs his back again. Her fingers dig into a particularly tight knot near his shoulder blades and he sighs.

He turns his head slowly and is not surprised to find her face inches from his, eyes filled with concern.

“It was fucked up.” He finally says. He can’t close his eyes without seeing that mess. He’s seen a lot of shit over his years with SHIELD. “The house had this massive, underground piece that he was hiding in and he had people- mostly kids with him. I have no idea why. Best I can guess is it was his own little version of a Hydra school, trying to regrow. This place was fortified and they were forced to stay down there, probably why when we took the scans it looked like the place was abandoned. Everything was below the surface.”

He trails off momentarily, then gives a shrug.

“Bastard decided it was more important to hide behind a bunch of kids than make a deal. He set off some defense mechanism. Guess he thought it would take us down with him.”

“Oh, darling,”

“I think I’m getting soft in my old age.” He gives a wry grin but his eyes tell a different story.

“No, I think that would bother anyone. Were- did any of them…”

“No. I wanted to vomit when we finally got in there. Bring that fucker back and kill him myself. We think it was some sort of gas that he released.”

“That’s terrible.”

“And all I could think about was what if ours were…” he trails off, eyes wandering towards the baby, “And I thought where are their parents? Were they given? Kidnapped? Who’d subject a kid to that sort of life? And then I realized we’re doing the exact same thing.”

“Grant! Of course we’re not.”

“We are.”

“The kids are perfectly safe here.”

“But they shouldn’t be living in a fallout base. Their rooms are twenty floors underground. They don’t have windows, fresh air. They’re not going to school or have friends. All they know is what we’re teaching them. They think this is normal.”

“They don’t think this is normal.”

“They do. Whether because they don’t know better or they just accepted it, they think this is how life is supposed to be.” He turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling. “I feel like we fucked up. Trying to have both worlds. SHIELD and a family.”

“You are nowhere near the first agent to be a parent.”

“But how many are there where both parents are agents? If this was pre-Uprising,”

“We’d be required to find childcare or I’d be forced into retirement.” She finishes.

“That’s not true.”

“Oh please! Of course it is. As if they’d let Agent Grant Ward walk.”

“Yeah? And what about Dr. Jemma Simmons? Pretty positive they wouldn’t let their prized scientist loose.”

“Regardless of what my brain can do, at the end of the day, I am a woman and a mother and pre-Uprising SHIELD can say it was progressive all it wants, with people like Hill and Hand in high ranking positions, but at the end of the day it was a boys’ club.”

“I think Peggy Carter would argue that.” He retorts, drawing a smile out of her.

“I agree and if we could have kept her alive and running forever, that would have been lovely. It also wouldn’t have mattered because I would have died if I had the opportunity to even glance at her.” She replies, causing him to chuckle. “But it’s the truth. There were plenty of instances I had to fight for respect and recognition. They valued my brain but not me. If they could have figured out a way to load my mind into a robot, they would have without question. If it was Fitz, they would have been throwing everything at him to encourage him to stay. While it wasn’t traditional, I think Phil becoming director was the best thing to happen to SHIELD in a while.”

“Phil becoming director was the only reason we got away with what we did.”

“Of course it was. The set up we had at the Playground would have never been approved by anyone else. And maybe it was those circumstances that allowed him to be that way. I suppose, in a twisted way, we have Hydra to thank.”

“Very twisted.” Grant mutters. He runs a hand through his hair, then keeps it clasped against the top of his head. “We put them through so much, especially the last year or two. It’s harder now, with them being older. It was easier when they couldn’t walk, talk, or comprehend what was happening around them.”

He pauses for a moment, then glances over to see her watching him with a frown.

“Before everything went to hell, Phil was starting to discuss rebuilding the Academy. Obviously it got swept to the side but Mack brought it up the other night. It’s something he wants to start focusing on. It’s going to take a while to get it off the ground but… I’m thinking about heading up Ops.”

“Really?” Her eyebrows raise in surprise. He scoffs and she feels him move away slightly. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I think you’d be wonderful at it. I just… I never thought that would be something you’d want.”

“I’m going to be forty next month.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“No, but I’m tired. Exhausted actually. Being alert 24/7, keeping in shape. I can do it, obviously, but the routines I was doing fifteen years ago are getting harder to maintain. I tried adjusting but I don’t feel like it’s enough.” He hesitates, then sighs, and adds, “My knee has been bothering me too. I know I’m not exactly falling to pieces but I’d rather go out on my own terms than risk myself or my team or our family. I don’t… I don’t want the kids growing up without me. I’m tired of missing things and not being there for them. I always told myself that the boys didn’t know or didn’t realize but they did and they’re getting older. I feel like I’m running out of time to fix it. I don’t want Lily going through the same.”

“You love being in the field.”

“It wasn’t going to last forever. And… maybe it’ll help ease my concerns that I’m not out in the field but the new batch of agents are learning my ways.”

“A Grant Ward army.” She smiles slightly, making him smirk. “I just want you deciding that for the right reasons, not just because you’re feeling guilty. I don’t want you to be miserable.”

“I won’t. I think I might even enjoy it.”

“Wow.”

“I’m serious. Even though it was the worst time of my life, the time we were in the Catskills, I did a lot of thinking. A big part of me was a fucking mess because of missing you and not being able to find you but we eventually made it work. We got into this routine and I was there obviously. I felt like my relationship with the boys was better because of it, not because they only had me to rely on, but I got to see them consistently. I thought I was a good dad,”

“You’re a great dad.”

“But then they’d do something and I’d think where the hell did you learn that or I’d ask how they knew that and they’d tell me you taught them and I never realized how much I was missing. It hasn’t been as bad living here, since we’re on top of each other, but I still feel like my focus is somewhere else. I know I’ll be busy and have responsibilities but I’ll be working relatively normal hours and I won’t have to travel, at least not as much. I’m sure that we’ll build it somewhere nearby. You can still work in the Lighthouse but we can get a real house, with windows and the kids can play in a yard and Minnie can poop on real grass for a change. I can relax a bit.”

“What’s your definition of a bit?”

“I dunno. I might not be a shredded Adonis anymore.”

“Mm. I suppose I’ll need to start planning for my own future… interviewing young, virile men to play the part of my new lover.” She breaks with a laugh as he rolls on top of her and glares playfully.

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Well, you’re telling me how you’re getting old and decrepit and are planning to let yourself go.”

“I said starting to.” He mutters as he begins to kiss her neck. She hums softly and slides her fingers through his hair. “It’s still a year or two off. I just want to make the most of our time together.”

“You know whatever you decide, I’ll support you 100%.” She says. She lets out a soft moan as he continues to move down. “What are you doing?”

“Retaining my title.” He retorts. He closes his mouth around her right breast and she tugs his hair roughly. “This part won’t ever change.”

Lily cries out suddenly, making Jemma laugh and Grant drop his face against her stomach.

“Neither will that apparently.” She teases. They wait to see if she settles on her own but her wails only increase.

“I got her.” He sighs and rolls off her.

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.” 


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you looking for?”
> 
> “The bloody elf. Ben’s been looking for him since Thanksgiving apparently. I didn’t even realize.”
> 
> “Oh. I didn’t even think to go in the attic.”
> 
> “He thinks that they can’t find us because the Lighthouse is a secret and if the elves aren’t here, then Santa won’t be able to find us either. I spun some silly story that Phil will give him clearance.”

“I think this is a good place to leave off for tonight.” Jemma says quietly as she sticks a bookmark between the pages. “I’ll catch Drew up in the morning so he knows what’s going on.”

She stands from Ben’s bed to set the book on the dresser. When she turns back to him, her forehead scrunches as she sees the expression on his face.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” He mutters. He sinks into his pillow, then tugs his blanket up towards his chin. His eyes wander around the room and she follows his gaze, wondering if something was out of place.

“It’s a bit lonely in here, hmm?” She says after a moment, suddenly noticing the obvious lack of his brother.

They had returned to the present two weeks ago and once it became obvious they would be staying in the Lighthouse, they had gently encouraged the boys to pick their own rooms if they wanted to.

It was by far the least of their worries at this point. But the boys had agreed, picking rooms that shared a wall and they could tap to each other while they laid in bed. Not that that mattered much tonight as Drew was currently asleep in her own bed with Grant.

“It’s okay.” Ben says softly.

“If you and Drew decide you want to share a room, you can. We just thought you’d like your own space again.” Jemma explains. He nods but he’s still frowning and glancing around the room. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

He nods again. She sighs but leans down and kisses his forehead.

“Okay. Good night then.” She brushes his hair back gently, noting how long it had gotten since she last saw him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He mumbles. She watches him for another moment, then turns to leave the room. She almost has the door shut when she hears him call out to her. “Mommy?”

“Yeah?” She pushes the door back open and leans her head in. He’s sat up in the few seconds she’s had her back turned.

He hesitates for a moment.

“I can’t find Tinsel or 007.” He finally says quietly. She blinks, momentarily confused, then her heart sinks. The sad expression on her son’s face makes it hurt even more.

In some ways, the boys seemed so much older than they were, and in other ways, they were still so young.

This was one of those moments.

She wonders if she is doing them a disservice. She had always tried not to baby them and she thinks that attitude is what made them more advanced than the average child their age.

But there was plenty she indulged and their Christmas traditions was one of them. She wasn’t the sort of mother who felt that encouraging a belief in Father Christmas was going to traumatize her children when they got older and learned the truth.

She knows it’s illogical and silly but it’s also a level of innocence that neither she nor Grant had been able to maintain for very long during their own childhoods.

She is happy to help maintain that as long as the boys let her.

Tinsel and 007 were a piece of that. She never thought those silly elf dolls would amount to more than a cute game but it had grown to be so much more than that.

Tinsel resided in their home from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve. He usually arrived in some extravagant fashion, courtesy of Grant. The boys got a kick out of finding the doll each morning and she and Grant got a kick out of trying to outdo the others’ displays each night.

007 was the Playground’s resident elf, so aptly name by the group of spies who were reluctantly pulled into his shenanigans. Originally Phil’s idea, 007 was rotated between the agents nightly. While it _was_ for the boys, it gave a sense of team bonding and collaboration, as well as competition, through the month as they came up with scenarios for the elf to encounter. As much as many of them complained about 007’s creepy presence, the doll had become an odd staple in their holiday season, and some of them took his life way too seriously.

The elves had appeared every holiday season since the boys were toddlers.

Except this one. Because they were hundreds of miles away from the Playground and home. Tinsel was still boxed up in the attic with the rest of the Christmas decorations. 007 was likely destroyed with the rest of the Playground. The thought makes her strangely emotional.

“What if they couldn’t find us because we’re in a secret base and Santa can’t find us either?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she sighs at his miserable tone and walks fully back into his room. She sits carefully on the edge of his bed and pulls him into a warm hug.

She should say the reason the elves never showed up was due to the fact that the adults were the ones who managed their movement.

But Ben has been seven for all of one month and this year has already been hell for the boys. Admitting Santa and his cohorts weren’t real would likely add more devastation at the moment.

“I wouldn’t be too concerned about that.”

“But they always come on Thanksgiving and now it’s December 4 and they still aren’t here.” He replies. “Do you think they went to another floor? One of the ones I’m not allowed on?”

“Well, that would be a terrible decision on their part. They would know you’d get in trouble if that was the case.”

“They are mischievous.”

“I don’t think they’re _that_ mischievous.” She smiles. “I think it’s more likely that it has been a very strange year and you spent so much time at the cabin with Daddy that maybe the elves got a bit sidetracked and are hanging out there.”

“Or they can’t find us.”

“Well, fortunately, I have a way to rectify that.”

“You do?”

“Of course. You’re right that the Lighthouse is supposed to be a secret. Now, I’m sure that that doesn’t matter to the North Pole. But just in case, I think we can let Santa in on the secret though.”

“How?”

“Well,” she thinks for a moment, “only one person can authorize that sort of thing. The Director of SHIELD.”

“Pop.”

“Mhmm. He has all sorts of ways to contact important people. I’ll go talk to him.”

“Pop gets to talk to Santa?”

“Not all the time but SHIELD has helped him in the past.”

“Really?” He sits up suddenly, eyes wide with excitement.

“Think of all that magic he uses. He definitely has come up on our radar once or twice.”

“Does he have powers like Aunt Daisy?”

“I don’t think so. Santa is a bit different from the rest of us though.” She replies. The idea of Santa undergoing Terrigenesis makes her chuckle though. “I don’t want you to give this another thought okay? We are going to have a wonderful Christmas like always. Those naughty elves are just taking a vacation. I’m sure they’ll show up in the next day or two.”

* * *

Grant lifts his head slightly as he hears muffled thumps coming from somewhere nearby. He sighs and presses a hand against his eyes, then sits up.

Drew is still fast asleep next to him. He hadn’t planned on falling asleep either, it wasn’t even nine he realizes, but he’s exhausted. He touches his son’s forehead gently and is glad to find that his fever seems to have lowered for the time being.

He stands, then walks out of the room, and can hear the noise better now. He follows it to the next room over, where he finds Jemma is sitting on the floor and ripping boxes open.

“Babe, what are you doing?” He watches as she rifles through a box and moves it aside in favor of a different one. He yawns and rubs his eyes.

“Did you bring any of the Christmas boxes?”

“Huh?” The comment catches him off guard.

A few nights ago, he had made an unauthorized trip down to Virginia. It was stupid and reckless on his part but he was careful and hadn’t gotten caught.

He had realized that Jemma had zero belongings and the boys had also been complaining about items that they hadn’t seen since the spring.

When it was decided that the Lighthouse would be their new base of operations, and also paired with the thought that the Earth could split apart at any moment and leave them locked in the Lighthouse til they died, he made the decision on his own to go grab those items.

He had only meant to grab some clothes for Jemma and the items the boys requested but the more time he spent inside their home, the more he realized how much they had left behind and were missing.

He had full confidence that they’re going to break the loop but how and when were the real questions. And he found himself thinking of being locked in the Lighthouse.

Thus, he returned with several more boxes than he had anticipated.

Maybe it’s the knowledge that everything they stored in the Playground was destroyed and the house was all that was left. Or maybe he was just getting old and sentimental.

But he found it hard to leave behind the home they had built up over the past seven years and the memories they had made. It disturbed him to think that all that would be ruined when Daisy, or whoever or whatever, cracked the Earth in half.

Some of it needed to be saved, at the very least.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He suddenly realizes she’s crying. He closes the door, then walks towards her. At the moment, she’s hunched over the box, hands buried inside, with her head down but he can hear her sniffling.

He lowers himself down next to her and feels even more confused when he sees what she’s gripping.

In her apparent hunt for Christmas decorations, she’s stumbled across the box he had filled with a few photo albums and frames. The top frame is a picture from their wedding, which had hung over their fireplace, and was one of her favorites.

It was a black and white shot of them sitting together under the dogwood trees after their wedding ceremony at the US National Arboretum.

“Trying to figure out your packing system.” She says, voice cracking, and she shakes her head. She closes the box again and wipes a hand over her face.

“What are you looking for?” He puts his hand over hers and squeezes gently.

“The bloody elf.” She hiccups. “Ben’s been looking for him since Thanksgiving apparently. I didn’t even realize.”

“Oh. I didn’t even think to go in the attic.”

“He thinks that they can’t find us because the Lighthouse is a secret and if the elves aren’t here, then Santa won’t be able to find us either. I spun some silly story that Phil will give him clearance. Then I thought maybe you might have grabbed it and now I’m… I’m going through these and…” she trails off with a sob.

“Honey,” he moves his free hand to her back and rubs gently.

“I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous. Everything’s fine.” She lifts her head and flashes a tearful smile but it does nothing to ease his concern.

She had been strangely quietly since they had shown up in the Lighthouse. He knows that they’re overwhelmed with everything that’s occurring and they barely have time to breathe, let alone talk to one another, but he feels like she’s avoiding him.

He’s not the genius in their marriage but he’s put enough together from the bits of information they all provided. The future was a hellhole and it’s only right to expect there to be fallout. Not to mention, they never even talked about whatever happened with Aida and the Framework and he’s sure that wasn’t a piece of cake either.

Jemma routinely pushed her own thoughts and feelings aside to make sure the rest of them were taken care of. It’s painfully obvious this is what she’s been doing for two weeks.

“You know, you don’t need to be the strong one all the time.” He mutters, getting a laugh out of her.

“Isn’t that usually my line?”

“Then why aren’t you following your own advice?”

“It’s not important. I’m being dramatic.”

“I think you can afford to be a little dramatic when you got sent 70 years into the future for six months. It was a shitty place from what I can gather.”

“It was awful but it’s going to be fine.” She insists. He tilts his head with a raised eyebrow and her shoulder slump. She runs a hand over her face and sighs. “And it wasn’t six months for us. The monolith seemed to activate at different intervals, which correlated to another period in our current time.”

“You were still stuck there, experiencing something fucked up. I know something had to have happened because you’re finding every opportunity to not talk about it.”

“I’ve been busy. Between these missions and helping Yo-Yo and the boys, it’s not like I’ve had much downtime lately.”

“And whose fault is that?” He moves a little closer and strokes his hand over her hair. She closes her eyes and leans into his palm with a sigh. “You know whatever it is, we can work through it together.”

“How many times do you think we’ve had this conversation? Grant, how many times have we promised each other it would be different and it wasn’t? How many times have I had to-” She cuts herself off, looking close to tears again.

“Had to what?”

“Nothing.”

“Obviously it’s something.” He says, causing her to shake her head. “Jem,”

“Ben just made me realize that they’re part of this too. I missed his birthday and we didn’t do anything for Thanksgiving. We hardly celebrated Drew’s birthday. They love Christmas so much and look forward to those traditions every year and… and this probably is our last real Christmas.”

“We don’t know that.”

“What if it is? We don’t know when we’ll break the loop or if we even will. What if the destruction happens but something after is what breaks it? We’ll still be in the same position. Now is the time to make it count and we can’t even give them what they’re used to.” She shakes her head and looks back down at the frame she’s holding. Her fingers are shaking as she traces over their image. “I wish I didn’t know. Think of all the billions of people going about their business right now and they have no idea what’s coming. They just live their life, knowing subconsciously that one day it will end, but no one expects it to happen right then and there. I feel like we’re running on borrowed time.”

“Don’t think like that.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know but things are going to be fine.”

“It’s already started. We don’t know what the change has to be or if it can be multiple things. And we can say we’ll do it differently all we want but maybe it doesn’t work like that. And I’m trying so hard to keep it all together but underneath, it’s all still there. And maybe I can take comfort in knowing we all make it through the destruction fine but after… knowing what comes then is the worst part.”

“Well, you don’t have to keep it all together around me.”

“I don’t want you knowing. I couldn’t bear to have that weighing on your mind. It’s not fair.”

“Do the others know?” He asks. She hesitates but ultimately shakes her head no. “Then it’s just as unfair to have you shoulder it all too. Whatever it is, we can work through it together.”

“I don’t think there’s anything to work through.” She grabs his hand and squeezes tightly as she lets out another sob. “Grant, I don’t think I can do this. It was so awful and I’m terrified for what’s- I just can’t shake this feeling.”

“Baby, just tell me. Come here.” He moves closer and gets his other arm around her, pulling her close so their foreheads are touching. She’s silent for several minutes but eventually, she sighs and begins to speak. 

“At first, we didn’t know what had happened or where we were. We thought we were in space. At some point May and I were able to access this ship called a trawler and when we got out there, that’s when we realized we were still on Earth, or a part of it at least. Knowing that you and the boys were probably impacted by whatever happened just devastated me. And then when we found out we were in the future… I felt like someone had just stabbed me. I didn’t know if you had survived whatever happened and all I could do was picture them, absolutely terrified and crying and I wasn’t there for them.” She pauses, closing her eyes as she focused on the feel of his hands in her hair and over her back. “When we got to the Zephyr, there was a man there part of the group of survivors. He filled in the gaps that Robin couldn’t. Then I realized he knew these things because… because he was Drew.”

“What?” That makes him pull back slightly, surprise in his eyes. She nods as she sniffs and keeps her hands busy by toying with the buttons on his shirt.

“No one knows that it was him. Everyone was so preoccupied with other things and then one of his companions killed Robin. We didn’t have a lot of time.”

“The others don’t know?”

“No. They ‘ _met_ ’ him briefly but no one recognized him. I didn’t even recognize him. He was using a different name. He told me how things got worse and we changed our names to try and blend in.”

“Wow. He… he must have been what? 75? 76?”

“Yeah. I mean, I figured that if the earthquake hadn’t killed you all, then we were too far in the future for anyone to even be alive. When I realized it was him, I felt such a relief because I thought that was the sign that we’d be okay despite everything.” She says quietly.

“Were we?”

“Sometimes but mostly… mostly it was horrible and we did the best we could.” She closes her eyes and her hands tighten around his shirt. “You’re going to die in five years. I will about ten years after you. Ben… Ben a couple years after that.”

His own hands slow to a stop on her back. He tries to remain calm but honestly, it feels like someone sucked the air out of the room.

She’s right. Everyone knows their time comes up eventually but they don’t expect it any time soon. Five years was nothing. The boys had already lived that long and it felt like the blink of an eye.

But worse than knowing his own fate, or even Jemma’s, is Ben’s. He can’t picture Ben as anyone other than their sweet little baby. Definitely not some twenty-something man who more than likely will die by unnatural causes.

Grant’s almost glad he’ll be dead at that point because he’s pretty sure he’d lose his fucking mind if he had to witness this.

“So how am I supposed to go through my days pretending things are fine when I know that’s going to be happening?” She asks, her voice choked again. “It hasn’t even happened and I just have this constant, overwhelming grief. I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to stop all of this. I can’t do it. I can’t lose you. That’s not the life I want for our kids. They deserve so much more, so much better. And if it can’t be fixed, then the very least I can do is make the most of what time we have left before it happens. The poor kid just wants his damn elf and I can’t even make that happen. And now there’s all this,”

She waves a hand around at their boxed up life and a new wave of tears form.

“I’m not ready to let go of everything. We had so much that we were going to do and now there’s no time.”

He swallows thickly, then pulls her into a tight hug. She clings to him, nose buried in his neck, and he feels tears trickling there as well.

He wants to tell her it’s okay and they’re going to figure it out but he has to wonder how many times he’s said that before and they faced the same outcome.

“We’ll just take it one day at a time.” He says instead, hands stroking over her hair. “Starting with the elves.”

* * *

“Can we have pancakes today?” Ben pleads as they walk towards the lounge and kitchen.

“I think that could be arranged. What about you darling? Feeling up to some real food today?” Jemma brushes Drew’s hair back. His fever had finally broken in the middle of the night and he appeared to be much better than when he had gone to bed.

“Pancakes sound good.” He nods his agreement as Grant approaches them from the opposite end of the hall.

“I was just coming to find you.” He says, accepting the hug Ben gives him. Drew follows quickly. “I think there’s something you’re going to want to see.”

They enter the lounge together and Jemma stops short, her mouth falling open in surprise. The boys let out simultaneous gasps.

There is a rather large Christmas tree set up in the corner of the room. It was slightly too tall as the top branch scraped the ceiling. There would be no option for a topper to properly fit there.

Strings of multi-colored lights are draped randomly over shelving units. 

Boxes of ornaments are stacked near the base of the tree in a variety of colors. And on top of the ornaments, sit two smirking elves, with a note folded between them.

The boys rush forward to inspect the scene as their parents hang back. Jemma still is in shock while Grant looks pleased with himself.

“How did…” she stops when she feels her throat tighten.

“Guess there was some Christmas magic hanging around here after all.” He replies, slipping an arm around her shoulders. He pulls her in close, then presses his mouth to her ear. “There’s a 24 hour Walmart not too far from here.”

“Mommy, look!” Ben races back to her and holds out the paper for her to read. “You were right!”

“Let me see.” She accepts the paper from him and smiles to herself. Candy cane print lines the edges of the paper. Dark gold ink fills the rest of the page. She recognizes Grant’s handwriting, although he seemed to have taken much greater care than his usual chicken scratch. The words are printed carefully and neatly, making it easy for their sons to read.

She scans the letter silently, chuckling to herself as she goes.

“What does it say?” Grant asks.

“It says: **Dear Ben and Drew, I heard Tinsel and 007 had not reported for duty. As soon as this was brought to my attention, I found them immediately. It seems they couldn’t find you at your usual house and were bouncing around to locate you. Or so they say. Unfortunately, they got distracted at your house in Hawaii. I think they were enjoying the warm weather. It won’t happen again. SC. P.S: There should be a surprise to make up for the trouble.** ”

“Over here!” Drew exclaims. He pushes the packs of ornaments aside to reveal three long, rectangular items, wrapped in reindeer wrapping paper. Next to those is a tall, red gift bag. “There’s sand everywhere.”

“They must have gone to the beach.” Grant says as they sit on the couch. “Who are those for?”

“This one is mine.” Drew puts it next to him. “This is Ben’s, and this one says for Daddy. Oh, and the bag has Mommy’s name on it.”

“Why don’t you two open yours first?” Jemma suggest. Neither of their sons waste any time in ripping the paper off. “Oh. Lightsabers. That is… so safe.”

“Did you get one too Daddy?”

“Let’s see.” He rips the paper off his to reveal a version of Darth Vader’s lightsaber. Jemma scoffs but she’s smiling as he grins. “Wow. I guess Santa thought I’d enjoy having duels with you.”

“Mommy, what did you get?” Ben asks. She glances over the bag, then slides her finger through the opening to break the thin piece of tape holding it shut. She laughs quietly as she looks inside. “What is it?”

“It’s something I would enjoy. So I can take a bath.” She explains. She glances over the bath bomb and her favorite bottle of wine, then makes eye contact with Grant, who simply smiles back at her.

“Guess Santa really does know everything. You could use a night to relax.” He shrugs.

“Can we start decorating the tree?” Drew pleads.

“Breakfast first. You have all day to decorate. You don’t want to start feeling sick again.” Jemma says.

“There’s doughnuts in the kitchen.” Grant adds. The boys share an excited look, then sprint out of the room to enter the kitchen.

“Lightsabers and doughnuts? Really?” She tries to look stern but she fails. “You did all this yourself?”

“Trip helped carry in the tree but yeah.” He nods as she slips closer on the couch. “You’re right. We should make the most of this year, regardless of what happens next. We needed this.”

He glances over the tree but she cups his jaw gently and turns his face back to hers.

“You’re a great dad.” She murmurs. It draws a faint blush out of him but he shrugs, trying to brush off the praise. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” They share a soft kiss. He pulls back slightly to say, “I’m just glad all those fucking elves look exactly the same otherwise this wasn’t going to work.”

“You’d have come up with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry (late) Christmas and Happy Holidays! I had wanted to add a Christmas one-shot and this turned... completely away from what I had planned. Hopefully in the next few days I get a more cheerful one-shot up for the holidays. Thanks for reading, all the reviews and kudos, and I hope you all have a great holiday season and a Happy New Year!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Plenty more where that came from.”
> 
> “We had to come all the way to Hawaii to kiss?”
> 
> “Without any interruptions at least.”

Grant is grateful there is hardly anyone else on the road because the delighted moan Jemma lets out definitely distracts him.

He glances over to find her with her head tipped back, hair blowing in the wind, and her arms stretched out as she takes advantage of the top being down on the convertible.

“You know, they normally tell you to keep your arms inside the vehicle at all times.” He says, earning a grin from her.

“It feels so nice.” She hums but drops her hands into her lap. “We earned this.”

He tips his head in slight agreement and pulls off the road to the house they bought a couple years back. It had been their first major purchase together, done on their honeymoon.

He’s not against vacations. Ten days is excessive and he thinks he’s going to be climbing the walls by the time they get home but she’s right.

Sure, he had been saying for months they’d take a few days to themselves but life happened and SHIELD happened. They’d get to it… eventually.

He just wishes it had been his decision, or partially his decision at least. This felt more like a hostage situation with his family conspiring against him. Though he’s definitely been in far worse situations so he really can’t complain.

He sees no point in still being on medical leave other than Phil refusing to sign off on his return to work. If he wouldn’t take his time willingly, they would just force it on him instead.

He was not limping, despite what anyone else said. He was perfectly fine.

Maybe he could use a break. His last few assignments hadn’t gone so easily. Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone.

And he’s been hurt more in the past six months than the last year total. Stupid injuries that could have been avoided if he hadn’t been off his game.

“You’re not as grumpy as when we left. The sunshine getting to you?” Jemma teases, poking him in the arm. He tries to keep his face neutral but a smirk is fighting its way out. “Mhmm. That’s what I thought.”

She wiggles closer and traces her fingers up his neck, over his jaw, and along his ear. He sucks in an audible breath as she chuckles at his squirming.

“Let’s go.” She plants a kiss on his cheek as he puts the car in park and is out of the car before he can respond.

“So I guess I’m bringing in all the bags?” He calls as she practically skips up the sidewalk to the porch.

“We can come out for them later. Who’s going to steal them?” She waves an arm around, gesturing to the open space around them.

He had purposely picked the house for its isolated location. They had neighbors, but at least a mile up the road. No one was close enough to bother them.

He sighs quietly while he hits the button for the roof to move back into place. Then he climbs out of the car and locks the doors. She’s still waiting on the porch, having made no attempts to enter their house.

“Come on!” She calls. He glares at her from behind his sunglasses. He’s not actually angry with her. How could he be angry with her wiggling adorably like that?

“You can open the door too.” He reminds as he steps onto the porch. “Or did you forget that your biometric is programmed too?”

“Yes, I remember darling but it’s not as fun.” She replies.

“Not as fun as what?” He feels along the siding next to the door. A piece opens and swings out, revealing a digital panel below. He waits a few moments as the screen turns blue and lets out a beep.

They had spent a several days here not too long after they bought the house. Fitz had accompanied them and gladly helped Grant create a security system that met his expectations.

Her arms slip around his waist while he presses his hand to the screen.

“As you being a gentleman and carrying me over the threshold.”

“Not sure if you heard but I’m injured.”

He can literally feel her eyes roll as she presses her face to his back and kisses his spine.

The pad turns green with a perky beep that still reminds him of R2-D2 and he pushes the door open. He turns quickly and scoops her up into his arms before she can say anything else.

She hums happily as she wraps her arms around his neck. He pauses briefly to kick the door closed behind him but more importantly to return the kiss she’s currently giving him.

“Plenty more where that came from.” She murmurs, nuzzling her nose against his.

“We had to come all the way to Hawaii to kiss?”

“Without any interruptions at least.”

He chuckles in response and kisses her again. He walks a few more feet into the house. Lights turn on automatically as they go.

“No friends. No family. No SHIELD.” She punctuates each statement with a kiss on his jaw. Her fingers curl at the base of his neck, scraping lightly and stroking through his hair. “Just you and me.”

They had agreed to the bare minimum with their electronics. Only one tablet each for entertainment and only one phone, non-SHIELD issued, for emergencies only.

Though if she kept touching him like this, he probably wouldn’t even look at either over the next week.

There’s a faint beep from somewhere around them.

“Oh, welcome back Agent Ward! It’s very good to see you again Dr. Ward. It has been far too long.”

“Fuck.” Grant sighs as the AI starts to speak. Jemma giggles against his shoulder.

“Hello Threepio. How have you been?”

The AI begins to ramble about current events and the weather in Hawaii.

Grant had made the (terrible) mistake of offhandedly commenting that as much as Stark fucking irritated the shit out of him, JARVIS was actually sort of cool. In his defense, he had been in Malibu way too long on that assignment.

Fitz had taken that to heart apparently and had created his own version to install in the programming. Grant’s still not sure if he did it to be kind or to aggravate him. He presumes it is the former, since the engineer made sure to only have it run in the common areas of the house and also gave them the option to turn it off. Naming it C3PO had definitely been a joke.

“Threepio, did you receive the list I sent ahead?” Jemma asks as Grant sets her gently on the couch. 

“Yes, everything has been ordered and is expected to arrive later today. Would you like me to check the delivery tracker for you?”

“No thank you.” She curls up on the couch and leans over the back, watching as Grant wanders to the massive windows that look out over the back of the property. She smiles gently when she sees his posture relax and he sighs quietly.

Maybe it had just been because it was their honeymoon, but they had both adjusted to life in Hawaii very easily.

She knows it’s not realistic at the moment but perhaps one day, they would settle here permanently.

She thinks he feels that way too. They had put so much work and money into the house. It wasn’t just another safe house for them. It was a second home. Granted they didn’t get a lot of time to visit it but it was home when they were there.

“So what would you like to do first?”

“You mean you don’t have some massive itinerary planned for us?” He glances over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

“I hardly think we count as tourists anymore.” She shrugs in response. She climbs off the couch and walks over to where he’s standing. His arm slips around her shoulder and she moves into his side. “I can think of a few things I’d like to do.”

“Yeah?” He grins down at her as she slips her hand into his back pocket and squeezes. She smiles back and nods. He starts to lean down towards her but before they can kiss, Threepio interrupts them.

“Agent Ward, I have the results of those security tests you requested. I ran 300 scenarios with varying results.”

“Hold that thought.” He presses a finger to her lips, making her chuckle. He brushes past her to walk into the hallway. A few moments later, she hears a door open and he’s tapping something. She assumes he’s in the control panel, which is quickly proven true when Threepio cuts off suddenly. “Okay. Where were we?”

* * *

They’re on day three when his cell phone rings for the first time. He glances at the caller ID and smirks slightly. He sits on the couch, which faces out the patio to the pool, and clicks to accept the call.

“Is this a social call?”

“ _I know better than to break my own rules. How’s vacation?_ ” Phil chuckles. Wherever he is, it’s busy, judging by the background noise.

“It’s been fine.” Grant takes a sip of his beer and leans back as he sees Jemma’s head break through the surface of the water.

“ _Just fine_?”

“I’m relaxing and enjoying myself. I even slept in.”

“ _Wow. I think I should trace the call and make sure it’s really you._ ”

“Ha ha.”

“ _Go anywhere nice?_ ”

“Uh,” Grant hesitates, watching as Jemma hoists herself out of the pool. “We haven’t… uh… really left the house too much. Went to dinner last night. Good scallops. But uh… we’ve got everything we need here. Just chilling and a… damn good view.”

She’s smiling at him through the door and gestures for him to join her. He holds up a finger to wait and points at the phone.

She pouts and turns to sit on one of the loungers. His mouth goes dry as she pulls the small string holding her top together and it flops down.

Obviously, he’s no stranger to the sight of his wife’s body. And God knows they spent most of the past three days partially clothed or naked.

But it’s still a damn sight to see in his opinion. And he knows that there’s no one around to interrupt them, which is allowing her to be more relaxed than usual, so there’s something about how she’s so casually topless in their backyard that drives him crazy.

“ _Grant?_ ”

“Huh?”

Phil gives a low chuckle, then says, “ _I asked how your ankle is._ ”

“Same as it was when I left. Perfectly fine.”

“ _Still limping?_ ”

“No. I wasn’t to begin with.”

“ _You tripped off a roof._ ”

“I was pushed.” He argues as he hears running in Phil’s background. “Where are you?”

“ _In the desert. Nothing you need to be concerned about._ ”

“Really?”

“ _Really, that’s the perk of being on vacation._ ”

“Yeah, I know, but if it’s something serious…” Grant trails off as he hears an alarm start going off. “Like that.”

“ _Happens all the time. Look, the world is not going to end because you took a day off. I’ll see you next week. Go and enjoy the view._ ”

Before Grant can protest this, Phil ends the call. He stares at his phone briefly, then takes another sip of his beer and stands up.

He’s sure whatever happened was not a serious issue. Alarms went off all the time. Hell, Jemma set off alarms constantly running her experiments.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He asks as he slides the door open.

“I haven’t the faintest idea as to what you mean.” She retorts. She lays back on the lounger and throws an arm over her head, like she was posing for some sort of photo shoot.

“Yeah, I bet.” He glances over her, then rounds the side of the lounger to kneel at her feet.

“I’m just working on my tan. Didn’t want any lines.”

“I have never seen you tan and the sun is nearly set.”

“I appreciate good skin care products.” She sighs as he wraps his hands around her left foot and slowly massages along the arch. She flexes her toes, drawing his attention to bright pink nail polish. “Who was on the phone?”

“Phil. Just checking in.” He replies. She hums softly and closes her eyes as his hands work up over her calf. “Nothing important apparently.”

“That’s good.” She sighs when he begins to kiss a path up her leg. He moves slowly, making sure to drive her crazy, and then continues along her torso and up to her head. “Hi,”

“Hi,” he brushes a kiss over her mouth as her arms wrap around his neck.

“You’ve got too many clothes on.”

“Pair of shorts is too much?”

“Yup.” She chuckles, knowing it was probably the most he had worn today.

“Would you like me to take them off?”

“I would love it if you did.” She grins against his mouth as he huffs out a laugh.

“You’re lucky we don’t have neighbors.” He comments as he stands up. She continues to grin at him as he unzips his shorts and pushes them off his hips. “Now you’re overdressed.”

“I suppose I am.” She stands up and hooks her thumbs in bikini band. She wedges it down slightly, then stops. “I have a proposition.”

“Okay.”

“First one to make it across the pool and back gets to have the next orgasm.”

“You know I’d make you cum whenever you like. We don’t need to make a game out of it.”

“Are you afraid you’ll lose?”

“You are a decent swimmer.”

“You move faster than me though.”

“To the deep end and back?”

“Whichever way you’d prefer.”

“You’re on.” He replies after thinking it over for a moment. She smiles happily, then wiggles out of her bikini bottom and kicks it towards him. They both step down into the shallow end of the pool and place themselves on either side of the steps. “On three?”

“Sure.”

“One… two… hey!” He lunges after her as she pushes off the wall and takes off. She shrieks as he catches her ankle and pulls her back towards him. “You should be disqualified.”

“As if you were going to fight fair.” She retorts. She moves through the water and wraps her legs around his waist.

“I’m not a cheater. I like to earn my wins.”

“Mhmm.”

“Are you going to play nice?”

“Probably not.” She shrugs and presses closer to him. He shakes his head but grins at her.

“Not much incentive for me in that case.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Does this mean I win by default?”

“I didn’t say that.” She murmurs before she kisses him. It’s gentle at first but she quickly deepens it. He responds eagerly but lets her keep control over it. When they finally break apart, she sighs and lays her forehead against his. “I missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Having you home and you being relaxed, without the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“I’m always relaxed.” He says, drawing a chuckle out of her. Her hands are moving steadily through his hair, stroking and scraping over his scalp the way he likes.

“It’s been hectic the past few months. You needed a break.”

“I know.”

“You know? You’re suddenly so agreeable.”

“It could be all the sunshine and sex.” He smirks, causing her to laugh again.

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” She kisses him, then swims away. “Okay, for real this time.”

* * *

It’s a few days later when his phone rings a second time. It’s rather early in the morning, around eight thirty, and despite that being very late for him, he’s still in bed.

He feels blindly along the nightstand for his phone, then accepts the call.

“What’s going on?” He mutters.

“ _Grant,_ ”

The voice on the other end makes his eyes pop open. He feels Jemma move behind him.

“Nat? How’d you get this number?”

“ _Give me some credit._ ” She says, though there’s no joking tone to her voice. Actually, she sounds rather rough. “ _I figured it had to be you when I went through… Coulson’s phone._ ”

There’s a long pause and he feels his chest tighten with anxiety.

“ _He’s gone._ ” She says quietly.

“What?” He sits up quickly in bed, jostling Jemma. He suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. He assumed he had been injured but…

“ _I wanted you to hear it from one of us before the red tape and reports got in the way._ ”

“What do you-” He presses a fist to his mouth and tries to take a deep breath.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ”

“What happened?” He listens carefully as she explains the events of the past few days - the Tesseract, Loki’s arrival, Barton being compromised, the attack on the helicarrier.

“ _I gotta say, I’m surprised you weren’t here._ ” She comments. “ _He said you’re on vacation?_ ”

“Medical leave.” He replies numbly.

“ _Got it. I have to go. Things are chaotic here and Barton should be waking up soon._ ”

“I’ll come now, next flight out.”

“ _Where are you?_ ”

“Oahu.”

“ _You could get to the base in Honolulu but even then it’d be too late. Just wait for further information._ ” She says and the phone clicks before he can say anything else.

“What’s going on?” Jemma presses her hand to his back. It grounds him for a moment, but then he jumps out of bed and moves towards the door. “Grant? What’s wrong?”

She looks confused and worried when he turns towards her.

“Phil’s dead.”

“What?”

He shakes his head and quickly walks out of the room. He can hear her calling his name as he practically runs down the stairs. He’s out of the house before she can even follow him.

* * *

Jemma sits alone in the living room and stares at her phone. Every call and text she had sent Grant remains unanswered.

She’s not sure what to do or how to handle this. She’s completely numb at the thought. She knows there are plenty of fallen SHIELD agents but she’s never personally known one and the fact that it is Phil is devastating.

Her phone beeps and she quickly unlocks it but there’s only a text from Fitz.

**_Do you see NY????_ **

She frowns and turns the television on. It’s still on one of the local stations from the previous night so she doesn’t need to search. The breaking news segment shows a video feed from Manhattan. Some massive portal in the sky with aliens coming through.

_What’s happening?  
_

**_No idea. Tri is going nuts. Not high enough to be shared any info._ **

She wonders if this has to do with Grant’s shocking announcement. Phil had a habit of finding himself in unusual circumstances and usually, Grant was right there alongside him. She feels a small sense of relief that they’re nowhere near this, then it turns into extreme guilt for even thinking that.

She tries to call him again but it goes straight to voicemail. She opens their text chain instead.

_I know you’re not okay and I’m not going to tell you to come home but can you at least let me know you’re safe? I’m worried about you._

Several minutes later, he finally responds with a simple: **_I’m fine. I’ll be home soon._**


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief Skye/Fitz interlude as they navigate settling into the Playground.

“Hey Skye? Fitz is yelling at the lab techs again.” Trip comments as he strolls into the kitchen. She groans from her spot on the couch and closes her laptop.

May had released her from training less than an hour ago. All she wants to do is sit and relax. She earned it. God, she thought Ward had been difficult as an SO. May was several levels ahead of him. Skye was learning so much and she’s grateful that her relationship with May had taken a turn for the better but she’s exhausted.

“Is it really my turn again?” She asks, causing Trip to let out a laugh. “Yeah, I know.”

When it came to handling Fitz, it was always her turn. She seemed to be the only one who could snap him out of his moods. Which is great. She is his… well, she’s not quite sure what she’s classified as.

Things had been chaotic since… since the Italian train, she guesses. They had been grounded for few weeks while Fitz recovered but then they hit the ground running and never seemed to stop.

And they never finished their conversation from the train. Or, followed up on it, rather. Actually, they had. Just without a conversation to go with it. She’s not sure she wants to.

They were okay for now. Why rock the boat and send him scurrying away?

Skye inhales deeply and tries to recall May’s tricks for keeping her composure.

She has a place in the world now. She has a family, friends, Fitz. Considering the overall state of the world and SHIELD, things were okay.

She just can’t shake the feeling that it could all be gone in a snap.

Hell, it had already started. No one knew where Simmons and Ward had gone off to. Every time another agent wound up at the Playground, Skye hoped it was them. The new agents were okay but she feels like their team and family is currently incomplete.

A million scenarios have run through her head.

_Ward was dead and Simmons had ran, unable to cope with losing her husband_. Skye had quickly debunked this theory after hacking into hospital records and finding he had been released. Though the doctor’s notes that he strongly urged him not to be didn’t exactly comfort her.

_Ward was Hydra and had either taken Simmons hostage or killed her._ Skye couldn’t really believe this one. Despite Ward’s sometimes standoffish demeanor, he worshipped the actual ground his wife walked on. Plus, he had been raised by Coulson. And he had been shot by Hydra.

_Simmons was Hydra and had either taken Ward hostage or killed him._ Again, Skye couldn’t believe this without proof, though the idea of Jemma as some secret Black Widow type absolutely amused her.

_They were both Hydra and slithered off to some evil lair, plotting their next move._ Them running off together made sense but again, the secret life as Hydra? She just couldn’t see it.

But considering the agents they had encountered who turned out to be Hydra and John freaking Garrett was the Clairvoyant? She guesses anything is possible.

“No! You do not touch that!”

Skye sighs as she comes to a stop just inside the door of the lab. The newest tech, Deanna if she remembers correctly, almost looks to be in tears as Fitz snaps at her.

“Come on people! Am I correct in assuming you all graduated from SciTech? Pay attention! We have a specific system for cataloguing. It’s not that hard!”

“Fitz,” she clears her throat and steps forward. His head whips around and she feels her stomach churn. He looks wild, hair all disheveled and he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. It would be sexy if he didn’t also look completely exhausted and wired on coffee at the same time.

“Hi.” His tone is more gentle with her but still brusque.

“Some of these people have only been here a few weeks. I know you’re very particular about how you keep the lab but they are following old SHIELD protocols. They’re doing their best.”

“I get that but it’s not bloody rocket science. These people are supposed to be the best of the best but I guess someone had to be at the bottom of their class.” He shoots a group huddled together a dirty look.

“Fitz.” Skye chides him gently. He sighs as he sits at his work station and she leans against the front of it. He rubs a hand over his forehead, then reaches for the travel mug on his desk and chugs. He slams it down, then picks up a pen. For a moment, it looks like he’s about to write something but he just clicks the top furiously. “Do you want to go get some lunch?”

“I can’t. I have way too much to do here and Coulson’s expecting schematics for a new weapon and I’m working on the cloaking and,”

“Leo.” She stops him mid sentence and rests her hand on his thigh. He blinks, then looks up at her. From what she’s seen, she is the only one he’ll allow to call him by his first name. Jemma on a rare occasion but Jemma’s not here anymore and Skye can’t think about her never coming back. “You need to take a break. It will help you think better. Food, then you can go back to solving the universe’s problems.” 

“I did see a burger place opened up a few blocks over.” He finally says, slightly begrudging. “I could go for a milkshake.”

“That’s the spirit.” She grins, then bats her eyelashes. “You want a share a milkshake at the counter with me?”

The tips of his ears turn red but she sees his mouth twitch. She reaches behind her for the phone and hits the button for Coulson’s office.

“I’m taking Fitz for food and fresh air. We’ll be back in an hour.” She pauses briefly, waiting for his acknowledgment, then hangs up. “Let’s hit the road Fitzy.”

* * *

They hardly speak as they walk to the restaurant. That’s perfectly fine with Skye. When she moved from foster home to foster home, she tried to make the environment less awkward by being talkative. She quickly learned that didn’t help her out in most case. Then, when she was on her own, she got used to the solitude and the silence was okay but lonely.

Fitz is comfortable. She knows she doesn’t have to say anything to keep his attention but if she did, he would give it to her immediately and willingly. Unless he was working on something. Then she had to try a little harder. 

“Have you heard from either of them?” She asks once they’re seated with menus in front of them.

“No.” He shakes his head as he scans the menu. She glances over him, noting how agitated he still seems. He’s tapping on the edge of the table but the closer she looks, he’s nearly digging his nails into the Formica.

“Are you okay?”

“M’fine. Why?” He glances up and looks confused as to why she would ask that.

“I don’t know. You just seem sort of tense. Picking fights with the techs, clawing at the table.” She shrugs. He frowns and looks down at his hand, then places it flat against the table. “I know that we’re… still…”

She pauses, unsure of what she was going to say.

“I care about you. I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.” She says, reaching across the table for him. “It doesn’t have to fall on us all the time. We can take a few minutes to ourselves.”

“I know. I don’t like to be idle and other than Simmons, I never worked well with others.” Fitz mutters with a shrug.

“I get that. This isn’t going to be forever. They’ll be back.” She squeezes the top of his hand. After a moment, he turns his hand over to press their palms together.

“I’m glad you’re still here.” He says quietly.

* * *

His brain feels like it’s racing. He’s used to that, it’s been that way most of his life. But this is different. Obsessive. Compulsive. He’s trapped.

Skye makes an effort to pull him away from work at a reasonable time. Better than Simmons ever did. They mostly enabled each other until an outside force like Ward snapped them out of their workaholic tendencies.

They had gone to her room at nine, to watch a movie, and he had been in her bed ever since. They hadn’t watched much of the movie originally, more interested in making out.

He adores Skye. How they bonded over computers and _Harry Potter_ and found a commonality in their terrible childhood experiences. He feels she understands him. He’s never had that other than Simmons. But there’s that deeper level they never shared.

And for the first time, maybe ever, Fitz wants to focus on something other than his gadgets. He would love to lay here, holding his girlfriend the rest of the night, and sleep peacefully like everyone else.

But he can’t. His brain is running, something digging and clawing. He realizes his fingers are tracing over Skye’s back. Not nonsensical tracing, but **that**. He sucks in a sharp breath and pulls his hand away from her.

She’s already asleep. She normally is, due to her exhaustive training with May and early mornings.

But when he tries to ease out from her hold, he hears her moan softly.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

“You can stay. Don’t be such a Puritan.” She mumbles, trapping him under her arm again. He smiles slightly.

“I would stay but I’ve got something in the lab I need to check on.” He replies, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She sighs and lays her head on his shoulder.

It makes his chest clench. He’s had random dates, usually at the expense of Simmons or Ward, but never a months long relationship like Skye, building over time.

He loves the companionship, something he never thought he’d want or need.

He loves holding her, loves kissing her, loves making her laugh with his corny jokes. He loves that she understands him and doesn’t get turned off by his mannerisms and personality, that she likes him all the more for those reasons.

Dating Skye filled a gap he always ignored.

But now there’s a new gap, more insistence and unwilling to let his attention stray. He tries again to move and her head presses harder to his shoulder.

“Skye,”

“Leo,”

“I really need to go.” 

“It can’t wait?”

“Afraid not.”

“Why don’t you come back once it’s done?” She suggests. He swallows as he considers it. He knows she doesn’t mean anything by it.

Their timeline is funky. Bits and pieces thrown about their time on the Bus. Really, since settling in the Playground over the last month or so is how their relationship started to become official. Or maybe not. They really haven’t discussed it. Maybe they didn’t need to. It seemed fairly obvious to him.

They kiss. A lot. And there’s been touching on both their parts. He knows that attraction is there. It still amazes him that a woman like Skye enjoyed his company.

“You sure you can’t stay?” She mumbles, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

He almost relents when she lifts her head enough to kiss him on the mouth. It’s nowhere near the intensity of some of their kisses. But the sweetness, the casualness, the sense of adoration and belonging… it all makes his heart swell.

But the scratching in his brain suddenly comes back, possibly worse than before. More insistent. It doesn’t like to be ignored. His hand flexes as he feels the urge.

“I can’t. I’ll come back. Go back to sleep mo ghràdh.” He kisses her one more time, then her forehead. She smiles sleepily at the term of endearment and snuggles into her pillow once he slips out of bed.

Once he leaves the room, he heads into the basement, through a fortified door only two others know about, and isn’t surprised to find them already there.

“Ready?” Coulson asks, with that look of guilt in his eyes. Fitz has told him repeatedly there’s nothing to apologize or feel guilty for. He’s alive. Without the GH.325, he’d be dead. He definitely prefers to be alive. This was just an unfortunate side effect. That seemed to be getting worse. Until he turns into Garrett. Or the compulsion is too much and he dies anyway? They still don’t know what the endgame will be from this.

“Ready.” He replies, pulling his pocket knife out. He turns to the wall he had started last night and picks up where he left off.

* * *

“Brought you coffee.”

Fitz glances away from the computer to find Skye smiling a few feet away. She has a knowing look on her face and he feels himself blush.

“Thanks.”

“Long night?” 

“Kinda of got carried away.” He mumbles. She shakes her head as she sets the mug on his work station. One screen is running a facial recognition search. Simmons’ picture on one side, Ward’s on the other. The other screen is his schematics for the cloaking. 

“It’s not surprising that we haven’t had any results on them.” Skye says, her eyes locked on the search. “That’s what Ward is good at, isn’t it? If they don’t want to be found, they won’t be.” 

“I just don’t understand why they would want to be hidden.” He looks down at his coffee and for a brief moment, he feels rejected. It had always been him and Simmons. Even when Ward had entered the picture, there had been an understanding and they had even built their own relationship together. He feels abandoned.

“Look, nobody is perfect. Even with them being careful, one of them will pop up. It’s just a matter of time.” Skye says. She leans in towards his chair and tips his chin up to kiss him. 

He understands the comforting feel behind it. He didn’t just have Simmons and Ward anymore. Skye was here now. He wasn’t alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Fitz says “mo ghràdh” that is a Scots Gaelic term for “my love” or so my research says.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s okay. This is my sister Daisy. Dee, this is our mystery friend and his companion.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Discussion of child abuse and some fallout of Fitz’s season 5 actions.

“ _Ward? He’s secure. Yo-Yo is taking him in now_.”

“Okay. I’m just clearing the basement now. Give me five minutes.”

“ _10-4, Tin Man_.”

He rolls his name at the nickname as Daisy falls silent over his comms. He finishes his sweep of the basement and is about to holster his ICER when he hears a crash from near the corner.

He pulls the gun back up and turns his flashlight into the area. A stack of boxes had fallen over. He slowly approaches the area, frowning as he spots the panel that had opened in the wall. There must have been some latch that the boxes had hit.

The panel seems to be more of a door, about three feet high. He groans to himself, knowing it was going to be an issue for him to even try getting in there, and uses his foot to push it open the rest of the way.

He’s barely crouched down to look inside when he’s hit with a blast of water, like someone sprayed him with a hose.

He stumbles back, falling on his ass, and he thinks he’s grateful the others aren’t down here to see. Definitely glad Daisy wasn’t there. She’d never let it go. He sputters as he wipes his face off and finally can look inside.

He can’t even call it a room. It’s more of a crawl space, which isn’t much higher than the door itself, and stretches back about five feet.

There, in the back corner, is a little boy cowering. Grant instantly feels his paternal instincts kick in.

“Hey,” he starts to reach in and the boy lets out a gasp and scrambles even further back.

“Don’t hurt me.” He whimpers and it feels like a knife to the heart.

“I’m not. I promise. I’ll stay right here, okay?” He puts the ICER down on the ground and holds his hands up to show he means no harm. “What’s your name kiddo?”

He doesn’t respond at first. He stares at Grant with terror and curls around himself.

Grant notices water slowly running towards him and he can hear some sort of noise, like water running through a pipe. The kid is completely dry though.

“Hey, Dee?” He keeps an eye on the boy as he puts a hand to his ear.

“ _Yeah_?”

“I’m going to need you down here.”

“ _Okay. I’ll be right down_.” The comms fall silent again. Grant glances around the area, trying to find some sort opening. His legs are starting to ache from crouching and he moves to sit instead.

“No!” The boy cries out, clearing misinterpreting his movement and the water sound suddenly sounds like a rush instead of a drip.

“It’s okay! I’m just going to sit here. We can keep our distance.” He hold his hand out again and the rush fades slightly. The boy moves again so that he is completely against the farthest wall and hugs his knees to his chest. A stuffed animal lays next to him, completely saturated. “My name is Grant. I like your Clifford.”

He points to the dog and the boy drops a hand to touch him gently. His fearful expression morphs into a bit of confusion.

“Is that his name? Or do you call him something different? It’s okay if you do. I just know him because my sons like his books and his tv show.”

He waits for a moment, to see if he’ll get a response, but the boy remains silent.

“I bet he keeps you company a lot, huh? He seems pretty special. We’ve got a few of those at my house. Each of my kids has one they really love. My boys are a little older now but they used to carry them everywhere. Now they just hang out in their rooms. How long have you had him?”

“Ward?”

“Over here.” He glances back to the boy when he hears the water start to rush again. The puddle on the floor begins to quickly seep towards him. “It’s okay. This is my sister Daisy. Dee, this is our mystery friend and his companion.”

She looks about as distraught as he feels when she crouches down outside the crawl space.

“Hi sweetheart. It’s nice to meet you.” She smiles gently and the boy’s face starts to relax. The water slowly stops. The rushing noise fades to a faint drip as well. “Can you tell me your name?”

He blinks a few times, then he swallows.

“Colin.” He whispers.

“Colin. That’s a nice name. How old are you?”

“Five.”

“Wow. That’s a whole hand. You are practically an adult. How long have you been down here?” She asks. He shrugs in response and hugs his knees tightly. “Okay. Do you want to come closer so we can help you? I’m afraid that space is kind of small for me and definitely is for Grant.”

“No. I can’t.”

“How come?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he grows fearful again. The water begins to rush again, making Daisy frown. She glances at Grant, who gives a nod.

“It’s okay. We’re not going to hurt you. We’re here to help.” She says. She moves closer to the door and holds out a hand.

“No!” Colin cries out and throws his hands up. A blast of water seemingly comes from his palms, hitting both of them. He begins to breathe heavily and they can hear the pipes groaning in the walls.

“Daisy,” Grant hisses and backs up slightly.

“I know.” She mutters back. “Honey, why don’t you want to come out?”

“Maria said I had to stay.”

“Who is Maria?”

“She takes care of me. She said I had to stay cause no one’s supposed to know.”

“Know what? About… about what you can do?”

“I’ll get in trouble. Cause it’s bad.”

“Oh. I understand. I don’t think it’s bad at all.”

“You don’t?”

“No. You want to know why? Watch carefully.” She holds her hand out and some gravel in the corner begins to vibrate. His eyes widen as he watches. “How long have you been able to do that?”

“Not long.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“I couldn’t move, like I was a statue, and it got really dark. I was scared.”

“I know. It can be scary when that happens.”

“It’s loud.” He whimpers as tears fill his eyes.

“I know sweetie. I know exactly what you mean.” Her hand finds Grant’s and she squeezes him tightly. He squeezes back, trying to give her some type of stability. “I remember when I got my abilities, I felt the same way. You feel like you have a lot of bees or butterflies inside?”

“Like it’s itchy.”

“Yeah. But it gets better. I promise it’s going to get better.” They exchange another glance. “Do you know where your mom and dad are?”

“No.”

“Do you live here?” She asks and his brow furrows. Neither of them had spotted any evidence of a child living in the house when they conducted the raid. “Or do you visit? Do you live somewhere else?”

“Just here.”

“Okay. Tell you what. Grant and I are really good at helping people and finding them. How about you come with us and we can help find…” she trails off, not wanting to make any false promises. “Right now, this isn’t a really nice place to be. I’d love to make sure you’re safe.”

“Maria said I had to wait for her.” Colin says, prompting another glance between the agents.

Daisy has the sinking suspicion that the poor woman this monster sacrificed upstairs is Maria.

“Well, there’s no one here right now and I don’t think you should be left alone. Are you hungry?” She eyes him sadly, noting how small and thin he was. He opens his mouth, ready to answer, then he hesitates.

“No.” He says softly. “I had my meal today.”

“Just one? You should have three.” She says, which makes him frown even deeper. “Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Would you like to come with us? We can get you some food and find out what happened.”

“No one is here?”

“No.”

“I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“You won’t. You’ve done nothing wrong. And if someone has a problem, they can talk to me first about it.” Daisy says, smiling a bit. Colin moves slightly but he still doesn’t come forward. “I know you don’t know us but I promise we’re going to help. Have… has Maria taught you about what you can do?”

“No. She said I had to stop. But I can’t.” He glances down at his palms and the pipes groan again.

“You’re right. You won’t be able to stop and you shouldn’t because that’s a special gift. But you can learn about it and how it works. When I’m scared or sad, mine can feel like it is bad because it can just… jump out. But if you take deep breaths and focus, you can control what you’re doing. And, one day, I bet you’ll be able to do really cool things with that. Would you like me to show you that?”

Colin doesn’t respond at first. He’s still staring at his hands. Then, he gives a silent nod.

“Great. I would love to. You’ll need to come out of there though. I’ll need a little more space.”

“It’s not bad?”

“Not at all. I use mine to help people.”

* * *

“Just keep it over there and don’t let it touch!”

“You don’t have to treat me like a child Simmons.”

There’s a muffled bang and Fitz curses as Jemma turns and glares at him.

“Well, you were distracting me!” He argues as the door slides open. “Oh thank God. How did it go?”

“It was… interesting.” Daisy mutters. “Where’s Annie?”

“Bobbi has her and Lily in the common room.” Jemma explains. “What are you hiding behind you?”

“It’s okay.” She says quietly and steps to the side. Colin still hides partially behind her leg and presses his face against her thigh.

“What?” Fitz’s eyes widen. He stares at the boy, then up at his wife.

“So this is Colin. He was on site at the building.” She explains. “Ward is trying to locate more info. Colin, I’d like you to meet Jemma and Fitz.”

“Hi.” He whispers and his hand tightens around her leg. She crouches down next to him and touches his back gently.

“You don’t have to be nervous. Everyone here is part of our family and we all work on the same team. Jemma is my best friend and Fitz is my husband. They’re going to be able to help too.”

He glances over the others and Daisy notices the small puddle of water beginning to form at their feet.

“So there are a few other kids here. Fitz and I have a baby. Her name is Annie. Jemma and Grant have a baby, Lily. Plus they have two boys, Ben and Drew. They’re a little older than you.”

“That’s right.” Jemma smiles and takes a few steps forward. She keeps her distance though and kneels down. She glances over the puddle, the droplets that are forming on Colin’s fingers, and a nod from Daisy confirms her suspicions. “I know they would love to meet you. Maybe seeing some friends your own age would be a little more comfortable. Would you like to get cleaned up first?”

“There wasn’t anything we could bring with us.” Daisy explains.

“I have some of the boys’ clothes from last year packed up. I think those might work better.”

“Yeah, not everyone gets to be giants like the Wards.” Fitz teases as he approaches. “It’s nice to meet you Colin. I’m happy Daisy brought you by to say hello.”

“Colin, are you hungry? Would you like me to get you something to eat?” Jemma offers.

“Again?” He looks confused by the question and her brow tightens slightly.

“He got to eat on the Zephyr.” Daisy explains. “But if you would like something, we’ll get it for you. Whatever you want, just ask, okay?”

“I guess.” He mumbles, then amends, “I mean thank you. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Jemma, do you have a minute to grab that stuff?”

“Yeah, of course. Why don’t you come with me? You can pick out a new outfit or a few.” She walks closer and holds out her hand. Colin examines her carefully, then looks at Daisy.

“It’s okay.” She nods reassuringly. He nods as well and finally releases her to latch onto Jemma. When they leave the lab, Daisy sighs and looks up to Fitz. “You think I’m crazy.”

“Not at all. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She replies and he tilts his head knowingly at her. She scoffs and shrugs. “I can’t help but think of me when I see him. Back there, he was in this crawl space and… I guess now, even more so, I just wonder how anyone could treat a child like that. And to put them through Terrigenesis too. It’s not right.”

* * *

“Colin Phelps. At least that’s what I’m assuming.” Grant slides the infographic onto the screen. “Found a match when Jemma ran his DNA. Mom is Alissa Phelps. She was Indexed at Afterlife.”

Fitz’s hand tightens around Daisy’s as they gather around.

“Other than that… I don’t know. He doesn’t have a birth certificate, no fingerprints listed, no paternal matches through multiple systems. She doesn’t have social media. Last info I could find on her was a lease in Philly that expired in 2010.”

“Probably before she showed up at Afterlife.” Daisy mutters.

“That would be my guess. I tried to find what I could but she’s an only child and both her parents are deceased. No extended relatives either.”

“She probably kept quiet once she left.”

“Very quiet and out of the way. I ran facial recognition. Some partial matches but nothing concrete. Seems she didn’t want to be found. What do you know about her?”

“I didn’t know everyone at Afterlife.” Daisy mutters. She stares at the Index file on the screen. She can’t recall Alissa at all. “I don’t remember seeing her. On the Zephyr, McHenry said I was deranged just like my mom. He knew her, he had access to Terrigen.”

“I thought the same thing. I searched through records but he’s not listed in the Index. He must not have been present at the time.” Grant replies. He hesitates, then adds, “I started doing a search for Jane Does in his area over the last five years. Not sure what good it will do, but it’s worth a shot.”

“He’s been careful. If he did something to her, he didn’t leave any evidence.”

“You think he’d admit to anything?”

“I can ask him.”

“No, Ward and Davis can.” Mack interjects. Daisy bristles at the rejection but stays quiet. She had lost her temper on the flight back and quaked the psycho. “You’re too close to this Tremors.”

“I can handle it.”

“You didn’t before. You have made a connection with the kid though. Try and find out what you can from him.”

* * *

Fitz isn’t sure what time it is when he drags himself away from the lab. He’s been trying not to work as hard as he used to.

He had been horrified, to say the least, when he had learned what his alternate self had done upon returning from the future.

Hurting Daisy, hurting any of them, would have been the last thing he’d ever attempt to do. Or at least he thinks so, Framework not included.

And now having Annie? He’s terrified of himself and he knows as much as his wife insists otherwise, she’s terrified of him too.

It’s been six months since he returned and he knows leaving the Framework only exacerbated the ever present anxiety he always carried, along with the ramifications of the GH.325.

When he thinks about it, he’s not surprised with what his other self did after returning from the future, given the stakes. But that’s not him. It could never be him again. His family needed to come first.

So that meant cutting back work, even though Mack and Grant were already keeping him limited for what he could and couldn’t do. It also meant speaking with a therapist. Knowing Grant had brought one on after everything went down had amused Fitz to no end, considering all of them were the worst at expressing themselves and discussing their feelings.

But he had to. He refused to lose his family over this and he was willing to work to make it right, as long as Daisy was.

It certainly helped at times. It had gotten easier since he had came back. When they fell into their old routines, it was easy to pretend like everything hadn’t happened. But he sees how Daisy looks at him sometimes, or her hesitancy and protectiveness when he’s with their daughter. Or how he startles her without even trying.

And now there’s Colin. A complete wild card, mixed with Daisy’s history as an orphan and an Inhuman.

The poor kid didn’t even have a memory of his mother. Was unable to answer any questions Daisy had asked.

McHenry had admitted to Grant that Alissa had been dead for several years. Colin was his attempt at studying the psychological aspect of Inhumanity. Alissa had been part of it as well, having gravitated towards him during their time at Afterlife. He insisted there was no father, at least none that would be looking for the boy. And a DNA test at least discredited their worry that he actually was Colin’s father.

The right thing, or the expected thing, would be to contact Social Services.

Instead, he’s asleep in a room down the hall from his nephews and Daisy keeps watch over him as she cradles a sleeping Annie.

She tenses when he squeezes her shoulder gently. It’s brief before she relaxes against his hip. Annie sighs and moves in her arms but remains asleep.

“You should go get some sleep.” He whispers. She shakes her head in response. “Daisy,”

“He doesn’t know where he is. What if he needs something?” She whispers back. He crouches down next to her and they look at each other over their daughter. “I remember those first nights in new places. It was terrifying. I don’t… I don’t want that for him.”

“What about a baby monitor? We can put Annie’s in here and keep her with us tonight.” He suggests. She still looks troubled but he starts to stand. “I’ll go grab it real quick.”

Ten minutes later, they’re in their own bed. Annie is asleep in her playpen next to them and they can hear Colin breathing quietly over the monitor.

Fitz still finds it hard to fall asleep. He runs through the mental exercises Dana suggested but he’s still wide awake.

“Leo.” Daisy whispers at him through the dark and he feels her hand grab his. Sharing a bed had been a work in progress. It had taken weeks for her to let him stay with her. Snuggling like they used to was rare these days. And sex was off the table entirely.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to give him over to someone else. No one would understand.”

“I know.”

“But we… we can’t.”

“Dais, we’re the only ones who can. Or you are at least.”

“It wouldn’t be right. Not with… not with us the way we are right now.” She mumbles. She sniffs and his chest aches at the thought that she’s crying.

“Can I…” he stops, but reaches for her and she slides across the gap in the bed to curl into his side. He sighs as they mold together and presses his face to her hair. “I knew the minute I saw him clinging to your leg that he was staying with us. I know things aren’t ideal but I’m trying.”

“I know you are. You’ve done so well since you came back. It’s me. I’m the problem.”

“You’re not the problem. I put you through hell. I’m thankful you’re even giving me a chance.”

“It wasn’t you.”

“It was me. Even if it wasn’t this version of me, it was me. I’ll never stop apologizing for that.”

She closes her eyes and turns her face into his shoulder.

“If you’re willing to do this, then so am I.” He adds quietly.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you. Annie was enough of a surprise.”

“And we adjusted. We’re making it work. I know I can’t say that I would never do anything to hurt you or her or anyone. But that’s the truth. I’m being proactive with those moments, not letting them overtake me. The last thing I want is… is to be like my father. We can be a good match for Colin. You can teach him and help him grow with his abilities. He shouldn’t suffer because of me. If I… if I find that I’m going down a path… I’ll step back. The kids can be your focus. I won’t get in the way of that.”

“It’s not like we can do a trial run. I don’t want him getting attached and then us… I would never forgive myself.”

“I know that. You know what’s right in your heart and what to do. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you.”

“What if I’m wrong? What if this… tug I’m feeling towards him is just because of how similar he is to me?” She whispers.

“I don’t believe that. I think that just makes you more understanding and want to give him more than what he has.”

“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I knew that he wasn’t meant to be there, that there was no one for him. And when I saw him, it was like when I saw Annie for the first time. But that doesn’t make sense. Annie… I get it now. She’s my blood, my baby, I carried her for all those months. I don’t even know him.”

“Some times, I think you just know.”

“That doesn’t sound very scientific.” Daisy sighs, a soft laugh in her voice. She lifts her head and looks at him. He tilts his head to be able to see her better. Their room is pretty dark but he’s still able to make out the expression on her face.

“Yeah, well, not everything needs to be rooted in science.” He murmurs as she strokes a hand over his cheek. “We don’t have to make a decision tonight. We can just take it day by day.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Leopold Fitz I know.”

“He’s trying to turn over a few new leaves. Like I said, whatever you decide, I’ll support.”

“But it’s not just me. What are your thoughts on him?”

“I think he needs a good family. I think we’ve both learned over the years that… a family isn’t always built through blood. And I saw how you two interacted with each other. There’s something… something that connected you two. It doesn’t always have an easy explanation. He didn’t really give me a chance to interact with him.”

“Would you want another?”

He sighs and considers the question. He had grown up as an only child and hadn’t really considered having a family. Not until he and Daisy became serious, and Ben and Drew had been born. Plus now they have Annie and he wants more for her than he ever had, including a sibling.

“Yeah. One day.”

“One day might be sooner than we expect.”

“Maybe. If we can help him, I think we should.”

“We can’t change our minds.”

“Then we better be certain before we make a decision.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry.”
> 
> “Sorry about what?”
> 
> “Missing your birthday.”

**2000**

Phil smiles to himself as he hears the footsteps approaching the kitchen.

“Oh. Um, I didn’t think you were here.” Grant sounds surprised by his appearance and he turns from the stove to glance at him.

“Yeah, I rearranged my schedule a bit so I’m going in later today. I tried getting the full day off but that wasn’t possible. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what?”

“Missing your birthday.” Phil replies, as though it’s obvious, and Grant blinks in surprise. He turns back to the counter to grab a towel and wipes his hands as he walks towards the table. Grant’s eyes follow and land on a small box, wrapped in multi-colored paper with balloons and a gold bow.

“You got me a present?” He asks slowly, like he’s unsure of what that could mean.

“That’s usually what happens on birthdays.” He jokes, then notices the furrowed look on the teen’s face. “Well, it’s what happens on birthdays for people I care about. You can open it.”

He approaches the table almost hesitantly. Phil feels a rush of anger but he keeps himself in check.

Grant takes his time unwrapping the bow and paper, then finally lifts the white lid to find a Captain America keychain with a key dangling from it.

“What’s this for?”

“Well, I was thinking that you’d been working pretty hard on the Mustang lately.” Phil says and walks towards the door that leads out to the garage. “The uh, the real present is I decided to get the body painted for you. It’s all set. She’s yours.”

Grant stands a few short feet away, fist clenched around the key, as he stares at the gleaming, black car with a ridiculously small, red bow on the roof.

“I tried finding one of those humongous bows but they didn’t seem to have any.” Phil chuckles.

“I thought…”

“What?”

“You’d been saving it.” He mutters.

“Well,” Phil sighs and leans in the doorway, scanning the car as well. “I guess but the truth is you put way more into her than I ever did. She was just sitting there rusting while I planned to sell her off. And really, I only have room for Lola in my heart.”

He glances at Grant and feels a wave of sadness at the expression on his face.

“Grant,”

“I have to get to school.” He finally says. He turns quickly, almost fleeing the kitchen, and Phil notices he dropped the key onto the table as he went.

* * *

**2013**

Grant sighs heavily as he lets the door to his hotel room slam shut. He’s crisscrossed the globe over the last few days, following the trail of an arms dealer who may have gotten his hands on some Chitauri tech.

Working assignments that have stemmed from the Battle of New York always eat at him. It’s just another piece in the events that led to Phil dying.

His throat tightens as he kicks off his shoes. He wasn’t going to do that. Not today.

He collapses facedown on the bed with a groan. He’s been in Barbados for two days now. While it was nice, he preferred to visit without needing to keep eyes on his target.

At least Garrett had finally let him go, deciding no other action would go down tonight. The target had been holed up in his room for several hours and showed no signs of leaving.

It would be good to have a few hours to himself. Get some sleep. Decompress.

But his mind is racing and he knows it’ll be a while before he falls asleep.

He sits up slightly to grab his laptop off the nightstand, then sets it in front of him on the mattress as it starts to power back up. Once it’s loaded, he accesses his messages.

There are a few showing. First is from Trip, which he can tell is some meme by the tag line. He bypasses it for the moment, choosing to click Jemma’s name instead.

A video loads and his chest instantly aches at the sight of her. He hasn’t been home since before Thanksgiving. It had been nonstop since then and although he had downtime, he was usually on call at the nearest base. They video chatted when they could but it had literally been months since they had been in the same room and actually touched each other.

He clicks play and she’s silent for a moment, checking to see if it’s actually recording.

“ _Sorry, you know I hate these things._ ” She says, a bashful smile crossing her face. She’s seated on their bed, judging by the wall and the headboard but she’s changed the bedspread and pillows. “ _Ah, I tried calling you before but it went to voicemail so you must be out in the field. I’m heading out to San Francisco tomorrow for a presentation and I have to leave early so I’m going to bed soon. But I want to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday and figured a video would be the best way, even though I look like a mess._ ”

He frowns, then glances at the corner of the screen. Sure enough, it shows January 7, 2013. He hadn’t even been paying attention. He sighs and drops his chin to his arm.

Jemma’s face scrunches up and she pats the top of her head, where all her hair is piled up in a messy bun. She’s wearing one of his Henley shirts, which is falling off her shoulder. Perfect appearance in his opinion.

“ _Anyway, Happy Birthday. I know things are different this year but I’m sure you’ll be home soon and we can celebrate together then. I’ve got a new chocolate cake recipe that you’d be perfect to test it on._ ” Her smile widens a little. After a moment, she seems a bit more melancholy. “ _I… I hope you have a better year. I want you to be happy and safe and… I know good things are coming, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now. I know you despise your birthday but I always like to look at them as new opportunities so chin up darling. I love you and I miss you._ ”

She blows the camera a kiss, then the recording ends. He plays it again, focusing more on her than what she’s actually saying. He hopes that after they complete this assignment, he’ll be able to return to DC. Not that he actually wants to be in DC but he misses Jemma.

He closes out the video, then hits the option to view his next message without returning to the inbox. His heart stops as he sees Phil’s name listed as the sender. At first he thinks it’s an old message but the date and time show it had been received shortly after midnight.

A new video loads and he feels his chest ache again. He hesitates in clicking play. He slides the cursor towards the delete option, then stops.

Before he can change his mind, he clicks play. It takes a moment for it to load.

“ _Hey, it’s me. Obviously. You can see my face._ ” Phil pauses, then lets out a quiet laugh. “ _Oh, this is so stupid. I don’t know. Things are moving so fast right now and changing quickly. It’s nice to just sit back for a minute and reflect. I stopped by that café outside Stark Tower for a sandwich and I met this older guy, who was raving about his daughter and she turned thirty. It made me realize you’re coming up to that. I know it’s more than six months away but it made me think. And… with things being how they are… I don’t know, I wanted to jot down my thoughts before I forgot… or just wanted to make sure it’s said. Tomorrow’s never guaranteed right? Not trying to be morbid. I doubt anything is going to happen. I’m setting this up to send on your birthday. I probably will forget all about it but we can have a good chuckle over it.”_

He pauses again, then runs a hand over the back of his neck. He smiles slightly, sort of bittersweet, and shrugs.

“ _I know neither of us are the sentimental type and I won’t make this sappy. I guess, it really got me thinking when he asked if I have kids. I told him I had a son. I found myself thinking back to when you turned 17. I thought damn, we’ve come a long way. **You’ve** come a long way. Everything that you’ve accomplished. You should be here now. You’ve earned it. I know there will be chances in the future but doesn’t change the fact I could use you here. You’re a damn good agent and a good man. I know… I know your last few assignments have been rough and you’re questioning things. Don’t. You know what to do. Just keep doing that and you’re going to be fine. We all hit rough patches. You’re one of the better agents I’ve seen in a long time and I’m not just saying that cause I’m your dad. I’m saying it because it’s true. You wouldn’t have moved through the levels as quick as you did if that wasn’t the case. Being able to help you and watch you progress has… well, it’s been one of the highlights of my career. Knowing I’ve got you out there watching my back gives me a lot of comfort. Oh, shit,”_

Phil sighs and glances up at something.

“ _Looks like Stark is finally deciding to make an appearance here. I gotta go. I’m proud of you Grant. I don’t know that I say that enough. I can’t even think of what it would be like without you here. Love you kid. Talk to you soon._ ”

The video ends on its own and Grant stares at the screen. He sighs and rolls onto his back, then presses his hands to his face. He can’t even think at the moment. But that feeling in his throat won’t go away. He glances at his watch, then his inbox, and wonders.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and scrolls to his contacts. His thumb hovers over Jemma’s name, then he sighs and taps it quickly.

The phone rings several times and he’s about to hang up when the ringing stops.

“ _Hello_?” He can tell she was asleep, which instantly makes him feel guilty. “ _Grant? Are you there?_ ”

“Yeah.” He mutters, then swallows when he hears how rough his voice sounds. He pinches the bridge of his nose and clears his throat. “I got your message. Wanted to thank you. Thought I’d catch you before you went to bed. Sorry.”

“ _Oh, no it’s okay. I was just starting to fall asleep. I’m glad you called_.” She yawns softly. “ _It’s nice to hear your voice.”_

“Yours too. In real time, I mean.”

“ _What time is it there_?”

“Hour ahead of you.”

“ _You’re close then_.”

“Not as close as I’d like to be. Couple hours by plane. What’s your presentation on?”

“ _Mm, use of biometrics in equipment. Fitz has this new prototype that can use your touch points and voice recognition. Agent Ramirez’s team has been selected to test it out_.”

“Fun.”

“ _Yeah_.” She yawns again and pauses for a moment. “ _Honey, are you okay?_ ”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just… just wanted to hear your voice.” He slides his hand up over his forehead and into his hair, then tightens his fingers around the strands. “I’m sorry I’m not there. It’s been crazy.”

“ _You don’t have to explain yourself. I’ve been getting plenty of tech and samples to study. There’s a lot of fallout from New York.”_

He squeezes his eyes shut and swallows again.

“Phil sent me a message.” He mutters.

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“He recorded it a while ago and scheduled it to send today. I- I think he recorded it in New York, before everything. He mentioned Tony and Stark Tower and that I was supposed to be with him. I think he was talking about the Avengers. I guess he knew the risks involved and-yeah, I don’t know. It was the typical dad shtick.”

“ _That’s... nice but it must’ve been hard._ ”

“I’m fine.” He replies. There’s a long silence between them and he knows that she knows he isn’t fine.

“ _You know whenever you need me, just reach out. Even if it’s three am and you just want to hear my voice._ ” She says instead of pressing the topic. There were plenty of times where he just needed her, to calm him down or ground him when he felt he was about to lose it. The distraction usually worked.

“I know.” He pauses, then says, “I’m going to try and get some sleep. Let me know how San Francisco is.”

“ _I will. Happy Birthday, officially this time._ ”

“Thanks. I love you Jem.”

“ _I love you too darling. Try not to work so hard today._ ”

“Can’t make any promises.”

* * *

**2000**

Grant thought he was in the clear when he snuck into the house later that night. Phil normally worked late and he had mentioned he couldn’t change his schedule.

But there’s a light on in the living room and he catches the older man sitting near the fireplace. They stare at each other, both waiting for the other to say something. At first, neither of them cave, and Grant figures he’s in the clear.

“I was worried about you.” Phil comments as Grant tries to head towards his bedroom. He stops, sighing internally, then reluctantly returns to the living room. “You stay out late a lot?”

“I thought you were tracking me.” He replies, rubbing a hand over his wrist.

“I was but you haven’t given me a reason to lately. I told you we were building trust.”

Grant ducks his head down and scuffs the floor with his sneaker.

“I was at the pizzeria down the street.” He mutters. His hand moves from his wrist up his arm and he rubs it roughly. He glances at Phil, then looks away again.

He’s not angry, just concerned and maybe a little disappointed. Grant doesn’t know which he’d prefer.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped.” Phil offers. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. “I remember when I was seventeen, all I wanted was my own car and my mom was against the idea. I had two perfectly good feet to get me to school. I dunno. I guess I thought I could be the cool parent in this case.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“I know. I’m not trying to be. I don’t want to replace anyone.” He makes a face but quickly replaces it with a smile. “I’ll settle for a cool, older brother or a fun uncle. Or a friend.”

“I’m just not used to all of this. I don’t even remember the last time someone remembered my birthday. You knew without me saying anything.” Grant admits quietly. He crosses his arms and slouches against the wall. There’s a part of him that knows it’s nice and he appreciates it, but there’s a bigger part that’s fighting it.

Because the truth is, he’s lived with Phil for about seven months now, and the man has given him more attention than anyone ever had. He wasn’t his father but Grant’s pretty sure he’s using Danny Tanner or one of those other sitcom dads as a playbook because he’s hitting all those marks.

“I was thinking about running.” He mutters.

“Because of the car?”

“Yeah, well no, but all of it.”

“All of it?”

“You’re always nice to me and offering to help with homework or teach me something. And you let me take over the car and you took me to a baseball game. You’re kind of a dork but you’re not bad.” Grant pauses, then shrugs. “It’s more than my old man ever did.”

“I understand. I don’t mean to overstep or make you feel uncomfortable. I… we’ve got a weird relationship, don’t we? We’re not family, we’re not friends. I was hoping that after all these months, you were settling in and… I thought things have been working out pretty well. We have come to a kind of understanding.”

“I thought so too. I guess I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“There’s no other shoe. This is what we’ve got. Grant, I know things haven’t been easy for you and I’m not trying to push you one way or the other. I understand wanting time to adjust. I’m just trying to be nice and give you a place that you feel comfortable and safe in.”

“I know and you’ve done that. You’ve been… someone I could trust. You’ve been great and you don’t need to be. I’m just a jackass.”

“Nah, you’re a teenager. You’re all jackasses by default. So… running would have been easier than staying?”

“In the long run, yeah, in case this backfires.”

“I understand. It can be scary letting your guard down. I know there’s nothing I can do to convince you. You need to come to terms with it in your own time. Some part of you has, since you decided to go home instead. I’ll just keep on being here, however you want me to be involved, until you accept it.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. If you’re in the mood for it, I grabbed you an ice cream cake. Want a slice?”

“Sure.”

* * *

**2013**

“There’s a poker game at nine. You play?”

Grant glances around the restaurant as Garrett sits at his table.

“Yeah, I’m not bad.”

“We should give it a shot.”

“Is Rawlings playing?”

“Oh, fuck that guy. I’m sick of him. No, we could use some time to ourselves. I say we earned it and he doesn’t seem to enjoy life. I can’t take another damn night of doing nothing.”

“We’re supposed to be tracking him.” Grant points out, which gets an eye roll from Garrett.

“Yeah, if he does something interesting, we’ll get involved. I doubt that’s going to happen. You ever let loose Ward?”

“Not when I’m on assignments.”

“Heh. You sound like Coulson. Guess you really are his boy.” Garrett chuckles. He catches how Grant’s face darkens at the comment and holds his hands up in apology. “Sorry. Didn’t mean anything by it. Phil was a damn good agent. He trained you well. You know, I almost came and got you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Back when you were in juvie. See, Fury was our SO, both of us. I was supposed to pick you up but I got stuck in Bucharest. He sent Phil in my place. Rest is history I guess.”

“Guess so.”

“You probably would have turned out a little different if I had my chance.” Garrett winks. He catches the eye of one of the waitresses and whistles as he waves her over.

“Yes Mr. Peters?”

“Do you mind bringing over your best whiskey sweetheart?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.” She flashes a sultry smile, eyes Grant, and sashays away.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“How did you know that?”

“Had a check-in with Trip earlier. He mentioned it. How old?”

“Thirty.”

“Thirty.” Garrett whistles and leans back in his chair. “Say, did I ever tell you about my mission on my thirtieth birthday? Phil was actually there. Nightclub in LA. Left Phil to do the work. I got a lap dance. Girl wound up being undercover for the CIA. Night did not end well. Ooh, Fury let me have it that time.”

He chuckles as he watches Grant continue to scout the restaurant. The waitress returns shortly and places the bottle of whiskey in front of Garrett. He smiles appreciatively as he rubs a hand over her hip. She smiles back, then fixes her gaze on Grant.

“Can I get you anything Mr. Clarke?”

“No thank you.” He barely glances at her, more interested in the group now gathering at the bar. 

“Just give a yell if you change your mind.” She says before slipping away.

“Geez, did she need to throw herself in your lap?” Garrett comments.

“What?”

“The waitress. She’s into you.”

Grant glances across the room, then back to the bar.

“The two at the bar were in Florence. The woman they’re with was in Sydney. They might be looking to make a transaction.” 

“You’re not always on duty.” Garrett adds. “I’m sure that hotel room is lonely.”

“I’m married.”

“You are?” He frowns, then realizes. “Oh, right. The brainy chick. Jennifer?”

“Jemma.”

“That’s right. I remember meeting her at Phil’s funeral. She’s the one with the weird little friend?”

“Fitz is her lab partner. He’s an engineer.”

“What’s her speciality?”

“Biochem.”

“Damn. How’d the hell did she end up with you?”

“I ask myself that every day.” Grant mutters. Garrett continues to chuckle.

“She must be pretty impressive.”

“She’s amazing. Literal genius.”

“She knows her stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Interesting. What’s she working on right now?”

“Not really sure. She and Fitz partner up on different things.”

“You’re okay with them spending so much time together?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Grant frowns at the question. Garrett shrugs in response.

“I don’t know. If it were me, I couldn’t focus on my job knowing my wife was spending all her time with another man. In my opinion, women are good for a few things. Anything else is an attachment and attachments are weaknesses. You don’t let her get in your head, do you?”

“Sir, I’ve been assigned to you since June. Have I given any inclination that I allow distractions on my assignments?”

“Whoa, take it easy. I was just making conversation. You’re a good agent Ward. No need to get your panties in a twist.” He makes a face as he finishes off his glass. He pours another one and sighs. “So does the missus enjoy her work?”

“Yeah.”

“I know the labs can get a little rigid from time to time. Lot of opportunities out there. I’d be happy to put in a good word for her if needed.”

“Jemma is able to get her own recommendations but I appreciate the offer.”

“Anytime. You said she’s a biologist?”

“Yeah.”

“Important stuff. She could save lives. Well, let her know my offer is always on the table. I know a few teams that would love to snatch her up.”


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you being so nice to me?”
> 
> “Am I not supposed to be nice to you?”
> 
> “Well, I’ve been lying to you and not doing what I’m supposed to.”
> 
> “Yeah, that’s disappointing but not grounds for being mean to you.”

The sound of the door opening quietly catches Grant’s attention. Someone was definitely trying to get in undetected.

He may not be in the field any longer but it had been harder than expected to let go of his abilities.

Plus, he also has the added bonus of being a father. Sneaky children are sort of his specialty.

“Hey!”

Lily jumps as he enters the hallway. She’s on the third step up the stairs, clearly hoping to sneak off without anyone noticing.

“Oh. Hi. You’re home.”

“I am. I took the afternoon off. Thought we could hang out.”

“…right.” She says slowly. She takes another step up. “I’d love to but I’ve got a ton of homework.”

“Yeah? Your backpack looks kind of light there.”

“Online work. Books are a thing of the past Dad.”

“Right. What kind of homework do you have?”

“Oh, um, you know… science, math… English.” She shrugs and tugs on the end of her ponytail.

“Interesting stuff.”

“Yep.”

“Well, I’m making quesadillas. What kind do you want?”

“I’m not really hungry. I’ll um… I’ll be down later.” She stammers. She climbs another few steps, hits the landing and turns for the next set of stairs.

“Okay. When you come down, we can talk about the missing assignments you have.” He calls, heading back towards the kitchen. There’s a loud thump as she hits one of the steps and her head appears around the corner.

“What did you say?”

“Books might be a thing of the past but parent/teacher conferences aren’t Lil. Phones still exist.”

There’s a long silence, then he hears her trudging up the rest of the stairs. By the time he’s finished with the first round of quesadillas, she’s slipped into the kitchen and is sitting at the island with a morose expression on her face.

“These are just cheese but I’ve got chicken and steak too.” He says, putting the plate in front of her. “Do you want salsa? Sour cream? The ever nauseating guacamole? Something else?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She looks suspicious and he frowns.

“Am I not supposed to be nice to you?”

“Well, I’ve been lying to you and not doing what I’m supposed to.”

“Yeah, that’s disappointing but not grounds for being mean to you.” He shrugs. “Your brothers? Maybe.”

He smiles slightly but when she doesn’t, he sighs.

“That was a joke.”

“Ha ha.”

“Seriously, do I give off the impression of being an ogre?”

“You and Mom are always saying to do my best.”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t.”

“Yeah.”

“So, ergo,” she tips her head and waves her hands to fill in the blanks.

“I’ve found that I don’t accomplish much by yelling. I’ve also found that you usually have a reason for the way you act. I imagine it has something to do with all the,” he trails off gesturing wildly around his face to insinuate the make-up she was wearing.

“Why would you think that?”

“I didn’t at first but going over the list of missing assignments and failed tests, the timeline seemed to coincide with when that started happening. Come on, give me some credit here. You’re insulting my talents.”

“Maybe I’m just tired of being the smart, ugly one all the time.” She mutters and stabs her fork angrily into a tomato.

“What are you talking about? Who ever said that you were ugly? You can tell me. I have ways of making people disappear.”

“Dad,” she tilts her head up and gives him an exasperated glare. “I’m serious.”

“So am I. No one in this family is ugly. Except possibly Ben. He’s a little weird looking.” He shrugs. She shakes her head and stabs another tomato. He watches her carefully for a moment and wants to punch something when he sees her swallowing back tears. “Lil,”

“It doesn’t matter.” She mutters. “Forget I said anything.”

“Oh, it doesn’t work like that.” He rounds the side of the island and sits on the stool next to her. “Hey, look at me.”

She sighs heavily but meets his eye. He smiles at her reluctance and squeezes her hand.

“Am I happy? No. But I know something has to be going on to make you act like this. While I might roll my eyes and make sarcastic comments, I promise that I am not discrediting how you feel, no matter how stupid it might seem. Unless you’d prefer to talk to your mother about this.”

“I’d prefer to see fifteen.”

“Oh, she’s going to find out regardless. Something like this isn’t going to be kept a secret.”

“Great.” She rolls her eyes, then bites into quesadilla. She sighs and dunks it into a pile of salsa. “I’ll take a steak one.”

“You got it.” He bumps her chin gently as he stands. He’s busy at the stove for a few minutes before she speaks again.

“We got an exchange student about six weeks ago. He’s from London and his name is Charles. He’s in most of my classes. He’s funny and smart. Really smart.”

“Scary smart?”

“Not exactly but at least I didn’t feel like a freak.” She sighs and curls her leg up, then rests her chin on her knee. “We never really interacted outside of class though but in class he always made a point to agree with my answers or he’d seem impressed. A few weeks ago, we got assigned a group project in science and had to pick our partners. I sit behind him and he turned and…”

She trails off, cheeks bright red as she recalls the scene.

“Well, I thought he was pointing at me, asking if I wanted to partner up so I nodded. Then he looked at me like I was crazy, shook his head and gestured around me to Molly Edwards. God, it was so mortifying.” She groans and presses her face into her knee. “I just don’t get it. Molly is literally the stupidest person in class. Science is first period. She comes in late every day with Starbucks. I don’t even think she makes it to home room. And then, that day, when I got to lunch, he was sitting at one of the big round tables with her and a bunch of other girls. He looked so smug. And the rest of them are airheads. I don’t know what he sees in them except that they’re pretty. So what’s the point of being smart when no one cares?”

“So you figured if you started to dumb yourself down and put effort into your appearance, that would make a difference?” He asks. She blushes again but only gives a shrug. “Well, I can’t fault your logic, given the circumstances.”

“I sense a but coming.”

“Definitely a but coming.” He nods and flips her quesadilla onto a plate. He sets it in front of her, then sits again. “I’m not going to pretend that boys don’t exist or that you won’t have an interest in them. Teenagers are stupid. It’s just a fact of life. Even you are, Miss Genius. It has nothing to do with intelligence. You’ve all got emotions and hormones raging and I really don’t know what I’m talking about but I’m sure Mom can give you an in-depth study or something. Point is, right now, they’re only thinking about one thing. And even though I said I’m not going to pretend it isn’t happening, I seriously hope that you’re not thinking about the thing either.”

“Do you mean sex?” She asks rather bluntly, causing him to cringe.

“Sure. I know that, right now, high school seems like your entire life but it’s not. It’s going to go by in the blink of an eye and suddenly you have this whole world open to you. There’s going to be a lot of opportunities for shit and I’m positive that someone is going to come along and love you for you. I say that as the dumb guy who’s still pretty in love with the smartest woman in the room. The person you wind up with is going to accept all the parts of you. You shouldn’t change any part of you to fit someone else’s expectations. If they want you to, then they’re the wrong person. Trust me. I have no idea what your mom is saying half the time but it doesn’t make me love her any less. I don’t really listen much anymore since it’s been about 100 years but you get the picture.” He shrugs as she laughs quietly. He glances up and sees Jemma leaning in the doorway with a small smile on her face.

“I know your plan seemed like a foolproof one and maybe it would have gotten you some attention. But in the long run, you’re only hurting yourself. I know we try to not pressure you but school is important and college is important. Throwing away your schoolwork isn’t going to do you any favors in the future. I still have a couple calls left but for the most part, your teachers have been pretty understanding, since this was a surprise to us all. The ones I’ve talked to have agreed to let you turn in the missing assignments so, you know what you’ll be doing all weekend.”

“That’s it?”

“I could come up with more if you want.”

“No. No, homework sounds fun.”

“It’s not supposed to be fun so maybe an extra punishment in there wouldn’t hurt.” He tilts his head with a frown.

“And what do we need punishing for?” Jemma asks, deciding to make her entrance into the kitchen. Lily’s face falls as she comes into her view.

“Oh. Um. I missed a few assignments.” She replies softly.

“How many is a few?”

“Um… couple weeks’ worth? There was only one project. Everything else was like small worksheets or Q&As from reading.”

“Hmm.”

“Uh, could I go grab my laptop so I can get started?” Her eyes flick nervously between her parents. While Jemma’s face is unreadable, Grant looks like he’s holding back a smirk. He nods and Lily darts off, grateful for the small reprieve.

“Well, I’m glad you find it so funny.” Jemma comments.

“Hey, I think I did a decent job not losing it, considering the circumstances. I don’t find the situation funny. I find her being scared of you funny.” He retorts. “And I’m sorry, but a few missing assignments is the low end of the spectrum of a troublesome teen.”

“It’s not good.”

“It’s not but I’d prefer low grades to burning down a house.” He gives her a look as he moves back to the stove. “Would you like to put in a quesadilla order?”

“Chicken and cheese.” She moves next to him and leans into his side. “What was all that talk about loving people for who they are?”

“Oh. Turns out these recent changes were to catch the attention of a boy.” He grimaces as he says it.

“Well, I could’ve told you that.”

“You knew?”

“Not fully but I was a fourteen year old girl once. I had my fair share of rebellion in the name of lust.” She says with a shrug. Grant turns his head down to look at her. He can’t help the laugh he lets out and Jemma frowns at him. “Sorry. Sorry. Your days of rebellion are very impressive.”

“Thank you.”

“She’s worried you’ll be angry.”

“Well I’m not happy.”

“No, I know and I told her that. The whole I’m-Not-Angry-Just-Disappointed deal.”

“Ah. How very Phil Coulson of you.”

“I try.” Grant chuckles while he slides her quesadilla onto a plate. “Just be nice to her.”

“I’m nice!”

“You are but school is more your thing and you tend to get… weird about it. Not mean, just… in disbelief that someone couldn’t have the exact same thoughts and feelings as you. I think sometimes, it’s easy for her to stack herself against the rest of us. Maybe she thinks she falls short of that sometimes.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Not in so many words but she mentioned about how she knows the expectation of doing her best is there. She’s made other offhand comments in the past, especially lately. Which I get. She’s getting to that age and she’s in a family of extraordinary people. I know I didn’t feel very extraordinary at fourteen.”

They fall silent as Lily walks back into the kitchen. Jemma squeezes Grant’s hip as he nudges her gently with his shoulder. She walks to the island and puts her hand on Lily’s back.

“Let me know if you need help with any of this.” She says quietly, gesturing to the laptop. Her daughter examines her carefully, then nods.

“Thanks.”

“I agree with your father’s assessment of the situation so we don’t need to harp on it any further.”

“Okay.”

“I will say that I’ve been in your shoes so I understand. After the first couple attempts, I learned to appreciate me as I am. Other people will too. I know those types can be enticing but they’re not worth your time. You might want to look at the quiet, grumpy ones. They usually have a soft interior.” She smiles conspiratorially as she kisses the side of Lily’s head.

“That… feels like a backhanded compliment.” Grant says slowly.

“Who said I was talking about you?”

“Rude.”


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So we can keep her.” 
> 
> “Benny,”
> 
> “You like dogs. We’re not busy and we’re always home.”
> 
> “It’s not that simple.”

Grant glances away from his laptop when he hears footsteps approaching the kitchen. Ben slowly pads in, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Hey buddy. You’re up early.” He glances at the screen. It’s barely six in the morning.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Ben mumbles. He grabs the small foot stool from the corner and carries it to the counter. “And I was hungry.”

Grant watches as Ben opens the upper cabinet where the cereal is kept and pulls out a box of Lucky Charms. He reaches into the next cabinet and gets a bowl.

“Do you want some help?”

“I can do it.”

“Okay. Let me know if you change your mind. Can you just bring all of it over here so you don’t spill it trying to carry it?”

“Okay.” Ben agrees and carries the box, the bowl, and a spoon to the table. He sets it next to Grant, then turns to get the milk carton from the fridge.

He’s silent as he focuses on his cereal. He pours it into the bowl with surprising accuracy, then carefully pours the milk. Grant slides his laptop away and holds his breath but the majority of the milk stays in the bowl, with only some sloshing over the side.

“Pretty good.” He comments. He’s caught off guard when his son looks at him with what can only be aggravation.

“I’m almost seven. I’m not stupid.” He snaps.

“I never said you were. I think it’s great that you’re trying to do some things for yourself. I still spill my milk everywhere so I’m impressed.”

Ben rolls his eyes and begins to eat. Grant frowns but stays quiet for a moment.

The attitude is just one change he’s noticed in his son over the past few months. The sudden urge for independence is another.

On one hand, he’s proud that Ben is attempting to step up. But he doesn’t want him doing it for the wrong reasons and he has an idea why this is what’s currently happening.

Grant gets it. He remembers the survival mode he used as a child but he had to. He had no one. Ben still has one active, loving, protective parent available to him.

Plus, he’s only six. Grant and Jemma were big believers in helping while educating. They had no problem doing things for the boys while also teaching them for the future. Jemma excelled at this, like everything else, while Grant is sure he fucked it up and fumbled from time to time.

He’s not Jemma. They all know this but he didn’t think he was so far removed from her thoughts and feelings and handling of situations. He hates thinking the boys feel some level of loneliness or abandonment when he was right there and able and willing to do whatever it was they needed or wanted.

He knows he will never be able to fully fill whatever hole has been created by his wife’s absence but it was important that the boys understood he was still there and he wasn’t going anywhere.

“This all sucks, doesn’t it?” Grant says. Ben’s eyes widen a little and he slurps up more milk. “It’s okay. You can say it. It sucks. I think it all the time.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I love spending all this time with you and Drew but it’s okay to wish things were different.”

“I miss Mommy.” Ben says quietly.

“I know you do. I miss her too. But we’re holding it together okay.” Grant replies. He pauses, waiting for some kind of reaction. His son gives a one shoulder shrug. “You don’t think so?”

“Sometimes.”

“I get that. We have fun sometimes and it’s nice to have that distraction. Then we finish and we remember all the other things happening. You think… maybe you couldn’t sleep because of the stuff you have on your mind?”

“I kept having bad dreams.”

“Why didn’t you come get me?” He asks, prompting Ben to give another shrug. He ducks his head down and stirs his cereal around the bowl. “Benny, I know Mom usually is the one you… you go to when you’re feeling sad but you can always come to me too. You know that, right?”

“I didn’t want to wake Drew up. I was okay.”

“You’re a good brother but you don’t need to hide how you’re feeling to help him out. It’s okay to be upset and I’m sure Drew is feeling the same way. Sometimes, it’s easier if you know someone else is going through the same thing. Do you guys ever talk about Mommy?”

“Sometimes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I guess.” Ben mumbles and eats another spoonful. He chews carefully, then he whispers, “You and Mommy were really far away and I kept walking but I never got to you. And then I was by myself in the dark.” 

“That sounds pretty scary.”

“I’m scared you’re gonna go away too.” He admits after a long moment.

“Oh, bud, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m staying right here. I promise.” Grant reaches over and strokes his hair gently. “Okay? That’s the last thing that should be on your mind.”

Ben gives a small nod, blinking a little more rapidly than normal.

“How about we go do something fun today? Whatever you want to do. Any requests?”

There is a long silence as Ben considers the question. Finally, he asks,

“Can we go on a boat?”

“A boat? I think we can manage that.”

* * *

Grant finds a boat rental company nearby. As he handles paying for the rental, the boys play off to the side near a set of picnic tables. He keeps an eye on them, only half paying attention to what the girl at the counter is stating.

Once that’s completed, he goes to collect the boys before heading to the rental.

“You guys ready to go?” He slides his sunglasses on.

“Yeah,” Ben gives a nod and begins to collect their action figures.

“Are you sure you know how to drive a boat?” Drew asks. He squints up in concern, making Grant smirk in response.

“Yeah, I’ve had a few opportunities.” He replies. “Let’s go. We got a few hours.”

He grabs the backpack he had packed and reaches to take Drew by the hand. Ben comes around the side of the table to take his other hand. They’re are about halfway down the path to the dock when they hear a soft mewling sound.

“What’s that?” Drew stops suddenly, frowning as he looks around. Ben is looking too and Grant feels his grip loosening.

“It’s probably some kind of animal. Hey!” He protests as Ben slips away from him. One side of the path is all brush and trees, while the other juts against the lake. “Ben, no!”

They can still hear the noise coming intermittently from behind the bushes. His son finds a small gap and climbs through. Grant sighs and heads after him, taking Drew with him.

“You’re not supposed to just walk off like that. We don’t know what it is and you could get hurt.” He says. Ben ignores him, more focused on trying to find the source of the noise. Drew also pulls away and scouts the area with his brother. Grant stays close to them, also looking out for for any risks. He doesn’t think whatever is making the sound is dangerous exactly but he can just picture some wounded, wild animal riddled with diseases.

The brush thins out a little further up and he sees it before his sons do. A box has been stuck between two bushes. He approaches it slowly, then hears the noise again, now coming from inside the box. He sighs and lifts the flaps to find a small, short haired blonde puppy curled up inside. It lifts its head and stares blearily up at him with brown eyes. Despite its small figure, it doesn’t seem to be injured in any way. It stands up without issue. Now, Grant can see it is a dachshund. It paws at the side of the box and continues to whine.

“Oh no!” Drew is suddenly at his side, mouth wide in surprise.

“How did a dog get all the way out here?” Ben pops up on his other side and frowns as he examines the dog.

Grant glances around, as if he’ll be able to provide an accurate answer. They were a little far from the rental counter, just out of their line of sight. He could also see cabins through the trees. Anyone could have dumped the puppy.

“I think someone probably left him or her here.” He replies quietly. He reaches in to pick the puppy up and it lets out a pathetic attempt at a bark.

“It’s so small.” Ben says. He reaches a hand out as Grant cradles the puppy to his chest. “Why would they do that?”

“Some people aren’t very nice.”

“That’s so sad.” Drew sighs and joins his brother in petting the puppy. “Can we keep it?”

Both boys look up at him and he feels like someone punched him in the gut. He can’t help but see Jemma in their faces.

“Yes!” Ben immediately exclaims, showing more enthusiasm than he had in weeks. “Daddy, we have to help it.”

“Ah,”

“Daddy!”

“I think it’s very admirable that you two want to help. Dogs are a lot of work and we don’t know what happened here. What if someone comes back for it?”

“I wouldn’t leave my dog in a box.” Ben mutters. Grant tips his head in agreement. He’s sure that whoever had the puppy previously was not in any position to care for a dog or shouldn’t anyway.

“Fair point.”

“She’s all alone.” Drew comments. “I don’t want her to be alone. She needs help.”

“How do you know it’s a she?” Ben counters.

“I don’t see a penis.” He shrugs. They all exchange a glance, then Grant tips his head. From the way he was holding the dog, it was clear that she was indeed a female. Grant tries to hold back his laugh but he lets out a chuckle at Drew’s blunt description. No one could ever accuse him of _not_ being Jemma’s child.

“How about we take this one step at a time? She looks pretty small and we want to make sure she’s healthy and doesn’t have any injuries. Let me find a vet and we’ll take her to get looked at.”

“Deal.”

“Okay. I guess going on the boat is out of the question.”

* * *

Fortunately, there is a veterinarian’s office not too far away. The puppy stays burrowed in Grant’s arms as they wait, whimpering all the while. The boys crowd around him, touching her gently and whispering in attempts to sooth her.

“How come we never had a dog before?” Drew asks.

“Animals are a big responsibility. And you know that we can get pretty busy and aren’t always at home.” Grant explains. “You guys are still young too. Maybe in the future we would have gotten one.”

“Do you like dogs?”

“Yes.”

“So we can keep her.” Ben states.

“Benny,”

“You like dogs. We’re not busy and we’re always home.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is!”

“I wish it was baby but it’s not. Keep your voice down, okay?” Grant sighs and rubs the dog’s head gently. “We don’t know what’s going to happen or how long we’re staying here. We have to think about what’s best for her.”

“She was alone and no one wanted her. She’s so sad.” Drew says.

“I know how she feels.” Ben mutters under his breath. Grant sighs as the door to the room opens.

A young woman stops in the doorway, head turned away to speak with someone they couldn’t see. Grant feels his stomach twist. She turns with a smile but it doesn’t ease the tension he feels.

Lately, he’s been mistaking every woman for Jemma. Their hair, their voice, their smile, the way they walked. When he actually looks at them, there’s no resemblance but some part of him always believe it’s her.

“Hi! I’m Rebecca Hayes, the vet on duty today. I hear you found this little lady out by the lake?”

“In a box. All alone.” Ben states seriously.

“Well that’s not very nice. Let’s take a look at her.”

“Can you please tell Daddy we need to keep her?” Drew begs. Rebecca lets out a laugh and tips her head as Grant sets the puppy on the exam table. She slides on the cool metal and scrambles back into his hands.

“I think that’s up to your mom and dad.” She replies.

“Mommy would let us keep her.” Drew says. Ben nods in agreement.

“Mommy is super smart. She’s a biologist. She knows everything. She would know what to do.” He says.

“She sounds very impressive.” Rebecca smiles. “It’s okay if you hold her. She seems to like your company.”

“See Daddy?”

“Be quiet.” Grant moves an elbow back to nudge the boys gently. “I doubt she’s microchipped but thought you could check. Stranger things have happened.”

“Definitely on the list of things to do. She seems pretty young. My estimate would be seven to eight weeks. She still pretty small for a dachshund that age though. My guess is she was the runt.”

“What’s a runt?” Drew asks.

“It means she was the small one of the litter. Probably didn’t get enough food and attention. Might be a little sick.”

“Can you help her?”

“Definitely. We’ll run some tests and get her where she needs to be. She’s very lucky you found her. Good thing it’s the middle of the summer. Poor thing would have froze if it was winter.”

“Did you hear that?” Ben tips his head up to Grant.

“Yes. Be quiet.”

He scowls but both the boys fall silent as Rebecca conducts an exam.

“I’ve seen worse but I’d like to see some meat on those bones.” She says once she finishes.

“We’ll feed her lots of treats.” Drew promises.

“Definitely. We eat lots of hamburgers. Daddy likes to grill. Dogs like meat.” Ben adds.

“It’s the only thing he knows how to make.”

“Hey!” Grant looks down in disbelief as Rebecca laughs loudly.

“So?” Ben pokes him in the hip. “Do we get to take her with us?”

Grant glances at Rebecca, who holds her hands up.

“No microchip, no collar, and no respectable person would abandon a puppy like that.” She says. “She’s going to need a lot of help and patience. She has the potential to grow into a healthy dog. No treats right now. We can give you a recommended diet that she should be on.”

“She’s a pure dachshund?” Grant asks.

“Mhmm. With her being so small, I can’t accurately state if she’s a mini or a standard. Minis are usually eleven pounds. Standards are anywhere from sixteen to thirty two pounds. Live twelve years on average but I’ve seen them reach fifteen, sixteen. Some even older. They’re good dogs. Stubborn.”

“I’m used to stubborn.”

“I can see that. Listen, I would like to see her in two weeks, to see how things are going. If you want to give it a trial run.”

Grant knows a trial run is a terrible idea. The boys would get attached, he would get attached, and judging by the way the puppy clings to him, she’s going to get attached too. He glances at the boys, both pleading, and then down at the puppy with her nose buried in his neck.

Whatever feeble amount of resolve he has crumbles away.

“We can always find a place for her. It’s a big responsibility and it’s not for everyone. I don’t want to twist your arm.” Rebecca adds. “If we don’t find a foster, she’d go to the nearby shelter. A puppy like her would get snatched up in a minute.”

“We’ll be very careful with her.” Ben promises. “She needs a family. A nice family. We’re nice.”

“We were supposed to find her.” Drew adds. That comment makes Grant’s stomach twist again. He knows how rough it had been the past few months but just because the boys were sad didn’t mean they should jump on getting a pet.

“Mommy would say yes.” Ben reminds. “She would want to help her.”

Help, yes. Keep? That was another story. They had never had a pet. It wasn’t for lack of wanting. It was their schedules. And he can’t help but wonder what his wife will think when she comes back and finds them with a dog. Or what will happen when they return to SHIELD.

He ignores the voice that says she’s not coming back and that none of them will be in SHIELD again.

Grant sets the dog back on the exam table. She lets out a noise and finds her way back to his hands immediately.

“God.” He lifts her in one hand and rubs the other over his face. 

“You want to keep her.” Drew goads.

“We’ll keep her for the two weeks and see from there.” He says instead.

“You won’t regret this.” Ben insists.

* * *

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Grant frowns as he finds himself waking up. He sighs softly, stretching out on the couch. He had slept in worse places but he definitely preferred his bed to this.

While the rest of the day had gone relatively smoothly, the night was a different story. A crying puppy was nearly as bad as a crying baby. Ben and Drew were insistent on keeping Minnie company throughout the night so she wasn’t alone. They were camped out on the floor with the puppy between them. 

It seemed that Ben had woken up, or maybe he had never fallen asleep, and was attempting to comfort the dog. Drew was passed out, which surprised Grant as it was usually the reverse.

“What’s going on?” He reaches to turn the lamp on and Ben looks at him guiltily. The deal had been they could sleep downstairs but they had to sleep. He’s surprised his son is even awake, considering how early he had been up.

“I think she’s sad.” He replies quietly.

“Maybe. She’s in a different place and…”

“And she doesn’t have her family. She could have had lots of brothers and sisters and a mom and a dad.”

Grant doesn’t know much about raising puppies but he knows enough to know those first few weeks of life were important for the dogs to bond and grow and be socialized appropriately. He tries not to think of the others being taken one by one and Minnie left on her own.

“Well, that’s usually how it happens. Most times, the litter gets split up and the puppies go to different homes.” He yawns and moves down onto the floor. He grimaces as his back cracks and Ben crawls towards him. Minnie finds her way over as well and scrambles onto his lap. He marvels at how small she is when he gently puts his hand over her torso. She easily could fit into the palm of his hand.

“Are they okay?”

“Yeah. They bond with their owners and they become their family. It just takes time.”

“Do you think they remember their family?”

“I don’t know. Maybe not. Do you remember when you were a baby?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe it’s the same for puppies.”

“What if they miss them and that doesn’t go away?” Ben asks softly. He’s staring down at Minnie but he leans against Grant, who can feel the familiar heave of a cry forming.

“That’s okay. You can miss people and it can be really hard at first but… it gets easier. And you probably will always miss someone, deep down, but it gets to a point where it’s not a constant feeling.” He replies. He wraps his arm around his son and squeezes him gently. “It’s okay to be sad.”

“Do you get sad?”

He hesitates, then briefly recalls a conversation with Jemma just before all hell broke lose about trying to set a good example for the boys and trying not to be so tough, to be human and normal.

“Yeah, I get sad a lot.” He says quietly. “I’m sad right now.”

“You are?” Ben tilts his head up to look at him, causing him to nod.

“Yeah but I’m trying to focus on you and your brother. It helps keep my mind off things.”

“What if… what if Mommy doesn’t want to come back?”

“Oh Benny. No, I promise you, your mom is doing everything she can to get here. I know that. I believe it 1,000%. Are you kidding? Mommy loves you and Drew more than anything. I know she is as sad as we are that we’re not together.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. That is never something that should be crossing your mind.”

“I don’t know why she’s not here.”

“I know. I know that and it’s complicated and I’m so sorry. You remember how I told you it’s like when I have to go away sometimes and we can’t talk? This time… this time it was Mommy’s turn and unfortunately, it doesn’t always go to plan. But she would be here in an instant if she could. Okay?” Grant gives him a nudge and Ben nods in response. He’s quiet for a moment, then he adds, “I guess you kind of know how Minnie must’ve been feeling today in the woods, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“And you know how good it is to have me around, taking care of you.”

“Yeah.”

“And you wanted her to have the same?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a good boy Benny. Seriously. You’ve got a kind heart. I think having Minnie here might help. Give you something to focus on. But you gotta remember she’s not a toy. It’s a serious responsibility.”

“I know. I’ll do everything. I’ll even pick up her poop.”

“Well, you’re 0 for 3 on that one.” Grant chuckles as he kisses the top of Ben’s head.

“What’s gonna happen when we go home?”

“What do you mean?”

“With Minnie.”

“We’ll figure it out when we get there. Let’s just figure out what to do with her tomorrow first.”


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She moves further into the room, near where he is sitting, and stops. He glances up and his face hardens as she feels a sinking feeling in her stomach.
> 
> She knows this isn’t real. He’s not really Grant, no matter how perfect the coding is. He may look like her husband but the cold gaze he’s staring at her with is nothing like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Domestic violence and reference to death/child loss. If that might be upsetting, please feel free to skip. Nothing explicit but it is brought up when providing a vague Framework history/considering feelings. It’s the Framework and Aida is not nice. She wants to make things as rough as possible for our SHIELD agents. 
> 
> ///////
> 
> Guys, I promise the next chapter will be happy! I just realized that Jemma hadn’t gotten any attention lately and... well... this is what happened. 
> 
> Thank you all as always for your reviews! The comments have blown me away and I promise to try and respond directly but please know I definitely appreciate you all!

Jemma shoots up with a gasp. She nearly falls off the stool she is sitting on and grabs the edge of the table to steady herself.

Her heart is racing as she tries to calm down and take stock of her surroundings.

It was the most unusual feeling she’s ever experienced. Even worse than that time she and Grant had their minds swapped.

She wonders if this is how the true Framework participants feel, this sensation like they were just pulled up from the bottom of the ocean. Or if they were fully unaware of what was happening to them.

She finally feels her pulse start to settle as she sucks in deep breaths.

She’s not sure what she was expecting when they woke up here. They had all heard stories from their alternates in the other realities. Her Framework avatar had been dead in a few, imprisoned in some others.

She’ll consider herself lucky that she seems to be alive and not in chains or behind bars. She’s sitting in a small lab, which seems to be personally made for her. Most of the equipment is similar to her space at the Playground.

She hears a crash somewhere around her, above her it seems. She notices that there is only a small rectangular window near the ceiling, which makes her think she’s in a basement.

Her suspicions are confirmed when she spots a wooden staircase behind her. She slowly approaches the steps. A solid, wooden door is closed at the top. A trickle of fear runs down her spine when she wonders if she’s locked down here.

Fortunately, the door knob turns with no issue and the door swings open. She doesn’t step out though. She’s caught off guard by the décor.

The lab had been bright, pristine, whites and cool metals.

The hall she’s staring at is dark. Dark brown, almost black hardwood floors. The walls are a deep, forest green that make her feel very closed in.

“Yeah?”

She hears a voice from further away, gruff and low. Her heart leaps as she recognizes it as Grant’s.

She quickly moves down the hall, noting there was no decorations. No pictures. She steps out into a massive living room with a cathedral ceiling and sunken floor. A black leather couch rests against one wall and the sectional curves out towards the middle of the floor. The walls and floor are the same color as the hall.

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a stupid fuck, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

She turns away from the living room to find herself facing a dining room of sorts.

A massive wooden table juts out from the wall, with at least a dozen high-back chairs surrounding it. Grant sits at the head of the table, phone clasped to his ear, as he scrolls through a tablet. Behind him is a large bay window, showcasing a large yard. She can see a portion of a driveway with an Audi parked outside.

She moves further into the room, near where he is sitting, and stops. He glances up and his face hardens as she feels a sinking feeling in her stomach.

She knows this isn’t real. He’s not really Grant, no matter how perfect the coding is. He may look like her husband but the cold gaze he’s staring at her with is nothing like him.

“I’m sure you can figure it out.” He snaps at whoever he’s speaking with and slams his phone onto the table. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“I… I was downstairs.” She says softly, caught off guard by his attitude.

“Figures. I should torch that place when I have the chance.”

She tries to keep her face neutral but he must pick up on something, either her hesitancy or fear. She’s not sure why she’s scared. He’s only a piece of code. He’s not really Grant.

She’s not an idiot. She knows her husband has an extremely prolific skill set. She’s seen it in action. But she’s never been terrified of him. There’s never been any moment in their lives together that she’s worried he might hurt her. Even, under the influence of the berserker staff, she didn’t fear him.

“Do you know how embarrassing it was for you to not be there last night?” He asks.

She’s not sure what to say, since she had no idea what he’s talking about but clearly whatever “ _Jemma_ ” did not attend has made him extremely angry.

“I’m sorry. I… I must’ve lost track of time.” She replies slowly.

“Right.” He snorts and stands up. The chair nearly tips over from how roughly he pushes it. He collects his tablet and the files and slams the chair against the table.

She catches sight of one of the files and she feels her stomach churn at the Hydra symbol on the front.

“I swear to God, if I find out you were with them, you’re going to regret it.”

She hesitates, because she had no idea where she was last night. Clearly this is the wrong thing to do, as it just seems to aggravate Grant further.

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.” He mutters, shaking his head. She takes a step back but he moves faster and has her wrist trapped tightly in his hand.

“Grant!” She immediately protests and tries to pull away but he only tightens his grip.

“It could have been so much worse for us. And it’s like you don’t seem to grasp that. The Doctor is already suspicious of you, which means he’s suspicious of me. I told you how important last night was and you left me alone in there.” He growls and grabs her other wrist, pulling her flush against him.

“You’re hurting me.”

“Good.” He puts his face close to hers and snaps the word out. “Maybe it’ll finally start to click. If not, and they come for you, I’ll let them.”

He pushes her away roughly, causing her to almost lose her balance. She falls against the wall and stays there as he walks by her.

“You better get ready or you’ll make us both late.” He says. “And cover up your face. Don’t need assholes sticking their fucking noses into our business like last time.”

She closes her eyes and breathes deeply through her nose. She feels tears stinging the corners of her eyes, which is ridiculous because she knows this isn’t real. Grant would never speak to her or touch her that way.

Despite being a piece of code, he felt real. Smelled real. Was completely solid and functioning like a real human being.

“Jemma!” His sharp bark makes her jump and she moves out of the dining room’s second doorway. This one exits into a large foyer with black marble and a winding staircase.

She glances down the hall but she doesn’t see any sign of him. She climbs the stairs, examining her surroundings as she goes.

She can’t believe they actually live here. The house is massive and cold. Everything is pristine, nothing out of place, and no personal touches.

The upstairs looks the same as the downstairs. All dark and wood and earthy tones. She presumes the double doors at the end of the hall is a master suite but she takes a moment to peek into the other rooms as she walks.

Elegant bedrooms with canopied beds, just as perfect as the rest of the house.

None of the rooms contain any hint of the boys. She knows this is Aida’s territory and she’s sure that it’s been built to terrorize them as much as possible.

Whether the lack of evidence that the boys exist is due to them not being programmed or some horrifying storyline had been given to them, Jemma isn’t sure.

She’s intrigued that some persona had been created for herself and Grant, which gave her the impression that Aida intended to upload them as well at some point.

She forces herself to head down the rest of the hall and pushes the doors to the suite open.

Even their room is dreary. A California king poster bed sits against the wall, facing out towards a balcony with French doors. The bed is made up with dark red silk sheets and a black comforter, matching the heavy drapes on either side of the balcony.

“Oh. Mrs. Ward, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” An unknown voice suddenly stutters and she turns to face an older woman in a gray dress. “I was hoping to grab your laundry so I could get started on that for the day.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” Jemma replies. The women looks at her strangely and moves towards the en-suite bathroom. Jemma turns to face the rest of the room and scans it again. A closet door is open across the room, so she steps inside to find more clothes than she can imagine.

None are her style. Designer names, skirts, solid dark colors. There is also a rack of shoes and handbags. Scarves and jackets hang off to the side. She closes the door behind her and leans against it briefly.

Apparently her lavish lifestyle came with a price.

This would never be anything she’d ask for. She protested when Grant bought her expensive gifts - not because they couldn’t afford it but because she didn’t need it and most of it wasn’t very work friendly.

She doesn’t know what to do. She’s supposed to meet up with Daisy. But it seemed that Grant expected them to head somewhere together. She highly doubts he would leave without her. Perhaps it would be best. Due to the early morning hour, she expects they are going to work.

With a sinking feeling, she realizes work would be Hydra. It had to be, judging by the file. God, how was she going to pretend to fit into Hydra?

Were they always Hydra? Was her counterpart some evil scientist? The housekeeper’s reaction to her politeness could be taken two ways. Either she was a horrible employer and spoke terribly or she was meek and never spoke up at all.

And what about Grant’s comment about The Doctor? She can’t recall every reality they helped and she knows the Framework wasn’t manipulated in every reality. But she knows that The Doctor, most times, was Fitz. What could she have done to make him suspicious?

Obviously whatever Aida wanted. Whatever story she concocted and loaded them into.

She sighs and moves to pick out an outfit for the day. She manages to find a pair of black slacks and pairs it with a blue sweater. She finds a whole draw of lingerie and her jaw drops as she scans the garments.

She gathers everything up and and moves back out into the bedroom. The housekeeper is gone and she spots her reflection in the mirror above the dresser.

She freezes as she focuses on the glass. A large bruise is on her cheek, just under her eye. She thinks of Grant’s comment and her stomach twists.

She sighs, then walks into the bathroom. Under the bright light of the room, the bruise looks even worse. She touches her cheek gently and winces.

She closes her eyes. She knows she just has to find Daisy and Fitz and they can get out of here. This wasn’t real.

After a moment, she strips off her current clothes and she lets out a gasp without meaning to. Bruises line various parts of her body, along with scratches and the rogue bite mark.

How did they even get to this point?

She shakes her head and quickly dresses in the clean clothes. It doesn’t matter how they got to this point. None of it was real.

This would never happen in the real world and if it did…

Would she leave? Would she be successful? Would Grant let her?

“Stop it.” She mutters and turns on the sink. She quickly cleans her face and puts on new makeup, effectively covering the bruise on her cheek.

An alarm begins to beep from somewhere. She assumes that means she’s run out of time.

After finding the most reasonable pair of flats, she walks back downstairs. Grant is leaning against the door and eyes her with a cool expression.

“Took you long enough.”

“I wanted to make sure everything was covered correctly.” She replies. He eyes her appearance, then gives a short nod. She glances back around the house, still looking for some sign of what their life was like, a history, anything.

“Let’s go.” He holds out a black trench coat, which she puts on. A bag is sitting on the table near the door, some expensive monstrosity she would never use. “I’m going to drop you off. I have to run an errand.”

“Thank you.” She grabs the bag and follows him out to the car. It’s freezing outside, which she wasn’t expecting. It was April in the real world, yet in the Framework it had to be some time in the winter, judging by the temperature and the snow on the ground.

They drive in silence for a few minutes. Jemma jumps when Grant reaches over to take her hand.

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He normally held her hand or kept a hand on her leg when he drove.

But this isn’t Grant.

“I’m sorry about before.” He murmurs, in a much gentler voice than he had previously spoken with. He brings her hand up to kiss her knuckles, then sighs. “Things could be so much better if you would just stop fighting me all the time. You think I want to do this to you?”

He drops her hand to touch the side of her face gently.

“I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“You said you’d let them come for me.” She says softly.

“I’m a survivor Jemma. I want what’s best for you but I’m not about to put you over myself.”

“How romantic.”

“If you do what I tell you, we’ll both survive. But you have to be so goddamn stubborn all the time. Why can’t you just accept your place and play your role? Times have changed. You need to too.”

“How exactly am I supposed to play my role?”

“I don’t know. Maybe act like a grieving mother instead of sneaking out with the enemy?” He says it so casually with a shrug but she feels like the wind has been knocked out of her. “We trusted them and they betrayed us. Now they’re trying to take down what we’ve rebuilt. Stop fueling the fire.”

He must take her shock for something else because he seems satisfied and drops the topic. She’s not sure how long they drive. She hardly pays attention to the surroundings. Her mind is locked on Grant’s comment.

“I’ll come by later. We’ll leave at six. There’s another dinner at seven.”

She blinks and realizes he’s parked at the entrance to the Triskelion.

“I told Leanne to send someone over with an appropriate outfit for you.” He looks over her with open disgust. “Why are you just sitting there? Get out.”

She gets out of the car without a word and stands on the sidewalk for a moment. She has no idea where she’s supposed to go or what she actually does.

Fortunately, a nervous young woman stands just inside the door.

“Good morning Mrs. Ward.” She scrambles forward as Jemma steps inside. The massive Hydra symbol, in place of the SHIELD eagle, makes her nauseous. Jemma sucks in a breath, then glances over the woman and spots an ID badge.

“Good morning Leanne.”

“I have your schedule here for the day.” She holds out a folder, which Jemma takes. She glances over the itinerary, which seems to be meeting after meeting and no lab time. “I cleared the next hour for you to prep but you have a full schedule. Um… Mr. Ward mentioned that you’ll be attending dinner this evening?”

“Yes, he… mentioned that.”

“I’ll have a messenger run by your home later to pick up a suitable outfit.” Leanne quickly scans Jemma’s appearance, then hastily averts her eyes. She seems to be waiting for Jemma to start walking. Jemma slowly steps forward, as if she’s leading but she discretely follows her... assistant? Since when did she have an assistant? Why did she have an assistant?

To Jemma’s surprise, they don’t walk to the labs. Instead, the elevator moves up to the office floors. Leanne scurries down the hall once the doors open and Jemma follows after her. Most of this floor is glass. She’s able to see into the different conference rooms and offices. Some look to be frosted over for privacy.

She sighs in relief when she spots her name on a door and enters the room. A large desk sits in front of a full window which overlooks the Potomac. A couch and coffee table are in the opposite corner. She sits down behind the desk and looks over the room.

Just like the house, there are no personal touches. Her desk is void of any ornaments or pictures. Just a computer, tablet, and a note pad along with a pen holder. She notices a inlaid keypad on the desktop and presses a button. The lights immediately dim. She presses it again to raise the lighting.

Another button controls a shade on the window. A third frosts over the wall and door for privacy. She leaves it as it is and leans on the desk.

She was apparently some researcher for Hydra, according to the title on her door.

Grant was some abusive monster with gaslighting tendencies.

At some point, they had children. Her chest tightens at the thought of anything happening to her sons. She knows it’s futile to pretend that it’s not Ben and Drew but Aida had been clear in her threats when she came to the Playground. It only made sense that she programmed them in here as well.

And who were the supposed traitors Grant had referred to? Were they the reason The Doctor was suspicious of her?

The computer lights up when she hits the mouse. The Hydra octopus takes up most of the screen with an option to enter a password.

She ignores it in favor of searching through the draws. More office supplies, some odd device she doesn’t know, empty, empty. She pauses and reopens the last drawer. It’s empty but she sees something sticking out from the top. She reaches in and feels a small piece of paper. She pulls gently and it comes off in her hand.

It’s a photograph. She instantly feels tears fill her eyes.

It’s the four of them - herself, Grant, Ben, and Drew. Happy and smiling, like the real world. The boys are on their laps, giggling as Grant leans over with a grin and presses his forehead to hers. She’s mid-laugh, cupping the side of his face lovingly.

No sign of anger, violence, or abuse.

If she didn’t know better, she’d think the picture was real.

She stuffs it quickly back into the drawer and slams it shut. She leans back in the chair, breathing heavily as she desperately tries not to cry. It wasn’t real.

But in here it was and her heart aches for her counterpart, despite the fact she was only coding. Because for Framework Jemma, it had happened, and Real Jemma knows she would never recover if something truly happened to her children.

She wonders what happened. When it happened. If the picture is an act or whatever happened caused them to snap.

There’s something extremely wrong with both of them. Neither processing grief, preferring to rely on vengeance and hatred in Grant’s case and denial in Jemma’s.

The lack of personal items, the coldness of their house. As though everything had been stripped away to hide it had ever been there to begin with. Only allowing herself this small memory, which was hidden away as far as she knew.

She couldn’t stay here. She needed to find Daisy as quick as possible. Fitz too. Though, if her schedule was any inclination, she would see him soon enough.

The computer monitor lights up again when she moves. She has no idea what password she could have used. She smacks her hands onto the desk in frustration, then jumps as it lights up. The lock screen changes to a Hydra wallpaper. There must have been some biometric safeguard built into the desk.

Aida had to know they were there. If she didn’t, she would very shortly. Jemma wonders if she’s being monitored. She knows SHIELD watched every keystroke. Could she safely research information without tipping Aida off?

Now that the computer is unlocked, it allows her to access the internet and other internal programs.

She searches her own name first. A list of articles appear in the results. Nothing about herself individually or her accomplishments. Everything tied to Grant… and the Wards… and their high society life and announcements regarding their engagement, wedding, and the births of the boys.

Apparently, Grant was still involved with his family here.

His very affluent and influential family, which explained the house and possessions.

She wonders if they are also involved in Hydra.

An article further down the list catches her eye but she refuses to click on it.She’s not going to read whatever Aida fabricated about her children. 

She searches Daisy’s name next but there’s no results that match her specifically. She tries Skye but that’s too vague. Quake gives her an access denied message.

Fitz’s name pulls up too many results. Accolades, achievements, executive orders, the list goes on and on.

Phil’s name is tied to SHIELD files and articles related to assassinations. SHIELD, under his authority, had attempted to overthrow the government. Hydra had saved the day.

She’s about to search Grant when she hears a beeping from somewhere. She frowns and looks around, then realizes it’s coming from her bag. Inside, she can’t find anything that would beep. Then she notices a side pouch and pulls out a small flip phone, similar to the burner phones they had used in the past. She opens the phone to find a text message from an unknown number with coordinates.

It could have been Daisy but Jemma isn’t sure how she would have gotten this number. Thought if it was Daisy, anything was possible.

It could be her secret friends, who knows who they were, and she didn’t want to be caught off guard or pulled into something she has no idea about.

Her stomach churns as she considers the third, and most likely, possibility: it was a trap. 


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I did have a hot date. What did you have in mind? I could squeeze you in before I meet up with him.”
> 
> “Ah, I was thinking rigged carnival games and deep fried food.”

Jemma glances away from the microscope when she hears her phone buzzing.

She smiles when she sees Grant’s name on the caller ID. She slides her stool back as she brings the phone up to her ear.

“Hello darling. I thought you were out in the field.”

“ _I’m on a quinjet heading back now. What are you doing tonight?_ ”

“Mm,” she sighs and twists side to side, “I did have a hot date. What did you have in mind? I could squeeze you in before I meet up with him.”

Grant lets out a snort, then he sighs, and she can picture him shaking his head in exasperation.

“Ah, I was thinking rigged carnival games and deep fried food.”

“Interesting.”

“I should be back in about three hours. Can you be ready by seven?”

“Sure. Want me to meet you at your place?”

“That works. I’ll see you then.”

* * *

“Grant?” Jemma calls out as she closes the door to the apartment behind her. She hears the faucet turn off from down the hallway and follows the sound. “I might be a little early.”

“Hey,” he appears in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand as he tries to dry his hair, “sorry. I got stopped a few times trying to leave.”

“No need to apologize.” Her eyes wander up and down, a smile forming as she looks over him.

“Geez, I feel like a piece of meat.” He grins back and it amuses her to see the faint blush on his face.

“I’m allowed to admire my boyfriend.” She replies, leaning up to kiss him. “So what’s all this about rigged carnival games and fried food?”

“Oh, there’s a county fair/carnival thing a couple towns over. They host it every April.”

“You’ve been before?”

“Yeah, a few times. With Phil. It’s not a big thing. Kinda stupid and campy.” He shrugs, obviously trying to brush it off.

“No, it sounds fun.” She insists, reaching for his hands. “I’m surprised that games of chance and fatty foods interest you.”

“Oh, it’s not a game of chance when I play. I think I make them angry. Plus, I can sneak in a funnel cake here or there. Give me five minutes to get dressed.”

“Take your time.”

He presses a quick kiss to her forehead, then turns to enter his room. He glances back at her and grins.

“You look nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Is it cold out?”

“Not really but they said the temperature is supposed to go down a bit tonight.” She steps inside the room and sits on the edge of his bed. “So how many times have you gone to the fair?”

“I dunno.” He disappears into his closest and she can hear hangers moving. “Few times.”

“I can’t quite picture you or Agent Coulson running around a fairground.”

“Well, the first time I wasn’t an agent, if it helps.”

“No?”

He sighs, then says, “Phil tried to find different things to interest me when I was a kid. It was something that came up on his radar. I guess we made a yearly thing out of it, if we were both here.”

“So it’s a tradition.”

“Sure. I guess.”

“Well, he’s here. You should be going with him.”

“No, I told him I wanted to take you.” Grant says, pulling a blue sweater over his head as he appears in the doorway. Jemma smiles softly as his face reappears. He gives her that boyish grin he normally gives when he feels stupid for saying something. “And didn’t want him being a third wheel.”

“Grant!”

“He didn’t take it personally! He’s just happy I have a relationship with someone who isn’t himself or Trip.”

* * *

“Wow, this is impressive. I wasn’t expecting it to be so big.” Jemma eyes the fairground as Grant pays for their admission and tickets. Different game booths line either side of the field, with a variety of rides towards the back. Scattered in between is various food booths and assorted activities like face paint or sand art.

“It’s changed a little over the years. This looks like a good one.” He thanks the attendant and sticks his wallet back in his pocket. They step around the entry booth and he reaches for her. “So… want to clog your arteries or risk bodily harm first?”

“Don’t these rides have to undergo strict requirements and checks in order to run?” She laughs as she tucks herself into his side.

“Allegedly.”

“Mm, how about you win me one of those blue cats first?”

“Those are super ugly.” He comments, spotting the booth she is pointing at. “But balloon darts is an easy win. Let’s go.”

They walk across to the booth and wait as a little girl attempts her luck. Once she has finished, they step up while Grant opens his wallet.

“How much is it?”

“Three darts for five dollars.” The teen at the booth drones, not even looking up from her phone.

“And how many do I need for the ugly cat?”

“Have to hit six balloons.”

“Well that seems like a scam.” Jemma mutters. She tries to lead him away but he’s firmly planted. She gives his sleeve another tug. “Grant, we could buy it for less than $10.”

“Babe, there’s no fun in that. See how the balloons are all different sizes? Some are harder to break than others. And they give you the dullest darts too.”

The teen glances up as Grant whispers, then glares at him. Jemma shakes her head and presses her face to his arm while she chuckles.

“You took way too much pleasure out of that.” She comments when they walk away. She hugs the cat to her chest as Grant slips his arm around her shoulders.

“They try to take advantage of people. I like to put them in their place.” He shrugs. “That one wasn’t really hard though. The basketball game is bad, cause the hoop isn’t actually circular. Ah… those ring toss ones are pretty fun. I like throwing the balls in the fish bowls too.”

He realizes she hasn’t said anything and glances down to find her smiling up at him.

“What?”

“I just find you adorable sometimes.”

“Cause I like carnival games?”

“Among other reasons.” She shrugs, causing a small smile to cross his face. “Oh! I love this game!”

She points to a booth with multiple seats at it. A board of horses hang from the top. Each seat has a desk like piece with random holes and numbers to try and score points by rolling a ball.

“You just have to be faster than the person next to you.”

“Yeah but if you don’t hit a good hole, you’re not going to maximize your points and make the game longer than it needs to be.”

“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got. Hopefully better than your gun range scores.” He teases. She scoffs and sits at the third spot. He pays the worker, then sits to her left. “What ugly prize do you want this time?”

“I will pick my own thank you.” She turns her nose up at him. He shrugs and tosses the ball back and forth between his hands.

“You can pick anything on the bottom row.” The worker points, showing all tiny prizes. “If we get a few more people to join, you can move up to the mediums. If we fill all the seats, you can try for a large.”

“Mommy, I want Mickey!” A screech sounds from behind them, making them both turn. The little girl from the balloon darts is sprinting towards them. Jemma’s face softens as the girl takes a seat several down from them.

“There’s a Mickey up there?” Grant mutters, earning an elbow to the ribs from his girlfriend.

“We have to let her win.” Jemma whispers.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Oh come on! She’s adorable and she lost at the darts. We can play again.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

“Stop it!” She laughs and nudges him again. He sighs and looks at the little girl bouncing on her seat. He glances back to Jemma, who continues to smile at him.

“Just so you know, I don’t normally advocate for this sort of thing. I firmly believe kids need to learn that they can’t always get what they want.” He mutters.

“Mm. I’ll remember this conversation.”

“For what?”

“In case I need it in the future.” She shrugs as the bell rings. She starts to roll her ball as he sits dumbfounded for a moment.

* * *

“This doesn’t seem safe.” Jemma eyes the Ferris wheel skeptically.

“I’ll keep you safe.” Grant promises as the next car comes to a stop.

“Why is it making that noise?”

“What noise?”

“It’s so… rickety.” She makes a face as the next car stops and they move forward.

“We don’t have to.” He reminds as the pair in front of them board.

“No, I want to.”

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay.” He holds a hand up to back off the subject. They sit in the next car that stops and she slides as close as possible to him as the bar comes across to lock them in place.

“This is all they give you?”

“You can’t lean forward.”

“What if you slip out the bottom?”

“Neither of us is that small.” He says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She grabs his other hand between hers and holds tightly. “Not that I’m judging but you did that tilting, upside down monstrosity that nearly made me puke. But a Ferris wheel freaks you out?”

“I’m just not overly fond of heights is all.” She grimaces as the seat jerks forward and begins to rise into the air. “And then they stop it and you’re just sitting there forever. And are we sure these seats are secure?”

“Positive. And if they’re not, I’ll catch you if you fall.” He replies. She gives him a look, which he mimics, then tips his head against hers. “I could always distract you if needed.”

“I’m going to look at the view.” She replies. After a brief pause, she adds, “And ignore this rattling sound that seems to be a screw coming loose. God, why did I let you talk me into this!”

She throws her hands into her lap and the movement causes the car to wobble. She instantly freezes and he squeezes her arm gently. 

“I wasn’t aware that I had the power to talk you into anything.”

“You can be persuasive if needed.” She mutters. She sighs as the car continues to rise and wobble. “It is rather gorgeous out.”

“Yeah.” He agrees, even though his eyes are locked on hers.

“And there’s not a cloud up here. You can see every star.”

“Mhmm.”

She blushes a bit, then opens the cotton candy bag she had brought with her. She rips a piece off, then pops it into her mouth.

“You owe me a funnel cake.” She says, causing him to laugh. “With chocolate ice cream and whipped cream. Maybe some toppings if they have any.”

“Fair enough.”

“Would you like cotton candy?”

“You know that’s pure sugar, right?”

“That’s what makes it so good.” She shrugs. The car suddenly jolts as it stops and she flinches. They swing for a few moments, then she notices they are right at the top of the wheel. “That man did this on purpose!”

“We’re fine. I think I will take some of that.” He says, nodding to the bag. She pulls a piece off, then holds it out to him. She feels her mouth go dry when he opts to eat right out of her hand instead.

“Grant,” her voice cracks as he sucks on her fingers, “we’re in public.”

“Who’s going to tell on us? The birds?” He counters as he releases her hand. He presses a much gentler kiss to her fingertips. She swallows and runs her fingers over his jaw.

“Nice try but you still owe me a funnel cake.”

“Can we take it to go?”

The look he gives her is positively sinful. She takes a moment before she finds her voice again.

“I think that can be arranged. If we live long enough to get off this death trap.”

“Deal.”


End file.
